Leah waits for a full hour, listening to silence settle over the entire house, before she packs up her stuff and quietly creeps out of the guest room. She makes it down to the bottom of the stairs,and across the foyer before she notices that the kitchen light is still on. The faint hint of cigarette smoke in the air immediately makes her tense. Bella doesn't smoke, never has, which means it's Edward.
It has been five years since Edward has smoked. The night before the wedding was intense; he was half drunk and chain smoking like a fiend. He was an emotional, stressed our wreck. For a while Leah wasn't sure if he was going to go through with the wedding at all, but she calmed him down, like she always does. Even when doing it kills her.
Tonight is no different. She sets down her bag and walks into the kitchen. The room is empty, but the back door is wide open. She follows the smell of smoke out the door and walks through the shadows of the deck to find Edward seated in a lawn chair. There is a smoldering butt dangling between his fingers. She takes it from his hand, drops it to the ground, and puts it out beneath her shoe.
"Edward," she whispers his name, taking a seat beside him and nudging his other hand that is clutching a half empty bottle of vodka.
He is still in his damp shorts; his skin is like ice, and his eyes are closed. Panic surges through her, fear that he might be dead. She puts her fingers to his neck, trying to find his pulse, and gets a gurgling groan in response.
She sighs in relief and gently pats the side of his face. "Wake up."
"Stop," he grumbles, pushing her hand away, and opens his eyes.
"What in the fuck are you doing out here?" Leah tries to grab the bottle, but he pulls it out of reach, and sits up.
"What are you doing?" He puts the bottle to his lips, takes a sip, and grimaces. "Sneaking out in the middle of the night doesn't seem like your style."
"Self inflicted hypothermia doesn't seem like your style, either," she snaps, yanking the bottle out of his hand, and grabs his arm. "Get up!"
"No!" He pulls his arm free and leans back. "I'm fine out here."
"No you're not," she sighs and puts her hands on her hips. "Stop fucking around and get up."
"Aren't you tired of taking care of me?" He looks up at her, the moonlight making the tears in his eyes glisten an eerie shade of silver.
Leah stares at him, unsure what to say. She doesn't like the dark, surly expression on his face. It makes her wonder just how drunk he is and how he is feeling about what they did earlier.
"What? No snappy come back?" He smiles, but there is nothing but bitterness in the gesture. "Do what's best for you, for once and leave."
She slowly holds out the bottle to him, tears stinging her eyes, and tries to fight back the sob that's clawing at the back of her throat. He snatches the bottle from her hand and takes another drink. A few tears fall down his cheeks, while he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Despite his harsh words, Edward is in pain. She can see it clearly, even through her own tears.
"Don't be like this," she whispers, the pain in her chest making it hard to do anything but speak.
"How should I be?" He is suddenly standing, teetering on unsteady legs, but he still advances toward her and continues to speak in an angry tone. "You need to stop wasting your time on me, Leah. I'm not worth it. I've never been worth…any of it."
He sways at a dangerous angle, and she lunges forward to wrap her arms around his waist. Edward's weight is suddenly on her, and she tumbles backward, crashing into the house. Leah lets out a groan of pain and pushes him upright.
"See? Fuck!" Edward's freezing cold hands are her face, and his eyes suddenly fixed on her. "Are you okay?"
The anger is gone and is replaced with concern. His wrinkled forehead and wide eyes make him look like a boy and a hundred year old man at the same time. She smiles, takes hold of his wrist, and lowers his hands.
"I'm fine, but you need to go inside," she says, fixing him with a determined look, and nods toward the door. "I promise I'll go once you go inside the house."
He sighs heavily but nods. She throws his arm over her shoulders and leads him back into the house. They navigate the stairs successfully only to be met with a locked door when they arrive at Edward and Bella's bedroom.
"We had a fight," Edward offers with a weak shrug.
Leah sighs and steers them into the guest room. Edward collapses onto the bed. She knows it would be better if she left now. They could forget what happened in the hot tub, but she can't take her eyes off his still damp swimming trunks. He shouldn't keep them on, and she knows he will if she doesn't do something about it.
"You should change out of those," she says, walking over to the dresser. "Do you have any spare clothes in here?"
"No," Edward answers from the bed.
Leah turns back to ask if he might have something down in the laundry room and finds Edward pulling off the shorts. She immediately lowers her eyes, while he climbs into the bed. The urge to leave is warring with the desire to stay, and she feels like she's being torn apart.
