A/N: This is a second part to Your One and Only. Please read that one first. Hope you all like it, and I'd love to know what you think.
Thank you all for the kind words of my first piece.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of its characters.
Promise I'm Worthy
Part 2
You grab your coat off the hook on your way out the door and hurry to the mailbox. This has been your daily ritual for the last few days, and will continue to be this way until what you are seeking is in your hands. You quickly sort through all the mail that doesn't apply to you, and with a huge feeling of defeat, you throw the unwanted mail back in the mailbox. Your sure one of your dads will voice their disproval at the fact that you can't just bring the mail in, but every day that the thick acceptance letter from NYADA isn't in your possession, your heart drops a bit. You sulk back into the house, worried more than ever that if you haven't been accepted by now, you never will be, and your chance of getting out of this no name town is slowly slipping away. You take off your coat, throw it in the direction of the hook, miss horribly, leave it on the floor, and make your way up the stairs to your bedroom. You flop down dramatically on your bed and try to fight back tears, determined not to cry. It's just that, it's one thing to be the best in a glee club in no where Ohio, but it's completely different to be acknowledged by a prestigious school like NYADA. Doubt starts to fill your mind and maybe you really aren't as talented as you have been led to believe since you were of an age that you could understand what people were saying to you. This wasn't how you wanted to spend your vacation from school. Too many thoughts flood your mind and you make yourself get up off the bed and go over to your desk to make a list and hope it helps. Things that need to be resolved before school starts again, or TTNTBRBSSA, you abbreviate at the top of the page.
One: NYADA. You need to make a back up plan if the unthinkable happens and you don't get in. No matter what, you will be going to New York, your future after high school depends on it.
Two: Finn. You know something isn't right between you two, but you keep telling yourself it's because he has been working longer hours lately. Though, the longer he works, the less you begin to miss him, and you feel awful about that too. You try to ignore the voice in the back of your mind, look down at the paper and you're surprised to see that you have scribbled Quinn's name down under Finn's. An instant smile comes to your face thinking about the blonde girl. You want to help her so much, but you have no idea where to even start. How do you help someone who won't accept your help? You tried to contact her over the summer, you tried to keep her from dying her hair that awful pepto bismol pink, and you're so lucky you convinced her not to go through with her plan to get Beth back, but you feel like you need to do more for her. All you ever wanted was to be friends with her, best friends, girlfriends? You shake your head at that last thought, it was crazy to even think of the last one as a possibility. Frustrated with everything in your life at the moment, you decide to go for a run, nothing else clears your head like a good few mile run.
/
You get back to your house a little while later, head clear and feeling much better about where your life is going, when you suddenly stop dead in your tracks. The one person you just finally got out of your head is now sitting in her car, in your driveway. Why on earth would Quinn be at your house, looking incredibly nervous, but so cute at the same time. That weird tingle in your stomach appears as you look at her, she's talking to herself and you find it adorable, though you have no idea why. You've always had some weird feelings when it came to Quinn, but always just brushed it off as being envious of her. Though, you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't think she had some sort of feelings for you as well. It's hard not to see they way she looks at you, the reasons behind the horrible way she treats you, and if nothing else, your dads have gifted you with a wonderful gaydar, and you are pretty sure Quinn has a secret she's not telling anyone. "Quinn?" you hear yourself say. You watch as she jumps at the sound of your voice, and curiosity is killing you to know why she's here and so nervous at that. "Are you going to get out of the car?" you ask as shut off your iPod and pull your ear buds out of your ears.
"I need to talk to you and this was something I didn't want to do over the phone," she says to you as she gets out of her car.
"Oh, well, come in then." You lead the way to the front door, and hold it open for your impromptu guest. Thoughts are racing through your head as you try to guess what Quinn has come here to tell you. "Have a seat, make yourself comfortable," you say, as you gesture towards the couch. You watch as Quinn seems to grow more nervous by the second, and are about to say something when your phone goes off. You give Quinn a quick apologetic look and answer your phone. "Hi, Finn." You are actually looking forward to your date with him tonight, hoping that it will help ease some of the doubts you've been having in your mind about the two of you. You listen quietly as he explains that he has to work late and cancel another date in the last few days. "You had to work late the other night too, Finn. I was really looking forward to our date tonight." Sighing you give in to his apologizes and promises of a bigger date later in the week. "Fine, I love you too," you say softly and hang up the phone. "I'm sorry, what did you want to tell me?"
"Are you ok?" she asks you sincerely.
"I'm fine," you answer a little too quickly, trying more to convince yourself than the girl sitting before you. You feel tears coming to your eyes, but for all the wrong reasons. "Would you excuse me for a minute, I'll be right back." Seriously, Rachel, get a grip on yourself! you scold yourself as soon as you are out of Quinn's sight. You furiously wipe at your tears, your head is swimming with confusion, you have no control at the moment and you hate not being in control. Taking a deep breath, you regain your composure and go back to talk with Quinn. "I'm sorry to run out of the room like that. What did you want to tell me?" you ask, sitting in a chair across from her.
