For the most part Katara thinks she's doing okay.
She's managed not to throw up, or have a nervous breakdown, or hyperventilate. Her small home is clean and tidy; nothing is out of place. She's managed to smile at everyone she's come across. She taught her waterbending class with all the focus she would have on a normal day.
But ever since the Avatar's ship was spotted she's been sitting on the edge of her bed, clenching her hands against her knees and staring at her fur covered floor.
What if he's still angry with her? They haven't spoken in years. What if he hates her, or refuses to talk to her?
She worries her lip and practically jumps out of her skin when someone bangs against her front door and shouts, "He's officially here!"
She lets out a barely audible whimper. It's go-time.
She stands up, brushes nonexistent dust off of her parka and thick pants, holds her head up and marches right out of her home.
Her steps are steady, she's not fumbling, and she's holding herself up straight—
She catches a hint of red and orange through the crowd, turns on her heel and practically bolts back down the street and around the corner behind the training area. She leans against one of the large ice walls and takes deep breaths, letting the cold air shock her lungs and wake up her system.
She tilts her head up and takes in the white sky, feeling frustrated.
She's being a coward and she knows it.
She turns a little bit, trying to gain her bearings and attempt to find him again.
"Hello, Katara," comes a soft voice.
She whirls around, startled.
"Avatar Aang," she gasps, pressing a hand against her chest. "Uh, h-how are you doing?"
She's never really properly met the Avatar. She spoke to him briefly during Lu Ten's wedding, but that was one night she would absolutely love to have erased from her memory.
"I'm doing quite all right." He offers her a kind smile. He takes a moment to glance around and absorb their surroundings. "Now, what is so interesting back here that it has kept you from coming and greeting my apprentice?"
She feels the blood rushing into her cheeks. "I-I was just, erm—"
"No matter!" He gestures for her to follow him and happily leads her back to where the crowds are. They both stop at the edge of the gathering, and Katara catches Zuko in the middle of the clearing.
He's juggling a couple of fireballs between his hands, thoroughly enrapturing a group of children at his feet. The children's eyes are wide and occasionally they clap or make "oooo"ing noises.
Katara can see that the corner of Zuko's mouth is tilting, as if he's trying very hard not to smile and look as amused as he is.
After a while the crowd starts to thin out as everyone begins to prepare for the feast in the Avatar's honor.
Eventually the children are called away by their parents, or they lose interest in the levitating balls of fire. After the last kid walks away, Zuko lowers his arms takes in a deep breath.
Suddenly all the amusement is gone from his face and he looks terrified.
Katara can relate.
She takes a tiny step towards him and the snow crunches loudly under her feet. Zuko's head jerks up and just like that neither of them can pretend anymore. She notices how he looks older, but in a good way. A really good way. Somehow it only makes this situation feel worse.
She puts her hands behind her back and he shoves his into the pockets of his pants. He shuffles towards her; she shuffles towards him.
"Hi," they both say at the same time.
Katara lets out a slight laugh; anything to make the mood a little lighter.
But Zuko only stares at her shoulder, frowning.
She digs her toe into the snow. "How was the trip over here?"
He shrugs one shoulder. "Fine."
"That's good to hear."
"Mhmm."
"Are you liking the North Pole so far?"
"Yeah."
"Are you excited for the feast?"
"Sure."
"Are you ever going to speak to me in sentences longer than one-word?"
"Nope."
Her mouth opens up in surprise, but for the first time since they've started speaking Zuko gives her a tiny smile and looks into her face. "Sorry," he says. He fumbles for a moment for something else to say. "It's just, this is really…"
"Strange?" she offers. She looks right up at him, determined not to let her gaze waver. She wants to at least appear strong.
He lets out a loud sigh, obviously frustrated. "A little, yeah. I was hoping it wouldn't be but—"
She cuts him off with a shake of her head. "Don't."
He swallows and nods.
She bites her lips and shifts her weight between her feet. "Zuko…"
His eyes widen and he jumps slightly at his name.
"It's just," she continues, pretending she didn't notice, "we're adults now so…" she trails off, not quite knowing what she's trying to imply. She knows that neither of them can just forget about what happened so quickly, but maybe they could at least try to move forward. Or pretend to. Anything to make this horrendous awkwardness go away. Anything to make the horrendous go away.