"I should go," she whispers, walking toward the door.
"Wait," his voice is quiet, but she still hears him; she'd hear him if she were deaf.
She turns to look at him, lying under the heavy comforter, wonders if they're still warm from her own body heat. Her mind is replaying how it felt to kiss him, how his hands slid over her skin, and how hard his dick felt pressed against her body. Leah closes her eyes, wishing away the images, but they only grow clearer.
"What do you need?" It's an innocent question, asked without thought, but the second it leaves her mouth she knows it is the wrong question to ask.
"I want you to stay," he whispers, and she opens her eyes to look at the earnest look on his face. "Please."
It's the 'please' that twists in her chest, that makes her close the bedroom door, and take off her jacket. She kicks off her shoes, but keeps her clothes on as she slides under the covers. He moves toward her, wrapping his body around her, and presses his face to her neck. She throws her arms around him, cradling his cold form, and gently rubs her hands over his back to try to warm him up. Leah tries to focus on keeping a distance between them, while still helping him stop shivering.
"I'm sorry," Edward chatters into her ear and shifts back.
"Will you stop it," she grumbles, moving closer and pulling him into her embrace. "You need to stop apologizing and put that shit out of your mind."
He sighs, leaning his head on the pillow next to her, and looks into her eyes. "It shouldn't have happened."
"I know," she sighs, brushing his messy hair out his eyes, and gives him a weak smile. "You were lonely,and high. I shouldn't have let it go that far, but it's in the past. Lets just forget it."
He laughs softly, rolling on his back, and shakes his head. "You think it's because I'm lonely? God, and I thought I was the blind one."
His laughter makes her angry, but she is too confused by his words to do anything but stare at him. He turns back to look at her,and stops laughing immediately. His expression becomes serious as he touches her face.
"Leah," Edward sighs and brushes his thumb over her bottom lip. "If I was just lonely don't you think I would have picked a little less complicated situation?"
"I don't-" she sputters, blinking, and tries to shake her head.
He stops her and presses his thumb against her lips. "I want you. I always have, even though I know I shouldn't."
Something inside her chest bursts to life with painful, burning glory and explodes out of her mouth in a wracking sob. The tears pour from her eyes, and she's suddenly in his arms, shaking with the weight of it all. It leaves her trembling and dazed.
"I'm so sorry," he whispers against her temple,and brushes his lips against her skin. "I wish I could take it all back, and give you back all the time you've wasted on me."
"You're sorry?" She leans up, rage surges through her, like a wild, furious beast.
She slaps him hard across the face. He looks shocked but doesn't move other than to put his hand to his bruised cheek. Leah's never struck anyone in her life, with the exception of a bully in grade school. Right now she is burning with fury, to have her perfect fantasy shattered with the reality that he has felt the same the whole time.
"After everything, all these years…" She stutters and stops; it is too much for her to process.
"Leah, please," his pleads his voice hoarse, and sits up to grab her shoulders. "I never meant to hurt you."
"But you did! You still do," she says, all the fight leaving her with a shuddering sob.
She lowers her head and wishes with every part of her body that she could hate him for saying it, but the fury inside of her is already dissipating to grief. The weight of it all slams into her, sending her crashing back to the mattress. If she had any dignity left she would leave, walk out of this house, and never look back, but she knows she can't do it.
"I want to make it right," he says, lying down beside her and touching her, making it hurt more.
"If you really meant that you wouldn't have asked me to stay," she counters, looking into his eyes, and sees him flinch at the truth.
"I know." Edward grimaces and slides his hand around the back of her neck. "I already told you – I'm too selfish to let you go."
He pulls her closer, and kisses her softly. This kiss is different from the hot tub, different from how she ever imagined it could be with Edward. He takes his time, brushing her lips with his mouth, tasting her with his tongue, and grazing her with the edge of his teeth. Every move feels tailor made to turn her on, and this is only his mouth. His hands are doing other things that are making her eyes cross and driving moans out of her mouth.
His fingers dance over her skin, feeling every vertebra in her neck and skimming the collar of her shirt to brush the tops of her breasts. Then they skim down her chest and slide under the edge of her shirt to trace over her stomach and draw invisible lines on her hip. She is stunned at how coordinated he is for being drunk, because her mind is stuck in gear and she is stone cold sober.
