And I'm back! These chapters took a while so apologies!
Really hope ye enjoy these two chapters! R&R! :)
Tomoyo's POV
I stumbled into the house exhausted.
Hauling nine shopping bags into the hall and signed on today's events. When the doorbell rang at nine this morning I knew there was something bad waiting behind it.
Even worse.
Fanran.
"Tomoyo! What are doing still in bed clothes?" She exclaimed dressed in a short lime green Prada dress smartly accompanied by a grey suit jacket.
"It's early." I mumbled really not in the mood for her. In fact I wasn't in the mood for anyone. These past days have been really….empty.
"Well you better hurry D'maras Lore doesn't wait for just anyone." She said as she sauntered in followed by Sheifa who I didn't even notice quietly standing behind Fanran. She bowed politely and smiled whilst following suit with Fanran.
"D-D'maras Lore!" I stuttered even mentioning the name of the world's greatest designer, specialising in wedding dresses.
"Of course Tomoyo." She half scoffed. "Only the best for the future Mrs Li." She smiled and winked at me.
Sheifa behind her mimicked her smile.
"So get dressed already we've to be there in an hour."
I half ran to my room to change. Many times I've written articles in reference to D'maras Lore. In fact she was my whole inspiration for getting into fashion. And someone like me was going to meet her…
It's been a while since I wore Chanel and I have to admit, it felt good to be back into. I nestled into a deep purple fitted everyday dress accessorised by diamond stud earrings and bracelets.
As I grabbed my coat I caught sight of myself in the mirror. Eyeing up my figure, more curvy than Sakura's but not as petite. Five years ago I wouldn't have recognised myself.
I've changed.
My wedding finger harboured a diamond I was unworthy of. In my head I imagined my reflection scowling at me in disgust. Spitting at me, 'unworthy deceitful whore' it seemed to mouth at me. My lip quivered as I looked down at my white leather stilettos.
"Tomoyo!" Fanran's voice snapped.
"Deep breath's" I told myself before turning my heel and my back to before I started to agree with it.
We were chauffeured into Tokyo city centre. I had to admit, I was shaking.
"Relax," Fanran said for the hundredth time as we stepped out of the limo.
I straightened out any creases in my skirt and checked my make-up in any shiny surface. I was being vein I know.
Sheifa, Fanran and I entered the mall and turned right on the fifth floor into a little corridor that was isolated. I didn't even know it existed.
I noticed a well dressed woman with a sharp bob looking very impatient.
"Mom?" I said slightly shocked.
When she looked at me she smiled and stood up excitedly. "Oh Tomoyo I've waited so long for this day!" She clapped more exited than me.
I smiled nervously and followed Fanran and Sheifa with my mother clinging onto my sleeve slightly embarrassing me.
The store was quaint. Not overly-fancy but yet lavishly delicate. We sat down on the four waiting seats.
I whispered to my mother. "Why didn't you tell me we were coming here earlier?" I said annoyed that this was being sprung on me last minute, especially by Fanran of all people.
"She pried her eyes from the gold heels displayed on the shelf beside her. "Oh darling I wanted to keep it a surprise!" She exclaimed too loudly which echoed throughout the store and brought with it footsteps from the back room. "And stop that!" She said slapping my hand away from my hair. I couldn't help it. I was nervous.
A tall woman with silver hair cropped severely at the shoulder emerged from the back door. My hands shook.
"Sorry, I didn't realise you were here already." Her voice was sharp but admirable.
I braced myself to introduce myself but was cut short by Fanran.
"Mrs Lore and pleasure to see you again." Fanran said sashaying over to her to shake her hand.
Again? Why were people not telling me anything! I found myself once again being left out of the loop.
"Daidouji-san, an honour to finally meet the future Mrs Li." She said my name. It was an honour for her. I nearly scoffed in her face.
I bowed slightly then proceeded to shake her hand.
Sheifa surprisingly got the proceedings going. She turned to face me and said, "Mother and I have picked out some choices for you if you'd like to try them on." She said politely inclining towards the dressing room.
I tried not to show my annoyance in the fact my wedding dress was being chosen for me.
While in the changing room it occurred to me that this was all becoming very, very real. Frighteningly real. The years slipped my notice and many times I pictured this moment and yet I wasn't as exited as I saw myself to be in my head. I was nervous, clumsy even as I tried for the third time to navigate my arms into the right holes of the dress. As I slipped into a figure hugging dress with a fish tail ending I couldn't shake my mind of something. There it was again, my reflection, hating me.
I turned my back to it once again.
My mother gushed at the sight of me.
"Oh it's perfect Tomoyo absolutely perfect! I'm sure that's the one!" She squealed like a little girl.
