Disclaimer: I don't own shit, dude. I'm just trying to write a story.

Welcome back, folks! Welcome back! It looks like we're into the home stretch. Our superstars are nearing Wichita and are on their way to Vince's penthouse condo. Let's just say we join Punk and Kofi, as Kofi has apparently fixed the car…

Kofi asks, "Hey mon, do you 'tink we're ahead or behind?"

CM replies, "Honestly? I think we're behind everyone—I mean, we DID just have the li'l bit of car trouble."

Kofi nods and passes a sign that reads "Wichita 100mi."

CM thinks for a bit and finally asks, "You know what?"

"What is it, mon?"

I've been meaning to ask you—How on Earth do YOU know Goldberg?"

Kofi smiles wide and laughs a little. He explains, "Well, here's the story, mon—He's actually my half-cousin."

CM furrows his brow, asking, "Huh? What's a 'half-cousin'?"

Kofi says, "Alright mon—my half grandmom married my half granddad years and years back. 'Dey came over here to America from Jamaica. 'Den 'dey fucked and had keeds…do you follow so far, mon?"

CM nods and Kofi continues…

Ok, well 'doze keeds 'dey had, one was my mama—and she had a seester I called 'half-mama'."

"Um…'half-mama'?"

Exactly mon—half-mama—so, 'dere were 9 of 'dem—each my half uncles and half-aunts. Ok, well, 'de 'ting IS, 'dat my half–aunt met Goldberg at a grocery store. It was love at first site, mon! So, some months pass, and we're having a cookout, celebrating my half-sister's half-birthday. You should've heard us sing to her, 'happy half-birthday to you, happy half-birthday to you, happy half-BIRTHday,, my half sister—HAAAAAPPY BIIIIIRTHDAY TOOOO YOUUUUUU, MON!"

CM comments, "You have a straaaange family, dude. But, go ahead."

Kofi says, "Ok, now me was AT 'dat party, and me started talkin' to 'da man, Goldberg. Well, he introduced me to his cousin—she's a lovely lady, mon. Her name is 'Cousinberg'."

"Wha? COUSINBERG? Seriously?"

"'Dat's riiiight, mon. She's not named like any of his brothers or seesters. Goldberg has 8 brothers and one seester. His brothers are Greenberg, Blueberg, Silverburg, Redburg, Yellowburg, Brownburg, Orangeburg, Periwinkleburg, and… Fred. His seester's name was Isabellaburg.

CM holds his hands up and asks, "Wait, wait, wai…'FRED'? What gives?"

Kofi shrugs and replies, "You got me, mon. I tried asking Goldberg that question and he threatened to spear me through the picnic table. So anyway, mon, me and Goldberg were talking and he introduced me to his cousin—Cousinberg. Well, we heet it off IMMEDIATELY! When she went off to get some punch, Goldberg pulled me aside an' warned me that she could 'nag the PAINT off the walls, be careful.' Mon, she has yet to nag me about any'ting and we've be togedder for 6 months now!"

CM nods and says, "Wow, so you met Goldberg because he's dating your half-aunt, and because of that relationship, Goldberg was at one of your family's birthday bashes and that's how you met HIS cousin, who is now YOUR girlfriend?"

"Exactly, mon!"

"Wow…that was pretty half-interesting."

Kofi shoots Punk a low-brow expression and drives on.

Now we'll join up with Natalya and Sheamus as they appear to be caught in traffic along the highway…

Sheamus asks, "What the bloody hell? Where'd all this traffic come from all of a sudden?"

Natalya replies, "Hm…I dunno. Maybe there's an accident, or something?"

Sheamus selfishly replies, "Well if there Is an accident, SOMEONE had better be hurt or killed—We're being held up, here!"

Natalya playfully slaps Sheamus on the arm and says, "Stop that! Someone could actually BE hurt up there."

About 20 minutes pass and the traffic has barely moved.

Sheamus repeatedly bumps his head against the steering wheel in frustration. Natalya thinks for a moment to come up with something to calm Sheamus down a bit. She remembers that she had made some trail mix the night previous and she remembers that she had a bag of it in her purse. She quickly grabs her purse and forages through it. After a moment, she pulls out her bag of trail mix.

She shakes it up and says, "Hey Shame, want some trail mix?"

Sheamus takes some and says, "Wow, this is good."

Natalya proudly says, "Thanks, I used my secret ingredient."

"Oh yeah, lass? What is it?"

But before Natalya could answer, a mechanical bull-car pulls up behind them.

Natalya sees this and says, "Shit!"

Sheamus, still oblivious to the fact that a competitor is DIRECTLY behind him, asks, "Wait-you put shit in the trailmix!"

Natalya exclaims, "I KNEW we shouldn't have made that last rest stop!"

Sheamus shakes his head, STILL not realizing, "What kind of sick son of a bitch would put shit in trailmix!"

Natalya yells, "Just shut up about the trailmix for a minute!"

