"Want another piece of bacon?" Edward dangles the limp piece of meat in front of Leah's face and gives her a hopeful grin.
"God, no," Leah groans, slowly shaking her head, and finally drops her fork onto the empty plate in front of her. "I don't think I can move."
"Good," Edward chuckles, setting the bacon down on his own plate, and goes back to sipping his coffee.
"Stop looking so smug," she says, tossing her napkin at him and failing to get it halfway across the table.
"I'll take it under advisement," he replies with a smirk and leans back in his chair.
"Jerk," Leah mutters and continues to sulk over her full belly.
Edward laughs, setting down his coffee cup and begins to clear the dishes, taking them to the kitchen sink. Leah tries to get up to help, but he quickly pushes her back down into her chair and gives her a stern look. She crosses her arms and looks sullen.
"So, what's the plan for today?" Edward asks while wiping down the table with a damp rag.
"Laundry first," Leah replies, picking up her own coffee and taking a quick sip before continuing to answer. "I need some clean clothes before I can take a shower."
"You can just borrow some of mine," he insists, while he rinses the cloth in the sink.
"It's not a big deal to wait for a small load," she says, shrugging, and then looks up at him with an exaggerated frown. "Unless you think I stink."
"I wasn't going to say anything…" Edward lets his voice trail off, until her expression shifts to sincere concern. "I'm kidding."
Leah tries to play off her real concern over smelling bad with a roll of her eyes and stands up to take her cup to the kitchen. She wants to refuse his offer. There is no way she's going to be able to focus while she wears his clothing. Her mind toys with the idea that they must smell like him, the warm, piney and cinnamon scent that's wafting toward her right now.
"Just get in the shower, and I'll lay something out for you," Edward says right next to her face, his breath brushing against her skin and filling her nose with his coffee laced scent.
"Fine," she whispers, glancing up at him, and for a second she sees something in his expression.
Before she can put a name to it, he turns his back to her and starts to load the dishwasher. Leah feels strangely unbalanced for a second and out of place. She pushes away from the counter and mumbles a goodbye to Edward's back, making her way out of the room as fast as her feet can carry her. The strange feeling follows her all the way into the shower. Her mind replays the look on Edward's face in a never-ending loop. His lowered eyelids and slightly parted lips. There were splashes of pink across his cheeks, and the way his tongue darted out to lick across his bottom lip…
Leah makes the water as hot as she can stand it in hopes it will clear her head and to stop her from fixating on the look Edward gave her. It was too open-ended, too vague to truly translate. He could have been thinking about what he was going to make for dinner or been wondering about the weather. Or he could have been thinking about kissing her.
Her mind taunts and torments her with the fantasy, while it replays the slow swipe of Edward's tongue over his bottom lip. She can almost feel it on her own skin. A body shiver runs through her, despite the water scalding her skin, and she closes her eyes against shame and guilt. She presses her face against the cool tile of the shower, wishing she could stop these thoughts and break this cycle of want, guilt and heartbreak that has plagued her for years. It is never going to be anything but an unattainable fantasy. A silly, painful, self-destructive obsession with a man that could never love her in the way she wants. Her feelings were infiltrating every part of her life, poisoning her mind and even haunting her dreams.
The foggy memory of a dream surfaces even as she tries to push it away, but it's useless. It has been embedded in her brain, like a fishhook buried in her skin, ever since she woke up this morning in a cold sweat. The images overwhelm her mind, bringing with it the fear and guilt that left her crying in the harsh morning light.
Edward stood over her with sad smile on his face. The sky above him was black, but the snow falling around them was a crisp white. When the flakes hit him they turned to crimson liquid that left red trails down his face. She tried to shield him, reaching out her hands to catch the snowflakes in her hands, but the snow turned to a waterfall of rain that quickly flooded the world around them. They were afloat in an ocean of black with only each other to cling to when the current eventually pulled them under.
Leah opens her eyes, trying to banish the image of Edward's blue, lifeless face and the bone-deep certainty that it was her fault. Her weight had been the burden that dragged him down to his death. In the dream she had cried out, begging forgiveness even as the water slipped past her lips and filled her lungs. She begged him to forgive her, wished she could take it back, and finally was overwhelmed by darkness.
She swallows the sobs that threaten to break free and moves her face under the spray of water, imagining it cleansing away the remains of the dream. It doesn't take a degree in psychology to understand the simple message of the dream. She needs to stop, to let go of her feelings. Nothing good has or ever could come from them. She has to move on before she ruins her life, or worse, Edward gets hurt.