Obviously she didn't see the dissatisfied smirk on Fanran and Sheifa's face.
"You look frumpy. Try the next one on." She said and continued to flick through her magazine.
As if a sudden change of mind my mother mimicked Fanran's exact words.
"She's right darling it's too frumpy."
I mentally rolled my eyes at her and proceeded with the next dress.
Luck number three I thought as I stepped out in a sleek silk dress fitted at the bodice and laced with diamonds.
Fanran and Sheifa looked upon me with approving eyes. Sheifa even smiled, a rare thing, and my mother… well she looked like she would cry.
"Perfect." Fanran said nodding to D'maras.
"I'll need to make some alterations." She said. "I'll do them personally." She said nodding and me with a gentle smile.
They fussed over the alterations, size and shoes whilst I gazed at myself in the mirror. It was perfect, in every way it was what I was looking for. I couldn't stop smiling which Sheifa took note of.
"Happy, Daidouji?" She asked with a self-pleasing smile.
"I- I just didn't think anything like this could happen when is young… not for me anyway." I said my voice almost breaking.
Sheifa fixed my hair, pulling it out of my face and gently moulding it into a soft bun on my head. She, like a generous snake, whispered into my ear, "This is only the beginning Tomoyo, the riches that come with being a Li are like nothing you will ever experience. Take my word, this is only the start. When people see you on your wedding day, they'll be envious. They'll want to be you knowing what's in store for you. D'maras is very interested in your work… I even heard she wants to have you on her team as editor-in-chief on her Japan magazine edition."
My eyes expanded to a size they've never been before.
"I-th- that can't be right." I whispered back. "She would consider me…. Would she?"
Sheifa swayed her eyes over to Fanran who was pressing a dress against her longing to try it on. Of course someone like her would take more interest in herself than the actual bride to be….
"We can make that happen. Mother, Fanran, me…. Anything you want."
It wasn't like Sheifa to be like this. The normally silent sister, Fanran's back-up, the one who usually sniggered in the background when I messed up, she never spoke to me before. Was she up to something? She has no motive though. I suddenly felt my heart pulse harder. Was it a warning? A warning to be a good wife? A faithful wife? Was she just passing on a message from Yelen?
No... I was being paranoid. But something in the gleam of her eye, resembling Yelen's made me very uneasy. Looking back at my reflection I was filled with a new feeling. I felt metaphorically taller.
Tomoyo Li.
Editor-in-chief of Japan best selling magazine.
Sheifa said it could happen. Correction- she could make it happen. This was a strange path indeed I was threading on.
I trailed behind my mother and Fanran gazing lazily at couples sitting at the fountain, floating around shops just…. being together. And I, alone and lonely, couldn't help but to sigh. It occurred to me that not once while I was with D'maras or Fanran, or in a 350'000 dollar dress, did I think of Syaoran.
My Fiancée.
We did reconcile after our fight but to be honest, things were certainly not the same. We were so distant now I felt like I was living with a stranger.
Ok yes, I know, what went on between me and Eriol might have something to do with it. I honestly can't look at Syaoran in the eye anymore. I sighed again as guilt ate away at me when I noticed a sapphire ring winking at me in the window of a jeweller store.
Eriol…
This is crazy! I can't get him out of my head!
"The ring Syaoran got not big enough Tomoyo-san?" Sheifa said coming up behind me suddenly with a tone and face of disapproval.
"No-no!" I stuttered under her speculative eye. What is up with her today?
I wandered around aimlessly until finally Fanran called the chauffer to take us home.
So here I was, slumped against the front door lost in a mass of bags wondering what the hell I was going to do now about Eriol. I couldn't leave it just hanging un-addressed.
Then, like as if faith was nudging at me, the sound of our grand piano echoed throughout the halls and flowed softly to me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I tried to push myself through the wall behind me in fear.
Shakily I wobbled through the hallway which seemed to shrink narrower and narrower with each step I took.
The music room was open just a fraction. The piano, muted behind the large wooden door. As soon as my hand touched the cold wood the music stopped and I, stood there bracing myself as the door creaked open. With his back faced to me I decided there and then, whatever this thing was between us, it had to be sorted.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sakura's POV
"How the hell did you get me a job in CANADA!" I said raising my eyebrows to my brother.
He shrugged and continued to rummage through the fridge. "I told you, I have contacts."
I rolled my eyes. "You said that already. But seriously Canada's on the other side of the world!"
"I think you'd like it," Yukito chimed beside me. "You'd settle in well there."
I frowned and gazed deeply into my black tea. "Nice to know I'd be missed." I said jokingly.
Yukito patted my back smiling. "Of course we'd miss you. Also-" The ring of his cell phone cut him off and he excused himself.
