TanithSeh1011 - You're a stone cold bad ass. Seriously, that's pretty cool.
Renny777 - Haha, you caught the King of the Hill reference, also thanks a whole heap for creating an account just to review my story. I don't have anon reviews turned on because that's just asking for jerks to flame you for no reason other than they feel they're protected by anonymity. If someone wants to hate on me, they better have the guts to have a profile and an avatar, you know?
Esmeralda Smith - Just because you got super excited over finding a grammatical error, I placed in the following chapter exactly 48 more, for your reading pleasure. Please enjoy!
NURSE J0Y - Yes, I actually wanted to mirror Eddie in her catsuit with Lina in his leotard. I thought it would be cute.
Violeta27 - Old Riddler and Catwoman are super cute. Check out Kingdom Come.
Robot521 - Your reviews make me happy! ^_^ I'm really grateful for your loyalty!
*checks trap*
*the vodka and herring is gone*
Hmm...Gothenburg tracks...Sweden WAS here...but they found a way to outwit my clever trap...touche Sweden, touche.
Chapter Eight: Die! Fledermaus! Die!
Day Fifteen
**Doctor Fries**
In her solution, she was never more beautiful.
An angel underwater, a temptress suspended, forever young, forever at rest.
Life was cruel.
How his beloved became like a nymph in a snow globe and he became a monster among men.
Pocketing his thickly gloved hands in the overcoat he wore to conceal his suit, he hung his head and exhaled.
"Is it better to live one thousand years and never utter a word, or live eighty and speak nothing but untruths and lies?"
Beside him the Riddler stood, a soft, brown teddy bear in hand, eyeing Nora politely.
Fries scowled. "I didn't hear you come in."
"I didn't use a door." He replied.
Turning to his guest, Fries sighed. "Can I offer you a cup of tea?"
"I'd like that." Edward said. He held up the bear and shook it lightly. "Oh, I brought a peace offering for the little man. Don't tell Ivy it came from me or she'll throw it out."
"I think the little Riddler costume the bear is wearing might be a tip off."
Touching noses with the bear, Edward chuckled. "You like it? I found him at a souvenier place on Weston and Eighth."
"I don't think people are taking Gotham's rogues as seriously as they should anymore." Fries replied calmly, leading them through the greenhouse.
"Oh, I made the costume. Thought it would give the bear an air of dignity."
"You're just hoping that Victor will associate his loveable new stuffed bear with you and won't harm you the next time you pay us a visit." Fries pointed out.
"Can you blame me? Your son has some real abilities. Nearly throttled me last time, if you recall."
"I remember. You insulted his mother."
Edward nodded. "Ivy and I never really got along." He admitted.
Pushing open the door into the world outside, Fries allowed the Riddler to precede him into the early evening, before closing the door tightly behind them.
"I never understood your rivalry."
The Riddler pressed a finger to his chin. "Well, it's…it's like we're two opposing forces. I suppose. She has her agenda and I have mine and never the two shall meet."
"So what brings you around this evening, Edward?" He asked.
"I thought it'd be nice to hold a conversation with someone who doesn't have an agenda."
Fries paused and turned to the man at his side. "No one ever just pays a visit for the conversation in Gotham."
Edward nodded. "I know. Most of us like it that way."
"Most."
They were walking again.
"Where is Ivy tonight?"
"She waited for them to close for the day, then took Victor to the botanical gardens."
"Ah."
The continued on towards the house.
"So how'd it come to pass that Ivy chose you for spawning?" Edward asked suddenly.
"That's an interesting story," Fries said, with no intentions of expanding his words.
They reached the house and he opened the door for the Riddler, holding it politely.
Ascending the stairs in silent, Fries was grateful when the Riddler spoke again. He was never good at small talk. Lectures, explanations, but never small talk. It was a small reason why he loved Nora as much as he did. She talked. She used to fill the void with little anecdotes and tales, and while most men would be annoyed by such a chatterbox, Fries was happy to hear her talk. She had a lovely voice and could chirp away until sunrise for all he cared.
"You know I never understood children." Edward admitted. "Not even when I was a child."
