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Heeeeey there! Welcome back, people! Yes, here we are once again! Last we left off, Santino had trouble getting out of his car to get something to eat, JR and Austin discussed a deep McMahon family secret, and Kofi was having car problems. However, today, we're gonna' start with Natalya and Sheamus, as they've just passed through the small town of Ardmore, Oklahoma.

"Hey Shame, you know, looking through this cute li'l town—I've often thought it'd be nice to retire in a small town just like this one."

"Yeah, is that so, lass?"

Natalya looks over at the mountains in the distance and answers, "Yeah, I mean towns like these, in my opinion, are TRUE Americana. I mean, think about it—it's sooooo cute the way they're typically set up, too. It's like, they have their own hardware store, one, MAYBE two grocery stores, a local gas station and convenience store, A bank, hahaha…and the residents usually know each other personally!"

Sheamus nods and says, "Y'know, there are villages like that in Ireland. In fact, that's where I think I'd like to retire, someday."

Natalya nods and says, "See? You know where I'm coming from. But, I do think that this town got ruined because of that Wal-Mart we passed back there—it's gonna' put all the mom-and-pop businesses OUT of business. I mean, LOOK at this—this town EVEN has a Burger King! It's the only fast food joint, save for the Mickey D's inside that Wal-Mart back there."

Sheamus, having found out about that particular Wal-Mart—just like CM punk earlier-says, "Eh…Nat?"

"What's up?"

"Lass, I don't think you have to worry about THAT particular Wal-Mart putting the other shops out of business."

Natalya furrows her brow and asks, "Well, why not?"

"Well darlin', they ONLY sell TWO bloody items! They ONLY sell Barbecue Sauce and Cowboy hats! That's IT! And, for SOME unexplainable reason, they're ALWAYS crowded! And, in true Wal-Mart tradition, they have thousands of people in the store, a total of 30 checkout lanes…and only two lanes actually open."

Natalya tilts her head slightly and asks, "How'd you find that out?"

Sheamus answers, "Well, I've been through these parts a few times before, actually—in my younger years."

"Yeah? Why were you around here?"

Sheamus scratches his head and says, "Well, I was actually here because I was a hot football prospect and Oklahoma University wanted me. I kept having to commute to the college and, since this is the most direct way to Oklahoma City, I used to take this route."

"Ah…I see now. Hmm…Interesting."

We'll let those two be for a bit and now we'll join up with Kofi and CM Punk, as Kofi is on his cellphone talking to Goldberg…

"…yes, yes, I KNOW, mon."

"I already tried that, it did n'work, mon."

"Hmm…ok…ok…ah!

"Ok…ok…ok…got'cha, got'cha. Ohhhh…so 'DAT'S why—"

"No problem, mon—me 'git right on it!"

Kofi presses the "end" button and hangs up. CM asks, "Well…what's up?"

Kofi says, "Goldberg told me that it likely needs another flux capacitor."

"A what? A…flux capacitor? How did he know that?"

He said that he's had this car since the 90's. He said that, one day he was walking along the road and found this DeLorian car. Well, he said that he got in, hotwired it and drove down the stretch of highway at 55mph. He said that, suddenly, the DeLorian began to shake and quake. Next thing he knew, he was surrounded by thin bright streaks of light. He said that after that, he found himself in the year 1955 in front of a synagogue. And PARKED in front of the synagogue was this…menorah-car.

CM folds his arms, nodding, "Ok, continue…"

"Well 'dere was 'dis guy named Biff who tried to push Goldberg around . Goldberg said that he speared his ass through a plate glass window of a nearby Fur Coat retailer. He said that he took out the flux capacitor from the DeLorean and put it into the menorah so that he could get home. He stole the menorah and has had it ever since. As for the DeLorean? As far as I know, IT'S still in 1955, somewhere."

CM lets this register for a bit and then asks, "Ok, so…this thing can fly in time?"

"TECHNICALLY, yes, mon, but me don't know how to activate 'dat feature! What Goldberg just told me is 'dat, in order to bypass the need for a flux capacitor, me need to reprogram the car and adjust 'de wiring, mon."

CM raises an eyebrow and asks, "Uh…you know how to do that?"

Kofi smiles and says, "Of COURSE, mon, jus' watch and LEARN!" So Kofi kneels down and starts his work on the car as CM watches with interest.

As Kofi fixes the "car", we'll just ride along with JR and Stone Cold, as they're about halfway between Ardmore and Wichita, KS and are engaged in a conversation…

"…and, from the looks of things, it looks like he's the new 'Shane Helms'!"

