me-ladie - I think Bruce would be a jealous type. He seems like the sort who wouldn't be able to handle being forgotten. Especially for someone who is a nemesis.
laal ratty - I love when you find one fanfic that is so great you can read and re-read it time and time again. The feeling is so nice. I'm super honoured you think mine is worthy of that treatment. Thanks so much for the review and the kind words!
SavL7 - I hope you're not done with this pairing? I love your work! Also, I'm tempted to write an Alfred fic where he's the hero for the day. He needs more fan love. ^_^
NURSE J0Y - I didn't intend for the homage, but I figured Eddie would think logically about the best way to kill a terminally ill man would be smothering him. If it looks like natural causes and the man was terminally ill, then I doubt there would be an autopsy done. Of course all my knowledge of forensic science comes from CSI so...I could be wrong *removes sunglasses intensely* DEAD wrong. Of course if you want to think I mirrored the death of TE's moms, that's alright by me too.
Violeta27 - I'm going on the fact that Bruce has done some slightly questionable things in the past in an effort to keep Gotham safe. I figured he wouldn't like it, but if bugging Lina was what he needed to do, then he would.
Robot521 - Aw, thanks for caring about me! ^_^ I am feeling a little better. Here's a thank you dance for being such a long standing, loyal reviewer *does the Charleston while singing 'In My Merry Oldsmobile* I only do that for close personal friends, so feel honoured.
JannaKalderash - My first Bat experience was with Lee Merriweather as Catwoman in the 60's movie. She'll always be my Catwoman because of this (I love the other two, I do! Please no one start the great 'Which Catwoman is the better Catwoman' debate!). But Frank Gorshin deserves a lot more love and respect for his role as the Riddler. Not only did he give him the ultimate Riddler laugh, but if it wasn't for Mr. Gorshin saying 'hey guys, how about giving me a suit so I don't have to run around in these tights for the whole movie' then the Riddler as we know him would never have his slick style. Plus the seeds of my love for the Riddler/Catwoman pairing came about when I watched the movie and noticed that the Riddler (I suppose because Frank Gorshin was a gentleman) wrapped his arms around Catwoman's waist when things went to rot in the Penguin's submarine and held her safely against the periscope as people were being thrashed about. Yes. That started my love of the pairing. No one judge me! Yikes, sorry for writing you a damned book...^_^
Sorry for the long author's note today, kids. But these people took the time to review my work and deserve individual attention for their efforts. But here's the chapter! Enjoy! And, hey, do something nice for a stranger today.
Chapter Twelve: Chloroform & Keys
Day Nineteen: Part Two
**Harley**
At first her puddin' wasn't too thrilled with her.
She supposed she had the thrashing coming to her. But as Mister J forgave her and soon forgot about the indiscretion she had with the Professor, things went back to normal. It was just her and him against the rotten world and the stupid ol' Bat bum.
Sitting on a crate in the old toy factory swinging her legs idly, she listened to her baby yell at his goons for something they didn't do right. At her feet her hyena's watched the scene, ears perked, tongues hanging from their mouths, flapping as they panted.
Sometimes she missed Professor Crane's quiet ways. Days when her puddin' was all worked up and in a rage at someone, she missed Crane's seemingly passive manner. Still, her baby was pretty fantastic when it came to other things.
He was a marvellous dancer and she really believed that he'd kill that Batjerk some day.
Yet deep down she had secretly hoped that the rumours weren't true, that her baby didn't kill Crane out of jealousy. She wouldn't want Jonny to die just because she was silly enough to kiss and hold him. It wasn't done with any cruel intentions. She honestly liked spending time with the Professa, she just knew it wasn't a choice between him or her puddin'. When it came down to that, Mistah J always won. He was the 'It' the flappers always talked on about.
And it wasn't just Jonny she missed. Since Mister J came back, Harley wasn't really allowed much time to herself to go and visit with Pam or Lina and she missed that. They had a lot of fun. Plus, Harley sighed heavily, she missed Mister E. She liked his voice, it comforted her like a father's would. And he always knew the right thing to say or what to do. She liked that about him.
But Mistah J is perfect! She decided firmly.
Across the room her puddin' jammed a needle of acid into a goon's eye and the man dropped writhing in pain as the acid ate away at the inside of his skull.
It was a shame, Harley thought, that goon always shared his candy with her.
"Oh, Harley?" Her baby sing-songed.