Entering Fries' study, the good doctor moved across the room to his hot plate and set his kettle boiling. It wasn't that he was lazy, but he found it easier to make early morning tea in his study while working, then to go downstairs and interrupt his work.
"Have a seat." He offered, flailing his hand in the direction of the chair.
Quietly, Edward eased into the chair and set the bear on the desk along with his hat and cane.
"Of course I never fully understand anyone, but that's my cross to bear." The Riddler went on.
Fries smiled and sat in the chair across from him.
"Do you wonder if it may be because you have a higher intelligence than the average Gothamite?" Fries asked.
"No, it's not that." Edward said. "It's humanity on a whole. I can't understand why they do what they do. Sometimes I get the urge to just break humanity open and poke around inside to see what makes it tick."
"It would take an awful lot of time and energy to crack humanity, Edward."
Slipping down in his chair, the Riddler thrust a hand through his hair and sat almost sullenly in thought.
"I think Louis Armstrong and Sam Cooke were wrong." Edward growled. "It's not a goddamned wonderful world."
"Sounds like you need something stronger than tea," Fries said.
"Yeah, a .308 and a clear line of shot at Bruce Wayne." He mumbled.
At Fries' curious look, the Riddler waved his hand as a silent gesture for him to disregard the comment.
"How about some brandy?" Fries suggested.
"No, thank you, I need my wits about me tonight."
"Oh? Going to crack open humanity?"
"Not tonight."
Sensing something off about the Riddler, Fries leaned back in his chair. "What's wrong, Edward? You're like a wet puppy tonight."
He chuckled. "I'm just contemplating love."
Fries smiled softly. "Well, when you figure it out, let me in on the formula."
"I just can't understand it."
"No one can."
"My parents never loved anything, me, each other." He muttered. "I never had that visual, that example of what it's supposed to look like."
"Well, it looks different for each of us. That's the thing about love, it's ever changing. It has a million faces and fifty thousand different names." Fries said. "But let me ask you something. If I may?"
The Riddler waved him to go on.
"Are you a sociopath?"
"No."
"Diagnosed psychopath?"
"No, the doctors were very adamant about that." A long, purple finger pointed up. "Obsessive compulsive with a touch of narcissism." After a beat, the Riddler added with a shrug, "a lot of narcissism."
Fries nodded. "And you're trying to figure out if you love Selina Kyle or not, yes?"
When Edward was silent for too long, Fries prodded. "Does she make you happy?"
"Hn."
"Do you make her happy?"
Touching a finger to his bottom lip, the Riddler rubbed it thoughtfully. "I hope so," he said after a moment of contemplation.
"Well, there's your answer right there, Edward. A diagnosed narcissistic personality admitting that he wishes happiness on someone who isn't himself is a good sign, I think."
"Well, that's all well and fine, Doctor Fries, but how does one go from point A to point B with this whole matter?"
"You're looking at it like a mathematician, Edward. It isn't a logic problem. It's never been that predictable. You need to look at it like a sociologist." Leaning over the desk, ignoring the boiling kettle behind him, Fries went on. "Look, you and Selina aren't the suburbanite types. You'll never settle into something typical and mundane, but that doesn't mean you and her can't have a long, lasting relationship. You need to forge your own place with her at your side. I'm not saying you have to conquer the world, but find a place where you and her can be with each other, if that's what you want."
"A place…" Edward frowned. "You're right. I've been looking at this like it has to be something typical. But let's face it, we're not. So why should the round relationship peg be forced into a square hole? You're not as dumb as you look, Fries."
Scowling a little, the good doctor chose to ignore that comment, knowing it was just the Riddler's way.
"I may pay you more social calls in the future!" Edward exclaimed.
"I look forward to each and every one of them." Fries replied dryly.
**Selina**
She was applying the last of her make-up, when Eddie appeared in the corner of her room, barely visible in her vanity mirror.
Turning in her chair, she waited for the jealousy to begin.
Instead he sat quietly in her corner chair, hands clasped before him studiously. She watched him quietly as he gazed back at her.
"You look beautiful, kitten." He finally greeted.
She smirked. "Oh? And…?"
