Disclaimer: This Again?
The sun was so hot; I thought that it was going to burn a whole through the window. Yet, I still didn't want to move away. I wanted to sit right here in my window seat watching, the quite street below. I was here writing my last words. Well not really my last words, as I still had a long time to go before I died. I had slept through all of yesterday. And I was absolutely starved right now. My parents were downstairs discussing my treatment therefore I was stuck in my room. I didn't want to be downstairs listening to my parents argue about the best treatment. It was getting on my nerves, I wanted to go down there and yell at them. It as so stupid. I'll get the treatment when I get the treatment. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I got up from the window seat and went to get my phone from the bedside table.
Need food! I send the text to Alice.
Be right over. I got the reply instantly.
Good. Now I had food supply. But I still couldn't go down. There was just one more week of school, which was just exams, so I had no where to go during the days. But my parents did. It was a Monday and they still hadn't left for work. I heard the door slam and walked over to look out the window. My dad got in his car and drove out of his parking space in the driveway. I heard knocking on the door and turned. My mom came in, looked around the room awkwardly and sat down on the bed. What was so awkward? I was her daughter and she's been in this room a lot of times over the last 18 years. I leaned against the window seat and waited for her to start talking. If she was expecting me to say something, she was in for a surprise. I wasn't going to talk or argue today. It is Bella's day off. It took two sighs and one eye roll from me for her to start talking.
"I am leaving for work, and I was just wondering if you wanted something." She finally said.
"No, I already called Alice; she's coming over with food. We're having a picnic. You know to celebrate my home coming and all." I said and gave her a small smile. Wow, it really was awkward talking to my mother. Maybe, it had something to do with the fact that she was discussing my life behind my back. Well, she's my mother, so I guess I have to forgive her. But not right away.
"Okay, that's great. So you girls will be here all day. Good." I stared at her hard. She was nervous about something. Something she wasn't telling me.
"What is it?" I asked, rolling my eyes.
"What is what?" Renee asked raising her eyebrows. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows. I knew there was something she was hiding from me. I've had 18 years to study her behavior towards me and she was definitely hiding something. I looked out the window again. Charlie had gone to work which meant, this was probably something they discussed over breakfast. Charlie wasn't good at telling me bad things; that was mom's territory.
"We were just wondering about your treatment, that's all." She replied.
"What about my treatment?" I asked, suspiciously. This is like the umpteenth they are going to question my treatment. I've had it before, it's no big deal. Even I know that's a lie. It's a big deal. But I can't just sit here all day thinking about it. I can at least try to live the rest of my life.
"Nothing, we are just worried about it. You are, our only child. We don't want anything to happen to you." She said and her voice cracked at the last sentence. I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. I put my arms around her and we just stayed like that for a couple of minutes. I remembered when I used to have nightmares as a little girl and my mom would come into my room and just hold me tight, willing the nightmares to go away. I wished right then, that I could take away this nightmare. Everything can be the way it used to be before.
"It'll be alright." I whispered. I didn't know if it was the truth or the lie but for a minute I really thought it will be alright. Why do I have to spend so much time on the negative? Maybe if I think positive the outcome will be positive.
"Alright, now Bells. I'm running late for work. Do you want me to stay until Alice comes?" Renee asked
"No, she only lives four houses down. She'll be here in a jiffy." I said and kissed her cheek lightly, letting her know that she can leave; I'll be okay. After she left the room, I got up from the bed and walked to the window. I saw Renee get in her car and drive out of the driveway. Then I looked up and down the street. Where was she? Then I spotted her, a little dot of yellow walking down the sidewalk towards my house, holding a picnic basket. Finally, I was starved. She was still far away though, walking as if she was in another universe. When she finally got to the door, I ran down and opened the door for her.
"What took you so long? You live four houses away not four hours away." I asked, as I ushered Alice into the house and then to the kitchen.
"Jazz was over. And I had to get the food, which takes time." Alice said, as she put down the picnic basket on the kitchen counter. I rolled my eyes. Does she have to spend every waking minutes with Jasper? It was making me feel extra depressed about Edward.
"When I texted you, you said 'be right over' not 'be right over in a million year', I'm starving woman." I got a plate and started unpacking the picnic basket. At least she had the decency to bring me pop tarts. I took out the box and sniffed appreciatively. Mhm, food.
"Well, I would have gotten here sooner, but like I said, Jasper was there and I couldn't just leave him. Why are you so hungry anyways? Didn't your parents feed you, because they were busy discussing….?" Alice stopped short and looked at me. They told her. She's my best friend and I should have been the one to tell her, that I have cancer not them. They can't control every aspect of life.
"No, they wanted to but I was asleep and this morning I just wanted them out of the house. They kept talking about it all through breakfast and I could hear them in my room. It was so infuriating." I said; I had forgotten all about my hunger now. Alice got up from the stool and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, realizing that I was crying again. I heard sniffles and pulled away to see that Alice was crying as well.
"Can we not talk about this today? I just want a normal day, without anyone telling me what's going to happen tomorrow, or the next day or the next. I just want to be normal." I wiped away my tears and passed a box of tissue to Alice, who just nodded in her consent. Today was going to be a normal day. No more death talks and treatment talks and other things. Just two best friends spending some quality time together.
"So, what was Jasper doing here? I thought he had some family thing today." I said, finally biting into the pop tart. Oh my god, food has never tasted this good. We chewed silently for a couple of minutes.