When Yukito's voice muffled out Toya joined me and said in a low voice so dad and Yukito wouldn't hear.
"Ok look, there are a few small jobs in Tokyo I could probably get you for now. I just thought that… you'd kinda want to be away from here. With everything happening at the moment with Syaoran and Tomoyo's wedding I didn't think you'd want to be here."
I said nothing.
Of course he's say something like that. I couldn't blame him. Toya was clueless to Syaoran and my recent how would you put it…confession. He had no idea of Syaoran and my unnecessary 'dance sessions' or of our excuses to 'discuss' the plans for his house. Before you ask... no. I didn't sleep with him. Nor did we make moves to. I couldn't do that to Tomoyo or complicate my life entirely. But day by day we became dangerously more romantic. Of course Tomoyo crossed my mind more often than not. I felt sick to my stomach to be with Syaoran and yet, the fact it felt so right to be with him shadowed my will to end it. It also for the time being, caged my worries about Tomoyo.
"Yeah. Thanks, I'll think about it. I'" I said meekly.
Toya smiled pleased with himself and continued to make dinner. If that were Eriol, he'd see right through me. He'd sense something very wrong and interrogate me. Things were going good for Toya at the moment though, great job, solid relationship… I didn't want to burden him with my problems.
Staring into the murky tea my gut turned. I never even told Syaoran about Canada.
What are you doing Sakura? I asked myself and as usual, continued to act like everything was normal.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"I don't understand." He said with a dopey expression and arching his thick bushy eyebrows.
"For the last time! That wall needs to be knocked down! Wall. Down. Gone. As in there should be no more wall when you're finished!" I but back from biting his head of.
He looked at me goofily and gave me the thumbs up and waddled away to join the other builders laughing at something I said. I rolled my eyes and questioned why Syaoran hired builders who had very little Japanese.
When I saw his jeep pull up my heart raced. Even a month later I still shook. My attention however was drawn to the two builders who were loaded with two sledgehammers.
"Hey! No not that wall!" I said running towards the builders who were eager to knock down the wrong wall.
When I turned back I saw Syaoran had disappeared into that small room that adjoined the room I was in. Why was he obsessed with that room? Whatever was in there he always emerged a little bleaker than when he entered.
"How's it coming along?" He asked trying to perk up from whatever seemed to bother him.
"Ok. I'd prefer it if you hired Japanese speaking staff." I said watching them work; terrified they make a mistake if I blinked for even a second.
He smiled and then subtly, tugged on my fingers; inclining me to follow. I hope he didn't notice me tremble at his touch.
We slipped through the blunder and construction equipment and onto the dirt path that led away from other people. We were weary to keep an unsuspicious gap between us so as to not cause any questions. Witnesses, you could call them. As soon as the tall trees engulfed us his hand intertwined into mine and pushed me half eagerly to a tree.
Our lips re-acquainted themselves for quite sometime. I broke suddenly fearful of the fact other eyes could be watching.
"Syaoran..." I hesitated and bit my lip not knowing how to approach this. "What we're doing… I…" I slipped around him. "We can't just continue like this. Lying to Tomoyo I mean, don't you feel bad?" I searched his eyes for an answer that I knew he didn't want to give.
"Of course I feel bad. I feel awful but… You know I don't feel the same way about her. I mean," He paced a few meters away from me. "I've tried, I've tried to love her the way I love you but you can't force these things Sakura." His eyes begged me to understand.
But there was a part of me that wasn't happy, a part of me that decided to voice itself.
"Then why Syaoran? Why did you do it?" He maintained my gaze for a brief moment before flickering it towards the lake. I knew what that meant. He would try to draw my attention away from the subject. I wasn't going to let that happen. It wasn't fair of him to do so.
"I deserve an answer Syaoran!" I said loudly enough to startle crows from their branches. "It's not fair that I was put through all that pain for all these years without knowing what I did!"
I saw his body tense. I too was on edge waiting for an answer.
"You… think this is your fault?"
"It must be." I said trying to maintain my dignity by refusing to let my voice break. "One day you told me you love me and then… you," I still to this day couldn't bring myself to say it.
The fact he broke my heart for Tomoyo.
"You know what I'm trying to say. Now it's like it's happening all over again but I'm terrified that you'll hurt me like that again! I don't want to re-live it twice Syaoran. I won't put myself through it."
Thank God the distant roaring machinery muffled out my now rising voice.
"Sakura… It's not your fault." His tone dropped to almost incoherency, "It's mine, all mine."
"Stop saying that! That doesn't explain anything to me! I need to know why!" I threw my hands out at him furiously. My patience was wearing thin.