Steve shakes his head, "Damn son, a LOT has changed since I've been there last. I mean, the way it WAS was that li'l green bastard Hurricane used to run around trying to peep in the women's locker room. So, now you're tellin' me it's that li'l sawed-off runt HORNSWOGGLE?"

JR nods and shakes his head, "It's a damn shame, too, Steve. That li'l devil runs around the arena with his right hand down his pants. SOMETIMES he runs around backstage with NO pants on! He'll be jerking off and chasing the divas as he's doin' it! The poor girls want to avoid any…ahem…'spray'—the li'l punk even has the nerve to run around going 'ding-ding-ding-ding', as if his dick's like a-a FIRE engine hose. I remember Vince was yelling at him for running all over the backstage area without any pants on. That fast li'l fucker started running from Vince and he couldn't CATCH the slippery bastard. Vince slipped and hit his knee on a metal crate of some sort. Hornswoggle didn't even bother to check to see if Vince was ok, as he was writhing in pain, holding his knee-and Hornswoggle ran around the corner down a corridor half-naked!"

Steve laughs, "Hehehe…li'l bastard. Buuut, I do remember us telling Vince time and again not to run in dress shoes, but…I gotta' say, going back to Hurricane-Hurricane never outright chased the women, but he WAS creative. I have to give the sum'bitch credit for THAT!"

JR agrees, "Yeah he WAS creative. In fact, were you with us that one time when we went to this one show in San Diego? I think it was in '06, but he got REAL creative there! He actually somehow managed to INSTALL a camera system off of the existing wireless network!"

Steve smiles and says, "Well, no shit?"

JR continues, "Well, wouldn't you know that he had it set up to videotape the divas changing and showering. He could switch views simply by pressing a particular key on his keyboard. He set up shop in the basement of the building, 'ol rascal. Remember? The boys used to call him the 'McGuyver of voyeurism'."

Steve sits up a little and says, "Damn…I DO remember that. Wow! Seems a long time since then. Oh, remember he used to sell videos of the Divas using the bathroom? Yeah, hahahaha…I remember that Trish was his favorite!"

JR nods, saying, "Yeah, I remember! In fact, remember that one DVD he made? It was like 40 minutes long and it was his so-called 'best-seller'. You remember it—it was an overhead shot of Trish taking a MONSTER shit! That 40 minutes was no waste of time, either! That young lady literally sat on that toilet for 40 straight minutes! I mean, it was absurd, you could hear her whimpering, straining, TRYING to get that poop out. He taped it after we went to that one Mexican restaurant and Trish had like 3 SERVINGS of refried beans!"

Stone Cold points at JR as if to say, "Hey I remember that!"

Steve asks, "Hey yeah, I think I still HAVE my copy! Eh, eh JR—I think that was that one where she cuts this extremely loud fart and actually questions what it was that she ate! I gotta' admit, though—THAT part had me laughing my ASS off!"

JR laughs a little to himself and says, "Yep, thoooose were the days."

We'll leave them for now and we'll join up with Santino and Alberto, who have also just passed through Ardmore…

Alberto smiles and says, "Santino, my friend! We're almost there! Just 100 miles to go!"

Santino rubs his hands together and says, "E-yessssss. Just 100 of the to go miles."

Alberto cheerfully asks, "Hey Santino, what would ju' do on ju' day as GM?"

Santino replies, "Easyyyyyy…I'd make everyone line up in the aisle an make them fall victim to eh-the venom of my Cobra! Santino can see it now—men and women alike, ALL falling victim to eh-the STING of my cobra!"

Alberto smirks, "Ju' CRAZY, man! ME? I'd seemply book a one on 9 bedroom session with all of the Divas-even that one with the bad foot odor."

"You mean, eh-the Kaitlyn?"

"'Jes, absolutely! She may stink, but she's lovely! But, there IS one thing that worries me about her…"

Santino looks confused and he asks, "What's that?"

"Well…a little while back, Evan Bourne told me that, uh…that when ju' go down on her, it's a new KIND of stink, my friend! 'Jeah, he say that-that her kitty-it smell like someone's foot is actually…inside of it."

Santino breaks out in laughter, saying, "Hahahaha…better be the carefuls!"

Alberto laughs back, "HA! I'm not sleeping with that chick—hell no! I no want my deek smelling of…of CHEESE! No, noooo…Alberto want a bed in the middle of the reeng, with white cotton and satin sheets! He'll book all the divas to line up to make love with Alberto in that very reeng, my friend!"

Santino nods and Alberto says, matter-of-factly, "…aaaaaaand I'll book myself to become champ..ehehe…heh."

Looks like our superstars are almost home free!

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Join me next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!