Chapter 2

Sunday had arrived and there was no other possible way for Finn to delay that he could think of, except maybe faking his death or an abduction or something, but now he was just getting ridiculous. He'd even pushed himself to prematurely make amends at Puck's house, reinforcing to himself the notion that he had nowhere else to run. He would have to talk to Kurt today about Friday night, but he had no idea what he was going to say. Finn couldn't understand how he was supposed to tell Kurt that he had been purposefully ignoring Kurt's obvious feelings towards him for months now, causing Kurt immeasurable pain, only to now think that he might have feelings back, but he wasn't sure, without causing Kurt even more distress. It felt to Finn like he was in a waking dream; he had never felt nerves like this and they were making his mind a blur. Kurt needed to talk, he wanted to know what was happening, and he had every right to, but Finn couldn't see how Kurt knowing what an unsure mess he was inside was supposed to give Kurt any emotional stability.

Puck had happily offered Finn a lift home, obviously trying to prove that they were cool, but Finn felt like he needed a walk to try and bring his racing mind under control. He decided that before he talked to Kurt, he needed to come up with a pre-determined strategy, just like in football. Strategies were how Finn's mind worked; they made him feel safe, like seemingly impossible things could actually be achieved. That quality had come in very handy during almost unwinnable football fixtures and he was certain a strategy could help him now to come up with a way to delicately explain to Kurt that he didn't have many answers. What worried Finn the most though was that he didn't know how Kurt would react. Kurt could sometimes be unpredictable to say the least, especially when intense emotions were involved, and it was difficult to get a hold on a decent strategy when Finn had no idea what the possible outcomes could be. However, the rational side of Finn's mind was making itself known too, and he admitted to himself as he tiredly trod his way towards home that he was probably being unfair to Kurt; whenever it mattered the most, Kurt was the most mature and stable person that Finn knew.

Finn thought that Kurt would most likely be out of bed by now as it was approaching 10am, so he decided to give Kurt a heads up text in order to give him some time to prepare for whatever he wanted to say to Finn. Finn imagined that Kurt was probably freaking out a bit by now considering that he had wanted to talk for well over thirty six hours, so Finn thought it was only fair to tell him where he was:

'Hey Kurt. I'm walking home atm. I shouldn't be too long, then we can have that talk. Finn. XX'

Finn was expecting a swift reply, but the rate at which his phone vibrated in response suggested to him that Kurt must have been sitting, staring at his phone; Finn hardly had the chance to put his cell back into his jeans pocket before he had received:

'Good. We do really need to chat. Kurt.'

The text from Kurt was not a good sign. It had to be the shortest text that Finn had ever seen him write, and there were no trademark triple-kisses on the end of it either. Kurt must have been really upset with him over how he had dashed away from the house to avoid confronting the issue, and a new wave of cowardly shame overcame Finn. He had to shake it off though; Finn knew that there was nothing he could do to change the fact that he had bailed, but he was going to make it right, he knew he was, and besides, judging by the stinging text from Kurt he was shortly going to have other things to feel upset about other than his regret at running away. Whilst considering that ugly truth, the most awesome strategy popped into Finn's head. It involved being slightly underhanded and manipulative, but if it was his best shot at not having his head ripped off, Finn could get over being a tiny bit devious. It had been staring him in the face the whole time; appeal to Kurt's huge loving side, specifically, his love for you. Feeling marginally guilty, Finn wrote out a reply to Kurt, editing it a few times as he went along to try and convey his emotional, vulnerable side to Kurt the best that he could over text:

'I'm really sorry I let you down Kurt, but when I get home you can say whatever you like to me. I promise. Finn. XX'

Finn held his breath for the few moments that it took for a response to come through. He would either be in even more trouble because Kurt wasn't an idiot and would see through his sorry attempt at being more accessible, or his text would have had the desired effect and softened up the scary, smaller boy. Luckily for Finn, it was the latter:

'Just get here will you. Moron. Kurt. XXX'

The text was still a tad too concise for Finn's taste, but he had evidently got back onto Kurt's good side enough to receive kisses again on the end of his texts. Although Finn was still struggling to accept, and in some cases deny, the shadows of much needed answers that he was already beginning to acquire, he felt a part of the tightness in his chest retract somewhat at receiving Kurt's kisses again. Pieces of information danced on the edges of his mind, just sitting and waiting to invade his senses and to make him see the whole picture, which he knew would be challenging to see, but he really did appreciate the affection, there was no denying that. Finn allowed himself a small chuckle as he reread the message and envisioned Kurt saying it to him, his diva-ish tones and swagger laying the mock insult on thick, if it was indeed only a mock insult.