"Sakura… Give me some time please, I promise I'll explain-"
"NO SYAORAN!" I flared. "It's not fair!" I repeated like a spoilt child. "Do you even know how much this is killing me? I have no idea how to face Tomoyo when I see her." I balled my fists ready to punch the nearest tree.
He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply as if trying to calm the both of us.
My eyes, incredulously scanned over his body. It was so wrong to want him to kiss me at this point. There was this invisible force trying to bring me to him. But stubborn I remained. If I went into his arms, apologised for being like this and kissed him, allowed him to embrace me, I would only hate myself for that later.
"Sakura, I can't explain to you because… I don't know myself. But I want to be with you and only you! It will happen Sakura I will find a way around it."
"Why can't you just leave Tomoyo?" I blurted without fully processing how that would go down.
I saw him flinch a little as I said that. I didn't blame him. Not even I expected that to come from my mouth.
"It's not as simple as that Sakura."
"Why?" I said allowing a single tear to stream down my cheek. "You said you loved me, you want to be with me but… I don't understand you. How can you live in a house with a woman you're going to marry and yet allow yourself to be with me? Tomoyo was once my best friend and I hate going behind her back like this even though, she once did the same to me. I know I'm no saint; I've a part to play in all this too but… isn't it better to tell Tomoyo now, then to have her figure it all out later, humiliated and embarrassed?"
"There were…external forces… involved." I saw his face shame away from mine.
I became sceptical as I arched my eyebrow at him. Then the realisation came to knock me square in the face.
"It's your mother, isn't it!" My tone going from hurt to accusing.
I saw a dark tint cast down his eyes which to me, clarified I was on the right track.
My chest tightened in anger and fury to see Yelen's face flash before my eyes. Her smirk, it had to be her!
"Sakura," I didn't even realise Syaoran had closed the gap between us and clamped his hands onto my shoulders.
"I know you and please… Don't assume theories."
"So I'm right, it has to do with Yelen." I tried not to let my voice break but failed miserably on the last syllable.
"Stop." He said firmly. I didn't understand. Was he trying to protect me from the truth? Or was he too ashamed too
Ashamed to admit that maybe… he genuinely did want Tomoyo to begin with.
"The truth will hurt you Sakura."
I bit my lip to stop me from quivering with rage. "You don't think I'm hurting already? I don't want to be the other woman for the rest of my life Syaoran. If you have any feelings for Tomoyo… or want to then, maybe I shouldn't even be in the picture."
Maybe I should have stuck to my oath.
Instead of answering he captured my lips again in the gentlest way thus silencing my panic.
"I love Tomoyo, as a friend. It should have stayed that way. I don't want you to feel forced to see me like this. I'll understand if you want to stop all this. But you will certainly not remain the other woman." He said this with such determination I was swayed to believe it was true. On the other hand… why couldn't he tell me?
I shook my head and leaned into his chest, embracing the warmth. His arms closed in, stroking my back and lightly kissing my forehead.
"I don't want to stop this Syaoran. I just want to change it. I don't want to feel guilty for being with you, or betraying Tomoyo. This all goes completely against my moral conscience." I moaned inhaling his manly smell.
"I know…I know…" He chanted into my ear. "I'll make it all right. And if I can't, I'll use my last resort to be with you. We'll be happy…eventually." I yearned to know what he meant by that, but I kept my lips closed, afraid to ruin the moment.
He never sounded sweeter. The usually rough, temperamental Syaoran had temporarily left. These moments of sweetness made me want him more. But it wasn't just that. It was all of him, temper and all that made me love him.
He took my hand in mine and led me on the path back to the house. Back to reality, to wishful thinking and hope that he meant what he said. That this would turn out right.
"By the way, it's the sixth next Friday." He said with his tone dropping to serious melancholy.
I sighed and clutched his hand tighter.
The sixth of February was the most depressing time for the Li family, especially for Syaoran.
"Six years goes by fast." I said sadly.
Syaoran nodded and remained composed but I knew inside, he was still in the depths of grief.
Xiao Lang, Syaoran's father would be dead six years next Tuesday. An event Syaoran would never completely come to terms with.
"I'm sorry Syaoran. I feel like a complete bitch for I said back there! You should have said something. I know what a difficult time this is for you." I felt like such an ass.
He laughed and told me not to be so stupid. He also made me promise not to feel like this was not my fault.
"I was the one who fucked up. Not you." He said sternly making sure I understood. I promised and sealed it with a kiss. But not even the blaze and passion in his golden eyes could erase any doubt in my mind. What if he couldn't make it happen? What if this was just a fantasy we wanted so much we deluded ourselves into thinking we could transfer it to reality?
What if Tomoyo gets hurt more than I imagined she would?
What if these 'external forces' win their battle in keeping us apart…forever?