Step 1:
"Allison are you sure about this?"
"Relax Bella. If you do everything according to the plan it'll go smoothly." I held the purse of evil tightly against my side. "Keep the walkie talkie with you at all times." I threw the ones Alice got me.
"Their pink and sparkly." she stated looking at them strangely.
I shook my head, "Alice." I got out of Bella's truck and made my way into the house.
"I'm in," I whispered into the walkie talkie.
"Charlie," I said louder sitting next to him on the couch, "I have something really important to discuss with you." I kept a neutral face.
"What is it," he asked warily.
"Well,…Bella's pregnant!" I blurted out. His mouth opened and shut in shock, "But we're having trouble figuring out who the father is. I mean it could be Edward, but he's always so uptight that I doubt they've done the deed yet. So maybe it's Jacob or Mike." I nodded my head pretending to consider those choices.
Charlies' face paled suddenly, his nostrils flared and he got an enraged look on his face. Oh snap, that's my queue to leave!
"Well, we'll go find out straight away and let you know, BYE!" I yelled rushing out of the house. I climbed into Bella's truck.
"How'd it go?" she asked her eyebrows pulling together.
"BELLA!" Charlie's enraged cry sounded through the woods.
"DRIVE! DRIVE! GET THIS PIECE OF CRAP ON THE HIGHWAY!"
…Allison craziness…Allison craziness…Allison craziness….
I sipped my strawberry and banana smoothie through the straw and glanced at Bella's thinking face.
"We need to really think these steps through. It has to be funny yet annoying," I nodded my head and looked at Bella. She hadn't relaxed once!
"So Bella," I started looking at her. She looked up curiously, "You're going to be sorta kinda my sister soon, because you're marrying Edward, and I think I'm entitled to know a few things."
She nodded her head slowly, trying to understand were I was leading the conversation.
"You're not marrying Edward just for the bang bang during the honey moon are you?"
She blushed and started stammering, "No". I looked at her with a straight face, but I burst out laughing.
"Bella," I said through my laugh, "I was kidding! I know you love him! Just try to loosen up, because if there are any problems I'll be right next to you trying to figure out how to fix it." I smiled and urged her to finally get the stick out her butt and have FUN!
….LIGHTBULB!
"Come on Bella!" I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the entrance were me and Alice had sung. There was a small stage were there was karaoke! I pulled Bella along with me and climbed up. I grabbed two microphones and handed her one. Her eyes widened and stared at me in shock. "NO! Allison! I can't do this!"
I rolled my eyes, "Yes! You can. Look I picked that song you were listening to. Get all your frustration out! Think of nothing else!" I pleaded her with my eyes and she finally gave in. "I suppose you're right," she conceded. I grinned and stood by the front of the stage, if that's what you'd call it. It was so fudging small. Bella stood next to me. The song started and Bella blushed.
"I'll start," I whispered, and moved to the center stage. I swayed my hips in time with the music.
Bella, Allison, together
"I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, oh, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing. I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing" I danced back and Bella shyly came forward to sing.
"Typical and Hollywood type of fofo I like when the physical, don't leave me asking for more. I'm a sexy mama. That knows just how to get what I wanna. And all I wanna do is spring this on you like some of the things that I told you." Bella blushed and started to dance finally enjoying herself! She smiled and continued singing.
"You been saying all the right things all night long, but I can't seem to get you over here to help take this off. Baby can't you see! How these clothes are fitting on me! And the heat coming from this beat! I'm about to blow I don't think you know!" I joined in singing with her both of swaying our hips and smiling.
"I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe aha but you keep fronting oh saying what you gon do to me aha but I ain't seen nothing I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting ah saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"
"You say you're a big boy but I can't agree, cuz the love you said you had aint been put on me. I wonder if I'm just too much for you. Wonder, if a kiss don't make you just wonder, what I got next for you. What you wanna do! Take a chance to recognize that this could be yours. I can see just like those guys that your game. Baby can't you see! How these clothes are fitting on me! And the heat coming from this beat! I'm about to blow I don't think you know!"
"I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe aha but you keep fronting oh saying what you gon do to me aha but I ain't seen nothing I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"
By now there was a crowd gathering around the small stage, but Bella was having way too much fun to notice. We tried to dance like the PCD danced in the video, but failed epically and laughed at ourselves when we tripped. Holy waffle cheese! I thought I saw something. I shrugged and pretending like nothing happened and continued to dance.
"Come on baby loosen up my buttons babe,"
"Loosen up my buttons babe"
"Baby won't you loosen up my buttons babe
"Loosen up my buttons"
"Come on baby loosen up my buttons babe,"
"Loosen up my buttons babe"
"Baby won't you loosen up my buttons babe"
"Loosen up my buttons"
"I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting oh saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"
"I'm telling you to" ("Oh! Oh! OOH!)
"loosen up my buttons babe aha" ("loosen up my buttons babe!")
"but you keep fronting oh" ("Ohohohahoh!")
"Saying what you gon do to me aha but I ain't seen nothing" ("Yaoohoohooh!")
"I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"
We laughed and bowed like freaks and finally went off stage after all the clapping wore down. Bella's face was red and had a huge smile on her face.