She grips the smooth skin of his shoulders, and pulls him closer, weaving their legs together. Her hips shift against him, and his thigh slides up higher to create a teasing pressure between her legs. Leah moans at the pleasure that shoots through her, and he answers with a moan of his own. His hands move under her shirt and cup her breast through the thin fabric of her bra. The feel of his hands so close to her sensitive skin drives another moan from her, and he growls, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip.
His hands move up to pull back her bra, his fingers wrap around her hard nipple. She gasps and shifts her hips. Electric shocks of pleasure shoot through her with every movement, making her quicken her pace with greedy delight.
"You like that?" he breathes against her mouth and gently tugs on her nipple, eliciting a strangled gasp. "Tell me what you like. I want to make you feel good."
"That, more of that," she sputters and is rewarded with a twist that makes her see stars.
"Are they sensitive?" Edward watches her face, while he continues to play a symphony of pleasure with one of the most sensitive parts of her body.
"Yes," she hisses,and writhes, her nails digging into his skin.
He shifts lower, pushing her shirt up and exposing her breast to the chilly air in the room. Her pleasure his tinged with pain, her whole body drumming with aching want. She is so on edge, so intensely aroused she wonders if he could make her come from just touching her breasts.
Edward's eyes sparkle in the dim light, his smile making her feel feverish and shameless with need. His expression transforms to something darker, hungrier, and he lowers his mouth over her breast. Leah arches up off the bed, her cry of delight covered by her own hands, but there's no hiding it from Edward. His eyes are still focused on her face, while his tongue twists and swirls over her nipple. He uses his body to press her back down into the mattress, holding her hips in a tight grip, and slowly makes love to her breasts with his mouth and tongue. Shifting his attention between them with equal amounts of intensity and care, he seems to find new, mind blowing ways to stimulate them, while keeping her from the edge.
It's so amazing and frustrating, and at one point she has to bite her own hand to keep from screaming. When she is sure she can't stand it he sits back on his heels and stares down at her with a grin. His mouth glistening, like she knows her breasts are, and the thought turns her on even more. She rises up, wraps her arms around his neck, and pulls him back down onto of her. Her legs hook around his hips, and she moves against him, sending a clear message of what she wants next.
He groans, pulling away, and pushes her back into the mattress. His eyes are clear, though his expression is pained. Leah worries that he has come to his senses and is all going to come to a crashing end.
"This is about you," he whispers, leaning down to kiss her softly, and begins to move down her body.
He makes short work of her pants and tosses them to the floor. Her panties follow, leaving her naked and open to his eyes. The feeling is overwhelming, and she can't face it. She looks at the ceiling and presses her knees together.
"Don't," he says with such tenderness she has to look at him. "You're beautiful. Every part of you is beautiful."
He gently pries her knees apart and settles himself between her legs, leaning his weight on his arms. She can feel his breath on her, making her feel even more exposed and so wet. He smiles up at her then lowers his eyes to look at her there, and his smile grows wider.
"Beautiful," he whispers and lowers his mouth.
Leah stifles a moan, grabbing the pillow next to her head, and covers her face. His tongue is dancing over her sensitive skin with the same languid motions he used while kissing her mouth and breasts, but it was ten times more intense and intimate. He swirls, strokes, and thrusts inside her body, making her hips rise up to meet him. Her legs begin to shake so hard Edward has to take hold of them hard to keep them from hitting his head.
The pleasure is overwhelming and fast building. Her body is trembling, twitching, and aching for release, but she doesn't want it to stop. She wants to feel his mouth on her like this forever.
Edward pulls her closer, shifting her hips up, and spreads her legs wider. His fingers slide inside her, and his mouth returns to suck at her clit. Her breath hitches; her body tenses and suddenly explodes. She rides the wave, Edward continuing to work her body and moaning against her clit.
"Enough," she pleads in a whisper, sitting up to pull him into kiss and tasting herself on his lips.
He pulls her down to lie beside him and continues to pepper her face with kisses. She tries to get her breathing under control and settles into his arms. Her heart is still thundering in her ear.
"That was amazing," he whispers, kissing her temple, and pulls her closer to his body.
"Yes," she sighs, pressing her face against his chest, and lets out a long slow breath.
The feel of his skin, finally warm, and soft against her cheek, is comforting. Her mind is nagging her to ask questions, to demand to know what this means, but she ignores it. She deciding instead to enjoy the moment and not question how it will affect their future.