If It's For Her,
Written by WickedSong.
Disclaimer/Note : In first chapter. This is where, once again, I'm going from canon in most aspects. The song I'm using is NOT going to be in the episode Yes/No but I think it is perfect for the situation. And plus, gives me a chance for a cute duet between a couple I've grown to be fond of. Again, you'll see ;) Just know that I do not own the song 'Falling Slowly' by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the movie, 'Once.' Spoilers are ahead though because there is a scene in 3x10 that involves Sam, Mercedes, an 'intense' conversation and the bulldozer himself.
To be honest Mercedes had never thought she would have to deal with her feelings for Sam Evans. She had thought that him not being around her would make it easy enough to shake off any emotions regarding him leaving her free to be in a relationship with Shane without any ghosts of the past hanging over her.
Or more so she had hoped.
Because she should've known it wasn't that easy to forget what they had shared.
A summer fling she had called it.
More than that he had quickly countered.
And she had known he was telling the truth.
They had quickly collided at junior prom, left on their own when Jesse St. Sucks had came into town. Rachel obviously took the opportunity to go with him, both so she had a date to call her own and to make Finn jealous. She had called it a four-way date (again not the dirty kind) but it was clear by the way she stayed close to Jesse before he and Finn had been thrown out of the prom, that it was a double date in her mind.
But Mercedes found that she didn't mind this, not at all.
From the moment Sam asked her to dance things quickly changed between them. They continued to stay in that awkward stage of maybe more than friends-maybe not for two weeks before he had asked her out in New York. She hadn't been expecting it. Sure she liked him but she didn't know where he stood, if he wanted a girlfriend.
Summer had been the kind of summer you could only imagine, as if it was directly out of a movie. They had spent a month getting to know each other. They made the kind of intense emotional connection that you could never expect or account for. She let down every wall she had ever created, slowly but surely, until he could see her for what she really was. And he did the same for her. He shed the image of 'Sam Evans, jock' to her and became 'Sam Evans, loving big brother, son, friend, boyfriend.' He was more than she had initially given him credit for when he walked into glee club in early October.
They had shared many cuddles, kisses but some of the time it was passionate and intense, ending in their heavy breathing and wonder for what more there was.
But their summer romance ended abruptly, cruely ripped away by a job offer in Kentucky.
She had been crushed, and then she had met Shane and it was like there was someone to fill Sam's place, to fill that void in her heart, to make her feel that intense, wonderful way again.
Shane didn't fill that space though, she quickly learnt that lesson when one of their make out sessions ended in her pulling away and going to the bathroom to get away from him, not wanting to cry in front of him, not allowing him to see any of her weakness or letting him ask her what was wrong, while pulling her into a tight hug, telling her it would all be okay.
Because she wanted it to be Sam, telling her it was fine, not Shane.
It was a terrible realisation.
The school year before Sam came back was good to her, in all aspects except the romantic department. Shane was good to her and he encouraged her to reach for her dreams but that spark she had felt during June was missing.
She could still clearly remember the day she had found out Sam was back. Brittany had walked into rehearsal talking about it. Mercedes had at first brushed it off as Brittany just having the wrong information but then a few other members of the group murmured that they had also seen him. He was in Kentucky and there was no way he would be back in Ohio. A quick text from Santana to Finn confirmed this news.
She managed to somehow make it through rehearsal that day without going to the choir room herself, even resisting the temptation to go along with Santana when she went to greet the former member of New Directions.
She had thought she had successfully avoided Sam that first day but it was near the end of the second day he was back that he had managed to catch her, making his now infamous vow to fight to get her back.
Her smile had been hard to explain to the Troubletones when they had questioned her.
Now, the crazy boy was in the synchronised swimming team, getting slushied left, right and centre, all the while telling her he would take a hundred slushies if it meant that she'd see how serious he was in his fight for her heart. Making her realise she let him in to such an extent that he could see past her lies like 'I've moved on,' or, 'we were a summer fling.'