Finn decided to enjoy and archive memories of the last walk that he would take as this version of Finn Hudson so that he could compare and contrast them later, because he was sure that the day that was laid out before him was going to be a life altering one, and that there would be a new definition to that name by the time the day was done.

-Are You Happy?-

Kurt could appreciate how waiting at the living room window for Finn to get home could be seen as terribly cliché and pitifully dependent, but considering that he was home alone and waiting on the most important conversation of his life to date, he felt like he had enough excuses to ignore keeping up appearances. Kurt tried to calm his ferocious heart by attempting to distract himself by spying on his neighbours or just watching the traffic drive past, but that failed to work because every time that something moved, his peripherals would trick him into seeing a six-foot plus, dark haired, ridiculously handsome teenage boy coming around the corner instead of a passing pickup truck.

Eventually, an unbearable twenty minutes after his initial text, Finn appeared at the foot of the narrow path and started to make his way up to the front door. Kurt decided that it would have been slightly too scary for Finn if he had ripped the door off its hinges in anticipation, so he held himself back, twisting into a regular sitting position to try and give the impression that he was relaxing whist awaiting Finn's return rather than ripping his hair out. Even the unlocking of the front door seemed tentative, though how Kurt could tell that from a click of metal he did not know, and as Finn sidled his way inside, he wiped his feet on the mat, closed the door slowly and slipped his shoes off before turning to face Kurt, many shades of hesitance on his face. Despite feeling like he was going to be sick through nerves, Finn had to cheekily smile towards Kurt; he had known where the occasionally predictable Kurt would be waiting for him when he arrived home, and how he would be trying to appear, to the best of his ability, nonchalant.

"Hello," Kurt said simply, instantly disarmed by the unexpected and dashing smile appearing on Finn's face. However, the smile was disappointingly short-lived as Finn seemed to lose sight of whatever it was that had made him smile upon his entrance; Finn knew that this was because, despite his delicate amusement at Kurt, he had to keep in mind what he had come home to do, and he had to make sure that he didn't lose focus on his objective, namely, admitting to Kurt that he was a fool who didn't know what he wanted. Kurt watched Finn's troubled face and felt slightly guilty at being the one to burst Finn's bubble, but he had to remember that this talk was necessary and had to be addressed right now or he was certain that he was going to have an aneurism of some kind.

"Hello Kurt," Finn woodenly replied. That was the first time in a long time that Kurt had heard Finn say hello instead of an informal, everyday abbreviation and although that didn't mean much, it told Kurt that Finn was obviously very uncomfortable and feeling that he had to be formal. Kurt knew that the difficult talk that they were about to have was going to be far less effective if Finn felt like he couldn't be himself, so Kurt took the time to breathe deeply before applying the strongest tone of calm that he could to his voice before he engaged Finn in further conversation, despite being just as anxious. Kurt realised, then and there, that that is how their relationship worked; Finn was the strong one when it came down to action and confrontation, and it was Kurt's job to be strong where feelings and delicate issues were considered.

"Finn, please just relax and sit down," Kurt said, moulding his face into a friendly expression and lightly patting the adjacent couch cushion. Finn put his head down and did as he was told, avoiding eye contact all the while. He didn't know what would happen if he looked at Kurt directly as he settled heavily onto the couch, but he knew that he wasn't quite ready for whatever it may be just yet. Finn's lumbering weight on the couch made Kurt bounce towards him slightly, and Kurt froze to give himself time to judge how Finn reacted to the close proximity. As Finn didn't recoil, and even gave him a fleeting, greeting smile, Kurt felt it was safe to assume that, even though the smile was forced and Finn still didn't look at him directly, Finn wasn't uncomfortable enough to wish for distance. Kurt had to sigh in relief; it would have killed him if Finn had moved away from him, rejecting his presence. It would have meant that there was nothing, no relationship, to salvage. This level of comfort at least meant that Finn was open to returning to how they were before Friday night, if nothing else.

"You're uncomfortable Finn, so I'm just going to say it," Kurt began, feeling a thrill of regret as he saw the fear emerge crystal-clear on Finn's face, "why did you ask me to say I love you on Friday night? Why was that so important to you?" Kurt finished, gathering his legs underneath himself and turning his body towards Finn, resting his arm on the back of the couch, his fingers tantalisingly close to stroking the back of Finn's head. It was so hard for Kurt in that moment not to just give in to his urges and hug Finn, stroke his hair, comfort him tactilely in the only way that Kurt truly felt he could comfort somebody well. It was all made harder by the shivering that was emanating from underneath Finn's skin. His shivers were vibrating through the couch, seemingly through the entire room, but Kurt knew that he had to give Finn the time that he needed to ready a response without pushing him too far, despite the heartbreaking trembling of his lips.