"I was out the other day," she starts slowly and softly. "I saw something that you really need to know about, Rachel."
"What is it Quinn? You're worrying me." This wasn't exactly the direction you had assumed the conversation would be going in.
"I saw Finn, he was out skating a few days ago," she continues, but you cut her off.
"That's impossible!" You exclaim, jumping up from your chair. "Finn has been working extra hours at Burt's shop."
"That's what he wants you to think, Rachel. He's actually been with some other girl. I'm really sorry."
"No! You're lying! You're just jealous that Finn chose me over you." You hear the words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them. You can read Quinn's face pretty well and you know that she's not lying, but you're not ready to admit that yet.
"I wish I was lying, but I'm trying to help. Santana and Brittany saw it too, if you don't believe me."
"I don't believe you, why should I? Just when I thought maybe we were close to becoming friends. Get out!" You're angry and babbling, and you're afraid you're going to let out your true feelings.
"Please, listen to me. You're too good for him, you deserve better."
"I'm done listening to this!" you yell and storm off to the front door, yanking it open for her. You need to get her out of the house before you say something you'll regret. You slam the door behind her, and lean against it, your back instantly chills from the cold stained glass. Tears are once again freely pouring down your face and this time you don't bother to wipe them away. The scary part is, you're not crying because of the news of Finn cheating, because if you're being honest with yourself, in the back of your mind you knew something was going on with him. You realize you're crying because for a minute you actually thought Quinn was coming to confess some sort of secret feelings for you, and you're hurt that wasn't it, and mad at yourself for getting your hopes up.
/
You wake up the next morning, eyes puffy, throat scratchy, and generally not feeling well at all. It takes a minute for your mind to register that it's much brighter out than when you normally wake up. You grope around your night table for your phone and are horrified to see that is it ten o'clock. You are officially three hours behind your daily morning routine, and for the first time in your life, you don't care. You have no interest in getting on the elliptical or doing your vocal exercises to broaden your already impressive range. There's no point in improving your voice when you have no where to use it. No one cares how much of a range you have when you're stuck doing community theater in Lima, Ohio. You think about going on another run to sort through the constant voices in your head. You lazily drag your thumb over the unlock screen of your iPhone and click on the weather app. The sun is deceiving and it's way too cold to go out for a run, so you decide to do the next best thing. You walk the few short steps to your bathroom and turn the shower on to as hot as it can go. The mirrors begin to steam up as you step in and close the glass door behind you. The water is scalding and barely tolerable, but it's just what you need to try to wash away everything that you are feeling. Slowly, the tension leaves your body and swirls down the drain along with the scolding water. Head now clear, you know what the first thing you must do today. The water begins to run cold so you turn it off, wrap yourself in a fluffy pink towel, and go back into your bedroom. You put your wet hair into a braid, dry yourself off, and grab some jeans and a sweatshirt from your closet and you're ready to go. You practice what you want to say to yourself over and over, but as soon as you get there and see his half smile, dopey expression, everything you wanted to say flies right out of your head.
"Hey Rach, what's up? I wasn't expecting you to stop by today," he says, placing an oil covered wrench down on the work bench.
"I know, but we need to talk. Can you take a quick break or something?"
He wipes his hands on his coveralls before answering. "Yeah sure, I don't think Burt will mind, it's slow here this morning."
You follow him to the back room for a little privacy and think about how you want to begin. "I know," you state simply. You watch the expression on his face change, and for someone who is normally so clueless, he knows exactly what you are talking about.
"I'm really sorry Rach, I wanted to tell you before things got out of control, but there never seemed to be a good time. How did you find out?"
You take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts before answering him. "I think we both know things haven't been the same between us for a while now. When we got back together at Nationals I think we both knew in the back of our minds it wasn't going to last forever. I'm going to New York and you want to stay here, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sure, I'd rather you would have come to talk to me before meeting this new girl, but I just want you happy Finn, and I'd really like to keep things amicable." You raise your eyes towards his and see that you have lost him. "I want us to remain friends, Finn," you clarify. "We're still going to be the leaders of glee, we'll probably still sing together from time to time, I don't want any added tension to the group if we're going to win Regionals."
"Wow, wait. So you know I cheated on you, and you're not biting my head off? You really are the best girlfriend ever. You're right, things haven't been quite the same lately, and I would just hold you back from reaching your dreams."
You think for a moment how he would feel now that you have been honest with yourself and understand the true reason why you have pined over Finn for the last few years. It wasn't that you actually wanted to be with him, it was the fact that he was with Quinn, and being with him was the closest you could ever to get to being with Quinn. Now that you've admitted it out loud, it makes you sound crazy and you decide to change the subject immediately. "Not that I'm going to go to New York anyway," you say sadly.