Six years ago
"Pass me the drip pan, Lee," Charlie's muffled voice came from under the Charger, and his right hand appeared, groping at empty air.
"You know, I could just take it to Billy's shop to get the oil changed," Leah said, leaning down to place the stained plastic pan in his hands, and shook her head at his grunt of protest.
"I am more than capable of changing my own damn oil," Charlie grumbled from under the car and then swore loudly.
Edward jumped, nearly knocking Leah on her ass, and then profusely apologized. She gave him a long look, but eventually accepted his outstretched hand and let him help her stand. Though, she wasn't going to let his odd behavior pass without comment.
"What's up, Twitchy," Leah whispered, poking him in the ribs with her finger, and was rewarded with another uncharacteristic jerk.
Edward recovered quickly and gave her a nervous smile. "I'm just…it's nothing."
"Bullshit." She folded her arms and fixed him with a stern gaze.
She'd come to know Edward well over the summer they'd spent hanging out together, and while it had been a few months since they'd seen each other, the Edward she knew didn't act like a nervous kitten, jumping at every little sound. He was tense and a little sweaty.
Sure, it could be due to the natural atmosphere of hostility that permeated the Swan/Clearwater household during Thanksgiving. Leah's mother had very strong feelings about celebrating a holiday that was founded on betrayal and genocide. Charlie, on the otherhand, would do anything to make Bella happy, which included giving her all the family holidays she never got with him when she was a child. So, every Thanksgiving there was a silent battle of wills. The treaty line was draw between the house and garage. Which meant Charlie pretty much lived in the garage, while Leah's mother hovered over Bella in the kitchen, while she cooked Thanksgiving dinner.
Leah usually sought refuge in her room or hung out with friends, but that year she felt responsible for Edward. He wasn't aware of any of the tension. Apparently, Bella didn't think he would understand the situation or so she said when Leah asked about it. Leah suspected Bella was the one that didn't understand it or just didn't want to acknowledge the turmoil she brought on her father and the rest of the family. Bella liked to argue that Thanksgiving was about family not history, but if that were true then family would be more important than her stupid need to celebrate the stupid holiday.
Still, it's wasn't Edward's fault that he walked, unarmed, into a cultural war, and Leah took him under her wing. First chance she got, she dragged him with her out of the house and gave him a run down on the whole situation.. She was surprised to see Edward's face transform into an apologetic expression and to hear him promise to speak with Bella. Leah told him it was very sweet but also completely pointless. When her stepsister got an idea in her head there was no dissuading her. Edward had nodded and commented that it was one of the things he loved about her the most. Her tenacity. Leah had another word for it, but she chose not to share it with her stepsister's obviously love-struck boyfriend.
"Okay," Edward hissed, grabbing her arm in an almost too tight grip, and pulled her in close. "I need your help."
"Uh...sure," she replied and wondered what the hell was wrong him. "What do you need?"
Edward leaned closer, making Leah feel that same odd uncomfortable swirl in her belly whenever he got close to her. "Just make sure he doesn't try to shoot me?"
"What did you do?" She tried to maintain a playful smirk, but Edward's face was so close and what he said was confusing her.
"Just get my back, please," he pleaded, holding her gaze for a long moment, and raised his hand to her cheek.
"Okay," she replied in a daze and nearly fell over when he let her go.
"Charlie," Edward said, turning to kneel in front of the car, and placed a shaky hand on the bumper. "Could you come out, please? I have something I need to ask you."
"Can it wait, Ed? I'm kind of in the middle of something," Charlie barked back, and Edward seemed to crumple a little.
Leah immediately stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a little squeeze. She wasn't sure what he was so nervous about, but she knew it would help him to know she was there. It worked. He straightened and took deep breath.
"No, sir. It can't wait," Edward finally said in an oddly formal tone.
"Fine!" There was a loud clanging sound and another loud curse, before Charlie finally appeared from under the car. "Well, what it is?"
Edward was already backing up and nearly stumbled, but Leah caught him. She stood behind him, almost completely hidden, and kept her hand on his back. She could feel the odd trembling passing over the muscle beneath her hands and felt a pang of sympathy. Edward was always a little off balance around Charlie, something her stepfather often seemed to enjoy, but this was different. This was almost fear.
