'If I Had It To Do All Over Again

Chapter 3

Maura put her hand on Frost's shoulder. "Believe me this has been bothering me more than it has been bothering you and Korsak. I do not intend to let Jane leave my house until I get to the bottom of it. I'm tired of her pushing me away and this has something to do with Hoyt and that day at the prison. I've let it go on too long and it's taking its toll on all of us and it has got to stop. It's Friday and I'm sure I won't be able to keep her away from the office tomorrow so hopefully it won't take long to work this out. So I guess I had better get back to the morgue so I can be home to meet her at 7:00." She turned and left Frost standing on the steps.

She hurried to her car then drove just over the speed limit so that she could get back to the morgue and prepare everything for the first autopsy. She'd decided the wife would be first, she seemed to have had the most damage so maybe she was the target. Maura pulled into her spot and collected what evidence she brought with her. She noticed Jane's car parked across the lot and smiled, she looked forward to taking Jane on and getting to the bottom of what has been going on for the last week or so. She arrived in the morgue and prepared her tray of tools as she always did and then changed into a set of black scrubs. She was sitting at her desk when the van arrived at the back door with the bodies. She signed for them as per protocol and had them place+ the woman on the table and the other three were placed in drawers.

She unzipped the body bag and was once again shocked when she looked down at the woman on her table. She looked so much like Jane, from the unruly black hair to the long lithe legs, she even had the same cleft in her chin. She decided to run her DNA just to satisfy her curiosity. She heard of the theory of doppelgangers but the scientist in her could never accept it as reality, until now. If anyone was Jane's double this woman was. Maura started to process the body for evidence. She combed her hair and collected the particles that fell then placed them in an evidence envelope. She used collection tape and removed particles from her clothing and then cataloged each article of clothing. After removing any trace evidence from the body she washed the body clean so she could see the true extent of the injuries inflicted upon her body. She counted 12 stab wounds in varying degrees of depth and three blows to the head with a rounded object. She took impressions of the cuts and the indentations on the skull from the blows and sent them to the CSU's for them to figure out what weapons were used.

She then picked up her scalpel to begin the Y-incision but made the mistake of looking at the face of the woman on the table and her hand stopped in midair. "She's not Jane you can do this." She gave herself a mental pep talk and then she reached with her scalpel but still could not make the first incision. She finally had to place a towel over her face to continue with the autopsy. She knew it wasn't professional but it was the only way she would be able to continue removing body parts from someone who looked so much like the woman she loved to be her twin.

Wait! Where did that come from? Yes she loved Jane, as her best friend. Right? She couldn't be in love with her, could she? Oh crap she was in love with her best friend, and she was sure Jane did not return those feelings. Maybe it was just the heat of the moment with Hoyt or the fact that Jane has been pushing her away, maybe she wasn't in love with her. "Who are you kidding Maura? You are crazy in love with her and if you are honest with yourself you have been for quite some time."

"Even geniuses talk to themselves. Now I don't feel so bad." Maura swung around to see the smiling Detective Korsak standing in the doorway.

"How much did you hear Vincent?" Maura hoped against hope that he didn't hear anything.

"Nothing that I didn't already know. You just have to be in the same room with the two of you to know there's something special there. With the exception of this past week."

Maura didn't know what to say. Did he hint that Jane felt the same way? Should she ask? "Has Jane said something to you? How could you know when I only just realized it myself?"

"No Jane has not said anything to me. But the two of you are a couple whether you realized it or not. Think about it. Who do you spend your free time with? Who do you have dinner with? Who do you go out for drinks with? And when you're on a date, who is it you want to talk to as soon as the date is over? And it's the same for Jane too if you about think it." He smiled knowingly at Maura.

"Oh my god you're right! We do everything that a couple does except have sex."

Korsak held up his hands defensively. "I'll leave that one alone. So what have you determined from your autopsy?" Korsak walked over to the table and looked at the towel covering the woman's face but decided not to say anything. He wasn't sure he'd be able to look at her either.

"I had to cover her because I felt like I was cutting Jane open." She didn't look up from the body on the table, she didn't want to see the disapproval on Korsak's face.

"I'm glad you did because I think I would pull a Frost if I had to look at someone who looks so much like Jane being cut open on your table. So what can you tell me?"