She leapt off the crate and over her pets. "Yeah, Mistah J?"
He looked absolutely pleased with himself as she hustled over and thrust a brightly wrapped gift at her.
"For me?" She asked.
"No, you idiot, it's a bomb. I want you to deliver it to the corner of seventh and McKay."
Harley eyed the gift. "Okay, sure thing."
**Selina**
It was nearly six by the time they had got back to her apartment.
The vet said he would call when the surgery was over, but said until then to just go home and get some rest.
She was just glad the poor thing survived the accident, but she still hoped it made it through the surgery. Cats kind of were more than just her calling card, she knew that from a young age. They were so much like her at times, that it was almost as though they were the same species.
Throwing her old lady costume onto the chair in the corner of her bedroom, she changed into her silk robe and headed out into the kitchen to make some tea. Passing by the front hall table where Eddie's letter sat, she paused.
He had returned to his lair to change and prepare for the upcoming war.
The envelope sat innocently on the table like a bill or any other common piece of junk mail.
For some reason the incident with the cat hung over her head. She wasn't superstitious, but for days she had felt that maybe this move against the Joker wasn't going to end well, that the cat was an omen of sorts.
It could just have been the fact that the Clown Prince of Crime always came out on top whenever it came to something like this.
Don't be stupid, Lina. She thought, picking up the letter.
Throwing it onto the kitchen table, she went about making her tea, hoping a nice, warm cup would sooth her nerves.
Heading towards the door as someone knocked, she opened it without really thinking and came face to face with Bruce, who smiled crookedly at her.
"Hello, Selina." He greeted casually, hands in his pockets.
She smirked. "Bruce. What brings you around? Again."
"Can I come in?"
Worried that Ed might pop back at any second, she blocked the door with her body. "What's up?"
"Let me in and I'll tell you." He replied.
"Tell me and I'll let you in." She replied mischievously.
"Selina, since when are you so cold to me?" He asked with a playful grin. It was that playboy smile of his that fooled all the other bimbo's around town, but it didn't fool her one bit.
"Since you started buzzing around me like a bee to a flower."
He chuckled darkly. "And let me guess, you're beginning to get suspicious."
"Once in a blue moon is a rare thing, but twice before the moon's even waned, is a rather curious occasion for Bruce Wayne to turn up on my doorstep." She said. "A girl begins to wonder."
"And just what sort of flags go up in your head when he comes around?"
Selina brushed a strand of hair off her shoulder. "He? Which he? I have a lot of them."
"But only one lately, isn't it?" Bruce asked, pocketing his hands casually and pushing past her.
She let him into the apartment only because she wasn't sure how to get him out without making him suspicious. Still, she moved him into the kitchen and managed to get Bruce to sit in a chair that faced the corner of her kitchen.
Easing down across from him, she crossed her legs.
"So, you found out, huh?" She asked.
"I wasn't expecting it." He said.
"Well, Ozzie has been after me for a long time and I thought I'd give him a thrill for a while." She said, hoping to razzle dazzle him with a gentle push in the opposite direction.
Shaking his head, Bruce chuckled. "And how does Edward Nygma feel about that?"
"Eddie was fun, I'll admit, but a girl can't go on in life without someone to keep her bed warm…and since he's stone cold and six feet under, I guess I needed a new option."
"Don't play this game, Selina. You and I are both too smart and too old for it."
"How smart do you think I am?" She purred. "After all, if you think I'm so smart, don't you think I'd be smart enough to know what's good for me? You coming here just proves to me that there's no trust left between us anymore. You did come here because you think I'm, what? In cahoots with someone?"
"Can you blame me? Edward Nygma fakes his own death and you're keeping very close company with him from what I've heard. Which makes me worry about your mental state."
"He's dead, Bruce."
"No." He stated firmly. "He isn't. And I'm beginning to wonder why you're protecting him..."
"You bugged me, didn't you?"
"I had to know."
"That's low, even for you."
"You know my reasons." He stated. "All one million of them."
"I think it's time you left." She said.
He furrowed his brow delicately. "I don't want you to make the same mistake you made when you were young. I don't want you falling for the wrong man."
"I'm a big girl, Bruce. And what you forget is that I'm not a perfect beacon of humanity like you, I still use my claws whenever and wherever I feel like. If you want an angel, then go sniff around those society girls because I will never be that girl you want. And coming around here to discredit the men I choose to spend my time with is just a sleazy tactic."