"What makes you think that?"
"I haven't heard from NYADA yet. I'm pretty sure by now it's going to be a thanks, but no thanks, we're not interested."
"Rach, you're the most talented person I know, they would be dumb not to take you."
Unexpected tears come to your eyes, and you're surprised you even have tears left to cry. You feel Finn pull you into an awkward hug and you briefly wonder how you ever thought the two of you were a perfect couple to begin with.
"Even if the unthinkable happens and you don't get accepted into NYADA, aren't there other choices out there?"
"A few," you say into his grease covered overalls. So much for taking a shower earlier.
"I am really sorry I didn't come to you first, about seeing someone new."
"Who is she?" you ask, though you're not sure you even care to know.
"Stephanie, she goes to Caramel High. Her dad is a client of Burt's and she came into the shop one day, and we just kinda hit it off."
You step back from his embrace, wipe your tears, and smile. "I'm happy for you." You truly are. "I better get going, I have a bunch of errands to run. I mean what I said about being friends Finn."
"Thanks again for being so cool, Rach. I'd like to be friends too."
You get in your car, feeling slightly better about things, or well just Finn. What to do about NYADA and Quinn still loom over you, but you try to shake it off. Even if it was a pretty mutual end to your relationship with Finn, it still doesn't stop you from making a quick stop to grab a pint of vegan vanilla ice cream on the way home. You're on auto pilot back to your house, but suddenly you find yourself in front of Quinn's house. You're tempted to stop and tell her she was right and apologize when all she was doing was looking out for you, but something stops you, and you continue on your way home.
Your day goes from bad to worse when Kurt and Blaine show up at your doorway unannounced. You can tell from the look on Kurt's face and the letter in his hand that you're really not in the mood for him to tell you his big news.
"Guess what!" he exclaims the minute he steps foot into the large foyer.
"What?" you fake a smile as you answer.
"I got my acceptance to NYADA today!" He must see my face fall because he continues with less enthusiasm. "Didn't you?"
You just nod that you haven't, not wanting to speak because you know you'll break down. Eating that entire pint of ice cream sounds really good right about now.
"What? You have to go with me! I won't go without you!"
You make your way to the kitchen with both boys following behind you. "Now that's just silly Kurt. You can't throw away this wonderful opportunity because of me."
"I'm sure you will get yours soon. Maybe it just got out slowly because of the holidays," Blaine offers, trying to make you feel better.
"I think it's a sign I'm just not as good as I thought I was. Mind if I eat this in front of you guys, or do you want any? It's been a rough day."
"We're good, we ate just before we stopped by. Let's go sit and talk."
The boys sit on either side of you, as you begin to down your delicious ice cream.
Kurt turns on the tv and begins to flip through the channels as he waits for you to start the conversation. "What else happened today?" Kurt asks gently, when it's clear you're not going to start.
"I ended it with Finn," you say, between heaping spoonfuls of ice cream.
"Did I just hear you correctly?" Blaine asks.
"You what? Seriously?"
"Yeah well he was seeing someone else, and things just weren't the same anymore."
"As his step brother, I will and can kill him. How can you be so nonchalant about this?"
"It's ok Kurt, really. Sure it hurts that he wasn't honest with me, but I knew we'd never go the distance. He was always going to stay right here in Lima, and I want to get out of here and never come back. We have decided to remain friends for the best of the club and to hopefully win Regionals, though you're probably better off without me."
"Stop your nonsense. While I do agree, Finn was dragging you down, we could never win Regionals without you."
"Thanks Kurt."
"Wait, so you're really ok with the fact that you and Finn are no longer a super couple? I'm just having a hard time processing this, you've been pining over him ever since he joined the glee club."
"I've grown up a lot over the last two years Kurt."
"There's someone else, isn't there?" Kurt asked excitedly.
You try your best to keep your face neutral, not really wanting Kurt to know about your feelings for Quinn. Feelings that you were still trying to process and make sense of. Feelings you're not even sure she reciprocates.
"I take from your silence that there is someone! Who? Who?"
"Kurt, I don't think it's fair to pry," Blain interjects.
"Let me guess, this new person doesn't return your feelings, hence the eating of the entire carton of ice cream?"
You should know by now nothing gets by Kurt and he won't stop until you say something. "There may be someone, and no I'm not telling, and no, I have no idea how they feel about me."
"Well you know we are both here if and when you are ready to talk."
You lean your head on Kurt's shoulder and sigh deeply. You don't know if you'll ever be ready to talk about these feelings you had suppressed for so long now coming to the surface in full force. "Thanks."
/
"Rachel Honey, are you almost ready?"
