Saying that Zuko is excited is an understatement.
He's ecstatic.
He and Katara had only ever seen each other over the summer, and only for a couple of months at a time, and it was always in the Fire Nation.
He is finally going to visit her. He is finally going to see where she lived. This felt important, probably more important than it actually was, but Zuko felt that getting to see the Southern Water Tribe was like getting to see another part of Katara.
He leaves in three days.
Zuko has a red parka. A red parka.
Zuko likes the color red, truthfully speaking. The color red and the Fire Nation go hand in hand. But Zuko doesn't really want to be the only person wearing red in a sea of blue.
It's not that Zuko doesn't want to stick out like a sore thumb; he's actually quite used to it, with his scar and royal status. It's just that this trip isn't about him. At all. It's about her. It's about seeing her, talking to her, finding private places to kiss her, and being with her.
Zuko would definitely prefer not to stick out.
He leaves in two days.
Sang should come, he thinks.
The wolf knows something is up. He sits on Zuko's bed and watches him with wide, questioning eyes as Zuko debates over and over again what to bring.
Zuko thinks that Sang would probably enjoy returning to his homeland. There would be snow.
Snow.
Zuko's eyes widen as he stares at Sang from across his room.
Zuko has never seen snow.
Funny, he had sort of forgotten about the fact that there would be a total climate change, much less snow.
In truth, he always only thought of her.
He leaves tomorrow.
Zuko wonders if Agni does things like this on purpose for his own amusement.
He's at the dock. He's about to board his ship. Sang is at his feet, tail wagging, and glancing up at Zuko occasionally with curiosity in his intelligent eyes. Azula, who is there to see him off, has been making inappropriate comments about contraceptive waterbending. He has already told his mother, cousin, and uncle good bye. He's ready.
But then there's another ship and it's familiar. It pulls into the harbor with more speed than necessary, and for a moment Zuko thinks his eyes are deceiving him.
Sang is barking and Azula is actually speechless, because suddenly she's there, acting like she had never left at all.
Zuko isn't sure how he feels. A part of him wishes she had let him come to her for once.
She arrives today.
"You're mad at me."
They're in the gardens, like always.
"I'm not."
He's not lying either. He's not angry with her, just confused. And maybe a little irritated.
She's shredding a blade of grass with her fingers. She can't look at him in the eye. "I have to tell you…." She pauses, stares at him for a long moment before visibly shuddering. "I couldn't stay away any longer." It's a weak statement.
Zuko frowns. "I appreciate that," he says. "But, I was leaving today. I would have been there in a couple of weeks—"
"I know." She peeks up at him and he can catch the guilt in her expression. "You were excited about coming, weren't you?"
He shifts a bit, uncomfortable. "I mean, yeah." He shrugs with one shoulder and looks over at her, not wanting to let on just how excited he had been. "I had a red parka and everything."
She smiles a bit and suddenly the slight tension between them diffuses.
Zuko suddenly realizes the endless possibilities between them. Sokka didn't come with her and Azula is off doing something or another. It's just her and him. There's no interruption. There's really no one else.
He clears his throat. "What do you want to do?"
She's anxious about something. It takes Zuko about one full day to figure that out. She gives him vague reasons as to why she's here, and when he pushes the subject she gets tight lipped and quiet.
He thinks that he'll get it out of her eventually; he just has to be patient.
A couple of weeks later Zuko wonders when Katara is planning on leaving. She's given no indication on when she's planning to go, or if she's even planning on leaving at all.
He mentally starts to go over ways he can convince her to stay.
The marketplace is dusty and despite the fact that it's fall the heat is still oppressive.
People stare at him and Katara as they walk by. Mostly at him. Mostly at his scar, really. A few years ago he would have insisted on wearing a cloak in order to hide it, but now he doesn't really care what their stares imply.
Katara's grip on his hand is tight and she glares back at everyone who is looking at him funny. Zuko finds this much more amusing then he should. It's cute, he thinks, how protective she is.
Then they walk past a stand selling jewelry and trinkets and her grasp on his hand loosens. Intimidating people forgotten, Katara quickly walks over to the stand and gushes over everything that's blue.
Zuko can afford to buy her the entire display and is about to do so, but Katara fusses at him and makes him put away his small bag of coins.
She picks out some kind of thing for her hair (Zuko supposes it's pretty), and presses a couple of coins from her own pocket into the vendors palm.
Zuko spends the next ten minutes lecturing her on why she didn't have to buy things anymore, and how he didn't mine doing it, and that he never would mind doing it.
He's not quite sure what he's implying with the last part. He gulps and his heart speeds up.
She bites her bottom lip and doesn't meet his gaze. She spends the rest of the afternoon looking down at the ground.