On top of that the entire glee club was intent on helping him, even her former Troubletone sisters, Sugar, Brittany and Santana, especially Santana.
As if that wasn't enough to think about she still had Shane. She didn't think she'd have him for long though. He was sweet and encouraged her, saying she was a star. But it just wasn't there. She couldn't be with him if she couldn't give him her heart.
Trying to had been easier when it had been four hours away in Kentucky but now it was back in Ohio, along with Sam and she couldn't hide it anymore. It would be hard and she felt terrible for having to do it. Like she had used him. But that had never been her intention.
She couldn't hurt anyone any longer. Not Shane, not Sam and most certainly, not herself.
Rory and Sugar surprised mostly everyone at glee club rehearsal the day following the proposal by announcing they would like to perform a duet they had been working on. Sugar grinned confidently while Rory stood plainly in front of the group.
No one wanted to confront the elephant in the room but someone knew they'd have to. Mr. Schue, as teacher, took this job. "I'm sure what you've planned is wonderful but Sugar are you sure you can-"
"Miss. Corcoran was giving me vocal lessons before she left," Sugar announced quickly, interrupting Mr. Schue. "I'm still not sure why I needed them but they only enhanced my talent." She shrugged. "So it's all good."
No one else wanted to try.
Rory gave a thumbs up to everyone. "Trust me, this will work."
Sugar smiled brightly as Rory turned to Brad, silently asking him to begin playing.
The piano filtered around the room, a soft slow melody, quickly joined by a band member playing his guitar gently. Rory opened his mouth to sing.
"I don't know you but I want you all the more for that."
Everyone realised what he had done when Sugar went to join him. She was only singing a light harmony to accompany him throughout the song.
"Words fall through me and always fool me and I can't react."
Surprisingly the two sounded good together and this was probably because they had been smart. Sugar had improved leaps and bounds from that first audition for the New Directions but her voice still wasn't quite there. This arrangement worked however, Rory taking on the more challenging part of the song and Sugar keeping in one place. They seemed to balance each other.
"Games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out."
"Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time, raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you make it now."
Was this part of the plan? Mercedes looked carefully around and could see that everyone was watching, intently listening while snuggled up with their significant other, if they had one in the room.
"Falling slowly, eyes that know me and I can't react."
"Moods that take me and erase me, and I paint them black."
"You have suffered enough and warred with yourself, it's time that you won."
The pair harmonised well together, Mercedes noted as she threw caution to the wind and turned around to find Sam looking at her, wistfulness in his eyes as he swayed slightly to the music. When he noticed her looking he didn't break their eye contact, only gave her a kind smile, his eyes lighting up. She nodded and smiled back, as she processed the lyrics in her mind.
"Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time, raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you make it now."
"Falling slowly, sing your melody, I'll sing along."
Rory sang the last section by himself.
"I played the cards too late, now you're gone."
This song wasn't about their relationship now, Mercedes realised. It was about the time after prom, as they grew closer and closer without even realising what was happening, without even realising what would.
She would go back in time and not feel the things she did if she could.
Don't lie, she told herself, you wouldn't.
And she knew without a doubt that Sam wouldn't either.
Everyone clapped when they finished. Sugar jumped up and down excitably again, as she had at the pool and Rory looked content to let her, sitting down in his own seat. The younger girl pulled him up, however and made him bow, much to everyone's laughter.
Mercedes clapped for them but her mind was on other things. That song was so relevant and the way Sam was looking at her. Was she just being paranoid? She knew she would have to find out if this had been a part of whatever the plan was that the glee club had devised. She knew exactly who she would ask.
Mercedes was sure Santana had played a part in the song Rory and Sugar selected to perform in glee. This was why she was in Miss. Corcoran's old classroom, used when the Troubletones were still their own group, asking her friend.
"Originally no, but Irish had to help Princess here with her song for glee and I saw an opportunity," Santana admitted. "And I can see it worked, if it made you think of Sam."
