Chapter Twenty One
Lock woke up before Jack and just watched him sleep. His chest rose and fell steadily, and for some reason she was compelled to touch him.
Be careful. . .Don't wake him up. . .
She ran her hands up his muscled sides, wondering how strong he really was--how much damage he could do--and went over his stomach. Never before had she looked at a guys body, not like this, and she wanted to memorize everything. Jack shifted, opening his hazel eyes, and she quickly took her hands away from him.
"Do you have any idea how much that tickles?" he snickered.
She shook her head, feeling completely embarrassed, and chewed her lip. He'd been awake the whole damn time! A hand touched her side, making her squeak and squirm.
"Kinda like that," Jack laughed, tickling her briefly.
She grabbed his wrists, holding them with one hand and poked his side. He yelped quietly, jerking to the side with each poke, and she stopped, curling up to him.
"Get enough sleep?" he said between dying laughs.
"Yeah. . .I had a nightmare this morning, but it went away all of a sudden. . ." she whispered, listening to his heart.
"That was because I snuggled up to you," he said proudly, his hand stroking her neck. "I almost forgot I gave you that."
"Wh--oh, yeah," she smirked. "That."
She let her hand rest on his stomach, slowly tracing small circles on him, and closed her eyes.
I don't want to get out of bed. . .Not yet. . .she thought.
"Whoa!" Angel barked. "What in the hell?"
"Relax, Angel," Bobby appeared. "She had trouble sleeping again last night, that's all."
She heard Jack's heart race in his chest, he stopped breathing, and Lock slowly moved so she could see the door. Angel had a concerned look on his face and kept stealing glances at her and jack. Bobby gave them a knowing, caring, big brother look, and grinned.
"But now that they're up, they can get out of bed. Hearin' me, you two?"
"I was just gettin' up anyhow," Lock said, sitting up. "Angel, you gonna be all right?"
"Jesus, if Bobby's not trippin', then I don't see the big deal. . .Just really caught me off guard," he said, looking down the hall.
"Well, now that you've been informed, get downstairs. Ma's got food. . ." Bobby said.
At the mention of food, Angel had forgotten about Lock being in Jack's room, and tore down the steps. Jack sat up next to Lock, still not breathing right, and Bobby shot them a playful look.
"You have about five minutes to join us downstairs. . .Don't make me come back up here to get either of you," he growled, leaving.
"Well, now Angel's in the loop," Jack mumbled, running a nervous hand in his sandy hair. "Perfect. . ."
"He doesn't have an issue with it," she said, quickly kissing his temple. "You heard Bobby: five minutes."
"Yeah, yeah. . ." he growled, throwing the blanket off his waist and stretching.
She laughed and went downstairs, vanishing to her room to change. Jack wasn't down yet when she went back up, but Bobby settled for at least one of them being down. Evelyn gave her a sweet, knowing smile and Lock felt a little uncomfortable.
"Cooper called for you, Lock," she said.
"Oh, really? Did he say what he wanted?"
"Something about finally letting Jackie try out. . .He apologizes for having been too busy before. . ."
"Could we use the garage for the day?" Lock asked, not quite making eye contact with the woman.
"Yeah, Ma!" Jack appeared. "Please?"
"Of course, you two," she laughed. "Just try to not annoy the neighbors."
"No problem," Lock mumbled.
"Lock, can I have a couple of hours to practice and choose my songs?" Jackie boy pleaded.
"Yeah, but be prepared for Coop and Con to throw certain songs your way. . .as a test, ya know?"
Ransom's gonna be here too. . .oh boy, let the girly screaming and the not-so-subtle teasing ensue. . .she thought grimly.
Jack grinned, tearing back up the steps, and soon the sound of his electric guitar filled the house. Angel and Bobby sighed and went out to have a smoke, leaving her alone with Evelyn.
"Lock, Bobby told me you stayed in Jackie's room again last night?" she asked very casually.
"I. . .we're not letting it become a habit, Evelyn," she stared at the table. "We're trying to think of something else for me to do if I can't sleep. . ."
"Lock, would you look me in the eyes please?"
