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Syaoran's POV

It's obvious isn't it?

I still have feelings for Sakura, last night proved that.

To see her with Reggie killed me. But realistically it doesn't matter who it was, it would destroy me to see her with any man. Was it a bad thing to tell her that?

I don't know, maybe it was.

The worst times of Sakura and my friendship was due to Reggie. We argued a lot over that asshole.

Looking over at Tomoyo I saw she was still curled up far away from me still asleep. We haven't resolved our argument from the alley.

I sighed a looked over at the window.

It wasn't Tomoyo's fault. I guess I was just over protective of my sisters. The moments before that with Sakura were just so full of emotion that Tomoyo's interruption just angered me. I guess Fuutie's drunken state was just an excuse to lash out. My temper is becoming shorter with her as each day passes. Any day now I would lose it to a stage our relationship probably won't recover from.

I guess that's because of the simple fact that she was not Sakura in any shape of form.

I'm pathetic.

I knew she was nothing like Sakura when I agreed to date her, and then get engaged to her.

I've always had feelings for Sakura, they were just always there. For Tomoyo, they had to develop slowly, gradually. However those feeling are just a pale shadow to how I have and still feel for Sakura.

What are you doing Syaoran?

You're doing what you have to do. A voice circled in my head.

Flashback

I was so nervous my heart was punching my chest.

I hoped she didn't notice my shudder. Being a child of fifteen I wasn't too sure on how to approach the matter.

"Are you ok Syaoran?" she asked.

We were standing in her room facing each other. It was all carefully planned out in my head. Today was the day; I was going to tell her. I was determined to… so why was I going blank?

She waited with patience with her huge green eyes sparkling at me.

"Um…" I stuttered. "Sakura, you know we've been good friends for quite a while now right?"

"Yes" She smiled which always made me blush. I guess she always had that effect on me.

"Well I… Over time I guess I've come to think of you as a lot more… than a friend." I looked to my laces afraid her face would twist in discuss. Before she could reject me I blurted out what I was trying to say.

"I like you Sakura."

At the time I feared saying 'love' would freak her out. But even then, I knew I did.

I dared to watch her reaction.

I saw no expression, then suddenly a smile coloured by her now reddened cheeks. The wider her smile got the quicker my heart raced. Maybe she wouldn't reject me?

"I like you too Syaoran… a lot."

For a moment it felt like we were the only ones in Tomoeda.

Feeling confident yet overwhelmingly terrified, my feet stepped forward to her. I inclined my head towards hers and kissed her.

It was explosive.

I made up my mind; I was never going to lose her.

She would be mine… forever.

End of Flashback

I guess forever was short lived.

Later events prevented what was supposed to be.

My father died almost three weeks prior to my confession with Sakura. It devastated me in ways that I still struggle to cope with now. In that time of struggle it felt like Sakura was the only on I could speak to. She became closer to me than my own family. I guess it takes a tragedy to realise what you got.

Three days after I confessed to Sakura, more tragic news came in the form of a letter.

Flashback

"You understand now Syaoran don't you? It simply cannot happen." My mother said sternly.

I fought the urge to tremble. The letter in my hand became suddenly heavy.

"W-why can't I have both?" It was a stupid question I already knew the answer to.

"All or nothing Syaoran."

"I-it's not fair. Why ask this of me?" I whispered mainly to myself.

I knew my mother loved this. She loved my dilemma because it worked in her favour.

"It's what you have to do Syaoran." I crumbled, whilst my mother smirked as she watched her grand plan begin to unfold before her eyes.

End of Flashback

I had no choice but to accept my role as a Li and sacrifice certain things.

Sakura was hard to ignore however. I busied myself in work day and night to avoid Sakura. It was hard though. My thoughts would always wander onto her. What was she doing, where was she? I hated not knowing about her life. I'm not blind. I've noticed our friendship drifting apart but unwillingly let it happen.

Since the engagement, since I planted the ring on Tomoyo's finger, a warning went of in me. It was going to happen, I was actually doing this. Maybe this fear triggered panic in me, and a longing for Sakura.

Rolling out of my bed I changed into casual wear. Tomoyo remained unconscious.

I sighed, I'd have to apologise when she wakes up. We are supposed to be the 'happy' couple, a charade on my part. You see, I could play Tomoyo feelings like an instrument. I could show her love at any given time. I could delude her into thinking I genuinely loved her. And there are times I could unintentionally take it from her. I knew she feared me at times; in fact I was afraid of myself sometimes too. It was cruel I know but over the years I could mentally block it. As long as my family and Tomoyo think we're secure in our relationship, then I was doing my job.