"And I'm going to say one thing and one thing only on the subject of this outing."
"Get it over with."
"If he tries anything with you, I will fucking destroy him."
She chuckled softly. "I know you're serious because you never curse."
Her hand hesitated when she reached for the cat necklace hanging in it's place and she glanced at the Riddler in the mirror.
His sharp eyes were watching her every movement, almost as though daring her to do it.
Quietly, she unclasped the pendant and lovingly placed it on her vanity, avoiding his gaze. Picking up a choker that matched her gown better than the pendant, she held up the ribbon ends to her choker and dangled them for him.
Unfolding himself, he pushed out the chair and approached her, taking hold of the ribbon and securing it at the nape of her neck. "I meant every word of that threat, Selina. If you still have any care for Bruce Wayne you'll make sure to avoid indiscretions with the philandering miscreant."
"You know, Ed, all this jealousy is making me want to have an affair with Bruce." She growled. "Just to give you a reason to act like an ass."
Eddie stooped over low enough to enter her vision in the vanity, his eyes were dark and almost a poisonous blue. He obviously didn't like this idea and for some sick reason she enjoyed that fact.
Craning her neck to face him, she frowned. "Do you trust me?"
"On any given day? No."
She smirked. "Probably the best response to that question." Catching his pointed chin in her hand, she gripped it tightly. "Do you trust me to come home to you at the end of the opera?"
"I suppose." He ground between clenched teeth.
"Will you be here when I get back?"
"If you want."
Releasing his chin, she turned back to her vanity. "Good. I have a present for you."
Eddie leaned in, sliding his arm around her waist as he peered over her shoulder. "Really?"
"You'll get it if you behave."
He scowled. "Isn't that how mothers trick children into behaving?"
"Well, you're acting a bit childish, I thought it was fitting." She replied with a small, secretive grin.
"What is it? Maybe it's not even going to be worth it."
Selina chuckled. "I'm not telling you what it is, that defeats the purpose."
"Is it animal, vegetable or mineral?"
"You know, I can't remember."
"Likely story, sister." He snarled.
Standing up, she turned around. "Well, how do I look?"
"Too good. You could probably have frumped up a little." He said sullenly.
Grabbing hold of his tie she yanked on it hard and brought his face close to hers. "How do I look?"
"Beautiful. Like a queen." He croaked.
She smiled and released him. "I know. It's nice to hear it, though."
Adjusting his tie with sharp, efficient movements, he cleared his throat. "Yes, well. Enjoy your opera."
"Um-hm."
As she wandered past him, she felt his hand close on her wrist and he tugged her against him tightly. Before she could push herself away, Eddie's mouth was on hers. It was a searing kiss, the type of kiss he gave her when they were huddled together naked in the bed. Winding her arms around his neck, she returned the kiss, smiling as they broke apart.
"See you later, Ed."
"Kitten."
**Edward**
He lasted all of twenty minutes, before he was tempted to go to her vanity.
The cat pendant sparkled on the clean, white surface.
Edward scooped it up and tucked it away in his inner pocket. It was safer there than just lying out in the open like some common trinket.
Fidgeting and wandering about her apartment, he grew increasingly restless until finally he tapped a code into the device on his arm and went back to his lair.
It was a small storage space that he rented and pre-paid for years ago under an assumed alias, but it held all his important gear. His costumes, his Riddler suits, his variety of canes and four slowly growing kittens and their calico mother who came and went through an open vent he left for them.
In his lair he was just as restless, pacing the small space left between the two rows of metal shelves that lined the walls.
If he was honest with himself, it wasn't that he didn't trust Selina, it was just that there was always that slim, miniscule possibility that she could fall for Bruce Wayne's social graces. After all, the man was at ease when sweet talking women. He was a professional when it came to the opposite sex and what was Edward? He was a genius, but unfortunately most genius' had to trade their social skills for knowledge. It wasn't his fault, it came with the condition.
Removing his bowler, he flung it onto his workbench and sighed. Checking his pocket watch, he winced. It had only been thirty minutes, the opera hadn't even started yet.
He needed a distraction.
She was hunched over her work table as usual, chattering away to Nora Fries or her plants, or both, when Edward popped up at her side.
