She hates Drama

She knows she might as well be saying she hates herself, but the truth is, for all her posturing and rhetoric, for all the name calling and teasing, for all weak, hollow threats, she hates drama. (But doesn't hate being a drama queen)

She hates it when people want to see too deep into situations; picking out at every single detail, trying to understand that which by it's very nature defies understanding.

She knows if it was meant to be understood, it would be easy to explain.

So why is it so hard to understand the rationale behind cold, hard logic? Why do emotions only muck it up?

As she sees him walking towards her, and sees him hugging her (those should be her hugs!) kissing her (that should be her kiss!) and generally doing to her what she wished he would to her instead (It sounds jumbled and confused, but DAMMIT SHE CAN'T REALLY THINK RIGHT NOW!) she can't help but feel the bile rising up, the heat coursing thru her, the emotions pooling at the pit of her stomach.

And she knows she's about to do something she hates.

So as she runs to the rest room and feels the tears running down her face, she can't help but remind herself again.

Generally speaking, life is drama.

"Shinji...I need to talk to you..."

So she really hates drama.

----- -----

She loves it when he smiles.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you both." She says as calmly as possible, even as she feels the knife being turned and plunged deeper and deeper into her heart. "You have my blessings."

She loves the way the corners of his lips will turn slightly up, and not quite smile, but show the beginning of it.

"Uh…thanks…I guess, but still…what are you talking about?"

"I won't get in the way of you and Rei."

She loves it so much, it's perhaps the only way she feels she can go thru with this; because if he were to give her that heart melting smile, she would then feel her eyes tear up and this will end up messy.

"I know you love her."

"Well..yeah…"

and now, she can't help it; it's that stupid smile of his, and she can see her vision getting blurry, and her breath start to choke and it's getting harder to control the tone of her voice, it would be easier to let it rise, and to let it crack and to just let everything go.

"So? Go and be with her…" This isn't going well, she is beginning to raise her voice and get mad. "Be happy and-"

"Asuka, Rei is my sister."

Now she feels dumb, and can't help but smile back at him, first a small smile, unsure of itself, before she understands what it is he is saying, what it is he is hinting, what it is he feels.

"Oh." She can't help but feel extremely dumb.

"And I love you."

And so, as her small smile grows and turns, and transforms into a full blown honest to God smile, the kind that you feel in your face, coloring your cheeks, making the whole world like a warm pink and fluffy towel to warm you from the cold rain outside, she knows she feels dumb, and still she can't help but smile

And now she can't help but feel happy AND dumb.

----- -----

AN: Now, before reading this, bear in mind this is not a bitch, nor a moan, nor a ploy to get attention; feedback or not, reviews or not, I have come to a decision.

I'm not backing down from the project, but I seriously need to concentrate on stuff at hand.

If you can't tell, I love writing, in fact, if I were to paraphrase my good friend Fresh C, I think I do a damn good job at it; I might not be a drama driven author, but I believe all the people who come here look for two things: good stories, and updated stories; what good is it when you write a wonderful masterpiece if you leave it at the middle of the road? And what good is if you update a lot if the only thing you put is inane conversation splashed by a general amount of OOCness?

However, I'm at a conundrum. I will continue to update, but not twice a day (for one, it thins down the impact of a story. For two, I fear originality might erode and I end up taking themes used before, rewording them and posting them again.) So this is the last twice-a-day update; in fact it's the last one of the week.

Those cheers you are hearing are the people who will finally get a breather here. Those who have been from the start will attest, it's not because I'm hitting a dry patch, but some times, updating one stories after another can be a bit taxing; I need a breather. Those who just barely got here...hmmm, sorry I guess.

When I started this project, it was more of a pet, like picking up a stray; I felt constricted (some would say constipated) with ideas popping left and right and not putting them in writing made me crazy because it affected my other stories. So I began to write these short one shots; reception was great, I loved feeling the writing muscles flex again, helped some writers along the way and found out not all Rei shippers are rabid fanboys (Shout out to Hamstadini) waiting to sic themselves on Asuka shippers (who can be just as vicious as them) It has been a good long run, and I hope I can continue come next week, but for now, that's it for me.

I need a break, what I do in the mean time is neither here, nor there; the important thing is updates will cease, they may be (key word is may) once a day.

Having said all that; I really hope you enjoyed the last one, for now.

In the mean time Vamos a tequila señorita bonita I really needed it now, Ay yo no tengo dinero, caballlero say, can we work this out?

Peace out.