"WE DID IT!" she yelled giving me a hug. I think some of you saw this coming, after all she said we did it, and I always watch Dora the Explorer on nickleodean.
"lo hicimos! we did it! tatatatata! we went on stage and sung a song! we did it! WE DID IT! YAY!" I sung laughing even more. Bella was giggling when her eyes suddenly got all wide and looked really really big. I thought they were about to pop out of her head! I was panicking and thinking about what to tell Edward when that happened. That would not go so well. "Edward I'm sorry to tell you that your fiancés eyes popped out of her head today. don't worry I think you guys can work through this little problem," yea that would not work out at all!
I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see….alright you should know who it is. That's right the one and only…Mike Newton? What the fudgin' monkey chickens was he doing here?
"Hey," he said shyly. I looked at him like he was crazy, "That was really great back there ladies." he winked at us. Bella and I looked at each other in disgust.
"And you know what would be really great?" he asked. For you to disappear and get eaten by a chicken.
"If you came to hang out with me. I might be able to loosen up your buttons," he said suggestively. He had gone far enough. Disgusting creeps like him deserved to be eaten by polar bears and chewed on by…fish!
"OKAY YOU ARE A FREAK! WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU THINK THOSE PERVERTED LINES WOULD GET GIRLS TO GO OUT WITH YOU! NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER FALL FOR THAT PIECE OF MONKEY DUNG!"
"Allison everyone's staring," whispered Bella blushing at all the stares we were attracting.
"I DON'T CARE! MIKE NEWTON YOU ARE NOT…..A SUPERCALIFRAGELISTIC PERSON!" I slapped him across the face and pulled Bella away. Mike Newton was a creepy stalker who had a thing for anything with boobs and a skirt.
Okay maybe I overreacted just a small amount of…a lot! Good thing no one saw that.
Step 2:
"Put more pink glitter on it!" I smiled looking at our handy work, "I think we're done! Now all we have to do is put it back on his uniform without him noticing." Bella picked up the handcuff. What we had originally was a pair of boring silver handcuffs now we had one that was sparkley pink and had ribbons on it! YAY!
"I think I can do that," she said walking out of her room. She came back seconds later, "He'll be getting ready to go to the station soon. He was called in by Mark one of the deputies." she smiled.
We sat around waiting for Charlie to leave. When he did we ran to the phone. Bella dialed the number and put the phone on loudspeaker.
RING! RING! RING! Hahahaha!
"Hello," answered a bored monotone voice. SHHHHH! Everyone be quiet!
"Hello, may I speak with Chief Swan Princess of the Pink fairies please?"
"Umh, Chief swan isn't a umh princess of whatever"
"Oh but he is! Just look at his handcuffs if you don't believe me!" Bella giggled and I tried to hold in my laugh when we heard a gasp on the other side of the phone.
"umh…..," we heard the phone drop followed by a yell of 'CHIEF SWAN!' that was when we lost it and cracked up.
Step 3:
"Hey Bells, Allison," Charlie greeted tiredly when he came home from the station. Me and Bella shared a look and grabbed our invisible walkie talkies.
"We have a 937356. The suspect contacted subject A and B." I said strictly.
"Rodger that. Subject will receive punishment D39374." Bella responded, then we continued to ignore Charlie...Princess of the Pink Fairies! HAHAHAH! Okay I'm done.
"What's going on here?" he asked looking at us weirdly. I was used to it by now.
"The suspect still tries communicating with the subjects send troops to apprehend him ASAP." My face got deathly serious.
"14299 the recruits have left will arrive at the destination in 5…4…3…2…1."
The door burst open and a huge man broke in carrying Charlie on his shoulders he dropped him in the backseat of his trooper and put blindfold on him.
"Where's he going take him?" Bella asked curiously and a bit worried.
"Don't worry, he's going drive around the neighborhood and then drop him off here later." I looked towards the car driving away and saw him wave. I grinned, "Thanks Emmett!" I yelled.
Step 4:
Emmett dropped Charlie off at the house and ran off home. Bella and I made sure that we wouldn't be at the house when he was dropped off.
When Emmett left the car in the driveway I quickly got in and started the car.
"Are u sure you know how to drive?" as ked Bella. I rolled my eyes.
"DUH! I drove Edwards Volvo," I said keeping out the crashing part out. She seemed to relax after that. I sped out of the driveway and onto the street. Soon we turned onto the highway and stopped at a red light. As we were waiting guess who's car I saw! Edward's! Hehehe.
"Allison, I don't think that whatever it is you're thinking is a good idea."
"Bella, put on your seatbelt." I revved the engine and saw Edward glance at the car and back to the front. His eyes widened and looked back at us again. The light turned green and Edward began driving. I turned on the siren and lights and followed Edward. When he was about to stop I sped up. Therefore if he stopped we would crash into him. GENIUS! I know.
"Allison! There are more police cars behind us!" I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the red and blue flashing lights…..high speed chase! Sweet! I've always wanted to be in one of those.
Suddenly the walkie talkie crackled, "In pursuit of a silver Volvo C13 on the highway 29." Then we saw a potlight landing on Edwards car. It was a frickin helicopter with a camera!
Oh snap!
"Bella! We're gonna be on tv!"