"I understand," she hears him say. Their eyes catch and suddenly Katara wants nothing more than to curl up underneath the furs on top of her bed and sleep through the next week. Or cry. Whichever.
A long moment of silence stretches between them.
His eyes leave her face to roam over the rest of her body before coming back up to settle at a point between her jaw and collarbone.
"You look good, Katara," he offers softly.
Something aches in her chest. "Thank you. So do you." And it's true.
She finds herself resisting the urge to reach out and brush his shaggy bangs away from his eyes. "The feast should be soon," she says weakly in a feeble attempt to change the subject.
"Okay." He takes a step back. "I think the Avatar needed me to help him out with, uh, something. I'll see you later."
And then he turns around and walks away.
The great hall is cluttered with people and the smell of steamed seafood fills the air.
Katara quietly makes her way towards the back in order to appear as inconspicuous as possible. She spots Kamik; he's waving his hand and gesturing for her to sit down in the empty spot next to him.
She almost makes it to the seat when she hears someone shouting her name. Loudly.
She freezes.
"Is it who I think it is?" she asks her friend dully.
Kamik nods slowly and gives her a sad smile. "You're needed by the Avatar."
"Just great."
She turns around and begins to make her way towards the front of the great hall, where all the important people sit. Technically she has a seat up front if she wants it, but Katara would rather sit with her friends and amongst her students.
The Avatar is standing up and beaming at her. To be frank, he looks as if he's about to shrivel away. But Katara would bet that he's a lot more powerful then he seems. Perhaps she could ask him to show her some waterbending moves one day. He's probably picked up a nifty trick or two in his one hundred and seventeen years of existence.
"Katara!" he exclaims with excitement. He points to the empty seat beside him—and beside Zuko. "Won't you sit down next to me and my esteemed apprentice? I've heard so much about your waterbending talent and how you've managed to transform so many things here in the North Pole! It would be mine and my apprentice's honor to have you sit with us this evening."
Katara's shoulders slump. How could she possibly refuse that?
"Alright," she agrees.
As she sits down she notices Zuko glowering at his plate.
"Hungry?" she says in a pathetic attempt at starting conversation.
"I could eat," he answers without bothering to look at her.
And thus they sit.
Fifteen minutes pass by before Arnook finally enters the great hall and gives a light speech on how happy the North Pole is to be hosting the Avatar.
The whole time all Katara can really think about is the fact that Zuko is literally inches away from her. She hasn't seen or spoken to him in years and suddenly he's right here. And she's not dreaming either. This is real.
Whenever he shifts in his seat, she notices.
Whenever he takes a deep breath or sighs, she notices.
Whenever he taps his feet or fiddles his thumbs, she notices.
Whenever he peeks at her out of the corner of his eye and then jumps because she's caught him, she most definitely notices.
And then dinner is served.
Its sea prunes and seal meat along with a small selection of vegetation that grows around the outskirts of the city.
Katara grew up on this type of food, so she begins to eat without a thought. After a beat, however, she notices Zuko staring down at his plate with apprehension.
He pokes at the sea prunes before turning his head slightly in her direction. "What…what is that?"
She has to force herself not to smile.
"Sea prunes," she answers. "They're good," she adds.
He gives her a look of disbelief before letting out a sigh of defeat and popping a bite into his mouth. He chews for about half a second before his whole body stiffens.
"Wut did I jus put in muh mouth?" His lips part a bit, as if he would like nothing more than to spit his half eaten sea prune back out onto his plate. He looks as if he's about to cry.
"Swallow! Swallow!" Katara says, openly giggling and pushing Zuko's glass of water close to him. He does and then immediately gulps down half of his water.
The Avatar is grinning at them both. "Enjoying your sea prunes, Prince Zuko?"
Both Zuko and Katara notice at the same time that there are no sea prunes on the Avatar's plate.
"Why didn't you warn me?" Zuko snaps, clearly accusing both of them.
The Avatar is practically beaming. "Well, you already eat such strange things, Prince Zuko, like meat, that I wasn't sure whether or not you'd dislike sea prunes."
Katara snorts and bursts out laughing. Zuko glares at her. "Yeah. Laugh it up. You didn't warn me either."