"Selina this isn't about-"
"I think it's time you went, Bruce." She said, getting to her feet.
He followed suit politely, and trailed after her to the door. "He's a master of manipulation! What do you think he's playing at with you, Selina? When has Edward Nygma ever shown any loyalty to anyone?"
"Never. But don't you think I don't know that? Again, how smart do you think I am?" She wrenched the door open for him.
"Selina," he said, pausing at the threshold. "Just…promise me you'll be cautious?"
"Goodbye, Bruce."
Shutting the door on him, she leaned back against it. In a way Bruce was right, in another he was dead wrong. She just wasn't sure which was which about what.
**Edward**
After popping up around the city, he eventually found his girls in the Scarecrow's lair, listening to the blowhard as he went on about the Spanish Inquisition.
Not really in the mood to let Crane go on about torture devices and on a bit of a schedule, he interrupted the session by clearing his throat.
His girls leapt to their feet.
"Boss!" Query exclaimed. "Is it time?"
"Soon. Could I speak to you for a minute, girls?"
They both exchanged a glance, before joining him in the corner.
Edward watched as Crane made himself busy conveniently within hearing distance, but ignored it.
"What do you need, boss?" Echo asked.
"There's a little matter I need you girls to handle for me. It's a delicate operation, but a very important one. There can be no foul-ups."
The women beamed at him.
"What do you need, boss?"
**Selina**
Sitting at the table in her kitchen, she went through about two years of serious interactions with the Riddler.
She knew it was just torturing herself, but she analyzed every look, every word Eddie had ever said to her. Bruce couldn't be right about Eddie manipulating her. What would he be using her for? There was nothing she really did for him. There were no benefits to having him in her bed.
Still.
His words stuck with her. They couldn't have come at a worse moment.
Running a finger over the envelope he had given her, she wondered if it could possibly hold something important. If it was really something he wanted her to have in the event of his death or if it was just a charming line he had given her to win her trust.
She scoffed, with her luck it was probably another goddamned listening device. After all, it bulged a little in the centre, something was there that wasn't just a note.
Running a sharp nail under the slit, she opened the envelope.
Eddie would be back soon, but she was curious. If what he had given her gave her any clue to his loyalty, if the letter was kind, sweet, perhaps with a touch of Eddie's neurotic charm then he actually cared, but if it was cold, distant instructions on what to do in the event of his death, then she was just some woman he kept around for a later purpose.
If it was nothing at all. Then it was a decoy.
But it wouldn't be. It couldn't be. There was something there.
Pulling out the note inside dragged a key out with it, and it clattered on the tabletop.
Ignoring the key, she flipped the note over.
Where first and last blood was spilt and the boy reborn, the Princely fortune rests at the feet of Queens. Bring together ten knights of the highest order, five bards to sing our praise and thirty-two Lords and Ladies with which they shall dine, they'll meet where the magnolia's never grew, but are championed forever.
She turned the note over hoping there was more on the other side. It wasn't cold, she supposed. It was pure Eddie, but not cold. It was a message of sorts.
Picking up the key, she studied it.
It was small, a lock box key perhaps? Some sort of security box or something like that. Padlock?
Both the note and the key were pocketed as she heard footsteps in her hall.
Eddie was back.
Pushing to her feet, she didn't even get turned around when a rag was placed over her mouth, she felt herself falling backwards, caught by a pair of strong arms before she hit the floor.
**Harley**
Proud of herself for successfully delivering the gift, she skipped along towards the toy factory, her babies tugging at their leashes and snarling at the world.
She hummed, happy that her puddin' would be excited to hear about her success.
The hyena's were caught up in some vines before Harley could even react and she spun around to find a figure behind some old crates standing in wait.
"Red? Is that you?" She demanded. "Let my babies go!"
Ivy chuckled and emerged from the crates. "Those mutts are vermin." She purred.
Harley fisted her hands and placed them on her hips. "They are not!" She snapped, before turning sunny again. "Whatcha doin' here?"
Releasing the beasts, Ivy only stepped back a little as they strained on the ends of their leashes for her. "I thought we could go out for dinner or something."
"It's kind of early." Harley argued. "I just had a late lunch." She beamed happily remembering the gelato she bought off a street vendor. "It was delicious!"
"Let's meet somewhere. Say the Iceberg at eight?"
