All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift.
~Jim Brickman, The Gift
December 20, 2011
Kate shifted in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office, the uncomfortable wooden chair biting into her hip even through her jeans. She crossed her legs at the ankles and wiggled her boot-clad feet in bored restlessness. A cup of coffee appeared in front of her face, and she blinked in startled surprise. Not surprise, really. She should have known by now that he would find her this morning. And when he found her, he would have coffee. It was his way. It was their way.
"Great," she huffed in pretend indignation. "Now I'm back to 100."
He quirked a grin and sat down next to her, frowning at the instant discomfort to his backside. "These chairs are awful," he observed unnecessarily. Watching her take a grateful sip of coffee, he waited a second or two before asking in a low voice, "Everything okay with Joshua?"
Nodding, Kate fiddled with the tab on her lid, her gaze traveling around the room with a trained eye. "Yeah. His grandparents – Mary's parents – just wanted him to be checked out by a doctor before they start back to Texas. Child services granted them temporary custody, and they're coordinating with child services in Texas to transfer his case down there. I'm here as the liaison for the NYPD – just in case he suffered any harm or illness from the kidnapping."
Rick gave an 'ah' in understanding and followed the path of her observation with his own gaze. He nudged her shoulder as a thought struck him and, before he could censor himself, the words spilled from his mouth. "Hey – you ever see yourself here in the future? You know, waiting for the doctor to see your own kid for a checkup. A cold. The dreaded vaccinations."
She stared at him in stunned silence for a pair of minutes – and finally swallowed the sip of coffee that had stuck in her mouth with his question. Tilting her head slightly in acknowledgement, she became oddly fascinated with the sleeve of the Styrofoam cup in her hand. "Yeah. Sure," she answered. He thought she was done and tried to come up with a change of topic, but she surprised him by raising her eyes to his and continuing, "I've been thinking about it a lot more lately."
"Detective Beckett?"
The soft, southern accent drew Kate's attention, and she stood to greet Mary's parents who had just returned to the waiting room with a bundled-up, squirming Joshua – leaving Castle to decipher for himself what she had left unsaid. "How's our little man?" A smile melted across her face as her eyes rested on the infant's face, and she tickled a finger along his chin.
"The doctor says he is a perfectly healthy newborn," Beulah told her happily. She unearthed her hand from the swaddle of blankets and reached out to clasp Kate's. "Thank you – to all of you – for everything you did for my Mary and her family."
"We didn't –"
Beulah cut her off. "You found her killer. You brought my grandson to me. That is everything to me."
Kate's eyes shone as she pressed the other woman's fingers in reassurance. "You're welcome."
"Now," Beulah continued briskly, releasing Kate's hand and adjusting her grip on Joshua. "You go home with your young man there and enjoy your Christmas." She fixed Kate with a meaningful stare as the detective began to form a correction on her tongue. "And take some time to give thanks for what you have – a healthy body, a job that lets you help the people who need the most help, and a man who loves you."
How was she supposed to argue with that? Kate grinned and nodded. "Yes ma'am. You three have a safe trip back to Texas." Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out her card and handed it to Tom, Mary's father. "Keep in touch – let me know how Joshua is doing?"
After they'd left, Kate turned back to Castle who was playing with a toy – sliding a wooden ball up and down along a yellow wire as though it were a roller coaster. "Do you know how many germs that has on it?"
His face scrunched into an expression of disgust, and he abandoned the task to stare at his hands as though they were covered in slime. "Do you have any hand sanitizer?"
She pointed to the dispenser on the wall near the door and followed him with a chuckle as he hurried to make use of it. "Feel better?" she asked when he was finished coating his hands with the clear liquid, the smirk on her face oddly arousing to him.
"As long as I don't think about it," he told her, cupping her elbow and leading her from the waiting room into the hallway of the office complex that housed a series of doctors' offices. "Let's talk about going home with your 'young man' and 'giving thanks' instead."
So he had heard what Beulah had said.
Kate felt embarrassment creep across her face until she became distracted by the slight pull of her scar against her ribs. It acted as a reminder – a nudging to remember that she was ready to make peace with those scars and move forward to a happier future. "Castle – I should go back to the precinct…"
"Paperwork can wait, Beckett," he said with authority. "I'm really anxious to go over that list of things that Beulah said you should be thankful for. Particularly the parts that include me."
Grinning tolerantly, Kate leaned against the wall as they waited for the elevator to return to their floor. "I don't recall that she mentioned you, Castle."
He huffed as the doors dinged open and followed her into the car with a gallant sweep of his hand. "Uh… I believe she referred to me as 'your young man there'."
"She did say that, yes," Kate agreed, biting the inside of her cheek to keep her grin from widening any further. "But seeing as how you aren't 'young', I'm not sure she was talking about you."
Feigning a wounded look, he clutched at his heart dramatically. "Unless she meant the 4-year-old a few chairs over, I don't see how she wasn't talking about me, Kate."
"Hmm… and the other?"
"The other?"
"The other things I'm supposed to be thankful for."
"Let's see… a healthy body." He let his eyes rake up and down her form with an appreciative gleam and allowed a soft groan to rumble in his chest. "I'm thankful enough for the both of us for your body."
Kate laughed and shook her head, jostling him with her hip, and sucking in a startled gasp when he latched onto her waist and pulled her into his side. "The job thing was nice, too," he remarked. "You do help the helpless, Kate. That's something to be thankful for everyday."
"You're right," she agreed with a low hum tickling her vocal chords. "I am." The doors slid open to the parking garage, and they headed for her car in unison. She felt a surge of bravery as she lifted her gaze to his face and asked the question that had been vibrating through her heart for the last few minutes. "And the last one?"
"The man who loves you?" His voice was hoarse, as though he'd developed a sore throat in a matter of seconds.
"Yeah…" Her own words sounded thick to her ears. She slowed to a stop near her trunk and held her breath as he joined her in leaning against the bumper. "You wouldn't happen to know who she was talking about, would you?"
He nodded slowly. "I might." He stared at his hands, suddenly nervous and unsure what to say next. "Would you… would that be something you could be thankful for?"
"Could I be thankful for a man who loves me?"
Her soft, almost incredulous, question caused him to nod his head, and he still avoided meeting her gaze directly. If asked, he would have reluctantly admitted that his heart was about to seize in his chest – the wait nearly killing him with the intensity of the moment. She raised her hand to his shoulder and squeezed lightly.
"Always," she whispered before letting her touch drift down his arm.
With a slight smile, she retrieved her hand and moved around the car to unlock the doors. She slid behind the driver's seat and waited for him to process their conversation and join her. When he did, she noticed the faint hint of moisture on his cheeks but chose not to comment. Instead, her heart warmed at the knowledge that his 'I love you' hadn't been just a heat of the moment declaration. He loved her. And she was determined to show him that it was a gift she didn't take lightly.
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