Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
I woke up early in the morning, because it was an exam day. After Alice had sung that wonderful song, we had spent the rest of the day studying for our English final. I didn't even know if it mattered anymore. I was dying. What difference did it make if I graduated high school or not? I was going to be pessimistic today. I had nothing to look forward to. I guess, in some part of my mind, I had actually hoped that Edward was right. That maybe, one day….he will marry me. I know, I know, it was a crazy idea. But I wanted hope.
I knew that it was never going to happen. Not if I died and I will. Maybe that's why Edward hadn't tried to contact me. Why would he want to spend his time with a girl who was dying? He told me I was the girl he wanted to marry before he found out that I was potentially a dead woman. This was real life. Real life was nothing like, like….A Walk to Remember. Edward is not going to have an epiphany and fall in love with me and marry me.
I rolled around on the bed and stared at my wall. I couldn't let go of the feeling I had when I was with Edward in my hospital room. He had made me feel so safe. I groaned and sat up in bed. My head spun a little and I was afraid that I was going to have another blackout but it was just a head rush. The room stopped spinning and I got up to get dressed.
After one hour, I was showered, clothed—in a blue tank top and white capri pants, with flip flops—and ready to go. Dad had already left for work and I kissed my Mom goodbye before I left the house. I grabbed a toast to go because there was no way I was sitting with my mother and having breakfast. She'd just ask me too many questions because to make my day worse, the doctor that scheduled my first radiation session this morning, right after my exam.
I walked over to Alice's house because she said that she didn't want me driving to school in my 'condition'. I swear to god, if everyone kept treating me like I was a freaking dying person, I was going to run away from home.
The weather outside was warm and I was glad I wasn't wearing excessive clothing. The only thing I was carrying was my purse, because the only thing I needed was writing utensils and my wallet. When I got to Alice's house I knocked on the door and Alice opened, looking like she was posing for Glamour magazine.
"Jasper is coming to pick us up," Alice said.
"With the yellow sundress, I figured it was either that or you were posing for Glamour," I said. Alice stuck her tongue out at me. She walked inside and grabbed her bag, than she walked outside again. Her hair was done in curls and she was wearing just a touch of make-up. It made me wonder when she had woken up. And it also made me wonder why I didn't make an effort to look that good.
"Well, we still have to wait for Jasper. Let me do your make-up," Alice said. She spun me around to face her. I opened my mouth to protest but then shut it. I had just thought about this.
"Okay, but not too much. I don't want to look like a slut," I said.
"I'd never," Alice said. "Pout."
I pouted and Alice dabbed lip gloss on my lips. I tried not to grimace.
"Lip gloss is enough for today," Alice said. I nodded. A car honked behind us and I turned around to see Jasper pulling up his car along the curb. He got out and walked around the car to stand in front of us.
"I see I will be riding with two beautiful women," Jasper said, with his usual charming nature. I grunted in response and Alice gave him a long kiss. I averted my eyes. I sighed and bit my lip.
"We're going to be late," Alice said, she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the car. I got in the back seat and Alice and Jasper got in the car, then Jasper drove us to school.
Well, the exam wasn't a total bust. Despite the fact that my thoughts kept straying towards Edward, I managed an A-. The teacher marked our exams as soon as we handed them in and voila! I was a high school graduate. Unfortunately, being a high school graduate didn't help with the fact that I was sitting in a cold room waiting for my radiation therapist. I tapped my feet against the sterile floor with impatience and shivered. The room was really cold and it wasn't helping with the nerves.
Alice and Jasper had dropped me off at the hospital and I sent them on their way. I didn't want anyone to come here with me. I wanted to know that I could do this on my own. When I was ten my mother had come with me because I had been so scared. I was still scared but I tried to swallow that fear. The room was so bright that it was giving me a headache.
"Ms. Isabella Swan?"
I looked up at the sound of my name and look off my sunglasses. I was the only one in the waiting area. I stood up when a young man in dark blue scrubs walked towards me.
"I'm Dr. Mark Crane, your radiation therapist," he said, offering me his hand. I shook it with a polite smile. This felt wrong. We both knew why we were here. There was no need for pleasantries.
"Follow me," Dr. Crane said, turning around. I followed him into the room he had come out of. It was as cold, blank and bright as the waiting area but there was a glass pane in it and on the other side was the radiation equipment.
"You can leave your stuff here," Dr. Crane said. I dumped my sunglasses in my purse and placed it on a chair. Then I followed Dr. Crane into the radiation room.
"Now there are going to be side effects to the radiation, if you want I can go over them after the radiation or you can just talk to your doctor," Dr. Crane said.
"I know the side effects, I've had radiation before," I said. Dr. Crane looked up at me and then nodded slowly. He pointed to the chair in the middle of the room and I sat down.
"Okay, I'm going to have to remove a small chunk of your chair but don't worry, it's not going to be noticeable. Then I'm going to make small dots over the area of radiation," Dr. Crane said. I nodded and he picked up a hair trimmer. He took out a small chunk of my hair from the lower left corner and then I felt him making small dots on my head.