"He was just here to drop something off." Alice said, and looked down. Was she hiding something from me? She's never hidden anything from me before. I looked at her, thinking what it could possibly be that she can't tell me.
"And that something was?" I probed.
"A guitar." She mumbled.
"A, what?" I laughed. He got her a guitar? How long have I been asleep? And Alice can't even play the guitar.
"A guitar. He's teaching me how to play." She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. She's learning how to play guitar. Wow.
"Will you play something for me?" I asked, poking her arm.
"No, I'm no good. He's only been teaching for a few weeks. And he decided it'd be nice for me to have my own guitar, instead of him bringing his down all the time." She replied smiling, with a dreamy look in her eyes.
"I'm sure, you're great. Go get your guitar. I want you to play. We'll go outside and sit on the swing. Go, go, go." I said and pushed her towards the door.
"Okay, Okay. I'm leaving." Alice laughed and ran out of the house.
I quickly ran upstairs to look out the window. I could see Alice running to her house. I was excited. I have never had anyone play for me before. I was so happy; my best friend had found someone she can be happy with. I sighed, remembering Edward. I couldn't keep my mind off of him. I kept going back to our conversation yesterday. I shouldn't have said what I said. People have things to do all the time. My mom always says she has things to do. I wish I can go back in time and take back everything I said to him. Or I can meet him somewhere and apologize. I can go back to the hospital and talk to his father. But that would seem desperate. It's not like I was dying without Edward. I was dying with or without Edward; his being here was just going to make it pleasant.
I walked to my room and started cleaning it, trying to get my mind off everything. I stood at the door, looking at the room that had belonged to me since I was a baby. It was still the color of ocean, because my mother loves that color. I realized that I had actually missed this color at the hospital, considering I hated ocean blue so much. Renee hadn't allowed me to change the color of my walls and it's a good thing she hadn't. This wouldn't be my room if it didn't have ocean blue walls. The knocking at the door startled me and I ran downstairs to open the door.
"That was fast." I said to Alice after I had opened the door and led her in. She was breathing fast and held up her finger. I waited patiently.
"Well, I ran, because I really want you to listen to a song Jasper taught me." Alice walked outside to the backyard and I wondered how she was able to carry a guitar. I walked behind her, because I was really excited to hear Alice sing. I mean, she had dragged me to karaoke bars but this is original. Something she has worked hard to learn.
"So Jasper bought you a guitar." I said casually.
"Yes." Alice stopped walking and turned to look at me.
"Does that mean you told him?" I asked.
"No, Bella! I can't tell him. I'm afraid." She said in a small voice. I burst out laughing.
"You're afraid? You weren't afraid when you sucker punched the captain of the football team, or when you told that supply teacher her dressing style was horrible. There's no need to be afraid now. Just tell him, if he didn't feel the same way I'm sure he wouldn't have bought you a guitar." I took hold of her arms and shook her gently.
"Fine! We are having dinner tomorrow. I'll tell him then, I think. But what he doesn't feel the same way?" She asked nervously.
"You guys have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years and you're afraid he doesn't love you." I rolled my eyes.
"He's a guy." Alice shrugged.
"Also means he would have broken up with you if he hadn't been in love with you. He's a guy, they don't like relationships. Besides I see the way he looks at you." I winked at her. We walked outside and Alice sat down on the swing.
"Okay, hit me." I said as I sat down on the swing beside her.
"Why would I hit you?" Alice said in a small voice. I raised my eyebrows at her and she laughed. She loved using that phrase whenever she can.
"Okay, Jasper taught me this song, so be nice. I'm not perfect. I'm still learning." Alice said like she was talking to a child. I rolled my eyes.
"Ali just play."
She strummed the guitar once, twice and I was getting impatient. But I kept it to myself. I didn't want to scare her off. If she decided she didn't want to play, it'll take me forever to convince her. Finally, I could hear the first strings of a song.
I love this place
But it's haunted without you
My tired heart
Is beating so slow
Our hearts sing less
Than we wanted
We wanted
Our hearts sing 'cause
We do not know
we do not know
To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said
I always know
You can catch me
Don't you run
Don't you run
If you live another day
In this happy little house
The fire's here to stay
To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said
I always know
Please don't make a fuss
It won't go away
The wonder of it all
The wonder that I made
I am here to stay
I am here to stay
Stay
Alice stopped playing and looked at me. I was mesmerized by the song. It was so beautiful. Alice was biting her bottom lip nervously.
"Alice, that was awesome." I said and hugged her tightly. It felt like I didn't hug her enough. She was only best friend and I was afraid to let her go.
"Bella, I don't want to let you go." Alice whispered. I pulled back and looked at her.
"Yeah, maybe you wouldn't have to. Maybe we can stay this way forever, being there for each other all the time." I smiled, and sniffed loudly. Alice laughed. Maybe everything will be alright. And I will stay right here with my best friend, laughing and playing music. Tomorrow I had my first radiation session. I was scared but I wasn't going to let it show. I didn't want to worry anyone and I didn't want to lose hope. I smiled at Alice and wished for everything to be alright.
AN: There it is, the sixth chapter. I know it's focused on Bella and Alice, but I wanted to show their friendship. Edward will come back next chapter, which will probably be up tonight or tomorrow. The song is from Dear John, Amanda Seyfreid sings it, and I'm not taking any credit. I just love this song, it's pretty good. Enjoy! Xoxo.