Lock slowly looked up from the table, making eye contact with the kind-hearted woman. She didn't want to be talking about this, not with anyone.
"Thank you," she offered a smile. "Now, first things first. . .I'm not angry that you stay with Jackie when you can't sleep. I knew from the moment he saw you that you two would be close."
Lock blushed, wanting to die from embarrassment, but held the soft eyes.
"I admit, I was a little uncomfortable with it at first. . .But now, I know that I can trust you two to make the right choices. . ."
Fuck me! she almost laughed out loud. Am I really having this god forsaken talk with a woman I hardly know? Jesus Christ!
"Lock?" Evelyn called her focus back.
"I'm sorry. . .What?"
"Do you trust my boys?"
"Yeah. . ."
"Why do you sound so unsure about it?"
"Cuz my definition of 'trust' is a lot fuc-," she caught herself. "It's a heck of a lot different than yours."
"I guess I'm not following you on that, sweetheart."
"I trust that they won't hurt me like others have before. . .in any way. . .I trust you won't either. . .I'm sure you guys won't just abandon me if I screw up. . .but--umm--I'm still really scared in the back of my mind. . ."
"Lock," Evelyn began.
"Evelyn. . .can I be completely honest with you on some stuff?" Lock needed to get this off her chest.
"Of course."
"Coming here. . .having a 'real' family for once. . .having Jackie. . .and Bobby. . .it's the best damn stuff to happen to me in so long. . ." she took a shuddery breath. "And I'm terrified that one day. . .I'll wake up and this will all be a dream. . .and I can't--won't--let myself get too close still. . ."
I've been wanting to run again. . .Just fucking go! Before I end up hurt. . .It'll be easier if I just go now, without having something or someone rip you all away from me. . .The pain won't be as bad. . .
"Lock. . .you're thinking about running again, aren't you?" Evelyn saw into her soul. "Why?"
"It would be easier. . ."
"For you? What about Jackie? Would that be easier for him?"
"No. . ." she mumbled.
"Sweetie," sympathy filled her voice. "I know you're scared, I understand why you'd want to run. . .But sometimes the answer that seems easiest is really the most difficult one there is. . ."
She dropped the woman's gaze, again staring at the table, knowing how right Evelyn was. Evelyn got up and walked past her, touching her shoulder.
"I hope that you make the choice that you believe is the best for you, Lock," she said and went upstairs.
I'm so god damned lost! I don't know what to do anymore. . .in the past it was easy: RUN! But I don't wanna leave you guys, not really. . . .god damn it all the hell!
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Jack was paying careful attention to his song when his mother knocked and peeked in. He shut the amp off with his foot and smiled.
"Hey Ma, what's up?"
"Jackie," she came in, closing the door, and sitting on his bed. "We need to talk."
Please don't be about the Lock situation. . .I'm tryin' to figure somethin' else out. . .
"All right," he set his guitar aside.
"Jack, how much do you care for Lock?" Ma asked.
"Honestly," he sighed, "aside from coming here, having you guys. . .she's the best thing to ever happen to me. Why?"
"She's scared. . .wanting to run again. . ." she said with sorrow.
"What?" he almost screamed. "Why? How do you know?"
Lock, please don't leave me. . .I love you. . .Can't you see that?
"She's afraid this is all just a dream. . .one day she'll wake up and we'll be gone. . .She feels too close," Evelyn sighed.
"Can't we do something, Ma?" he was frantic. "Anything?"
"I've tried, Jackie. . .it's up to you boys now, I'm afraid. . .she hardly knows me. . ."
"Dammit, Lock!" he growled. "I thought we were past all this. . ." he got up and started pacing.
"Jack," Ma stopped his pace, holding his face and speaking firmly. "You go tell her what she means to you. . .maybe that will deter her from running for a little while. . ."
They heard the piano start playing in the basement. Angel, Bobby, and Jack had moved it down there for her, seeing as how she was the only one to play it anymore. The song was slow, sad, and lonely. Jack knew he needed to talk with her now. Ma nodded and he kissed her cheek, then bolted down the steps.
Listen to the song. . .a voice in his mind whispered. Sneak down and listen, watch her play. . .