"Charlie…sir, I would like to…that is to say it is my intention-" Edward sputtered and stumbled over his words, while he tried to spit out whatever he was trying to say.
Charlie stared at him, a look of confusion and irritation on his face. Leah knew nothing good could come from annoying Charlie, so she did the only thing she could think to help. She slapped Edward's back hard.
"I want to marry Bella!" Edward practically yelled it and nearly stumbled forward from the force of Leah's hit. "I mean, with your permission."
Leah and Charlie had matching looks of shock, while Edward fidgeted with his shirt. It was insane, way too soon, and fucking stupid. She couldn't swallow it, couldn't wrap her head around it. Edward and Bella were solid, that was for sure, but Leah still never thought that they would get married. Much less this soon.
For all his clumsiness, Edward looked determined. Leah knew that look and knew it meant that he wasn't fucking around. He loved Bella, and he was the kind of guy to marry the girl he loved. It made sense, even if it was crazy.
"I don't know," Charlie said slowly, frowning, and slowly shook his head. "You're both so young."
"We're in love," Edward insisted.
"Her mother and I were in love, too," Charlie countered, looking even more determined.
Edward was taking a breath, about to speak, when Leah stepped forward. She held up her hand to silence Edward and walked over to her stepfather, a tired look on her face. Charlie gave her a suspicious look but allowed her to speak.
"Charlie, you want Bells to be happy, right?" Leah put her hands on her hips and gave her stepfather her best no-bullshit expression.
"Yeah, what's your point?" Charlie gave her an equally no-nonsense look and folded his arms over his chest.
"Edward makes her happy; even you can't deny that," Leah said, placing her hands on his arms and slowly unfolded them, and leaned in close to whisper. "He loves her, and he won't ever leave her. I promise."
"You don't know that," Charlie mumbled, his stern expression wavering, but the tension in his arms remained.
"I know him," Leah replied, looking him directly in the eye and never wavering in her conviction.
Charlie closed his eyes, and the tension left his arms. Leah stepped back and turned, knowing the outcome before he even spoke. She closed her own eyes, wishing with everything part of her heart that she hadn't done what she just did.
"Okay," Charlie sighed.
"Thank you, sir," Edward said, sounding happy and energized.
There was a scuffling sound, and Charlie said, "I don't hug."
"Yes, sorry," Edward apologized, the joy in his voice never wavier.
"I should talk with Sue," Charlie mumbled, the sound of footsteps and the closing of the garage door signaling his exit.
Leah counted the seconds of silence, unable to bring herself to open her eyes for fear of revealing herself to Edward. She hoped he would leave soon, run off to propose to Bella in some ridiculously romantic fashion that was befitting him. Maybe he would hide the ring in a piece of pumpkin pie, so Leah would be forced to have to relive this horrible moment forever.
Of all the men that she knew, why did she have to pick him? The answer was simple. She'd never picked. She never stood a chance. Edward was beautiful, kind, and one of her best friends. She was a goner from the moment she saw him in that stupid fucking sweater. It had just taken her a year to figure it out. Now, he was going to marry her stepsister, and he would be her brother-in-law. Leah would bear witness to the man she loved, loving someone else for the rest of her life.
The weight of it all was threatening to suffocate her. It was all she had to not cry, but she wasn't going to let that happen. Not in front of Edward. She need to get out of this room, get away from him before these emotions tore her apart, but it was too late.
"Oh my god, Leah!" His arms encircled her waist, and she was off the ground before she could do more than squeak with surprise. "I can't believe he didn't kill me!"
He was spinning her around and pressing her close to his body, his arms like iron around her body, and his laughter like sparks, beautiful and painful to her ears. She opened her eyes and saw his dazzling smile. Her heart expanded in her chest, threatening to push the last of the air out of her lungs, and mercifully end the torment of being in his arms for the first time.
"Thank you. I could have never done this without you." His expression of affection warmed her even as his words cut through her, and then to her shock, he closed the distance between them. His lips pressed against hers in a soft, sweet and closed mouth kiss. It was a gesture of friendship and love, that mocked the deep well of desire bubbling up inside her. She fought back a sob and gently pushed him away. He pulled back to regard her with a sheepish expression, color filling his pale cheeks and that same, blind expression of euphoric joy on his gorgeous face.
"No thanks needed," Leah said with a shrug, struggling to smile back, despite the throbbing pain in her chest. "It's the least I can do for a friend."