Sheamus happens to look in his rear view mirror and sees JR's vehicle RIGHT behind him. He says, "Wow, where the HELL did HE come from?"

Natalya says, "See? That's what I was trying to tell you! But you kept talking about trail mix!"

Sheamus takes another handful of trailmix and says, "This should be a crime—I mean, you can't have people running around putting shit in trialmix all willy-nilly!

Natalya impatiently closes her eyes, saying, "Sheamus, I swear to God, you're about 2 seconds away from getting your very own paragraph in Friday's injury report!"

Sheamus replies, "I mean, at least call it what it is, shitmix. But don't try and pass off your shitmix to poor unsuspecting people under the guise that it's really trailmix!

Natalya rolls her eyes, shaking her head slowly. A couple minutes pass and Sheamus asks, "That shit-laden trailmix made me thirsty, do we have any sodas left?"

Natalya sighs and says, "No, we just have water-so here."

"Thanks."

Ok we'll let those two ponder when this traffic jam's going to clear up. We'll rejoin Alberto and Santino, who have taken a back road to try and get to Wichita…

Santino looks around at the countryside as they ride through. He's a little worried, so he asks, "Hey Alberto, I have seen no signs for the Wichita. Are you sure we are going a-the right way?"

Alberto nods and says, "Of COURSE—my sombrero car has GPS! I know we're getting closer, just be patient, my friend."

Santino sighs and sees something in the near distance. He points, "Hey, look at thaaaaat, up ahead, yesssss?"

He points to a cattle crossing. Alberto starts slowing his car down and mutters, "…damnit!"

Alberto says aloud, "Hey Santino, only pipty miles to go, senor!"

Santino asks, "Um…how many you say?"

"Pipty."

"Um, what's 'pipty?'"

Alberto, growing frustrated, points to the GPS screen, "Look, you eediot! PIPTY!"

"Ohhhhh, you mean 'FIFTY'?"

"Jes, jes—I mean pipty!"

As they banter back and forth, we'll join up with JR and Stone Cold back at the traffic jam…

Stone Cold says, "Looks like the traffic is finally movin'"

JR, inching his car forward, replies, "Yep, looks that way. Hey Steve, look at those two sapsuckers up ahead of us."

Austin smirks and says, "That looks like Sheamus' tanning bed-car…serves him right, too—his white ass NEEDS a tan."

JR agrees, "Yeah, I HAVE always said that he has the breast-meat complexion going on with his skin."

Steve looks over at the steering 'horns' and suggests, "Hey JR, let's ram 'em a little?"

JR says, "No, Steve, I don't wanna' start anything, let's just be patient."

"Aw c'mon, JR! Just bump 'em a little—you know, get their attention a bit?"

"No Steve, I mean, the line's finally starting to move."

Steve then says, "Ah fuck it!" and gently steps on the accelerator. The Bull-car then nudges the tanning booth car. Sheamus and Natalya both feel a bump as their bodies lungs forward ever so slightly.

Natalya turns to Sheamus and says, "Shame, I think we just go rammed."

Sheamus turns around and shakes his fist at JR. JR points to Stone Cold, who's smirking and pointing to JR.

JR says, "Steve, quit that!"

Steve nods and pretends like he's stretching. He stealthily slides his foot onto the accelerator and rams Sheamus' car a little harder this time. Sheamus slaps his steering wheel and yells back, "DO THAT AGAIN, AND I'LL SKIN YOUR ARSES!"

Stone Cold's looking back at Sheamus laughing as Natalya sticks her middle finger up.

JR pleads, "Steve, PLEASE!"

Steve pulls a beer from his inside pocket, cracks it open, and downs it in one gulp. The traffic's really starting to spread out now. Steve smiles and glances over at JR. Jr sighs and just gestures toward the accelerator and Steve steps on it a lot harder this time. The bull-car rams the Tanning bed-car hard enough to pop the trunk on the tanning bed!

Steve yells, "C'mon JR—DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE! HAHAHAHAAAAA!"

The bull-car screeches as JR puts the petal to the metal and zooms off. As they pass Sheamus and Natalya, Sheamus quickly leaps out of his car yelling, "YOU SORRY SONS OF BITHCES! WE'RE GONNA' GET THE BOTH OF YOU!"

Natalya yells, "YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!"

Stone Cold throws his empty beer can at Sheamus-and barely misses him-as he and JR zoom off.

JR turns to Austin and asks, "There…FEEL better, now?"

"Absolutely. In fact, if we rammed that sorry sum'bitch three times and made his trunk pop open like a can of sardines, gimme' a HELL YEAH!"

JR sighs and mutters, "Hell…yeah."

Stone Cold just laughs maniacally as the "car" just gallops/zooms away.

The traffic is clearing out, the cattle are almost done crossing the country road where Santino and Alberto seem to be held up, and Sheamus has closed his trunk and is now back on the highway.

.

So join me next time, for the conclusion of this…story, here. That's right—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!

A/N-I'm so damn glad I was able to keep this under 20 chapters! HA!