I guess we were all good at hiding our emotions.

I left the room and descended into the kitchen and big surprise, the table was occupied by people who don't live here.

"Morning." I said not so enthusiastically.

My mother finished her rant to shoot a cold look at me

"How could you let this happen?" She fumed.

"Let what happen?" I said still sleepy and not in the mood for her.

"This!" She said firing her finger to Fuutie and Feimei who were nursing their hangover with ice packs.

I laughed a little inside. This wasn't a sight I was use to. I decided because of their state it was best they stayed here last night.

I shrugged at her. "They're old enough mother they're not twelve." I said completely contradicting my thoughts on the matter earlier. I suppose I had the same thoughts as my mother last night.

"You think this is acceptable? They have a reputation for Christ's sake!"

Here we go with the whole 'Li' reputation thing. Jeeze would she ever find something else to rant on about?

I let her finish her speech while I made coffee and at the end of it I shrugged again much to her annoyance.

"Well there's nothing we can do about it now is there? It was one night and so far its not front page news so just drop it. Why are you here again?"

Feimei looked surprised at my response. I suppose I never really challenge my mother with petty matters such as this so I get how she's taken aback.

"I guess I'm the only one who's seeing sense." She said huffing while sitting down at the top of the table. She didn't answer my other question either. I sat beside Fuutie was still half asleep on the table and patted her back.

"How's your head? I asked in a non mocking way.

Her eye lazily made contact with mine and she just shook her head and moaned.

Mother snapped her paper of the table and glared at them.

"Get out of my sight the two of you. Make yourself busy and for God's sake have a shower. I can't have you seen in that state."

They groaned in unison and flopped of the table.

"Bye Syaoran." Fuutie said before coming to hug me, Feimei the same.

I felt sorry for them. I guess they were trying to live the rebellious life they were denied when they were teenagers. Suddenly I wasn't angry at their actions. They were still young, therefore permitted a few drunken nights. If only mother allowed them more privileges that she gave Sheifa and Fanran, maybe their escapades wouldn't be so wild.

"You know," I said to mother. "If you allowed them some freedom then they wouldn't have to hide this from you. Fuutie's twenty four. They shouldn't be living with you either." I've never voiced my opinion on how she raised us. I guess I'm only noticing it recently.

She masked her face behind the newspaper. Her red painted nails sunk into the paper, I knew she didn't like what I said. She flattened it onto the table and gave me her au fait stare.

"They were never this disobedient. None of you were. But then we had to move to Tomoeda. I told your father I had a bad feeling about this place; I've always had a good sixth sense with these things. Did he listen? No!" She looked out the window and fell into deep thought. I wonder what she would have been like had she not been dragged into the Li world.

"Syaoran, only you can take over the Li enterprise after I pass away. But you must do it right. Need I remind you how that is to be done?" Her cold face chilled me.

My jaw locked and I spoke through my teeth.

"I'm abiding by my duties, by what I was told to do."

"Your father always agreed with me. So did my girls, you. But then she came along."

"Leave Sakura out of this mother. She's done nothing wrong." I suddenly snapped hating where this was going.

"That little bitch turned your father against me. She charmed her way here like she was one of us. You began to disobey me too! And now look! My youngest daughters parading around the streets in an idiotic state of drunkenness! Don't think I don't know Syaoran because I know everything! It's all because of Kinomoto! Feimei and Fuutie were doing fine here until they encountered her." Her voice rose agitated.

She was on the edge of her seat. Thankfully she breathed whilst gracefully falling back into her seat.

She left an uncomfortable atmosphere. Sipping the last drop of her coffee she rose to take her leave.

"If dad really did turn against you, do you really think it was because of Sakura?" I dared to say.

Her sharp eyes held mine and I had to break of eye contact. I guess I got my glare from her.

"I don't want to discuss this further Syaoran,"

I'm guessing she said this because Tomoyo came into the kitchen fully dressed. When she saw my mother she stiffened and bowed slightly. A gesture I thought by now she did not need to do.

"Li-san." She said. She looked wrecked, like she hadn't slept a wink all night.

"Come now Tomoyo, you may call me Yelen now." She smiled. A rare thing to see on my mother. "We're practically family already."

Tomoyo looked lost of words. I could tell she was suspicious of Mother's sudden warmness to her. I forgot what she said last time she was here. She wanted to take Tomoyo under her wing.