"There are 12 stab wounds to the chest area and three blows to the head. Seemed to be a bit of an overkill don't you think? I sent impressions down to the CSU's and most everything else appears to be the organs of a healthy 37 year old woman. It looks like she bore the brunt of the attack. The children suffered the single gunshot wound to the temple, quick and painless. The husband appeared to have taken a few hits, maybe trying to defend his wife, but he was still killed quickly with a single gunshot to the temple. The body temperatures of both husband and wife proved they died within minutes of each other so I think he was made to watch his wife die. There was no sign of sexual assault so at least she was spared that indignity. Do you think the fact that she could be Jane's twin is just a coincidence?"

"God I hope so. She finally rids herself of Hoyt, I'd hate to think there would be someone else out there to take his place. Well, I better leave you alone if you expect to be home by 7:00." He gave her a smile and turned to leave but stopped at the door and turned back towards her. "Give her hell tonight Doc. We're all tired of both of you moping around here." He turned and left leaving Maura standing there with her mouth hanging open.

"Well I'll be damned." Maura turned back to the autopsy with a renewed sense of purpose. She was bound and determined to get Jane to open up to her tonight and in order to do that she would have to finish this autopsy and get home before 7:00 p.m.

Jane finished the last of the paperwork at 6:45 p.m. and knew that she would have to skip going home and changing before she went to Maura's. What difference did it make anyway, she was just going to talk to Maura then go back to her apartment right? She couldn't stay at Maura's anymore because people like Hoyt use it against you and she can't do that to Maura again. It was killing her to stay away from her but if it kept her safe it would be worth it. She looked up at the clock and realized she was going to be late getting to Maura's and she knew how Maura hated people being later. She hurried to the stairs because she didn't want to wait for the elevator. She walked out the back door and looked to Maura's parking spot hoping her car would still be there but it wasn't. She pulled up in front of Maura's house at 7:10 and almost ran to the door.

She rang the doorbell and waited for Maura to answer the door and was surprised when she opened the door and greeted her with a smile. "I will forgive you for keeping me waiting because I know you were probably trying to finish up paperwork. Come on in, sit down and I'll get you a beer." Maura turned and headed for the kitchen. Jane walked over to the couch and sat down and reached for the remote, a reflexive action, then put it down again. She didn't think this was a social call so Maura probably wouldn't appreciate her watching TV. Maura came into the living room with a tray of food along with Jane's beer and wine for herself. "I figured you didn't take time for dinner so I ordered Chinese for the two of us." She set the tray down and handed Jane her chopsticks and the Moo Shoo Pork knowing it was her favorite.

"Thanks Maura, I didn't have a chance to eat because I didn't want to be late, and I was still late. Sorry about that." Jane couldn't believe how good it felt to sit and talk to Maura.

"I already told you it was ok so don't worry about it." Maura reached over and placed her hand on Jane's thigh, something she'd always done, and watched for Jane's reaction. She smiled to herself when she noticed the quick intake of breath and Jane's eyes closed for a split second. She moved her hand and reached for her glass of wine, she found she needed some courage to help her through this.

Jane could hardly believe her reaction to Maura's hand on her thigh. She didn't know why she couldn't control it tonight of all nights. She's always been able to keep her feelings in check around Maura, why not she's had years of practice. How could it be that one week away from her could make this much difference in her reaction? "I really appreciate this." She motioned with her chopsticks to the food and beer. She reached over and grabbed one of the other containers to see what else Maura had bought. "Egg Foo Yung, were you keeping this to yourself? You know I like Egg Foo Yung, are you hiding it?" She gave Maura her patented smirk.

"Of course not Jane, I would never withhold food from you. Especially when it's obvious that you are hungry. Who in their right mind would come between you and your food." She watched as Jane ate the food with gusto. "How long has it been since you've eaten?"

Jane sat back and thought for a moment. "Does coffee count as food?" Maura shook her head. "How about donuts?" Maura shook her head again. Jane thought again then snapped her fingers. "How about Ma's Gnocchi?"

"Did you have more than one and were you sitting down at a table?" It was Jane's turn to shake her head. "Then no it doesn't count." Maura shook her head once more but smiled at Jane's playful banter.

"Is today Friday?" Maura nodded. "Then I guess it's been three days since I sat down and ate what could be considered a meal."

"Jane! Are you trying to kill yourself? You can't go that long without a meal and still be able to function at the level that you do. When was the last time you slept for more than 4 hours? And how often do you have the nightmares? Or are you having new ones?" Maura watched as Jane's shoulders slumped for a moment before she pulled herself together again. "Jane who do you think you're with?"