Vines poised at ready around him, before she registered who the intruder was.
Ivy's pets slithered back into the growth of the greenhouse, while the red head eyed him with narrowed eyes.
"What do you want?" She demanded.
He frowned. "Your manners rival those of a bull moose during mating season." He replied. "Most people would at least give me a 'hello' or 'good evening'."
"I'm not most people and I can't stand your face, so have your say and get the hell out." She snarled.
He clasped his cane before him, leaning on it heavily. "Charming. I almost picture you with a club in one hand and a carcass dragging from the other when you get like this."
Her green eyes flashed danger. "You're one more insult away from getting a vine shoved into every orifice."
"One more, hm? Let's make it a good one then." He shot back.
Drawing herself together with a deep breath, Ivy prepared for war.
"Ah, he who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument." Edward explained.
"I'm willing to admit defeat if it gets you throttled by my vines." She replied.
He beamed charmingly at her. "You wouldn't throttle a man who offers you his hand in peace, would you?"
"I'd throttle a man for looking at me wrong. Now, did you come here for a reason or are you just looking for a fight?"
"If I wanted a good argument, don't you think I'd go to someone more like me in brain capacity?"
"Does the Gotham Zoo still have the monkey house?" She inquired.
"This is why I enjoy talking with you, Ivy. Your infantile insults really refresh a tired mind."
"Oh? You like that? Then you'll really love this."
Edward sensed vines weaving their way towards him and pressed a hand to his device, hitting his emergency recall button.
Back in the safety of his lair, he checked his pocket watch. Well, that had wasted some time. But not nearly enough, he was back to pacing within minutes.
**Crane**
"Edward." He greeted flatly.
"Hello, Jonathan. I see my girls are making this place into a lair worthy of your habitation."
Looking up from his book, Crane eyed the small, homey touches the girls had put on his lair. The weapon's cache, the training area, a mannequin sporting his costume, it was almost like a real lair. "Yes, they're quite industrious young ladies."
"Aren't they? I wouldn't be seen with henchwomen who slack off."
"What about the Marks?"
"They were pure muscle, that's all. Oxen to pull the wagon of my machinations." Edward replied, tipping Crane's book up and reading the title. The Riddler's graceful eyebrows knit. "The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket?"
"You know a few years after Poe wrote this tale, a real cabin boy named Richard Parker was set upon and eaten when he and his fellow crewmen found themselves adrift at sea?"
Throwing himself into the chair at Crane's side, Edward sighed. "I would imagine with a majority of names being John or Richard back in those days, it was a mere coincidence."
"Possibly, but it's still a lovely story to tell the children." Tucking the book away into the space between the arm of the chair and his hip, the Scarecrow eyed his old friend. "What brings you about tonight?"
"Boredom."
"Great minds never grow bored."
Seated sullenly at his side, Edward Nygma seemed frozen in stone, he was absolutely still. The only thing that betrayed his living state was the well polished oxford that tapped the ground lightly.
Not knowing just what the Riddler expected from him and not really having the patience to find out, Crane returned to his reading.
"Nope, this isn't helping." Edward stated from his side.
Pushing to his feet swiftly, the Riddler touched a hand to his device and slipped out of existence in the ship.
Eyeing the spot where his friend had stood, Crane shook his head.
**Bruce Wayne**
He couldn't, for the life of him, remember why he ever let Selina Kyle slip through his fingers.
Aside from everything that drove a great, yawning chasm between them, he found she was the only woman he could ever feel comfortable around. Not even Talia or Zatanna gave him a sense of serenity like Selina did.
He supposed it was because Selina was an absolute vault when it came to things. She had the ability to keep secrets without making things feel weird between them.
She could tease him and hold a conversation with him without the tension of what they really were hindering the moment.
All that and her stunning beauty made for a potent package.
As they left the opera house for the Japanese place, he found himself talking to her like they had done so often, so many years ago.
But there was something different about her, that the detective in Bruce couldn't deny.
She was like a vault, with one more thing hidden inside. Everything looked normal and the same as it ever was, but there was something off about her.