"I can't. Mistah J is gonna have me running circles all night." She said. "How about tomorrow. I think I can skip out for a bit."
"To hell with the Joker, Harls! Don't let him tell you what to do!" Ivy growled.
Harley frowned. "I'll have you know, I'm much more assertive with him now. He doesn't own me anymore!"
"Then leave him. Tonight, now!" Grasping Harley's arm, Ivy tugged her in the direction of the street. "Go and just…never come back. Okay?"
"Red, yer bein' strange."
"I'm not. I'm just sick of him beating you down, Harls."
"Aw, he doesn't beat me down much. Only when I do somethin' stupid. Sometimes I do and I know it. He keeps me from being silly, I need that sometimes."
Harley watched as Poison Ivy frowned, her face looking like it was pained or something worse. "What about Crane?" She suggested. "He never hurt you."
"Yeah, and I almost fell off the top of city hall with him! I was being stupid and almost fell, Mistah J keeps me from doin' things like that." Harley argued. "Geez, Red, yer actin' crazy."
Pam's face smoothed again and she managed a small, cold smile. "You're right. I think…maybe I just miss spending time with you."
Harley beamed widely and leapt at her friend for a hug. "I miss ya too!" She wrapped her arms around Pam tightly and giggled.
"I'm sorry, Harls." Pam whispered. "But you can't go home tonight."
Harley pulled away with a frown, but the world spun and she blinked away the sting of powder as it was blown into her face from Ivy's hand. It was something the woman had concocted, but it was unknown to her.
"Ya cheated, Red." She muttered, before slumping against her friend.
**Crane**
Instead of going back to wherever he kept himself, Crane noticed that Edward Nygma sat himself in his wing back chair and brooded.
Checking his watch, it was about four to six. Another few hours until the attack, another few hours until they made the first and hopefully last move on the Joker.
Still, he wasn't sure he liked Edward just moping about behind him. It was too much of a distraction.
Turning away from his work, Crane studied his friend.
The Riddler was slumped in the chair gracefully, a long leg hooked over the arm, the other stuck out diagonally, but straight on the floor. His hands were resting over his tie and his hat was tilted, but he was definitely awake and he was definitely brooding.
"I hope she beats you senseless, when all is said and done." Crane said.
Pushing up his hat, Edward scowled a little. "It had to be done."
"Well, you can explain that to her when she's got your neck in her claws."
Settling back under his hat, Edward growled. "She was determined to tag along."
"And…?"
"Nothing."
Quirking a brow, Crane pushed out of his chair. "Nothing? Now, come on, Edward, you're never so monosyllabic. What else is forcing you to keep her from this raid?"
"Crane, one of these days you're going to pick the wrong brain and you'll end up at the bottom of the bay." Edward stated firmly.
Kneeling at his friend's side, Crane smirked proudly. "What could possibly make you decide to kidnap Selina Kyle to keep her from giving you capable back-up? I don't think you'd keep her out of the game if she was anything but…" he paused, mind working. Then he chuckled darkly, almost cruelly. "Oh…didn't I warn you against getting her in such a way, Eddie?"
The Riddler pushed his bowler up to glare at the man beside him.
"I think you have everything you deserve coming to you." Crane gloated. "After all, that is the risk a man takes when taking up with a woman on the cusp of middle age. They begin to realize, at that age, that soon things will dry up and that all hope for a continuation of the bloodline will be lost." Flashing the Riddler a sick, almost twisted grin, Crane went on. "Did you get the girls to kidnap her so that you could do something about her condition? Forcible termination of an unwanted guest?"
"It's not that." Edward replied simply. "It can't be that. Believe me, measures were taken."
"Ah, but you think it is that. Don't you?"
The Riddler was silent.
"Deep down in that cranium of yours, you just know." Crane dropped the smile. "After all, there must be a reason why you'd deny a good fighter like Selina Kyle the chance to lend one more hand to the death squad. You're too intelligent to let her just sit this one out and you're not a chauvinist like the rest of us. You'd let your own mother fight if she were still alive."
When Edward continued to remain passively silent, Crane chuckled.
"Let me know what it's like in a year, hm? All the gory details…"
The Riddler continued to slumber under his hat.
"I feel pretty good right now." Crane said. "I didn't do anything, but somehow I feel accomplished. Not as accomplished as you, mind."
"I hope you have ten of them." Edward hissed.