Things are coming to a head, and Ron is going to have to start making some tough choices. He is faced with the choice of the life he has, and the life (he thinks) he wants. And as if Ron need anymore emotional conflict, he is forced to face something hes been dreading for years. This is also first chapter to show both Ron and Dracos POV. Enjoy.
What we have, and what we deserve
After kissing Draco goodbye, one Wednesday morning, and seeing him off to work, Ron dressed in fine silk robes of deep red, with gold trim. He realized later that the Gryffindor colors seemed appropriate, but hed actually chosen them because they were a gift from Draco. Purchased for him two years prior on a trip to China. Ron felt he needed something to remind him of his renewed commitment to Draco. Something that would help him set mental, and hopefully emotional, limits on how far his meeting with Hermione would go.
Hed decided not to tell Draco he was meeting with her, and Draco had not asked. The subject had been entirely dropped since they last discussed it, and Ron felt it best to leave it that way. He wanted to believed that Draco trusted him enough to know nothing would happen even if he were aware of where Ron was going. But in all honesty, part of him felt Draco was angry with him for even considering it. Faking indifference, rather than exposing their true emotion, was the Malfoy way after all. Ron told himself this was just something he had to do to work Hermione out of his system for good. Then he would come home to his husband, worship him like the divine being he was, shag him senseless, and put this whole ordeal behind them. Yes. That was his plan in a nutshell.
As he should have expected, the plan went straight to Hell the minute he laid eyes on Hermione. She looked like an angel. She wore shimmering silver robes, set off by a brilliant emerald pendant. She seemed even more radiant than the last time Ron saw her. He was torn between wanting to fly into her arms, and wanting to flee home. Hello, Hermione. Ron cursed himself for how shaky his voice sounded. Hello Ronald. She came over and hugged him, and the smell of her perfume made his knees go weak. I shouldnt fucking be here. He told himself. Hermione stepped back, her eyes not meeting Rons. I was planning on going somewhere special today, I was hoping you would come with me. Ron was almost afraid to ask. Where?
Rons anxiety intensified the closer they got to their destination. The mere mention of it set him on edge. Hed kept away for so long, but now with Hermione practically begging him to join her, he couldnt put it off any longer. When Ron had first been released from Azkaban, George and Ginny wanted to visit Harrys grave. He was buried in a site reserved for wizards who battled the Death Eaters in the war. Harrys was the only one of the hundreds of graves that was marked. Voldemort had made it into a monument to his own triumph. Knowing this, Ron couldnt bring himself to join his siblings, the pain of his friends loss was too fresh. Later, after being married to a Death Eater, which Draco technically was, Ron avoided the site out of shame, then eventually out of habit. Now, climbing the hill that lead to Harry Potters final resting place, Ron felt he was not worthy of being on such hallowed ground. His body was beginning to tremble violently. Had it not been for Hermione holding him up, he did not think he could support his own weight.
It was Hermione who gave him the strength to continue. Coming here seemed to trouble her as much, if not more than it did him. But he knew she would have come without him had he refused, and it would have only been more difficult for her alone. They reached the plateau, and came face to face with the massive 10 foot stone. The site of this alone caused both Ron and Hermione to sob uncontrollably. The headstone was carved in the image of Lord Voldemort seated atop his throne, a massive scythe in right his hand. Beneath the throne, were the bodies of the dark lords enemies being crushed under the weight of their conqueror. Below this, the smooth surface of the stone read: Here lies the Pureblood races greatest hero. Harry Potter, The Boy who Died. His blood revived the Dark Lord, his rallying cry revealed countless blood traitors, his death laid the foundation of an empire. May his many failures be remembered. Ron broke down completely upon reading this, as did Hermione. He fell to his knees, hanging his head. Hermione embraced him as they cried together. Ron was struck with an overwhelming wave emotion; there was grief for his loss, anger at the words hed read, regret at having not come to see Harry soon sooner, and gladness. Gladness that he was here with Harry, and Hermione. Finally, they were all together again.