"Almost Daddy!" you yell down the stairs at him, when clearly you are not ready at all. You are supposed to be leaving in a few minutes for the Lopez's New Years Eve party, and you are having second thoughts about what you are wearing. You wouldn't even be going if your dad wasn't now working with Santana's dad in the hospital and part of the party is to celebrate his promotion. You walk back over to your mirror, checking yourself out again. You feel extremely self conscious in the dress, but at the same time, you almost feel pretty enough to catch her attention, assuming she will be there.
There's a knock at the door and your dad pokes his head in. "Come on, Sweetie. We better get going before your father blows a gasket." He falters a moment when he walks in the room and gets a good look at you. "My little girl is all grown up. Where has the time gone?"
"Daddy, don't cry! Now is not the time to get into this. We can't make Dad late for his own party." You give him a hug and follow him down the stairs.
"My, my, is that my little girl? You look beautiful."
A slight blush rises up your cheeks. Maybe you don't look so bad after all. "Dad, tonight isn't about me. It's about you. You both are looking very handsome if I do say so myself." You follow your dads to the car and start to get a little nervous as you all make the short drive to the Lopez house. You hope Quinn is there, but at the same time you don't because you have no idea what you want to say to her. You check your coat at the door and can't believe how many people are already at the party. You've never been to Santana's house and you can't help but chuckle at how far from the truth her Lima Heights Adjacent act was. You quickly lose your dads amongst the sea of people and figure it will be a losing battle to try to find them.
"Hey, want to dance?"
You turn at the sound of a male's voice and recognize him as one of the football players you had seen while watching Finn. You assume word has traveled fast about your break up with Finn.
"Beer?" he asks, handing you a bottle.
You take the beer, hoping it will calm your nerves as you decide you may as well have fun tonight. You take a long swig with a flick of your wrist and try really hard not to make a disgusted face as you swallow.
"I'm Adam, by the way. Ready to dance?"
You nod, take another long swallow of the beer and follow him to the dance floor. It's crowded and you try to blend in and go with the beat of the music. You're not sure how long you've been dancing, or what number beer you're on, but you are more than aware when you feel her eyes on the back of your head. You try not to act obvious as you glance her way, trying to avoid eye contact. You don't know if she wants you to see her watching you from her spot on the wall, but she doesn't make any indication that she has seen you looking at her. You notice her leave a few minutes later and before your brain can compute what you are doing, you find yourself following outside. You hang back a minute, watching her fumble around her pockets for what you can only assume are cigarettes and are relieved when her hands come up empty. "You were right you know," you hear yourself say and really wish your brain would wait a minute for you to catch up. Maybe all the beer you drank wasn't such a good idea.
"I was right about what?" she asks, finally finding her voice.
You walk up from behind her so you could talk face to face. "Finn. He was cheating, with a girl from Vocal Adrenaline." You run your hands over your bare arms. Without the crowd of people dancing around you and the lack of clothes you're wearing, you are quickly becoming cold.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't want to be right." She holds her coat open to you, inviting you to come inside with her.
You hesitate for a moment, before joining her in her coat. You put your arms tight around her waist and lean your head against her chest. You're glad your heart isn't the only one that's racing. "I'm sorry I lashed out at you."
She rests her chin lightly on top of your head, closing her coat tighter around the two of you. "It's ok, really, don't apologize. He's an idiot if he can't see what an amazing person you are."
"Really?" you ask, not bothering to hide your tears.
"Really," she confirms.
You hold her a little tighter, not wanting to let go. Between her intoxicating perfume and the alcohol your head is swimming, you don't know what to say.
"Guess it's almost midnight," she says, finally breaking the silence. "You can go inside, I'm sure there are plenty of guys waiting to kiss you as the clock strikes twelve."
You take a step back so you can look you into her beautiful hazel eyes. "I'm pretty content right where I am," you say shyly.
Her face begins to burn and turns a lovely shade of red and you don't know if it's from the cold, or alcohol but you find it very adorable. "Me too," she admits quietly.
You hear the crowd in the house begin the count down to midnight. "Three, two, one," you say in her ear, your lips every so lightly brushing against her lobe. "Happy New Year, Quinn."
"Happy New Year Rachel," she says, looking down at you with a smile huge on her face.
You feel as though time stops as you slowly stand on your tiptoes, and with the confidence from all the alcohol you drank earlier in the evening, wrap your hands behind her neck, close your eyes, and hesitantly push your lips onto hers. You can tell she's caught by surprise, but doesn't take long to push her lips back against yours. It lasts only a few seconds, but you feel more than you ever have and all these feelings begin to flood your mind. You feel so much it scares you, so you do the first thing that comes to mind. You run.
A/N: Ok so I know I said this would be a one shot, then I said maybe one more part, but I'm having fun with this, and I miss writing from Quinn's POV so there will be at least one more part going back to Quinn's POV. Thanks so much for reading!