The more he studied her as they passed under the bluish street lights, the more her realized something wasn't right about her.
It tickled his brain, bothered him to no end. What was it?
"You're quiet, Bruce." She mused. "You only get this quiet when you're thinking."
He forced a smile. "Just thinking how nice it is being able to talk to someone like you."
"We weren't talking."
"Just being near you, then." He said.
"I'm not one of your bimbo's, Bruce. You can talk to me without flirting."
"Sorry, I'm so used to it, that I'm hardly ever aware when I do it anymore."
"Can we call it a night?" She asked, watching the street outside her window.
"If you want. Alfred?" He called up front. "Let's drive Miss Kyle home."
"Of course, Master Bruce."
As the car turned off onto forty-seventh, Bruce turned to the woman at his side. "I'm sorry if you didn't have fun tonight." He said. "To tell the truth if it wasn't for charity I wouldn't have gone either."
"It's not you, Bruce." She said. "I just haven't felt much like being social for a while."
"At least you have the choice of staying in," he teased.
She smiled.
"You know, if something's wrong, Selina-"
"There's nothing wrong." She stated firmly. "It's actually the opposite, but I just want to be home tonight."
Her hand went to her throat.
At first Bruce thought she was checking to make sure her choker was in place, when there was a small glimmer of something else that passed over her face when her fingers touched the silver shape and satin ribbon.
She dropped her hand to her lap and sighed softly.
Something wasn't right about Selina Kyle.
**Edward**
He was up on the rooftop of Selina Kyle's apartment, when a frivolously luxurious Bentley pulled up.
Grasping hold of his cane, he leaned over the edge to watch as Selina and Bruce exited the vehicle when the driver opened the door for them.
Ducking back as Bruce Wayne glanced up at the night sky, he eased back to the edge and continued his vigil.
From up high he couldn't make out their expressions as they stood almost directly below him, but he did notice Bruce set his hand on Selina's hip.
Edward's own hands clenched around his cane tightly. Inside his inner demon growled for him to go down onto the street and lay the playboy out, but deeper inside his rational monk said to allow Selina the benefit of a doubt and give her a chance to deny Bruce Wayne on her own.
So he planted his feet firmly on the roof and pleased his inner demon by wringing the life out of his cane.
Selina, stepped out of Bruce Wayne's reach and after a brief exchange, turned towards the door into the building, leaving the man standing on the street.
Edward smiled cruelly at the rejected man as he stood there for a few minutes, before turning back towards his expensive car.
"Tough luck, old boy." Edward muttered happily.
Inside her apartment a mere few seconds later, he smugly strolled into her bedroom to find her on the floor on her hands and knees, searching under her vanity.
"I always wanted a room with a view," he greeted, eyeing her bottom lecherously.
Dropping to his knees, he poked his head under the vanity to join her. "What's wrong?"
She glanced at him, eyes slightly wide. "Nothing."
"Why are we on the floor then?"
She shook her head. "I dropped something."
Taking in the fact that she was still in her gown, but had removed the choker, he put two and two together. "Ah," reaching into his inner pocket he withdrew the cat pendant. "You're looking for this."
Dangling it between them, he laughed when she snatched it away from him.
"What are you doing with it?" She snapped.
"I thought it'd be safer with me than just lying where you dropped it." He replied.
Unclasping it, she glared at him. "I didn't 'just drop' it."
Smirking, he threw his cane aside and removed his gloves. "And…how did the opera go?"
"The baritone was sharp." She replied coolly, pushing to her feet.
Edward remained on the floor at her feet, grinning up at her. "And…was he a gentleman?"
"Of course."
"So, how'd the night end?" He went on.
She glowered at him. "With filthy sex in his car."
"Haha, you little liar." He said, clambering to his feet.
Smirking, she reached for the zipper on her gown. "Oh?"
He beat her to the zipper. "I'd imagine you broke his heart."
Anything she was about to say died on her lips as he pulled her back against him roughly.
"And where's my present for being a good boy?" He growled in her ear.
She smirked. "You're already unwrapping it."
"You cheeky little minx…" he whispered, before adding. "It's just what I've always wanted."