He snuck down to her room, easing the door open, and saw that her back was to him. He silently shut the door and leaned against it, listening and watching. Lock never really sang with a 'girl' voice, it was usually this dark purr of a scream, rough and tantalizing, but now, he swore that an angel up in heaven had given up its voice just for her.
"Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you. . .
Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe, but I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough for you. . ."
Jack felt his heart breaking for her, he stopped himself from just going to her now and telling her how he felt. He wanted to let her finish.
"Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
And I've completely lost myself
And I don't mind
I can't say no to you. . .
Shouldn't have let you
Conquer me completely
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long time coming,
But I feel good. . .
And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
Cause I can't hold on to anything this good
Enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?
So take care what you ask of me
Cause I can't say no. . ."
Jack broke into chills from her voice and the words of the song, he silently crossed to her, sitting on the piano bench beside her. Lock looked away from him, clearly upset, and he grabbed her hand.
"Lock," he whispered, putting his face to her neck, "you don't have to look at me, speak to me, or really believe me, but I want you to listen to me. . .can you --will you--do that?"
She slowly nodded, still looking away from him. He turned and straddled the bench, moving her and pulling her to him. He rested his head on her shoulder, breathing on her skin, and hugged her close.
"Lock. . .you are good enough. More than that!" he kissed her neck. "You are one of the best things to ever happen to me since I got a family. . .You are everything I've ever needed: gentle, protective, fun, sweet, beautiful as hell, artistic, musical, understanding, and caring."
She made a tiny sorrowful sound and struggled a little against him. Jack tightened his grip, she needed to hear this, whether she wanted to or not. He was aware she had started crying, kissing up her pale neck, and eventually her tears off her face.
"This isn't a dream, Lock," he whispered in her ear. "This is real life pouring down on you, we're never going to leave you--Ever."
She squirmed against him, trying to ignore the truth, but he was stronger than she was. She growled as he held her tightly, trying desperately to escape him, and Jack felt his own tears fall.
"Stop it, Jack!" she cried, struggling. "Don't tell me this shit!"
"Why, Lock?" he nuzzled her neck.
"Just stop!"
"No," he pressed his lips to her skin. "You need to hear this! It's the fucking truth!"
"It is not!" she sounded terrified and defeated, her struggling began to let up. "Stop this. ."
"Lock," he pulled her as close as humanly possible. "I love you."
She turned away from his face, wincing at those three words, a whimper coming from her. She started to fight him again, trying to wriggle out of his arms, but his grip on her was iron. She was crying harder, jaw clenched as she fought him, and he felt his heart shatter.
"You do not!" she sobbed. "Don't lie like that Jack!"
"I love you, Lock."
"NO you don't!" she shoved back, pinning him to the cement wall. "NO!"
"Yes," he breathed. "Yes, I do! Lock, I fucking love you! And nothing will ever change that!"
She collapsed into him, crying and shaking her head. He gently pushed hair from her face, kissing her neck, wiped her tears, and whispered in her ear.
"Yes, Lock. . .yes. I love you, I love you, I love you. . ."
"No. . ." she said weakly.
"Yes," he breathed, kissing under her jaw line. "Yes."
"No," she whimpered.
"Lock," he moved from behind her, settling on the bench in front of her. "Yes."
She leaned against the wall, staring at him, blank eyes, and laughed hollowly. He moved to her, resting on his knees, and got in her face.
"You 'love' me?" she growled in a dark, frightening tone.
"Yes," he breathed, brushing her lips with his. "I love you."
She pushed him back, he saw that all her defenses were in full gear, and he knew if he didn't do something quick, she'd be lost to him forever. He got an idea.
"Go away, Jack," she whispered, brushing her mouth over his, teasing him in a scary way. "You don't 'love' me."
"When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace. . ." he slowly started with his idea, fighting to keep his voice even as he sang.
"STOP IT!" she snapped.
"And now that I'm strong, I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it break through my soul
And I know that I'll find deep inside me I can be the one. . .
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven. . ."
It was working, she dropped her anger and fear, sinking against the wall. He went on, putting his forehead to hers, and setting his hands on her waist.