Katara shrugs. "Hey, I like them." She happily eats one to further illustrate her point and Zuko looks at her in disgust.
After that Katara has to coax him into trying to seal meat, which he enjoys, and they both find themselves in a relaxed, if slightly awkward conversation about food.
Neither of them notices how pleased the Avatar seems to be with himself.
She gazes at her reflection with obvious nervousness.
Her hair is down, and it's wavy and shiny. She had considered for a moment whether or not she should put beads in it but nixed the idea. She wanted to look…older. Or, at least, she wanted to look her age.
She's not wearing any jewelry, and she's wearing one of her nicer parkas and pants.
She could throw up.
She manages not to.
It's pitch black outside, but there are bonfires all throughout the city in celebration. There will be music, dancing, stories, and ice wine.
Katara is looking forward to the ice wine. She's hoping it will help calm her.
For a moment she considers lining her eyes with charcoal, or dotting color on her lips, but no. That would make her seem too obvious. She wants to look pretty for Zuko, but she didn't want him to think that she wants to look pretty for him. She has to look effortless or he will know and she'd look silly and this whole night would be ruined before it even starts.
She groans and makes herself look away from her mirror.
They weren't even friends anymore and yet she still cared way too much about what he thought of her.
Nukka is curled up on a pile of furs in the corner of the room. She is starting to move pretty slowly these days and Katara doesn't want to stress her by making her go outside. She'd have to ask Zuko if maybe Sang could visit later. She's noticed that Zuko's wolf has followed him practically everywhere since Zuko and the Avatar have arrived.
"How do I look?" she asks Nukka. The wolf picks her head up, surveys Katara and then places her head back onto her paws, uncaring.
"That good, huh?"
Katara takes a deep breath and walks out of her home.
She finds them fairly easily. Too easily.
"Ah, Katara!" the Avatar calls out. He and Zuko are standing about five feet away from her home. "Don't you look lovely this evening!" He turns to his apprentice and makes a sweeping gesture to Katara. "Prince Zuko, doesn't Katara look lovely this evening?"
Zuko doesn't look remotely amused. "Uh huh."
The Avatar claps his hands together once. "Wonderful! Now let's go enjoy the fires, shall we?"
As they make their way toward the center of the city, many citizens run up to both the Avatar and Zuko to shake their hands and welcome them to the Northern Water Tribe. The Avatar seems used to the attention, but every time someone approaches Zuko or pats him on the shoulder he looks shocked.
Katara gently elbows him in the ribs. "I thought you'd be used to this sort of thing."
Zuko glances at her and shrugs. "Not really. I'm just the Avatar's apprentice. It's not like I do anything worthwhile."
Katara frowns at this. "Sure you do. The Avatar finds you worthy enough to travel with him, so he must consider you important."
Zuko looks uncomfortable. "Well, I basically begged him to let me be his apprentice so…" he trails off awkwardly and makes a point to stare at the snow.
Katara crosses her arms over her chest and looks away. "He still took you on, though. That has to mean something."
"It doesn't really matter."
She glances back over at him. He's staring ahead of them now with a blank expression on his face.
"I think it does," she answers honestly.
If he reacts to her words at all he doesn't show it.
They continue to walk from fire to fire for a solid hour, and neither of them ever really speak to the other. A couple of times Katara considers just walking away, but there's something magnetic that's making her stay put.
She just can't seem to pull herself away, even if this hurts.
And then the Avatar starts to rub the small of his back and look uncomfortable. "Oh! Oh! My back! These old bones just aren't what they used to be."
Zuko already looks suspicious.
The Avatar dramatically rolls his shoulders and takes a hobbled step forward. "Maybe I should retire for the evening. You two should enjoy yourselves without me."
Zuko glares openly at the back of the Avatar's bald, tattooed head. "But Avatar Aang—"
"No, no, I insist! Don't let me damper your good time." And then he's moving away, occasionally pretending to limp.
Zuko huffs. "I knew he'd do that."
Katara smiles in amusement. "Do what?"
"Leave me here alone with you."
Katara feels as if someone's struck her. Irritated and slightly hurt she moves a step back. "I didn't realize that would be a problem."
For a moment Zuko looks thunderstruck, and then he's rapidly shaking his head. "Katara, you know I didn't mean it like that."
She narrows her eyes. "It sure sounded that way."