All the while he was doing that, I had a sinking feeling inside my chest. This was real. This was really happening. I had a tumour again and I was getting radiation again. This time, I might not make it. What's going to happen to my parents? I was their whole world, as they had pointed out on various occasions.
"Are you ready?" Dr. Crane asked, after he was done. No! I wasn't ready. I didn't want to get radiation. I didn't want a tumour. How can anyone be ready for this? I was seventeen. I hadn't even lived my life yet. But I knew that if I didn't get radiation, there won't be a life to live.
I nodded reluctantly. Dr. Crane adjusted the chair I was sitting on and turned it into a bed. He fixed my hair so they weren't in the way of the big radiation machine and then he walked out of the room.
"Okay, Isabella, I'm going to start the radiation now. Just try to stay calm," Dr. Crane said through the speaker. I took a deep breath and tried not to move around too much. There was no need to be brave. I was scared out of my wits. Anyone would be. Life wasn't as simple as it seemed to me when I was ten. I had hoped, despite everything in me, that there were going to be no hardships. Everything was just going to be okay.
I wish that I could hide in my mother's embrace right now and pretend that everything will be okay. I closed my eyes and pretended that I was at the beach with Alice and my parents.
The radiation had taken an hour. I spent an hour in that cold, white room, feeling like I was all alone in the world. It wasn't the best feeling. The whole hospital had been so cold that I was glad when I stepped out into the morning sunlight and shivered in the warmth. I immediately pulled out my sunglasses and put them on.
Dr. Crane had said that it was going to take a couple of weeks of radiation therapy before there was any progress with the tumour. A few more weeks of this and I was sure to never want to step foot again in a hospital, which was bad considering I was a total klutz.
As soon as I stepped onto the curb to hail down a cab, a shiny silver car stopped in front of me. The passenger side window rolled down and the driver leaned over to the passenger side.
"Did you think I was going to forget about you?" Edward asked, with the same smirk that made my knees go weak. For a second I was just mesmerized by his godly beauty. Then I realized that he was waiting for an answer.
"I was hoping you would," I said. Edward laughed and opened the passenger side door. I bit my lip. I wanted to go with him but at the same time, I just wanted to be alone.
"Come on, Bella, you're holding up the traffic," Edward said. I rolled my eyes. There was no traffic of course but I still got in his car and slammed the door shut. Edward swerved into the lane with one fluid motion.
"Are you mad at me?" Edward asked. I looked over at him.
"No," I said.
"Are you mad at the world?" Edward asked.
"No."
"Are you mad at Alice?"
"No."
"Are you mad at me?" Edward asked again.
"Keep talking and I will be," I said. Edward got quiet immediately and I looked out the window, laying my head against the back of the seat. I could feel the faint shadow of the dots Dr. Crane had marked on the back of my head.
"I got my first radiation session today," I said. Edward didn't say anything but he pulled the car to a stop. I looked up to see that we were at the beach. Edward got out of the car and walked around to open my door. As soon as I was out, he pulled me into a hug and I sighed. His embrace made me feel safe again and I never wanted to let him go. He took all my troubles away. I laid my head against Edward's chest and heard his heart beating. Edward tightened his grip on me.
"I've already had radiation before but this time I was so scared. The room was so cold, I just…" I trailed off and shook my head. Edward pulled me away from him but I clutched his shirt, turning my hands into fists. I didn't want to let him go. But he didn't let go. Edward pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head and looked into my eyes. His green eyes were burning with emotion.
"I'm sorry, if I had known I would have come with you," Edward said. I shook my head and Edward put his hands on the sides of my face. His thumb gently brushed against my lower lip.
"No, I didn't want anyone to come with me. I wanted to know that I could do it on my own but I'd never felt so alone in my life," I whispered. Edward leaned his forehead against mine and looked me in the eyes.
"As long as I am here, you will never be alone," Edward whispered. Maybe I shouldn't have done it. I didn't know what he was thinking or what I was thinking. I knew that he wasn't going to do it. I was weak right now and Edward wasn't one to take advantage of that. But if I did, then it wasn't taking advantage. It was my free will.
I leaned a little forward and brushed my lips against his. Edward froze and I froze with him. I was sure that he was going to turn me away. There was no way a guy like him was interested in me. I mean, he was the definition of beautiful. All beauty was measured against him. He wouldn't want me.
But then he leaned forward and placed his lips against mine in a gentle kiss and my heart stopped beating. When it started beating again I wound my hands into Edward's hair and pulled him closer to me. He pushed me against the car gently, pressing his hard body against mine. His lips were soft and warm against mine and the kiss was gentle. But then it turned passionate and suddenly we couldn't have enough of each other. We weren't close enough together. I wanted more of him. I needed more of him. I pulled him closer, as closer as I could and pressed my body against his. Edward's hand slipped under my tank top and I gasped into the kiss but then smiled when I felt his tongue tentatively brushing against my lower lip.
