He walks the dirt road alone, yet surrounded by people, strangers.

He has his hands in his pockets, watching as his feet swing out and hit the pact earth, then disappear under himself only to swing out again. The repetitive task left him in a trance, anyone in his way would see that and give him room.

When he finally looked up, he saw the darkening twilight fill the sky, mothers, children, couples. And it hurt his heart.

Those clasped hands. Those loving smiles, those pecks on cheeks. That, that, that…

Everything.

And it hurt.

OXOX

I've forgotten all about my dream. All I'm worried about now is my plants.

They've started sprouting, but on Karin's orders I can't be doing much in my state.

My state.

I've gained weight. Lots of weight. And I have a baby bump.

Other than that, I have been quite winded over the last few days.

Karin got that mp3 player she said she would get. Listening to it right now.

It has some nice music. The Ready Set; Owl City; The Pillows; Edie Rath; Shing02; The Clicks.

She said that they're not really big, not really appreciated.

I like them all… Well, Edie Rath could be left out of that list, I only like a few of his songs. I mean, really? Rap? Do I look like someone who enjoys rap!

…Shut up.

Any way…

I'm 16 weeks.

Less than a month from my birthday.

I wonder what's going on in the village.

What exactly happened after Naruto was gone.

I shouldn't be feeling pity but I can't help it.

I want him to help me raise these kids but I'm afraid he doesn't want them like I do.

If I let him back into my life, will he just turn on me? Will he become abusive?

Would I regret it?

I wouldn't regret it but my instincts say I would.

I will never know what could have been.

OXOX

No sex for weeks.

Some men can't even go without sex for a few days.

Naruto caved after only four weeks from when Sasuke left.

He went to a brothel. A whore house.

He went there every other night.

Had sex with a favorite of his every other visit. A random cheep fuck in-between.

Though his mind was mostly on getting laid and his nightly missions or patrols, he never forgot that Sasuke's birthday was coming up.

Only a few nights ago had he went to the store to get a present for the raven then remember that he probably wasn't welcome at the cabin.

Or worse.

Sasuke never wanted anything to do with him again.

That had almost brought him to tears right in the middle of the store.

He'd left before they fell.

Later that night, he fucked a girl at the brothel, not giving a damn.

OXOX

It's night time, Karin's left before dark to Amegakure, Juugo is… somewhere, and Suigetsu fell asleep in the front room.

I'm remembering our first time. A time when I questioned things.

I remember when I woke up that morning, I was in Naruto's bed. With Naruto's arms around me, tangled in his blankets with him.

He was looking at me with adoration. Like I was an angel. And at that time I could have been, how I was feeling.

But there were feelings that weren't showing.

He was stroking my hair out of my face. Smiling that addicting smile.

I turned my head into the pillow, smiling my own smile with a huff.

I was addicted to him. And I'm sure he was addicted to me, too.

"I saw that." he had said.

My eyes traveled to his, and when they met, I had to question it. Everything, really.

Was he going to stay with me now that he got what he was wanting?

I don't know exactly where it came from. But I knew the signs. He's been wanting it for almost a year.

The way he held me. How he was the first out of bed when we shared. The cold feeling of his skin before we left. That grip on my leg under the table.

Yea, he's been wanting it.

But now that he's got it, is he going to leave me? Or is he going to keep me, just to use me?

"What are you worrying 'bout, baby?"

'What do you want from me?' I wanted to ask. 'Are you going to stay with me? Forever? Or are you going to forget me for someone else now that I'm back, now that you got what you've been wanting for years now?'

I wanted to say it all. To break his heart before he broke mine.

It may be sad, but it was the truth.

I turn on my side, trying to get more sleep.

When I woke up again, he wasn't in the bed.

'Figures.'

I sat up with the pillow in my arms. I wait for him to finish his cold shower.

I start planning what I'd say, if he does plan on leaving me.

Never had I actually wanted it to happen.

"Your eyes dart back and forth, sometimes even go unfocused. You're worrying about something, and you're not telling me what it is."

Calm. Collected. Undisturbed.

That's what I was. Though I wasn't confident.

I'm always confident.

Instead, I was nervous. It made my breath hitch, and Naruto saw it as crying, like he knew what I was thinking about.

No. Maybe he knew I would think of it, how he was acting and all. He wants to comfort me, and tell me no, it's not true.

Then he'll tell me he loves me.

I've never heard him say that he loves me, never.

His cold arms around my waist, cold lips on the back of my neck, comforting words being spoken through lifeless lies.

"I'd never leave you, you know that" That's what I wanted to think. "I'll never leave you alone." How much I wish it was true. "Never." Eventually.

TBC…

… What was that…? Idk… just something to replace what I really wanted in there but wouldn't work.

Sorry it's out late, but as I said, I originally had something else planed for this chapter's ending, but I just couldn't write/type it so it took me a while to think of something to replace it.