Allen's POV

He lied.

He said he wouldn't leave.

He said he wouldn't leave me alone.

But he did.

He left.

He's gone now.

When will I see him again?

Will I ever see him again?

Why did he leave?

"I'm sorry, I have to leave."

After he said that, he just up and left.

Why?

Why?

If things couldn't get any worse, not long after he left, Mana's condition had gotten much worse.

I thought he was getting better, but I was wrong. Very wrong.

After meeting him that winter night, I had been spending more time with him rather then with Mana. He'd admitted, saying that he didn't want me to worry and wanted me to live a normal life and have friends for once. He didn't want to be a burden to me, especially after I had found someone whom I could call a friend. So during my absence, due to work and also hanging out with the liar, I totally neglected my adopted father's health. He even lied to me each day, saying that he was slowly recovering from a slight cold.

They're all lying to me.

Why?

Why do they have to do this?

Why can't they be frank with me for once?

Why won't they tell me what's really going on?

Why can't they stop lying to me?

"No, Mana. Please. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me too," Allen sobbed, kneeling by Mana's hospital bed.

Apparently the older male had been suffering from Pneumonia and hadn't had the "slight cold" checked out immediately at the hospital.

Now it was too late.

Much too late.

And Allen berated himself for not noticing that instead of getting better, like Mana had claimed, his condition had slowly deteriorated.

"No..."

"Al... Len..."

"W-what is it, Mana?"

"D-don't... E-ever... Stop... Walki-"

Silence. There was complete silence at that moment when Allen held his breath. The only sound present, was the incessant beeping of the cardio meter and one single green line spreading across it.

"Mana? MANA? FATHER!"

For several weeks, Allen had locked himself in his room after the passing of his adopted father. As if things couldn't get any worse after his first friend, if you could call himthat, and ironically, his first love, had left him alone to fend for himself in this harsh world, even though he'd promised not to.

Sure, Allen was used to people leaving him, especially after they've found out about his birth defect and all. But for some reason, the separation from both himand Mana had dealt great blows to him.

Fumbling about, it's already been about four months since hehad left.

'Obviously he isn't coming back. Why am I being so hopeful for? If anything I should be mad at him for breaking that promise! To think I even liked him and all. This is the worst. The absolute worst.'

Things weren't going well. They weren't going well at all.

Allen had completely lost interest in everything else, and would rather mope around in the house which he had once shared with Mana. The usually small space was now suddenly very large, and the feeling of loneliness attacked Allen tenfold, since his childhood.

It wasn't that difficult to deal with loneliness if you've never been loved or cared for before. That was how he was able to get through it when he was younger, being a street rat.

But now, after having experienced kindness, love and comfort from others, it was difficult for Allen to adjust back to his childhood self, where he would completely shut himself off from the world, not caring about what others thought about him except for surviving. The need to survive, alone. But no matter how much he'd tell himself that, Allen couldn't help but always feel a twinge of emptiness in his heart.

The abandonment by Kanda and the death of Mana had really given Allen a slap in the face as a wake-up call.

He couldn't always depend on someone else to be there for him.

He had to be strong to be there for himself.

He had to be able to live completely independently.

He knew how to be independent.

Mana had taught him that.

Ever since that resolve, Allen had tirelessly worked himself to the bone to earn enough dough to sustain himself for the days, weeks, months and years to come. It wasn't easy, and he had to resort to taking up more odd jobs or part-time jobs just to be able to pay the bills for the house and also feed Tim and himself.

The Golden Retriever had sensed the gloomy atmosphere that had settled over his master and it was pretty sure about all the events that had happened. Tim had always been by Mana's side over the course of time when Allen wasn't around. It wasn't of much help, but it was still some nice company for Mana. When the Golden had sensed something amiss with his master's guardian, it was tempted to run out and get Allen back here to alert him, but Mana could guess what the Golden's intentions were and had forbidden it to so anything about it.

Likewise, the Golden was also able to understand what Mana had meant, deep down, and had given in. Trotting back to Mana's bedside, it settled down and lolled on the floor instead.

Allen deserves his happiness without needed an old sick man dragging him down as a burden to carry.

For Allen, Mana's passing was surprisingly easy to let go of.

Death by illness and old age wasn't something that could have been controlled.

Sure, he'd berate himself for not noticing Mana's condition sooner, but it was Mana's own decision to not do anything about it. And Allen had always respected Mana's decisions.

He knew that Mana wouldn't want to see Allen mourning over his death. Allen also knew that Mana treasured Allen's happiness above all else; always giving Allen the best he could provide just to see that smile, just to see that small little child who had suffered so much at such a young age to be able to smile so easily and warmly. And that had always been the source of happiness for Mana since he day he'd decided to adopt the little boy.

However, getting over the separation from him, was no easy feat.

Allen couldn't understand why.

He lied, he left.

It was as simple as that. Allen could have hated him for that, but he had never had the heart to bring himself to do it.

Why?

Allen couldn't understand.

Sure, they'd shared a few light kisses and touches.

They've also bickered and engaged in physical fights over the smallest of matters.

Allen wasn't really sure what he'd call this relationship they have.

Lovers?

He'd chosen to believe that once, but was it really even possible?

He didn't know about him but for himself, it was as sure as hell he'd never even fallen in love with anybody before.

Allen didn't even know what love feels like.

All he knew was how much it had hurt the moment he realised Kanda had lied about being by his side, never leaving, forever.

Allen could hate him.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Allen could forget him.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

All these conflicting emotions and feelings welling up inside him were quickly overflowing. He needed an outlet, somehow, to release all those pent up feelings, and what better way was it to run as fast as he could, away from civilization and into the dense forest, to exhaust himself, to scream with the wind as he moved.

Even as he was doing it, there was only one thought in his mind:

Please, come back, Kanda.

He probably would hate him.

He probably would never forgive him.

But he would have been obviously lying to himself if he'd said that he didn't miss the navy-haired male.

A/N: Not really sure if I'm happy or not with the outcome of this but… Ah well. I realize this fic is starting to become more and more of an introspective kind of fic rather then focusing more on their relationship. Guess I'm too used to writing like this. I hope the last two will be better nee? (:

Leave a review if you'd like. It'll greatly encourage me :D