Someone walking by hooted and shouted for us to get a room. Edward and I sprang apart, breathing hard. Edward's cheeks were flushed, his lips were swollen and his eyes burned with fire. I realized that that's what I must look like.
"That cannot happen again," Edward said and I bit my lip from crying out, "in a public place."
That can't happen again in a public place. That's what he said. I sighed in relief. I didn't think I could live without doing that again; without having the possibility of a lifetime of doing that again.
"Yeah," I said. I looked down at the ground and blushed. I saw Edward's feet move towards me and he gently lifted my face up so I was looking at him. I blushed even harder. I had never done something like that before. Edward was very dangerous to be around. I felt bold around him, like I could do anything. I placed one hand on his chest and the other I let travel to his neck to bring him closer.
"Bella," Edward said. I shivered at the sound of my name on his lips.
"Yes?" I asked. I looked up from his lips to his eyes. They were hooded and there was a strange kind of hunger in them.
"We really shouldn't do this here," Edward whispered. I licked my lips and nodded, even though all I wanted was to kiss him again, to be that close to him again. But I gave a shaky laugh and let him go. Edward stepped back but took hold of my left hand, turning me around to walk towards the beach.
The beach wasn't crowded but we picked the most secluded area, where no one would disturb us. I watched the waves crash onto the beach and a thought occurred to me.
"Edward?"
Edward turned to look at me. His copper coloured hair was messy from where I had run my fingers through it.
"Do you still want to marry me?" I asked. Edward smiled a beautiful smile that lit up his entire face.
"Yes," he said.
"Why? I mean, I…I'm dying," I said. The smile disappeared from Edward's face and he leaned forward to give me a long sweet kiss.
"Bella, you're not dying. I promise, I won't let anything happen to you," Edward said. I nodded. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that everything would be okay. But this wasn't what I wanted. I mean, I finally meet the perfect guy and it turns out that I might not have that much time with him. Life was so unfair.
"Do you want something to drink?" Edward asked.
"Coke," I said. Edward gave me a quick kiss on the lips and got up. I watched him walk over to the stairs that led to the only convenience store at the beach. The sound of my phone ringing startled me and I pulled it out my purse.
It was Alice.
"Hey," I said.
"You have to come with me," Alice said. I could hear things moving around in the background. Alice was freaking out. That was a rare and scary occasion.
"Come with you, where?" I asked.
"To meet Jasper's parents," Alice said. I rolled my eyes.
"He's your boyfriend. Why do I need to meet his parents?" I asked. Alice sighed and I heard a drawer opening.
"I know, but I'm scared. What if they don't like me?" Alice asked. I bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud. The thoughts of Alice being scared and someone not liking Alice were impossibly funny.
"Alice, don't worry. They are going to love you, just like Jasper does," I said. Alice took a deep breath.
"Okay, okay, I can do this. You know, your parents met his Dad, at the hospital. Dr. Cullen," Alice said.
"No, no, that's Ed—," I stopped talking. Alice didn't know about Edward. I felt guilty about not telling her but I wanted to keep him a secret.
"Alice, how many brothers does Jasper have?" I asked. I stood up to look for Edward. I saw him coming out of the store with two bottles in his hands.
"Two; Emmett is the older one and Edward is the younger one," Alice said. Well, that explained why Edward didn't feel threatened when I told him Jasper was my boyfriend. Jasper had spent hours talking about his annoying younger brother and I never thought to pay attention. Ugh! I was so angry at myself. How could I have been so stupid? I pretended that Jasper was my boyfriend when all the while Edward knew the truth.
"Bella, you okay?" Alice asked.
"Oh, yeah. I'll call you later," I said. I hung up before Alice had a chance to say anything else. I pulled my sunglasses out of my hair and put them on. Edward was making his way to me. When he was not ten feet away from me, he stopped walking.
"Now you're mad at me," Edward said.
"You know, I was just talking to Alice and she said the most interesting of things. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend—the guy I pretended was my boyfriend—is in fact your older brother," I said. Edward winced and slowly walked towards me.
"Bella, I am so sorry. I get it if you're mad at me," Edward said. I put his hands on my arms but I pushed him to the ground and cradled his waist.
"Mad? I'm embarrassed. I pretended that Jasper was my boyfriend and you knew, you knew and you didn't say anything. I bet all this time you two are just laughing about how stupid Bella is," I said. Edward pulled me down so I was barely an inch away from him.
"Bella, don't be absurd," Edward said. I stared into his green eyes. They were dark with lust. I leaned down further and my lips touched his.
"Bella," Edward groaned.
"You know, my house is like ten minutes from here and my parents are at work," I whispered against his lips. For a terrifying second Edward didn't say anything. Then he nodded slowly.
"Bella, you are going to be the death of me."
I laughed as I stood up. As we walked up to Edward's car, hand in hand, I couldn't remember a time when I was this happy or when life had been this…good.
AN: I know I haven't updated in two years because I have been busy writing my own stories on fictionpress. If anyone's interested in reading them, the link is on my profile. I hope this chapter was good, considering I am updating after so long. Tell me how you like it. XOXO.