He teaches her how to make his chocolate custard thing. Just before they're about to dig in she sticks her finger into hers and swipes custard across his neck and jaw. Before he can get annoyed she leans in and starts licking and sucking it off. He immediately thinks about her licking and sucking other things and he has to quickly remind himself not to jump his girlfriend in the kitchens where anyone could walk in on them.
Even though it would be awesome.
She's still terrible at climbing trees. It's cute.
He watches as she worries over Nukka. The wolf is getting up in her years. There's gray around her muzzle and her gate is slower and more strained.
Zuko quietly asks her how long the life expectancy for a wolf is. She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times. He doesn't push her to answer.
Azula walks in on him and Katara making out. He politely reminds his sister that in a way it's payback.
He catches her crying over seemingly nothing on more than one occasion. When he asks her what's wrong she shakes her head, looks at him, then says she'll tell him tomorrow. Always tomorrow, and yet she never says anything.
So hot. Too hot.
He groans and rolls off of her. She lets out an antsy whine.
"What are you doing?"
His breaths are harsh. "I didn't want to…scare you…or anything."
There's a quiet moment and then a snort. "Wow."
He turns his head to glower at her from where he's sprawled out next to her on his bed.
Her face is flushed but she's smiling. "Because an erection is so scary," she pants.
Before his pride can feel properly wounded, she's straddling his hips and leaning forward in a flash. Her skirt hikes up, exposing long, shapely tan thighs and legs. She leans forward and her long hair curtains his face and he can see her, only her. She kisses him and runs her tongue along his bottom lips, all the while thrusting her hips.
They move forward.
Hours later, Zuko contemplates what his favorite part of the evening was.
He thinks it must be the sounds she made, or that the reasons why she made those sounds were because of him.
He thinks it must have been the way her body curved perfectly below and above him, and how he hadn't realized anyone could look so fantastic without a speck of clothes on.
He thinks it might have been the way her hair stuck to her face and neck after awhile, or the way her grip in his hair tightened with every swipe and twirl of his tongue.
He thinks that maybe it was the way she told him to go quickly because it was going to hurt no matter what, but he went slowly anyway because he wanted her to feel as good as possible.
He thinks that perhaps it's the way it got swelteringly hot between them, until the pressure was too much to bare and he had to stifle his moans into her shoulder.
But no, he realizes that his favorite part of the evening is that a little while after they had finished they had decided to do it again, and the second time had been even better then the first.
Lu Ten and his wife announce that they're expecting a child.
Zuko feels happy, although he hopes they don't expect him to babysit or anything.
Later on that day he finds her curled up in a corner in the library, sobbing.
She won't open up to him. That's when the feeling of foreboding starts. He sits there with her until the tears stop. If she's sad then he's sad too.
Zuko thinks that maybe he's always loved Katara. He was just too young to understand it.
"I've never actually been in here before."
He gives her a look of surprise. "Really?"
She nods, looking around the throne room with interest. "When I was little I thought it was scary. Plus, we were told it was off limits." She turns her head and looks over her shoulder at him. "My voice echoes a little."
She laughs and the sound bounces off the walls. Zuko smiles.
"You wanna sit on the throne?" he offers nonchalantly.
Her eyes widen in shock. "Isn't that, I don't know, taboo or something?"
Technically, yes, it is. Even Zuko isn't allowed to sit on it. He decides not to tell Katara this. "Nah. Not really."
She stands still for a moment before bolting around to a small set of stairs off to the side that led to the throne. Then she eases herself down onto it before putting her hands on the arms of the throne and sitting up straight as a rod.
"Do I look imposing?" she asks, jutting out her chin out in an attempt to look regal.
"As intimidating as Fire Lord Iroh himself," he answers easily.
She snorts. "No offence to your uncle, but he's not all that scary."
It's Zuko's turn to snort. "Tell that to Lu Ten."
Katara smiles before easing herself back into the throne, basking in the atmosphere.
She has been carefree today, more so then she's been during her entire visit. For a moment Zuko thinks that they could be like this forever, carefree and happy. After all, Sokka was going to be Chief and Lu Ten was going to be Fire Lord. He and Katara weren't strictly tied down. They could do and go wherever they wanted with all the privilege that befits people of high ranking families. It's a good future, he thinks.
The moment is broken when Katara frowns, stands up and says, "We should go."
They don't sleep together that night. Something's off.
Zuko sits on his bed and strokes Sang's fur. He tries not to think about how everything is slipping through his fingers.
And just like that it's the worst day of his life.
She's at his bedroom door right as the sun rises. Her eyes are red and she looks pale.
"I have to go," she says dully.
He wants to sink down to the floor but manages to keep himself upright. "To the South Pole?"
"The North Pole."
He takes in a sharp intake of breath. "Why?"
"A duty for my tribe," she answers without looking at him.
