Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever, owned shit.
Alright, here it is, fans! It's the grand finale, the last stop, the final chapter in this…saga. We'll kick this off with our Superstars, who have all just entered central city Wichita…
Alberto sees Vince's condo just over the bridge, as it's the tallest building on the skyline. He says, "Hahaaaa…Santino, I can SMELL the victory!"
Santino smiles wide and says, "E-yessss…Santino Marella—WWE GM!"
They high-five as they make their way toward the building. Meanwhile, coming across another roadway, we have Natalya and Sheamus, with Kofi and CM punk hot on their trail…
Natalya looks back at Kofi and CM and asks, "Shame, can't this thing go any faster?"
Sheamus answers, "I got the pedal to the metal, lass! She won't go any faster!"
CM and Kofi are staring ahead intently at Natalya and Sheamus' "car", trying to pass them as, Sheamus has blocked them every time they've tried to pass so far.
Kofi pounds his steering "wheel" in frustration, "Damn, what—was Sheamus a NASCAR driver at one time, or some'ting? It's hard as HELL to PASS heem, mon!"
It's pretty much like this—Sheamus is pretty much drag racing Kofi down the main street of the city. Now, as that's going on, We have Stone Cold and good ol' JR—LEADING this thing, apparently…
JR points, "Hey Steve, that there's the building! Let's move!"
Steve looks in his rear view mirror and doesn't see any of the other competitors. Steve smirks and starts to pull into a parking space when SUDDENLY, OUT OF SEEMINGLY NOWHERE, Alberto and Santino screech into the parking space.
Santino's laughing loudly as Steve is yelling out from the passenger side of JR's "car", "HEY YOU DUMB SON-OF-A-BITCH! MOVE THE DAMN CAR, OR THERE'S GONNA' BE A PROBLEM!"
Alberto and Santino both get out of the car and make a break for the building. Steve sees this and he and JR grab the magazine and the beer and follow them and try to keep them from entering the building…
"Agh! Get out of my way!"
"No, you get out, urrrgh, of MINE!"
In the meantime, the other four contestants have just screeched to a halt on the parking lot, effectively blocking the entire entranceway to the lot. They all get out of their respective cars and they all bum-rush the front doors. The automatic doors are just opening and closing as these 8 ADULTS are up at the door, fighting and arguing amongst themselves. After a couple moments, the fight spreads into the building proper. The people in the lobby are all looking at these 8 superstars behaving so carelessly and greedily.
Sheamus yells, "Nat, hurry on upstairs—the elevator is open! AAAAGH!"
Sheamus was tripped up by Stone Cold. Stone Cold runs over to chase Natalya, but the door closes in his face. Stone cold presses the button for the elevator adjacent to Natalya's. The elevator comes and the rest of the riff-raff all load onto that one.
Meanwhile, Natalya has just made it up to the penthouse floor. She clears her throat and starts to knock on MR. McMahon's door, but before she knocks, she realizes that she only has the porn. She mutters to herself, "…damn, Sheamus still has the fucking BEER, Oooooh!"
Just then, the other elevator bell goes off and the doors open. The superstars all flood out into the hallway, making a bunch of noise, arguing loudly amongst each other…
Kofi yells, "HEY MON, C'mon! Lemme' through!"
Meanwhile, CM punk does a snap suplex on Natalya. Sheamus yells, "Hey lad—she did nothin' t'you!"
CM gets up smiling and raising his bottle of Ouzo in the air proudly. Sheamus kicks him in the stomach—HARD. CM clutches his abdomen and goes down slowly. Stone Cold spins Sheamus around and tries to stun him, but Sheamus reverses it and shoves Stone Cold into a wall, face-first.
Meanwhile Alberto is struggling with Kofi and receives a high knee for his troubles. Kofi stands over him laughing. Santino contorts his right arm into the cobra and goes for Kofi, but Kofi ducks and gives him the Trouble in Paradise.
At that moment, Natalya recovers and low-blows Kofi. Kofi's eyes cross as he goes down, writhing in pain. Natalya crawls over to Vince's door and knocks three times, while still selling that snap suplex. After a couple moments, Vince opens his door. And, with his zipper already undone, he asks, "Well, do you have it?"
Natalya says, "Yes, Mr. McMahon, I have your porn. The Ouzo is around here somewhere, I think Sheamus—"
Vince interrupts, "No…no, this doesn't happen, young lady. I'm Vince McMahon, dammt! AND I DON'T TOLERATE—"
Suddenly, a voice from the doorway can be heard, "Mr. McMahon, I have your Ouzo—right here!"
Vince immediately says, "NO JR, I want each of you to get the other item from your OWN partners! I don't FEEL like compromising—I'm thirsty and I'm horny, damnit!"
JR and Natalya scramble to get the other items from their partners, who are just recovering outside in the hallway. While this is happening, a mysterious figure comes from out of NOWHERE and hits EVERYONE with a baseball bat. This person snatches a bottle of Ouzo and a magazine and stands at Vince's doorway. Vince smiles and says, "Hey there! I'm certainly surprised to see you! Go wake up your partner and get him in here. Vince goes over to the doorway as the individual gets his…partner. Vince calls out to the other stars, "I have my winners! I'd like to thank the rest of you for playing along, also. Bye now."
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Vince closes the door behind the two winners as they enter into his penthouse. He lays out the plans for Raw and for Smackdown. He says, "Ok, JR…you'll have RAW and…Michael Cole, you'll have Smackdown! Have fun, gents!"
(Look, I'm just going to be brief about BOTH shows, ok? This is going to be VERY fucked-up, lol…)
On RAW, JR and Vince have a drinking session before the show and JR winds up booking a Heavyweight title match between Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton…and an all-of-a-sudden-returning MOLLY HOLLY! Molly's dressed in her old black-and-white outfit, but she has Hulk Hogan's size 15 wrestling boots on!
Randy Orton hits the RKO on Daniel Bryan, he then hits it on Molly, who immediately no-sells the RKO and starts "Hulking up". He hits her again, and she keeps walking around the ring, vigorously shaking her fists. He hits her a third time, and she points at him. He goes to hit her again and she blocks it and fires back with two punches of her own. She swings him to the ropes and hits the big boot on him. Then she swings to the rope and hits the atomic leg drop for the one, two, three! She gets up and rips her shirt off—Molly-mania is born and RAW's ratings have never been higher!
On SmackDown, Michael Cole brings his PC from home so that it can dictate messages. His PC crashes and he has to make the matches himself-the audience laughs. He books himself in a fatal four-way against Drew McIntyre, David Otunga, and Mason Ryan in the first ever "I Completely Suck" match.
The highlight of the match was when Drew McIntyre military-pressed Otunga, and Otunga stood up on McIntyre's hands and military-pressed Mason Ryan and they all slammed each other. While this was happening, Stephanie McMahon comes running down the aisle, eating out of a feed bag and carrying a garbage can, for some reason. Michael Cole decides to eat out of the garbage can—just because he sucks THAT badly.
.
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The End.
Thanks for joining me on this…journey once again.
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A/N-You know, I've been toying around with two long-overdue "Grapefruits" stories—one of them being an 'Old-School' adventure, and the other, being an INTERNATIONAL adventure. Let me know what you think about that—either through review or PM.
But, in the meantime, please, take time to review my story, I'd greatly appreciate it.