Zuko lets out an exasperated breath and moves toward her. "Well, I didn't. Okay?"
And despite how upset she wants to be, Zuko just looks so confused, frustrated and unsure that she can't really help but believe him. In a way, she feels the same.
She doesn't know where either of them should go from here.
She forces herself to relax her posture before nodding solemnly.
There's silence. "So…what do you want to do now?"
They awkwardly watch a waterbending demonstration, their shoulders not quite touching.
They awkwardly stand on the sidelines of a bonfire as tribe members beat on drums and other tribe members sing and dance. One look at each other and both of them know that neither really wants to dance.
They're sitting around a fire and Zuko is picking at a piece of jerky when Katara notices that he looks a little bit different then he had earlier that day.
It looks like he's combed his hair, shaved, and is wearing nicer boots. It looks as if he's tried to look nice for her.
Katara allows herself a small smile.
And then, because the Spirits decide to take pity on them, Zuko and Katara are handed a bottle of ice wine.
Zuko sniffs the liquid in his cup.
Katara has already had a cupful and her cheeks feel warm. "Why are you sniffing it?"
"After the sea prunes I have every right to be wary."
Katarawatches as he takes a mouthful and nearly gags. She gives him a look of utter innocence. "Can't handle it?"
Zuko raises his good eyebrow before tossing back the rest of his cup.
And then he's pouring himself another cup and giving her a look that clearly screams challenge.
And then it was on.
"I'm just saying," Zuko's words are slurring slightly, "that the Blue Spirit is deserving of more credit then you're, like—" hiccup "—giving him."
Katara shakes her head and waves her arms a bit, ice wine sloshing over the rim of her cup. "No no no. See, the thing, the thing with the Blue Spirit is yeah, he helps people, but like, then he goes and steals from other people and that just seems counterproductive to me. Like, I don't get his logic there."
Zuko gives her a look as if he pities her. "But see, the Blue Spirit steals from bad people and makes sure that the good people receive the wealth of the bad people. He makes sure that everybody worthy is taken care of. I mean, the Painted Lady, like…all she does is lame shit like heal people. Not that healing people in general is lame but, I don't, I don't see how that makes her an adequate super hero. She can't even fight—"
"No—no! That's not true!" Katara shoves an accusatory finger into Zuko's chest. "She is a very, very powerful waterbender!"
Zuko shakes his head. "Okay, okay, no. Nowhere in the original legend does it say anywhere that she was a waterbender!"
"But it talks about how her water, her healing water turned blue so we can only assume—"
"To assume makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'!"
"—that she was a powerful waterbender."
Zuko rolls his eyes. "I still don't see how she measures up to the Blue Spirit. The Blue Spirit is a master with dual swords. And all the Painted Lady can do is splash people."
"You take that back!"
Katara is hiccupping while she and Zuko lazily fling balls of their elements at each other.
"Ow! You singed me!" She had rolled up her sleeves some time ago because she felt hot, and now her forearm feels too warm and looks slightly red.
In an instant Zuko is in front of her, invading her space. "What? Where?"
"Right there." She pouts and holds her arm up. "My arm hairs…" she pauses so she can hiccup, "are gone."
And then they're both laughing and somewhere in the back of her mind Katara is very grateful for ice wine.
They're both starting to get touchy-feely. He's got an arm around her waist and she's got his harm in a tight grip, as if she's afraid she'll tip over if she lets go. Which she probably would.
"I like stars!"
"Me too!"
Katara practically drags Zuko towards the waterbending training area in order to show him the big, fancy ice sculpture.
Except, she can't remember who it's actually a sculpture of.
"Uh…uh. I'm thinking maybe it's Chief Arnook. Wait! No! It's Master Pakku!"
"Aren't they—" hiccup "—a little too old to have sculptures erected in their honor?"
"They should make a sculpture of Hama. She was better than all of them."
In the end it didn't matter who it was a sculpture of, because a couple minutes later Katara was at the base of it, puking.
He takes her back to her one bedroom house and gives her water, and when she runs back outside to be sick again he holds her hair and says that she owes him one if he starts to throw up.
"You never wrote me."
"You never wrote me."
"Were you angry with me? For what I did to us?"
"Kind of. Yes."
"I'll understand if you want to hate me."