Ron returned with Hermione to her cottage. He felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Hed been carrying around the emotional baggage of Harrys death long enough, and though he would never be rid of it completely, he had let part of it go. Hermione turned to him, a warm smile on her lips. Thank you, Ron, for coming with me today. He shook his head. I should be thanking you. I might never have gone at all if you hadnt brought me. He walked up and stood in front of her. Neither of them seemed sure what to say or do next. Would you care for something to drink? Hermione asked. Yes, please. Ron removed his outer robe, and sat down, while Hermione called one of her house elves. She requested a cider for herself and Ron. An odd grin crossed Rons lips when the elf was gone. Its so weird seeing you with a house elf. Hermione breathed heavily, removing her jacket. I try to make their lives with us as pleasant as possible, but I wish I could do more. She sat adjacent to Ron on a sofa, just as the elf returned with their drinks. Thank you Winky. The elf made a low bow and disappeared.
Handing Ron his drink, Hermione said to him When I didnt hear from you at first, I thought maybe Draco had forbade you from writing me. Ron almost wanted to laugh. The idea of Draco forbidding him to anything was completely ludicrous. He had the authority, as Hermione knew, but Draco was not one to draw rank. He treated Ron as an equal, whether he was required, or permitted to, or not. No, no. Ron told her. Just got caught up in things at the house is all. I told him you wrote me. Hermione leaned into her seat, crossing her legs. And? He told me to see you, if I wanted. Hermione smiled and sipped her drink. That was rather mature of him. Ron shrugged. He has matured over years. So have you. Ron looked up from his glass at that comment. Hermione laughed and shook her head. I remember how you use to throw a fit anytime you even talked about Malfoy. To be honest, I was worried for you after the last time we spoke. Worried? Why? Hermione took another sip, and set her glass down on the table in front of her. I suppose I wasnt ready to believe there wasnt more to your unhappiness than what you told me. Kindness is a luxury rarely afforded our lot. Part of me thought you might have been holding things back out of fear. Ron snorted. Even before hed grown to trust Malfoy, even when he moved in with him fresh out of Azkaban, he had never feared him. No. Dracos not like that. He would never hurt me. He said plainly.
Ron sat hunched over staring into the glass in his hand. He had not noticed Hermione walk over until she crouched down beside him and touch his arm. He looked up at her. He saw a hint of concern in her eyes. Tell me something, Ron. How do you manage? I know you say Malfoy, Draco, is a good man, but you cant be content with his company alone. I can only imagine youve felt as cut off from the world as I have. How do you keep from letting the emptiness, overtake you? Ron shrugged his shoulders, not entirely sure he had. He finished the rest of his cider, then set the empty glass on the table. I have the kids. When theyre home, it feels like were a normal family. We just had a family reunion with Bill and the others this summer. Hermione nodded, waiting for him to continue. But most days, I just feel lost. I find myself waiting for Draco to come home, just for another human being to talk to. When hes gone I just feel empty, like you said. Ron stood up and began pacing the room. Hermione took his seat. I do feel cut off, from everything. Like, like this whole damn world isnt real. He walked over to the window and leaned against it. The country side looked beautiful, picturesque. The rural setting made him think of the grounds around the Burrow, and he felt a tug of sadness. I keep thinking, one day Ill wake up and well all be back in Hogwarts. Well finish out seventh year, graduate. Me and Harry will begin our Auror training. He turned to Hermione and smiled at the mention of Harry. She returned it. He turned back to the window before the tear dancing in his eye finally fell. Ill have holidays at the Burrow with my family, the house full of kids. Neville and Luna will even stop by. Hermione rose from her seat, and walked over to Ron. She place her hand on his shoulders supportively. But it wont happen. he finished. This is it. Any shot we had at that old life is gone. What little freedom Voldemort left us with is slipping away every day. Harrys in the ground. My mum and dad
Hermione wrapped her arms around Ron as he started to cry. He clutched her hand on his chest, and sobbed heavily. Hermione drew one hand away, to run it through his hair. I wish I could wake up to that world with you Ron. Theres so much I feel weve missed out on. she rested her head on his shoulder. Ive been doing what I need to survive for 16 years now, but I want to know what its like to really live again. Me too. Ron told her. He turned toward her, and the two friends hugged each other. It had been far too long since hed been able to hold her in his arms, to feel her body against his. He wanted never to let her go, for fear that it might be the last time. He felt her heart beating against his chest. The rhythm was different from his own. Not like Dracos. With that thought Ron caught himself. He pulled away from Hermione. I I have to Hermione held him still. Ron please, dont go. Not yet. Just stay with me a while longer, please. Ron looked down at his feet. I cant be here with you, Hermione. We both belong to other people. We dont belong to anyone, Ronald! She shouted. Were not animals, or bits of furniture. She hugged herself to him again. We should be free to leave this place whenever we want. To be with whoever we want. This conversation was heading into dangerous territory, and Ron knew it. And his budding erection at Hermiones proximity was not helping matters. Hermione She looked up at him. Her eyes were full of tears, and want, and love. They drew him in, with a magic only she possessed. They held a power over him, that only she could wield. The two were kissing each other before either could stop themselves, and it was as if theyd never been apart. All Rons old feelings came flooding back, and he felt as though he had finally come home.