His jaw clenches. "You're getting married, aren't you?" he growls. "And you never bothered to tell—"
Finally she looks at him. And then she rolls her eyes. "No, I'm not getting married."
Zuko blinks. "Oh."
She shakes her head at him. "Arranged marriages haven't been practiced in the South Pole in over a hundred years. That's why my grandmother left the North Pole. To escape an arranged marriage."
Zuko realizes that she's told him all of this before over the years. But Zuko had jumped to conclusions anyway. Not that that was unusual for him.
He sighs. "Why are you going to in the North Pole, then?"
Her eyes fill with tears. She moves past him and sits on the edge of his bed. "A couple of months ago some of my fellow tribe members were up in the North Pole, just visiting more or less." She peers up at him. "There's been some tension between our tribes for awhile. We have completely different values on the roles of women, on waterbending, on tribal conduct." She lip trembles. "Anyway, a fight broke out and a couple of people were killed."
Zuko freezes. "Anyone you knew?"
She nods. "My waterbending teacher, Hama."
"I'm so sorry, Katara." Zuko finds himself stepping right up to her, subconsciously blocking her way to the door. "But is it even safe for you to go there?" His voice is strained.
"That's the thing. Tensions are high right now. My dad doesn't think there will be a war or anything, but… There's a chance that neither tribe will affiliate with the other anymore. Neither my father nor Chief Arnook want that." She takes in a breath. "My dad wants me to go to the North Pole and act as an ambassador for the South Pole, as a mediator of sorts. I would help protect my tribe, my people,and I might be able to inspire a little change as well."
Zuko's mind whirls. He places his hand on the wooden bedpost in an attempt to clear his thoughts. "Okay, so you'll be there for what? A year? Maybe two? I'll come visit, maybe further outside influence would be good—"
"Zuko, this would be permanent."
He doesn't quite get it at first. "What?"
"I would be staying there. Presumably for the rest of my life. I could travel sometimes, I suppose, but—"
He's starting to get it. "Katara..?"
She's visibly shaking. "I came here to end—" she gestures between them "—this."
Everything has slipped through his fingers and disappeared.
She pushes forward, trying to explain. "It's not right for this to continue, Zuko. You don't deserve to have to put up with—"
"That's not your decision to make!" His chest is heaving. He's burning. "What the hell have these past few months been? Did you think you'd come and we'd have one last hoorah before you just took off into the sunset!"
"No!" she shouts, on her feet instantly and staring pleadingly up at him. "I didn't want to do it through a letter because I thought you deserved better then that! I wanted to do it face to face!"
"Then why didn't you do it as soon as you got here? You wouldn't have had to leave the dock! Instead of stringing me along—"
"I wasn't! I wasn't trying to! I swear!"
"Then why didn't you tell me?" He's burning.
"Because I saw you, okay?" There are tears streaming down her face but they don't really move him this time. "I saw you and I felt happy. And I didn't want to leave. I think I tried to tell you every day. But I didn't want this to stop. I still don't."
Zuko thinks about how just yesterday he'd thought about their hypothetical future together. Funny, how quickly things can go up in smoke.
"But you're stopping it anyway." His voice is cold.
"Zuko—"
He turns his head away from her. "I think you should go."
"Zuko…" He can hear her panic, but when she grabs his elbow he jerks it away. "I think you should go," he repeats sharply.
So she does.
As soon as his door closes he grabs a decorative teapot that sits on his desk (courtesy of Iroh) and flings it against the wall.
He watches the multitude of pieces hit and slide about the floor, out of control and never to be whole again. He sympathizes, because that's exactly how he feels.
He lies in his bed for the next two days.
He thinks he should have got down on his knees and begged her to stay.
He hasn't showered, and all he's had to eat in the past 48 hours are a couple of dumplings. But none of that matters, because right now Zuko has an idea.
He needs change. He can't mope about the palace for the next year. Azula would kill him.
He starts to scroll his sloppy characters across the parchment.
Avatar Aang—
Would you be interested in taking on an…apprentice of sorts?
A/N:
Well, I for one am glad that's over. This was a chore to write, an absolute chore. I kind of hate this chapter. Not the writing, but the breaking up of our precious couple. I hate it. I think my subconscious desperately didn't want to break Zuko and Katara up so it rebelled against me. That's why it took me so stinkin' long to get this chapter out. But it had to be done. I'm sure none of you believe me, but it had to be done.
Admittedly, I kind of got a huge kick out of everyone automatically assuming that Hakoda was forcing Katara into an arranged marriage. Not so ;) Although poor Hama :(
Special thanks go out to audreyii-fic for providing suggestions and helping me slug through the bullshit of this chapter. Thanks hon!
Hope you all aren't too pissed with me. There was vague, PG-13ish sex though! That helped soften the blow, right? Right? Review and let me know what you think!