'If I Had It To Do All Over Again

Chapter 4

Frost felt the difference as soon as the two of them walked through the door. They were more relaxed and both were smiling. Frost turned to Korsak and they both nodded. "Vince where is the body?"

"This way Doc." They all turned to follow Korsak towards what looked to be the kitchen. "Seems our guy likes the kitchen." He stood in the doorway while Maura approached the body.

She looked back

at him after she got a look at the body which was once again handing in the same position as the last. Then she looked at Jane. "You cannot deny it this time Jane. Someone is killing women that look like you."

Jane ran her hand through her hair then started pacing. "Ok, I'll admit there is a resemblance. We do share some similarities."

"Jane, she looks exactly like you." Korsak was angry and he got up in her face. "This time you can't deny it. I don't think this is a coincidence. This is hitting a little too close to home for my liking."

"Are you saying it's my fault these women are dead? Don't you think the thought hadn't entered my mind when we found the first woman? Now there are two of them. As if I don't have enough guilt on my plate already."

"Jane I don't think Korsak was saying it's your fault, he was saying that someone is trying to tell you something but we're not listening. The person to blame is the person doing the killing and you know that. We need to figure out why this is happening and find a way to get him." Frost said as he stood next to Korsak.

"Frost, this guy has killed twice in one day, there can't be too many more women that look like me in Boston so maybe he'll come after me next and we can get him. I need to put myself out there and make him bite."

Maura stood and approached Jane. "Are you saying you want to use yourself as bait? There has to be another way to do this." She turned frantically to Korsak. "You can't let her do that." She saw the resigned look on Korsak's face. "No Jane, isn't it bad enough that you never know what trouble you'll run into everyday, now you are going looking for it?"

Jane put her hands on each of Maura's shoulders. "Maura you know it's the only way to get this guy." Maura was adamantly shaking her head. "I'll have plenty of backup and this guy will not get to me, I promise. None of the others were ready for him, I will be." She looked around and saw that she and Maura were alone in the room and Maura's head was resting on her chest and she had her arms around her. She pulled her tighter in her embrace and enjoyed the moment despite the circumstances. "It'll be fine and then we can finish the conversation we started earlier."

"Can I still worry about you?" Maura pulled her head back so she could look up at Jane.

Jane looked down at the vision before her and smiled. "Can I stop you? Come on let's finish up here so we can get home to what we were doing before we were so rudely interrupted." She kissed Maura's forehead and pushed her towards the body. "Get to work Doc." Maura smiled and turned back to the body.

Jane stood and watched her for a few seconds before she turned to canvas the rest of the house for any evidence to lead her to who may be doing this. Maura found her upstairs sitting on the floor in what appeared to be the woman's bedroom looking through pictures. Maura walked in quietly and sat down beside her and took one of the pictures and looked down at it. "She even looks like she had the same childhood I did. Look at this one." Jane handed Maura a picture of the woman and what appeared to be her, two brothers and her parents. "I think I need to check Susan's side of the family and see what her family was like. Maybe there's a connection there."

Maura reached up and put her arm around Jane's shoulder. "Sweetie, you are the connection here."

Jane turned to look at her and Maura saw the ache in her eyes. "Maybe it was someone else that looks like me and he's killing them. If it was me why wouldn't he just start with me and leave it at that?"

"Maybe he wants to make you suffer as we all know you do." Maura pulled her closer and Jane rested her head on Maura's shoulder. Neither woman saw the two men standing at the door smiling. Korsak quietly signaled to Frost to head back downstairs. "I'm done down stairs, do you want me to take you back to the precinct or to your house?"

Jane turned her head and looked up at Maura. "Can we go to your place? I don't feel like being alone right now."

"Sure we can." Maura stood up effortlessly and reached down to help Jane to her feet. Jane looked like she was in a trance and she put up no resistance in any effort Maura made to help her. They walked back downstairs and when Jane found Frost and Korsak she told them she would see them in the morning. Maura led her to the car and walked around to the passenger side and helped Jane into the passenger then reached over and buckled her seatbelt then walked around to the driver's side.

"You just don't like the way I drive your baby here." Jane reached up and tapped the dashboard to indicate she was talking about the car but there was no humor in her voice.

Maura turned and gave Jane a quick glance. "Oh contraire my friend. I've never seen anyone who could handle a car as well as you can. You drive the same way you do everything, with confidence and precision." She reached over and placed her hand on Jane's thigh and smiled. "I trust you with my life why wouldn't I trust you with my car?" She said it as if was no big deal but Jane felt a lump in her throat.

Jane knew that Maura trusted her but until just then she didn't realize how deep that trust went. She knew she would protect Maura with her life but now she knew Maura knew that too. Jane placed her hand over Maura's as it still rested on her thigh. "Thank you, I guess I needed to hear that."