Jane turned to Maura. "What do you mean?"

"You don't have to hide from me. I thought we passed that stage years ago. You used to open up with me and now all you do is shut down whenever I'm anywhere near you. Have I done something wrong?"

Jane turned on the couch to face Maura. "God no Maura, it's just me and something I have to work through myself."

"You used to work things through by talking to me. Why can't you talk about this? This is about Hoyt isn't it? It's over with Jane, he's dead. He can't hurt you anymore."

Jane stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of the couch. And Maura let her work it out. She finally stopped pacing and turned to face Maura. "But look what he did to you." She pointed to the cut on her neck. "He could have killed you and I almost couldn't stop him. I can't take that chance again. I'm not safe to be around Maura and I could never forgive myself if anything ever happened to you. If I had it to do all over again I never would have taken you with me." Maura could not believe what she was hearing.

"So you think by staying away from me I'll be safe? Is that what this is all about? Is that what this past week has been about? I was the one who decided to go with you to the prison, you did not ask me so get over yourself." Maura stood up and walked and stood right in front of Jane who had a look of astonishment on her face after hearing what Maura said. "I don't know whether to be angry or happy. Maybe I'm a little of both. I needed you this past week, more than I ever have before and you weren't there for me. I watched you keep me at arm's length, well actually more than arm's length all week and it's going to stop. Right here and now."

"What about the happy part?" Jane asked hopefully.

Maura turned back towards the coffee table and bent over to reach her wine glass making sure to display one of her best assets. She heard Jane clear her throat and knew that Jane was looking.

Oh my god this woman is going to kill me, that ass has got to be the best looking ass in all of Boston, if not the best anywhere. She tried to speak but had to stop and clear her throat. "So what part of this makes you happy Maura?"

Maura turned back towards Jane and found that Jane had moved closer and they were almost touching. Maura held her ground. "The part that makes me happy is the fact that you want to protect me. I feel safe when I'm with you and when I saw Hoyt on top of you I thought he was going to kill you. I was relieved when he came towards me. I may not have been able to move but I was able to think and what was going through my mind was that as long as he was with me he wasn't hurting you. I couldn't stand the thought of watching you die." She reached up and took hold of the lapels of Jane's jacket. "Do you realize what that feels like?"

Jane looked down at the brown eyed beauty who was so close she could almost kiss her and make no mistake she wanted to kiss her. "Yes Maura I know exactly what that feels like. I was there remember? I watched him put that scalpel to your neck and draw blood and I went crazy." Jane reached up with her hand and traced the outline of the cut on Maura's neck. "I put you in that position but it will never happen again. I won't let it."

Maura looked up into Jane's dark eyes. "How are you going to stop that from happening Jane? I still have to go to crime scenes, and I still work in the same building as a bunch of cops who all seem to let trouble follow them around. You can't stop it Jane. Now you know how I feel every time you leave the precinct. I sit and I worry that you may not be coming back or you may get hurt again." She felt Jane's arms envelope her and it was then that she realized her head was resting on Jane's chest.

"Ok I promise to never shut you out again, I'm sorry. If it's any consolation I really missed you this past 11 days, 13 hours, 36 minutes and various seconds. There were so many times I needed to talk to you but I couldn't take the chance." She placed a finger on Maura's lips when she tried to say something. "I know it was wrong but you know me, I think with my heart not my head." Jane hadn't realized her finger was still on Maura's lips until she felt it being sucked into Maura's mouth. Oh shit that is so sexy. What the hell is happening? She looked down at Maura and if she thought her sucking on her finger was sexy the look on Maura's face was beyond sexy. "Maura what's going on here?"

Before Maura had a chance to answer both of their phones rang. "Rizzoli." Jane listened and watched as Maura did the same. "Ok I'm on my way." She hung up and headed for her jacket. "Looks like this is going to have to wait. But I ca n assure you, we will get back to it. You want to follow me or should we go in your car?"

"You just want to drive my car don't you?" Jane held Maura's coat for her as she put it on. She picked up the keys from the desk by the door and tossed them over her shoulder and Jane caught them.

"Well let me see, police issue Crown Victoria or a pristine BMW. Ok we can take my car, of course I want to drive your car. Duh!" Jane held the door for Maura and they headed for the crime scene.