The sound of running water. Clanging of pans, and cursing reached my ears as I finally came to.
Opening my eyes, I search the room for the warmth that should have been next to me until I woke up.
Judging by the length and position of the shadows that were made by the sun filtering through the window blinds, I would guess that it was late morning. Some time around noon, maybe?
… I usually don't sleep this late…
I start to move out of the bed but a sharp pain shoots up my back. I bet you know what it is.
That pain you get when you wake up from a night of hot butt sex.
But damn was it worth it. I felt like some animal in heat last night.
… Don't ask me how I know what that feels like…
Though I will tell you that when a female weasel goes into heat, that if she doesn't get any then she will die… Oh, how much I wish Itachi was a girl…
Stop thinking perverted thoughts. It's called word play. Think about it.
If Itachi was a girl I could have just given her a potion from Orochimaru and sit back and watch the destruction. The perfect torture; refusal of sex.
I'm evil.
… Or was it a ferret?
A string of curses pulls me out my musings.
Cautiously, I pick myself up off the mattress and limp into the kitchen.
I walk around the corner and greeted with an amazing sight.
Naruto is actually cooking. What's more is that it's not ramen. No, it's pancakes and eggs… lots of pancakes and eggs…
"Oh, Sasuke, your up."
"How much are you going to eat?"
He looks to the plate of towering pancakes with eggs in-between every other one.
"I think that'll be enough." A triumphant smile blossoms onto his face.
The brilliance of that smile spreads to me and I feel my lips curl up the ends.
Until I look down realizing he's naked.
"Why are you naked?"
Blue orbs roam over my body. "I could ask you the same thing, sexy." Blond brows wiggle suggestively.
I roll my eyes and keep his approaching body from my view. Though I can't keep the blush creeping over my cheeks.
He suddenly stops in his stalk over to me, eyes never leaving my nether regions, though I wouldn't really know 'cause I'm looking away.
"You've gotten fatter, S'uke."
My smile drops and the blush disappears. 'Way to ruin the mood, dobe.' I still look down at my stomach for conformation of this anyway.
Lo, and behold. There is fat on my stomach that wasn't there a month ago or ever before.
Then I remember something.
"But I've been throwing up. Shit loads. Every day."
"For a few months, yea. But not your whole life."
Oh. Yea. That's right. The human body will store fat when not on a schedule of sorts for nutrition deposits. In other words; the less you eat, the less you work out or do physical activities, the fatter you'll get.
But that doesn't add up.
Though I haven't been eating right, I still work out as much as I usually do. So I should be loosing weight; not gaining.
"Maybe you should go see Tsunade-baa-chan. She might know what's going on with you." he said before taking several gulps of the milk right from the gallon jug earning a scowl to cross my face.
He pulled his lips away from the crumpling jug with a gasping pant. When did he pull it out anyway? When I was doing a self evaluation of my diet and exercise?
… Most likely…
I smirk at the milk mustache on his upper lip. Sneaking over to him, I grab the back of his head and pull his face to mine to lick at the mess. An arm snakes around my waist.
Jolting from beside Naruto, I run from the kitchen. Pounding foot falls trail behind me.
I run into the living room and around the couch sitting in the middle before the dobe figures it out and stops, making me stop. Stealthily moving side to side daring me to go around one more time, I'm grinning like an idiot it's just so fun.
Naruto flys over the back of the furniture and I make a run for other side of the room, hiding behind the arm chair during his disorientation.
"Come out, come out wherever you are S'uke-chan."
Its so quiet that I know that he can hear my breathing.
The chair jostles with a hissed curse. "Father-fucker. That hurt."
Heart beating at my ribcage, I jump out from my hiding spot and run for the bedroom.
I'm not successful.
Naruto springs up behind me and pins me to the seat of the couch. My face in the cushion and his body pressing against mine from his stomach up. I feel him move, his face pressing in between my shoulder blades and groans.
"'Father-fucker'?"
"What?"
"'Father-fucker'…"
"What about it?"
I shake my head into the cushion. "Nothing."
He nuzzles my back and sighs. "Come on. Lets get ready to see Tsunade-baa-chan." Raising off me, he smacks my ass.
I groan and raise my butt into the air, face pushing into the couch more with my chest and my arms limp by my side.
"I could have sworn you had enough last night!" There was what sounded like a giggle, then, "C'mon. Let's get ready to go."
I moan a "no" into the soft surface under my body.
I feel his weight shift off the cushion behind me. Hands on my shoulders pull my limp body up. Now on my knees, Naruto maneuvers me to be carried bridal style to the bedroom.
He then throws me - literally, throws me - onto the bed. I wouldn't be surprised that with my added weight, the box spring or frame would bend or crack at the momentum of my fall.
No. I just bounce a few times and lay there. Like I was dead. Like nothing mattered anymore.
I'm a moody bitch, I know. But what do you expect? I just found out that I've gained weight - when theoretically, I should be loosing weight - and now I have to go to the hospital. No, not hospital. The Hokage. You only really go to her for something that could be terminal…
Oh, god.
Terminal?
Like… Cancer or something?
I wouldn't doubt I had AIDS due to unprotected sex, but Cancer?
"I don't think you have Cancer, Sasuke. Your hair hasn't been falling out."
Now I'm becoming like Naruto, saying my thoughts out loud. Great.
"If I didn't know better I would have guessed you were pregnant." he laughed shaking his head.
Being me, all I did was smirk and shake my head.
"Stop worrying, it'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'm sure it's just a bug or something."
Yeah. A bug.
TBC...
That thing about the box spring or frame breaking and everything, that just came out on its own. (lol S'uke-chan's calling himself fat) Though I can't take it out. It will just sit there. It belongs there. If it wasn't there, then I wouldn't be able to get this out as late as I did. Be happy that you got it... Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to end this story and if I want to make a second...