"Um…don't be mad, please?" Finn eventually stuttered. The question caught Kurt completely off guard; he couldn't imagine why Finn would expect him to get angry, but then again, he hadn't been the friendliest he could have been earlier when texting Finn and he had probably given off some false signals regarding how annoyed he actually was, which in truth was not much, he was just confused and worried. Feeling much guilt, Kurt felt that he needed to reassure Finn, so he delicately placed his hand onto Finn's shoulder. Finn waited a couple of seconds and, guessing that this was going to be Kurt's only response, decided to go on.

"I don't fully know why I said that. I don't really know anything, to be honest. It's just, I got so angry when those guys at school were bullying you; it sucks and you don't deserve it Kurt, you're the best. I think I was still really upset about things, I'm not even sure what things, and I guess…," Finn's rambling came to a suspiciously quick stop. Kurt knew that there was more, the very core of the issue, and he knew that he had to dig it out of Finn before he decided to close himself off again.

"Yes Finn? You guess what?" Kurt said in his most sensitive tone of voice, moving his hand slightly and squeezing Finn's shoulder. For the first time since he had arrived home, Finn looked Kurt square in the eyes, in one swift motion that almost seemed desperate. Kurt was taken aback by the sudden depth that he saw in Finn's hazel eyes, a depth that he had never once seen before, despite all of the tough discussions that they had had over the past few months. It was like Finn, whether he meant to do it or not, was finally showing him who Finn was, and despite the torturous pain that was evident in those lustrous orbs of brown, Kurt found himself absolutely enthralled.

For some reason, a chat that Kurt had shared with his Dad several years earlier popped into his head; he had asked his Dad and speculated about who had invented the wheel, and when it had happened. In this moment, Kurt thought that he may have found a theory. He imagined that the first cave man who had invented the wheel had first looked into his loves eyes. Then, using his primitive mind, he had carved a circle out of stone, to what end he didn't really understand, to represent to himself the eye of his love that he could take with him wherever he went, to bring him comfort and joy. It was then that he would have realised that with it he could move physical objects around, just like the eyes of his love would move intelligible things inside of him, from place to place. Kurt had to chuckle inwardly; that would bring a whole new meaning to the phrase 'love makes the world go round', and staring into Finn's inner self, Kurt would have been willing to place a large wager on his theory being correct. However, he was disturbed in his reverie as Finn seemed to find some confidence in the intimate contact.

"I know you love me Kurt, as more than a friend, and that's ok," Finn paused, making sure that he hadn't overstepped his bounds, "and I guess, I am starting to feel, differently, towards you lately, but I don't know what it is yet, and I just don't want you to hate me because you think I'm playing with you, because I'm not. I'm such an idiot, I'm sor-," Finn finished, his voice cracking and his head bowing, his hands wringing desperately, obviously trying to hold back a fresh stream of tears.

That did it, Kurt had to act. Gently and instinctually, he bent his face forwards towards Finn, who now had his eyes completely closed, breathing jagged breaths. Kurt held his breath as he lightly pressed his lips against Finn's cheek. Despite the feeling that his lips were kissing the cheek of an angel, Kurt pulled back almost immediately, not wanting to do anything stupid. Finn had just admitted that he didn't know what was going on, betraying his cover of being the always-in-control quarterback, and Kurt could not risk pushing him too far before he was ready, but when Finn had said love in the basement the past Friday night, against all the odds he had meant love love, and despite Finn's delicacy Kurt couldn't contain himself fully; it was going to be long and arduous and perhaps even unyielding, but his wildest dreams, dreams that would give him a whole new level of existence, had a ephemeral chance of coming true.

Reacting to the kiss, Finn couldn't hold it together anymore, and a slow trickle of silent tears found their way from underneath his eyelids. Finn seemed exhausted, and with assistance from Kurt's soft fingers, his head found its way on to Kurt's shoulder, which was no mean feat considering the size difference. Feeling like he needed to do more, Kurt did the only other thing that he really knew how to do; he sang to Finn, one of Finn's favourites, softly, sweetly, lovingly, whilst resting his own cheek on the top of Finn's head.

"There comes a time, a time in everyone's life,

Where nothing seems to go the way, where nothing seems to turn out right.

There may come a time, you just can't seem to find your place,

And for every door to open, seems like you get two slammed in your face.

That's when you need someone, someone that you, you can call,

When all your faith has gone, it feels like you can't go on.

Let it be me, let it be me, if it's a friend that you need,

Let it be me, let it be me.

And I remember all too well, just how it feels to be all alone,

Feels like you'd give anything, for just a little place you can call your home.

That's when you need someone, someone that you can call,

When all your faith is gone, it feels like you can't go on.

Let it be me, let it be me, if it's a friend that you need

Let it be me, let it be me."

A/N: Song – 'Let It Be Me', Ray LaMontagne