"Um…Thank you Li-sa- Yelen." I was weird to hear her call her that. She looked awkward in this situation.

"When I return from Hong Kong you and I will start the designs on your wedding dress. We really don't see enough of each other. Anyways," She said rising up. "I'm late." She concluded.

"Late for what?" She strode past me.

"I've a medical appointment back in Hong Kong." She tucked the paper under her arm.

"Is everything ok?"

"Fine." She concluded. "I'm getting this bothersome asthma treated."

Her crutch, something to remind me she actually was human.

When she left there was silence between Tomoyo and I.

Suck it up Syaoran.

I walked up the her slowly as not to startle her. She wasn't wearing make-up but she still looked beautiful. Tired but beautiful.

"Tomoyo," I said touching her elbow softly and facing her. "About last night."

"Forget about it." she said breaking away from me to grab her suitcase.

What the hell? Shit she was seriously mad. Was I that bad?

"Tomoyo-"

"I'm late for work Syaoran."

"Tomoyo please." I blocked her way out. "I'm sorry, for yelling at you." I was turning on the charm, a tool in manipulating her emotions. It never failed.

She looked at me with dead eyes. Whatever was on her mind prevented her from reacting normally to me.

"It's fine." She said stiffly.

"Ok." I leaned in to kiss her on the lips, whatever happens, for the mean time I had to make sure we appeared ok in our engagement. She turned her head so I ended up kissing her cheek.

She…. Rejected me?

"I'm late. I'll see you later." She couldn't look at me. Swiftly she left me to myself.

Shit… I'm going to have to make it up to her. As much as it worried me that she was upset, it was over shadowed by the fact I would be seeing Sakura later.

After our last meeting, I was anxious to speak to her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sakura's POV

Hangovers are a bitch.

I wished I didn't wake up because the second I opened my eyes I was greeted by what felt like road works drilling into my head.

"Ow" I said bringing my hands to my head.

Oh God, I will NEVER drink again! The churning in my stomach agreed with that.

Thankfully I didn't puke when I rolled out of bed and into the kitchen.

"Morning." Eriol said a little too cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Feel like shit." I said plonking down on the stool.

"Here." He said placing a glass of water and two aspirin in front of me. I eagerly took them to aid my seriously thumping head.

"Eriol, did I do anything stupid? I'm kinda getting flashbacks."

Eriol suddenly narrowed his eyes at me.

"Apart from the whole Reggie thing?"

Shit… that really did happen.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously, it's a good thing Syaoran was there. Reggie can be a fucking psycho path and don't even try to deny that."

"I know." I said over and over again until he was satisfied I knew what an idiot I was.

My eyes widened as my mind tried to remember what I said to Tomoyo.

"Shit." I muttered squeezing my eyes in anger. If only I could pinpoint exactly what I said- OH SHIT! Vivid images of Syaoran and I flooded my brain.

The alleyway, the incident with Reggie…

"I don't want to see you with any man….."

"Fuck!" I gritted my teeth.

"What?"

"Nothing." I waved it off. How would I face Syaoran now? How can I face him when there's a possibility he feels the same for me? I guess there was nothing I could do about it now. At that moment I prayed I didn't say anything that might have indicated how I felt for him.

"Fuck!" I screamed.

"What now?" I was starting to irritate him.

Tomoyo. Words were exchanged between the two of us. Oh God if only I remembered what it was.

"By the way, how are you and Tomoyo?" I asked genuinely trying to wing my thoughts away from last night's events.

"Fine." He said a little too quickly. Quickly enough to convince me he was hiding something.

I would have questioned further except my head was pounding however on the mend thanks to the aspirin.

Sulkily I slumped of the chair to get ready for work. I tell you, I cannot wait until I finish the plans for the new Li house. I should be finished by the end of this week and when that happens, I'll be finished intervening with Syaoran and Tomoyo's plans.

As I entered my room I noticed a red light flashing on my phone.

I listened to the voicemail while changing.

"Ms Kinomoto, this is Mark Connelly from Section23 Designs. I'm sorry for the late reply to your résumé but I am very impressed with you. In fact we'd like to offer you a permanent position on a project that starts this coming August. We'd really love to have you on our team Ms Kinomoto. I look forward to your reply."

He read out his contact details while I stood frozen half dressed.

Section 23Designs….that was in Canada…

I didn't delete the message, nor did I rush to reply.

I couldn't go to Canada… could I?

I couldn't leave my home… leave my family and everything I had… could I?

