I was re-watching episode 49 and I figured I could write a chapter about Miyako's thoughts during her death. Since the Hollow implied she was still conscious when he attacked her nakama, she must have been torn up inside especially when she managed to stop herself when Kaien stepped in before her. This is my rendition of that night. Another part will be made in Kaien's point of view.

Enjoy.

That foul hollow had me within his control.

Watch, watch as I destroy all that you have built.

It forced me to watch as he killed my men, my precious subordinates.

Forgive me. Please stop!

Then, I heard them. Ukitake-taichou, Kiyone, Sentarou and Rukia.

Mi…yako-dono…"

"What? What's wrong?

"This is…"

Kami-sama, please not them. Not taichou. Not Rukia. Just kill me. Please…

I watched the horror spread across their faces. Faces I was used to seeing with smiles and kindness towards me were reduced to this.

To look at me as if I was a monster. And that was what I had become.

Watch as they die by your hand! Hahahaha!

The hollow forced my right arm up and body forward, propelling me towards them, zanpakutou raised and aimed for Rukia. She looked terrified.

Raise your sword! Defend yourself! Do something!

RUKIA!

Someone jumped in before them, arms spread out.

"Stop this! Miyako!" My strike halted.

Kaien…

The fathomless worry and terror in his eyes and the sound of his voice made something in me snap.

What is this? Stop trying to fight me!

My hand lowered itself at my behest. With a struggle, I looked at Kaien while I still had control in this brief moment.

I will not let you harm him…never. Not any of them!

I only needed one look to tell him all I couldn't say as I felt the Hollow reassert his control on my mind but I refused to let him raise my zanpakutou against my husband. Against my family.

I still had my pride to protect and my heart to leave behind.

Forgive me…

I'm so sorry.

I love you Kaien…Forever.

Strike now while I'm still…

My steps halted and my body contorted. Kaien starred at me, watching as my soul was weighed down by the Hollow. I smiled inwardly as I felt tears leak through my eyes. The fierce look I had seen in his blue/grey eyes set me at ease. He knew what I wanted him to do, I could practically hear his voice whispering to me.

I know it's not you…I could never raise my sword against you…

I told you not to be a hero...

I love you too…

So stop trying so hard. I have you.

I will avenge you…I promise…

But the last one I registered set my soul on edge. No. This Hollow was dangerous and his ability would be overwhelming to any Shinigami, even Kaien.

I placed all my will power into moving my body.

It must have surprised the Hollow that I was no longer fighting against him. I managed to jump over the small group that had been my precious family and onto the barrack's rooftop, dashing into the darkness before I lost what little freedom I had to the Hollow within me.

It forced me once more to raise my sword against my comrades, revelling in my despair. But nothing would take away that brief moment I had shared with Kaien.

Even when the darkness enclosed around me, I knew Kaien was on his way, Ukitake-taichou and Rukia not far behind.

I was relieved. As my body was consumed by the hollow, my shihakushou being ripped to shreds, my soul was at ease. I could feel Kaien's raging reiatsu coming closer.

Forgive me, anata. I'm going on ahead of you.

But…

At least I had the chance to leave my heart behind with you back there.