"Santana, I appreciate that you want me to be happy but you don't have to meddle so much," Mercedes said, crossing her arms and giving a look to the Latina.
Santana shook her head. "I don't believe in a lot of things but love is one of them so you'd best get used to this."
It was Mercedes' turn to shake her own head at these words. "I'm not saying you don't but-"
"Like I told Trouty Mouth when I said I was helping him, if you don't go after what you love then you'll lose it. I almost lost Britt last year because I couldn't admit who I was. While I'm still sometimes pissed at Frankenteen for pushing me out of the closet, I can face it as long as I have her beside me." She shook her head, her back turned to Mercedes. "I don't know what exactly happened between you and Sam over the summer but whatever it is," she turned around at this, and Mercedes couldn't reign in her surprise at Santana calling Sam anything other than Trouty or Trouty Mouth, "it's the same thing that Britt and I have."
"Why not let my relationship with Shane run its course then? If you're so sure in love?"
Santana laughed. "Trust me girl, if this was any other glee member, I'd probably sit back, get popcorn and watch this thing destroy itself." There it was again. That tone that said she didn't care that she was saying this because she knew it was the truth. "But it's you. You're my Troubletone sister now. We gots to have each other's backs. Pyramid nipples may have pushed me out of the closet well and truly but you never let me crawl back in."
"That wouldn't have been fair to you. Dealing with your feelings was the only way that you would have been able to get on with your life."
Santana nodded her head. "And you just answered all your own questions there, you see? Catch you later, wheezy."
Santana left Mercedes in the empty classroom but it wasn't long before Quinn poked her head around the door. Seeing Mercedes sitting, eyes closed, on the piano bench, the blonde walked in and sat beside her.
"Thinking about something?"
"Just looking at my options, Q."
"So, thinking about Sam and Shane."
Mercedes only nodded. She opened her eyes slowly. "What do you think I should do?"
Quinn gave a small smile in her direction, putting her arm around her friend's waist and pulling her in for a comforting hug, much like the hugs that Mercedes would give her when she was pregnant and in dire need of reassurance. "I'm going to give you advice. Last year, I met a sweet guy, who made me feel like I could forget everything. I felt like I could forget about Beth, about Puck, about being pregnant."
"Sam."
Quinn nodded. "He was a rebound. Not from a relationship per say but from a period in my life. I had no business being with him when I had so much still to face. It got too far and I ended up destroying the relationship myself. I hurt him really bad."
"So you're saying that if I let this thing with Shane go on-"
"You'll end up hurting him more than if you let him go now," Quinn finished, nodding. Mercedes sighed. "But you knew that. You're just too good to know when to say goodbye."
Mercedes pulled away from Quinn and nodded to her. "Thanks, Q."
"Hey, all I did was give advice," the blonde girl said, hands up. "In the end, it's your choice."
Leaving the room, Quinn and Mercedes went their separate ways. As soon as she turned the corner Mercedes saw Sam, putting his books in his locker, wearing what looked like his brand new letterman jacket. It was now or never to ask him the question that had been burning in her mind.
"You know that I liked you for you, don't you?" she asked him. "It wasn't because you were a jock, or you played football or even because of your abs. It was because of your heart, your spirit, your soul, it was because of you." She took his hand and placed it over his heart.
Sam looked surprised by this admission but nodded his head. "I know." He looked down at their joined hands and she quickly let go. The sadness that crossed his eyes when she did this was unmistakable but she tried to ignore this.
"Then why the letterman jacket? Do you really think I'm that shallow?"
He looked as if he had been waiting for this to come up. "No, definitely no. I mean, if you were, why would you have dated a poor guy like me-"
"Sam."
