2.6 Finding Balance
Michelle tries to double pirouette in the middle of the empty dance studio. She loses her balance and barely makes it around once.
"God! I can do this! Why can't I do this?"
"Your center of gravity has changed," Fanny says. Michelle turns quickly, surprised to see her.
"It hasn't. I can still do this," she insists. She tries again and fails.
"I'm barely showing!" She exclaims.
"Yeah, when you suck your stomach in," Fanny laughs. Embarrassed, Michelle exhales and her bump becomes much more noticeable. "I'm surprised it took so long for you to start showing, honestly. You're four and a half months in."
"I can still dance," Michelle says stubbornly.
"I didn't say you couldn't, but I think ballet might be out of the question. I can't you have knocking over my students."
"This is awful."
"You can still tap, and you can do that awful modern stuff." Michelle throws her sweatshirt on, defeated.
"Okay, come here," Fanny says. Michelle throws the sweatshirt on the ground. She positions Michelle like she's about to do a pirouette, but then Fanny pulls on her hips.
"What are you doing?"
"Stick your butt out a little. Wow, I've never said that before in my life. Now try it."
Michelle spins and completes a double.
"Not perfect, but it'll do." Michelle smiles and puts her sweatshirt back on.
"Not perfect? That was awful."
They go into the house, and Michelle helps herself to a late-night snack.
"What are you doing?"
"Looking for food."
"You never come in my kitchen."
"I know, but I ate everything at my place."
"You went shopping the other day."
"Yeah, and then I ate it all. Eating for two here! Remember?"
"Michelle, I've been thinking."
"Please don't lecture me about something…"
"No, I was thinking about where you're going to put the baby."
"Yeah, I was thinking about that too. I thought maybe I could get rid of the bathtub and put the crib there. I can just use your bathroom for showering."
"No," Fanny asserts.
"No? I can't use your bathroom? What am I supposed to do then?"
"I don't mean no you can't use the bathroom, I mean no, that's not what I was thinking. What if I move out to the guest house and you and the baby can have the house?"
"No, Fanny," Michelle whines. "This is your house. It's your life. You've been here for so long. That couldn't work. I wouldn't feel right."
"I don't feel right with you living in that shack with my granddaughter."
"Okay, A) you don't know it's a girl, and B) I don't want to do this. I don't want your house."
"It's your house anyway…"
"No it's not, Fanny!" Michelle snaps. She sighs, "sorry, I just… I'm still not okay with the fact that Hubbell…" she pauses for a second, "that Hubbell left all of this to me. You're my family; I won't displace you. That's the end of it. We'll figure something out."
"Okay, I'll keep thinking."
"Please don't…" Michelle warns as she heads back to her house.
…
"Wake up sleepy head!" Sasha cheers.
"Unggghhhh." Michelle moans. She rubs her hand across her stomach and slowly sits up.
"You look pregnant now," Sasha says.
"Oh, god, Sasha. What are you doing here?"
"Madame Fanny sent me to get you up."
"And I do NOT look pregnant."
"If you say so… Are you ready for the fundraiser tonight?"
"Yeah, it sucks that we had to postpone it."
"It's all right. We still need money, so it's still a good time for a fundraiser," Sasha laughs.
"We always need money, that's what happens when you're an adult," Michelle says wisely.
"I brought you breakfast!" Sasha says cheerfully.
"Oh god," Michelle grabs her stomach and whisks away to the bathroom.
"Um, are you okay?" Sasha asks awkwardly.
"It's morning sickness, Sasha. I'm sorry. Thank you for breakfast…" She hurls again. "I think I'll save it for later."
"I'll tell Fanny you'll be a minute."
Michelle sticks a thumbs-up out of the bathroom and Sasha leaves.
"I hate throwing up… Can you calm down in there?" She says to her little bump.
Michelle's phone buzzes and she goes to check it. Talia sent her pictures of her little baby boy. He was born this morning! Michelle calls her, ecstatic to see they're both doing well.
"He's so beautiful, Talia…" She cries into the phone. "I'm sorry, yes I am crying. I'm a mess. Two minutes ago I was throwing up and now I'm crying over the picture of you holding him. Sam? That's a great name, Talia. I'll see you soon, okay? I'm planning on coming there in two weeks, remember? All right, I'll talk to you soon. So happy for you sweetie."
She looks down at her bump and whispers, "that's your cousin Sam." She gets up and brushes her teeth really well.
…
"How are you doing, mama?" Nanette says as she drops Boo off.
"I'm fine Nanette. Tired, still missing coffee, but I'm good."
"Glad to hear it. Let me know if you need anything."