"Jane this is not your fault. You have to believe that. This sick bastard is going to play on the fact that you'll blame yourself and let the guilt eat you up. How many times have you told a survivor or victim the same thing? Now you have to convince yourself of the same thing."

Jane quickly turned to Maura. "I am not a victim Maura!"

"I know that Jane but you sure are acting like one. Look at you. You're blaming yourself for something you have nothing to do with except for the fact that they all look like you. What have you done to make this your fault? You were born looking the way you do, and may I say you look very very good to me." Maura had not turned away from watching the road the whole time she spoke.

There's that sexual flirtation again Jane thought. Is she trying to tell me something or is this just our regular flirting stepped up a notch? Whatever it is it's scaring the crap out of me. What if I'm interpreting it wrong and I make a move and she rejects me? I don't know if I could stand to be rejected by her. Jane just stared straight ahead and let the thoughts roll around in her head.

Maura took a quick glance at Jane and was worried she may have said too much and Jane didn't feel the same way. Back at the house before they got the phone calls she thought Jane was responding to her advances. Damn I wish I was better at this interpersonal communication thing. Was she reading it all wrong and has she already done irreparable damage to their relationship? Maybe she would just act as if nothing happened earlier and see what Jane does.

They pulled into Maura's garage at a few minutes past 11:00 p.m. and Maura immediately headed for the kitchen and a glass of wine. "Would you like a beer Jane?" She turned to see Jane standing in the middle of the living room just staring into space. Maura grabbed a beer and opened it as she walked out to the living room. She took Jane's hand and led her to the couch and made her sit before she handed her the beer. "Here drink some of this." She watched as Jane took a long swallow of the cold beer. "Feel better?" Jane just nodded her head but continued to stare at nothing in particular. "Jane?" Maura tugged on her hand a little to get her attention and soon Jane turned her head to face her. "Let's just go to bed and sleep on it ok? Whatever it is will be ok."

Jane took another long swig of the beer then set the bottle on the coffee table before she turned to Maura. "For some reason I just can't think straight right now. Maybe you're right we should sleep on it so I can reevaluate things in a better light in the morning. I think I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you in the morning." She turned and headed for the guest room.

"Jane?" Maura asked tentatively. "You know where I'll be if you need me for anything ok? I'm here for you."

Jane gave her the best smile she could muster up. "I know, I've always known. Thanks Maura. G'night." An hour later Jane was still tossing and turning wide awake. She knew she was not going to get any sleep tonight. She was more worried than she let on about these murders. She had realized with the first murder that the woman did look like her but she didn't want anyone else to worry. Damn I just get rid of my worst nightmare by killing Hoyt and here comes another psycho who wants me dead and by association puts Maura in danger again. Maybe I should have stayed away. She was still lying there thinking when the door was pushed open and Jane stopped herself from grabbing the gun under her pillow. Maura peeked in and when she saw that Jane was awake she pushed the door all the way open. "Maura you shouldn't sneak around like that, I could have shot you!"

"But you didn't." Maura whispered as she stood in the doorway. "I just wanted to check to make sure you were ok. I can see you're not sleeping either." She walked over to the bed and lay down on the empty side of the bed. "Do you mind?" She gestured toward the bed.

Jane reached over and pulled Maura closer and wrapped her arms around her as she had done many times when one or the other of them needed comforting. "Of course I don't mind. I was thinking about coming to you but I stopped myself."

"Why did you do that?" Maura felt Jane stiffen and immediately knew what the problem was. She sat up and pulled away from Jane. "Jane Rizzoli don't you dare put that wall up again! We are in this together whether you want it or not. You are my best friend and I am not going to let you go through this alone. I've never had a best friend before and I'm not about to let you crawl back under the rock you've be hiding under for the last week."

Jane was surprised by the anger behind Maura's words but she wasn't surprised that Maura knew what she was doing. No one knew her like Maura did. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you angry." Jane said almost meekly. "It's going to take me awhile to shut off my protective mode, please be patient with me." She wouldn't make eye contact with Maura because she didn't want to see the disappointment there. She felt Maura's hands on both sides of her face gently forcing her head up.

When Jane finally made eye contact and Maura knew she had her attention she spoke. "Jane all I want is for you to believe in me, believe in us, and let me take care of you for a change. This guy is not going to get close enough to you to do anything. I won't let him. We'll find a way to keep both of us safe."

"My hero." Jane smiled and pulled Maura back down to lay beside her. "Let's go to sleep ok?"

"Ok." Neither woman saw the look of disappointment on the other woman's face as they lay there in the dark. Maura was wondering if she missed an opportunity to let Jane know that she wanted to be more than a friend and she wanted to do more than comfort her. Jane was thinking much the same thing and it was the last thought she would have before she fell asleep.