"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one. . .
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven. . ."
She closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her face, and her hands rested on his knees. He bit back the urge to kiss her, finishing what he had started.
"Cuz you're my, you're my
My, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay whoa, stay whoa
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray. . .
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven. . . ."
His body shook violently as he ended, he was terrified that maybe it didn't work. She opened her eyes, but didn't look at him, hands still on his legs.
"Don't you tell me you--love me if you don't mean it, Jackie," she whispered.
"Have I ever lied to you before?" he murmured, moving to make eye contact.
"No," she breathed.
"I love you, Lock," he said firmly, catching her mouth with his.
He kissed her, pushing her to the wall with the force of it, but Lock held her ground. Her hands moved off his knees, to his face, eventually she tangled her slender fingers in his hair and pulled him closer. She faltered a second when he deepened the kiss, but he quickly saved her--giving her some pointers, and she was just fine. He pulled from her mouth, biting down gently on her bottom lip, loving the sound it produced, and she was quick to explore his mouth again. He made a small noise himself as Lock grew more and more confident, biting his lip softly, and butterfly kissing to his throat.
Fuck! he noticed how tight his damn pants were getting between his legs. God damn it!!
Lock bit his neck lightly, he almost lost it right there, and he groaned out loud. She caught on and stopped, hiding her face in his neck. They were both so out of breath that it took quite a while before either could speak and Lock beat him to the punch.
"Jackie boy?" she was muffled by his neck.
"Hmmm?" he was still aware that his pants were tight, but it was getting much better.
"I'll. . .stay. . ."
"Good," he smirked. "Lock?"
"What?" she murmured.
"I love you."
"I know. . ." she smiled. "I. . .I'm sorry for not believing you before. . ."
"You believe me now, right?"
"Yes, Jackie boy. . ." she laughed, pulling back and kissing him.
Ahhh…thank God! he almost sighed with relief as his pants fit like normal again. I need a cold shower. . .or else I'm gonna hurt like a son of a bitch. . .
"What's so funny?" he asked when Lock toyed with his neck, laughing.
"I think," she smirked, "you have what I have. . ."
"Really?" he arched an eyebrow. "What color is it?"
"Purple-ish," she said, looking at his neck.
"Well," he laughed, "I believe that you just gave your very first hickey, Lock. Congrats!"
She blushed faintly, biting her lip and looking away. Seeing her nibble her bottom lip triggered him again, making him hurt this time, and he cursed himself. He would be needing a warm shower now.
I'm too damn old to be jaggin' off in the shower. . .he thought, embarrassed.
His body retaliated the thought, his hard on starting to throb, and he gave Lock a brief kiss before going upstairs. She said something about being sorry for his 'issue', but he shrugged it off. Wasn't like it was the first time he'd been turned on, and it was definitely not going to be the last time.
He counted his blessings that no one saw him as he moved to the bathroom, that was the last thing he needed. He stripped his shirt, turned the water on, letting it get to the right temperature, and carefully took his pants off. This had to be a first for him, so fired up that he ached horribly and he almost lost it again as he slid his boxers off.
Jesus. . .he winced as he stepped into the shower. What is it about her that gets me like this? I've never felt like this before. . .
It didn't take much for him to relieve the pressure that had built to ungodly proportions, barely two or three strokes and he moaned, bracing himself on the wall. He scrubbed up, feeling better but retarded at the same time.
Guess it's better than the alternative, he thought as he secured the towel on his hips. Blowing it right there in front of Lock. . .I don't think so! She's been through enough idiot men doing that shit to her and I'm not about to become one of 'em. . .
He checked his neck in the mirror, fingering the purple mark, and smirked. She had given him a hickey, entirely on accident even, but he had a mark just the same.
I'm gonna have to be careful. . .he smirked. Well, more careful. . .She learns damn quick. . .keep it slow, Jackie boy. No need to rush with her. . .it'll be more than worth it if things ever evolve to that level. . .
Songs: Good Enough--Evanescence & Your Guardian Angel--Red Jumpsuit Apparatus