"Sakura I'm heading out." Eriol said from the kitchen.

"Ok." I said meekly not even remotely concerned where Eriol was going.

This event was a strange blip on my radar.

But for now, it could wait.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Syaoran's POV

As I drive through Tomoeda I glanced at y watch and prayed she was still there.

Pulling up to the house I was relieved to see her car parked parallel to the house.

My palm began to sweat as I made my way towards the tiny room.

There she sat, cross legged with a sketch pad in her hands. For a moment I thought she didn't notice me come in. I stood at the door frame just watching her make creations from pen and paper.

She froze mid sketch and noticed my presence.

The corner of her lips pulled downwards for a brief second before she returned her attention back to what she was doing.

Inside I sighed.

I knew Sakura well enough to know when she was giving me the cold shoulder. It was something she had perfected through the years, mainly because of me.

I didn't know how to approach her after the incident at her birthday. She had a right to ignore me, I did the same to her, then I almost confessed my feelings.

"Hey, how are the plans going?" I thought that was a safe bet.

"Fine." She said curtly. "I'm finished."

"Oh…" I said trying to hide my disappointment. I secretly wished the whole thing would last longer.

As she finished off the last details I couldn't help but notice how unbelievably beautiful she was.

Don't get me wrong, she was always beautiful, but something has changed recently. It was as if I could admire her and not be ashamed or guilty… or even care.

Her signature brown hair was softly cut at her neck. She grew since high school but kept a petite doll-like frame.

I had to cross my arms to resist the urge to pick her up and not let go.

How could you cause someone like that so much pain Syaoran?

I had to depart briefly from her to check on something.

The lavender box sat in the corner collecting dust and plaster. It hadn't been touched since I left it there. I buried my hands into it pulling out the letter. Once again I ran my finger along the side of it. My eyes glanced at the familiar writing on the front.

'To Syaoran'

I sighed and folder it into my back pocket. They say you shouldn't dig up the past. I guess I was stubborn like my father.

In my state of melancholy I heard the familiar sweet sound of cello's and piano echo from the room.

I emerged back to Sakura to find her dancing lightly holding an invisible person and swaying to the music.

Ah yes, my back up plan.

I slowly fitted myself into her empty arms, taking her by surprise. Her expressionless face gradually began to harbour some warmth as we danced. I didn't fumble, or step on her toes, or move the wrong way. I had become good at this now.

She was a good teacher.

There was a slight awkwardness with the absence of conversation. We were probably thinking the same thing. What happens here?

I hoped she remembered what I was trying to say before we were interrupted by Fuutie and Tomoyo.

Judging by her quietness, I'm guessing she did.

I started a conversation, me talking on the most part, she listened intently agreeing every now and again with some laughter. God I missed her laugh.

Without a doubt, there was a noticeable closeness between us since our first lesson. She didn't shy away from my hand on her waist. Her head rested slightly on my chest, something she never did before. My hand, as if it had a mind of its own, began to softly stroke her back.

You could say it was intimate.

It was best not to mention Reggie. Why bring all that up? He's out of her life for good now anyway. Problem is I thought he was gone a long time ago. The fact I didn't know as much about Sakura as I use to bothered me.

"We've grown apart." I said.

Three weeks ago I wouldn't have said that. I knew it would throw her off, and it did.

She said nothing for a second. "I was thinking the same thing."

This took me by surprise; I honestly didn't think she'd care. "It's like I blinked and then suddenly I just didn't know you anymore. You've changed but yet I know you're the same. I guess I'm only after realising this since you and Tomoyo got engaged, it's weird, not being able to talk to you like I use to." There was sadness in her voice.

She summed up exactly how I felt.

My hand continued to stroke her back and the distance between us closed. I held her soft hand in mine with my thumb stroking her finger, her diamond less wedding finger.

"You think I've changed?" I whispered in her ear.

"Yes. I don't feel like I know you as well as I use to."

"We maybe we should test that theory out."

She raised her head, planting her emerald eyed stare at me. She raised a perfect eyebrow questioning me.

"Question me."

For a second she was confused before smirking as she remembered out little game we had in middle school of 'getting to know you' We were paired together and this proved the only way of learning about each other.

"Fine." She agreed. "…. What's your favourite colour?"

It was a simple enough question, and I was happy it started out easy.

"Blue."

I could see her smile. "Nothing's changed there, favourite place?"

"Hong Kong, when my family isn't there."

She laughed. The whole mood seemed to lift since my arrival.