He continued on, as if ignoring her scolding, "-but no, it's not about this," he gestured to the jacket, "anymore. When I came back I went to Coach Beiste to see if I could be on the football team again. She said no but said she'd try to get me on another team. I always knew you didn't care about the jacket but I think some part of me just had to prove I could get it, to be good enough-"
"Sam Evans, you listen to me-"
But he cut her off again, "-By the time I was on the time I realised that I didn't need to prove I was good enough, I just had to prove that you were the only one I wanted. And going out on a limb, doing something I wouldn't have thought of otherwise was my way of doing that."
By this time Mercedes had her hand on his arm, forcing him to listen to her. "You are good enough, more than good enough. Sure, I've only ever dated jocks but that's not because that was in my master plan. It was just how it happened. I never dated you or Shane because of popularity or anything like that. I especially didn't date you because of that."
Her words were so sincere and gave him hope. He was about to speak but a booming voice stopped him.
"Hey baby, what's goin' on here?"
Shane looked from Sam to Mercedes, to her hand on his arm and immediately put his own around her, forcing her to retract her hand from where it was.
Again, Sam looked incredibly downhearted at the contact being cut off between the two of them.
Mercedes gave a sad, apologetic smile to him as she and Shane walked down the hallway, still an arm around her.
But his arm around her didn't stop her looking back to see a downcast Sam slam his locker door shut and walk away.
She had never been so sure about anything before. It was the one decision that he hadn't second guessed this entire year. And she felt terrible for it.
But some things just had to be done and this was one of them. If she did it now she avoided breaking his heart any further. She had no feelings beyond friendship in this relationship so hers wasn't being touched by this. It was horrible but the truth.
"We need to talk." Turning to Shane, Mercedes took a deep breath. "You know I like you, I think you're great and I'm so grateful to how supportive you've been to me but this isn't working."
"What isn't working?" he asked, confused.
She couldn't deny that this was probably sudden to him.
"Us. This. Our relationship."
His face fell but recognition lit it up. "Sam."
"No, not just that," she replied because it would be futile to deny that he had no part in it. "I went into this relationship with feelings for him still there. Feelings that are still there to this day. That's just not fair to you. If I let this go on I'll hurt you more than this."
Shane nodded, as if he understood. He put his hands up. "I saw this coming. Don't feel bad about it. I was the rebound." He gave a small, self-deprecating laugh.
"No, Shane, don't say-"
"But it's the truth." He seemed to have developed Santana's 'are you being serious' look.
She was silent for a moment before replying. "We're just not right for each other. That's all."
Shane gave her a small kiss on the cheek, before thoughtfully studying her. "Thank you, Mercedes. It's been a good four months, huh?"
She nodded. "Thank you, Shane. I hope we can still talk."
Shane smiled at this. "I hope so too. I'm sorry by the way, for pulling you away from him this afternoon. I had no right to do that."
"It's forgotten," she assured him, not holding that against him now.
He walked out of her house but instead of a sadness she felt a weight had been lifted. Sighing she sat down on her couch and thought about the blonde who had never left her mind or heart.
It wasn't over.
So, this chapter turned out long, didn't it? It was important though. I realised I didn't give you guys a break up scene in The Wedding Singer if you read it so here you go. I wanted Shane to be a good guy in the end. But I'm going to be honest. If 3x10 means he and Mercedes are broken up I don't really mind how it happens. This is just my ideal.
And forgive the Flanamotta if you don't like, I just kinda ship them now. Thinking I may do a story about them next if I get the inspiration. I was inspired to do that section when the song Falling Slowly came on my iPod and I remember I heard a cover Damian McGinty (who plays Rory) did, when I was on tumblr so go to youtube and give it a listen. Just imagine Sugar lightly singing over it. Or listen to the original Falling Slowly. I love every single cover of it.
So next chapter COULD be the last but I'll know more about that nearer the time. It's more likely chapter seven will be the conclusion.
So once again, thanks for all the lovely reviews/messages on tumblr (my tumblr is the same as my penname, WickedSong, if you're interested, btw...shameless self promotion, haha)/favourites/alerts/everything. Just thank you and hope you all had a lovely start to 2012!
WickedSong x