"I'm pretty sure hating you would be impossible, Katara."
"Really? I find it pretty easy, personally."
"Stop. Don't say that."
"It's true. I missed you, you know. I miss you, Zuko."
"I think you're still drunk."
"Am not! Okay, maybe."
"Go to sleep, Katara."
"You won't leave in the middle of the night, right? You'll stay with me? You won't go away?"
"Yeah. I'll stay."
"Goodnight, Zuko."
"Goodnight, Katara."
"…"
"I missed you too."
The early morning light is not kind to Katara.
Blinking groggily, she slowly sits up in her bed and surveys her room.
Zuko is passed out on her floor atop a massive pile of furs.
She groans loudly, partly out of actual pain and partly because she needs him to get up.
He jerks awake and nearly jumps to his feet before he registers where he is. He moans and slumps back down onto the furs. "I feel like ass."
"Same." Katara starts to run her hands along her face and arms in vigorous motions in an attempt to wake herself up and get her blood flowing.
Last night…is sort of a blur. She remembers arguing with Zuko over something and vague images of the ice sculpture were there as well.
She grins. "You threw up on the ice sculpture last night, didn't you?"
Zuko takes a break in massaging his forehead to raise an eyebrow at her. "Uh, no. That was definitely you."
"I don't think so."
"No, no, it certainly was. You were upset because you thought you might have been puking on the future Hama." Zuko snorts at this.
She grins, happy to see him laugh. "Right." She glances down at herself underneath her furs. She's still dressed in the clothes from the night before.
And then Zuko is asking her The Question.
"Nothing happened last night. Right…?"
She can feel herself blushing. She can't look at him but she can only imagine how red he must be. "Erm, no. My upper body wraps are still intact. You, um, always had trouble with those, remember?"
There's a sigh. "Yeah. Yeah, I remember." And then he's standing up and straightening up the floor.
"You know, I should really get back to the Avatar and see what he's doing."
She nods at him from atop her bed. "Okay." She pauses. "You had fun…?"
He looks back up and gives her a genuine smile. "Yeah, Katara. I had fun."
That evening he brings over Sang to visit Nukka. As they both watch the wolves, everything starts to spill out. They talk about everything from their families, to their lives, to what each of them are up to.
But neither of them talks about what happened three years ago.
Katara is just happy they're talking at all.
Three days after that they're throwing ice discs at their wolves again, although this time Nukka barely bothers to catch hers.
They joke around and laugh, no ice wine required. It's nice, not really awkward anymore, but it's not the same. Katara realizes it never will be.
Katara thinks she's grateful just for this.
And just like that Zuko and the Avatar are leaving.
"You'll write to me?" She doesn't want to seem like she's begging, or like she's pestering him, but she doesn't think she can go back to the way things were.
"I'll write. And you'll write back."
He's looking down at her and giving her a small, if somewhat sad smile. She thinks maybe he's sad because he's saying goodbye. Or at least, she hopes that's why.
Before he can shuffle away she throws her arms around his neck and yanks him down for a hug. He smells good, she thinks, and he feels good underneath her hands.
She reminds herself that she can't kiss him goodbye this time.
It takes him a moment, but he returns the hug, pulling her up tight against him for a brief moment before letting her go.
"I'm glad we're friends again," she says quickly before she can lose her nerve.
Instead of smiling he frowns. "Me too." And then he's leaning in and giving her a soft kiss on her forehead.
Then he leaves.
The next morning, Katara thinks she might have fallen asleep crying. She deserves to feel this way, she supposes. She can only hope that maybe he doesn't. He doesn't deserve to feel this way.
She writes her first letter to Zuko right away. She has to end it with Your friend, Katara.
A/N:
This chapter amused me greatly. I hope it amused you too.
As I'm typing this, in about an hour it will officially be my birthday. I'm turning 21. My fellow Americans understand why this is kind of a big deal.
:D
Tomorrow, as I take my free birthday shot at Taco Mac and then some, I will briefly think of all of you. Because you guys are awesome and you should be thought of.
Also, I'm super duper tired right now (so if this author's not seems odder than usual, that's why) but I really really wanted to update this story this weekend, so if there's a few more typos than usual, well, yeah. Sorry! Hope everyone enjoyed this regardless!
Review review review!
:D