"Ok then… favourite sister?"

"I can't answer that!"

"Ok then least favourite?"

"Fanran." I said immediately.

I felt like I was transported back five years ago when we were practising for prom. Back when I could have been intimate. Back when I had the opportunity to claim her.

The music switched between tracks without our notice as she questioned me further. I missed this, I missed being with her in this casual environment untainted by awkwardness of guilt.

A few questions later I noticed a slight alter in her mood.

Her eyes, like two green orbs met with mine and I knew she was treading towards something.

"What's you worst memory?"

I gulped.

Images of drained white walls and maroon coloured carpet flooded my mind and the smell of coffee, cold and brown wetting the office desk and staining my fathers pale, dead hand.

"My fathers' death and how I came upon it." I whispered.

She nodded expecting that answer. I could still only ever talk about it to her. I could never open up about this to Tomoyo.

"What your biggest regret?" We shifted to a steadier pace.

I smiled to myself not in amusement but in self pity. "I've too many. Where can I begin? Letting Fanran away with so much shit, not standing up to my mother on countless occasions, not getting to say goodbye to my father….."

There was an awkward pause before the next few words fell from my mouth, and whispered themselves low into her ear. "Hurting you."

Our feet simultaneously froze mid-step.

"Not holding on to you."

It was said.

I heard her catch her breath.

"Being stupid enough to lose you." It was barely a whisper and I felt her shiver within my enclosing arms.

I thought she'd be shocked. Don't get me wrong she was I could judge by the expansion in her eyes. Maybe in a sense she was braced for something like this after our moment on the night of her birthday.

Maybe that was why she allowed herself to continue.

"What's your biggest fear Syaoran?" Her whisper quickened my pulse.

The CD finished its last tune and silence appropriately settled among us.

There was really no going back now. Hey small porcelain face beautiful and puzzled was willing me to say it.

"Losing you forever." When she looked at me time stood still. I stood judging her reaction, my heart punching my chest.

We thought the same thing as our heads inclined closer towards each other. I looked at her soft pink lips, which parted with every inched I closed in.

We were close now. I could feel her pulse thumping in her wrist.

Our foreheads touched, the tips of our noses, and then…..

"Syaoran," she said stopping at the last second. "The last time you kissed me, you made me so… happy."

A smile coloured her face, faltered by a shiny tear that fell down her cheek.

"But then… you did something that…that … hurt me in ways I still…haven't gotten over. So… if you're going to hurt me again then please, don't kiss me. Don't fill me with false hope… please." I could feel her shake, her breath uneven on my lips which selfishly ached for hers.

She was so right.

I hesitated, I longed for her right now. I should reclaim her, deep down in my heart she was always mine.

Could I promise her that? I didn't want to ever hurt her again. I hate myself already for that.

"Sakura… I never want to hurt you again. And I promise, I'll never will."

Was it wrong to say something like that? Could I keep that promise?

"I love you Sakura."

She saddened. "You've said that to me once before, and then broke my heart."

It killed me to hear that.

I kissed her forehead and lingered there.

"I meant it then, and I still do. I just let a series of interferences get in the way of us. Believe me Sakura, not a day has gone by without me thinking of what could have been."

Tears started to stream down her cheeks now and I saw something light in her. Was it genuine happiness? Small pearly teeth were visible through her smile.

It was her who placed her lips on mine.

Explosions.

It became intense. My hands placed themselves on her waist as she grabbed fistfuls of my hair, pulling me closer. It was meant to be, meant to be for five years.

She pulled away to allow us to catch our breaths. "Don't hurt me again Syaoran, I don't think I can take something like that again."

I brushed my lips against hers, my Sakura.

"I never want to hurt you again. Tomoyo and I were never meant to be, and we never will. I know how selfish I'm being putting you into this position. But some day I'll explain everything. For now, there are still some things I have yet to understand. Just know it was always you. I'm so sorry Sakura."

I concluded this promise with a kiss.

"It was always you."

Golden rays of sunset honeyed her angelic face.

I would make her mine somehow. I would undo all the damages I have done, even at the risk of Tomoyo's feelings.

My heart promised this.

I rocked her back and forth kissing her gently, ignoring the letter lurking in my pocket which suddenly, became very, very heavy.

I didn't know how to approach this chapter in a way that most people would like but this is exactly how I saw it :)

Unfortunately school life is completely taking over so I'm sorry for the late update and for future delays in updates too :/

Keep reading and reviewing thaaaaanks!