Draco looked down at his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time. The arm with Rons initial on it was still pointing to away. He snapped it shut, and continued pacing about his room. Where is he? Hes never gone this long. Draco had no idea how long Ron had been gone, only that the red head was not home when he arrived. And Draco had been home for hours. Ron never stayed out of the house for more than a couple of hours himself. In fact, one of his frequent complaints early on in their marriage, was his inability to come and go as he pleased. The spell that bound him to Draco, also depleted his magic if he was away for too long. Maybe his magic ran out, and he cant apparate. Maybe it ran out and he was attacked, and couldnt defend himself. Maybe he was trying to apparate when his magic gave out. He could be he could be Draco stopped his line of thinking, not wanting to worry himself more. He dropped down on his bed, head in his hands. Or maybe hes with that mudblood. Hed not used that term, even in his own head, in years, but the thought of Ron with Granger brought out the worst in him. He had not forgotten about the note Ron said hed receive. But he was willing to let Ron make his own decisions, not wanting to disrupt their budding but tenuous romance with jealousy. He now regretted not tearing the letter to pieces and forbidding Ron to ever see Hermione, when he had the chance. Before Draco could ponder this much further, he heard the floo downstairs roar to life.
Draco ran downstairs, heedless of the chill the cold marble sent through his bare feet. He ran into the drawing room to find Ron dusting himself off. Ron? Ron looked up at him with a start. It seemed as though he were going to burst into tears any momment. He ran to Draco, throwing his arms around the other man. Draco was stunned for a bit. He hugged Ron gently, rubbing his back. Where were you, I was so worried. Draco asked softly. Ron was crying against his shoulder. Draco patted Ron gently, trying to calm him. Whats wrong sweetheart, tell me. What happened? He spoke in a whisper, and Ron only cried harder. He settled himself enough to pull away from Draco. Ron rubbed his nose, tears streaming down his face, he looked a mess. Draco took Rons face in his hands, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. I Ron started. He cut himself off as if trying to find the right words. He didnt look at Draco at all as he started again. I went to see Harrys grave. Draco pulled Ron back to him. He knew how strongly Ron felt about visiting Harry, even if he never spoke of it. You should have told me, Id have gone with you. Draco felt Ron shaking his head against his shoulder. No, I wanted to do it myself. I I had to face him. Draco held Ron tight, he wanted to let Ron know he neednt to do such things alone, but he knew how stubborn the Weasley could be.
Draco kissed Ron below his ear. Im proud of you. For what? Ron asked, not lifting his head from Dracos shoulder. I know how hard that mustve been for you today. Youre so brave. Ron gripped Draco tighter and started crying again. Im not brave, Im a fucking coward. Draco pried Ron off to face him. Youre not. Youre amazing. Youre incredible. Draco kissed him lightly on the lips. You just dont know how strong you are sometimes. Ron looked at the floor. I dont deserve you. I dont deserve anything close you. Draco kissed Ron again. No, you deserve much better. He said. But Ill try to my best to be worthy of you. Ron actually covered his face this time as he cried this time. Draco could not understand his wifes extraordinary behavior, but could only assume his visit to Potters grave had taken more of an emotional toll on the man than either one of them had expected. The possibility that Rons story had only been a half truth, had never entered his mind.
Mmmm. I know Im probably gonna get a lot of unhappy mail about this one. So this was the last chapter I had prewritten, so new updates may take longer than I have been so far. I know where I want to take the story from here, I just need to figure our how to get there. Reviews always welcome. Thank you for reading.