"Thanks Nanette. See you later." Michelle smiles. She thinks about how crazy her life is now. Rather, how un-crazy it is. A year and a half ago she was dancing in Vegas and now she's this.
Class begins and she joins, still trying to hide her bump, although everyone knows by now.
…
"Michelle you're not breathing," Fanny nitpicks. She corrects a few more students and then goes back to Michelle. "You're still not breathing Michelle."
"I am, I'm fine." Michelle nods.
"5 minute break everyone," Fanny orders. She pulls Michelle aside and whispers, "you can't keep sucking in your stomach while you dance. It's not healthy. You can pass out if you don't breathe."
"I'm fine, Fanny. Stop treating me differently."
"I'm not," Fanny says just as stubbornly as Michelle, "I tell all of my students they need to breathe and you're no exception."
…
"And a 1 and a 2 and a 3 and 4…" Michelle says over the messy tapping behind her. She's sweating like crazy. All she can think about is taking a cold shower after the adult tap class. "Okay, good…" she trails off, losing her balance a little. "Good work everyone…" she says, completely winded. She doubles over, trying to catch her breath.
"Are you okay?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, I just… I need to sit…" She collapses on the floor.
…
"You know she's right sometimes…" Hubbell whispers in Michelle's ear. She's in the hospital, sleeping.
"Hubbell? She says, so happy to see him. She gives him a big hug but doesn't feel his breath on her neck. "Why do I only see you in the hospital?" She laughs.
He chuckles and answers, "Why are you in the hospital so much?"
"That's fair. Look Hubbell, I've wanted to show you!" She lifts up the hospital gown to show him the bump, but it isn't there. She looks at him, astonished at the magic trick. She puts the gown down and then raises it again, like maybe it'll appear.
"I don't understand, where's the bump? Where's the baby?"
"He's beautiful."
"What? He's out already?"
"No, not really. It's just the dream, but he will be beautiful. You, though, need to take it easy."
"Don't quote your mother to me…"
"I'm not quoting. It's the truth. You are not invincible. You're in the hospital because you worked so hard you dehydrated yourself." Michelle looks down and plays with her wedding band.
"I love you, Michelle, I'm not mad. You just need to hear this from someone besides my mother." She looks up and he smiles.
"God, look at you. You're glowing. You really are the prettiest girl I've ever seen. You know I've met Megan Fox, right?" Hubbell gives her a smirk and she can't help herself. She grabs his tie and pulls him close. She kisses him hard, trying to feel something. Nothing happens. She starts to cry and he reaches out to her.
"I just want to feel you. I miss you. I miss your hands, your lips, your stupid gym socks with a suit."
"Hey," he says slowly. "I'm here. I know I can't touch you, but you're not alone. Take care of that little boy, okay?"
"Hubbell?" She asks, "is it really a boy?" She grins from ear to ear. He winks and she wakes up.
The same doctor who helped her last time she was passed out comes into the room.
"We have to stop meeting like this, Michelle," he laughs at his own joke.
"I agree," she says groggily.
Fanny enters the room, glad to see Michelle is finally awake.
"Thank god, I shouldn't have left you alone."
"Please, Fanny, you can't watch me 24/7… Please, don't take that to heart. Do not start watching me."
"Well, you're due for an ultrasound anyway. Do you want to do it here?"
"Sure, that sounds good."
The cute doctor gets the machine set up.
"Do you want to know the sex?" he asks.
"Sure, Doctor…"
"Evans. But you can call me Christian."
Fanny gives Michelle an approving look. Michelle shakes her head and rolls her eyes. She inconspicuously spins her wedding ring around, trying to hide the stone. She feels stupid for doing this.
"I think I already know the sex, Fanny," Michelle teases.
"So do I," she says.
"Are we on the same page here?" Christian asks.
"No," Fanny answers.
"Never," Michelle laughs.
The gel was cold and felt weird on her stomach.
…
Michelle did a victory dance from the hospital room to the car, then from the car to the house.
"I don't know why you're so happy about this," Fanny says nastily.
"I never wanted a girl, Fanny. I was an awful child. I was unhappy and difficult. I was basically a taller version of Sasha, so I know how hard girls are."
"What makes you think boys aren't?" Fanny asks.
"I don't care; I want a boy," Michelle says.
"Why?"
"I want to name him Hubbell. Can't you see it now? A little mini version of him- just as sweet and just as happy. I can't imagine anything else. I think he'll dance, though. I heard you tried to make Hubbell, and it didn't go well."
Fanny laughs, "I have video evidence…"
"No!" Michelle laughs with her. "Let's watch that tomorrow!"
"Deal. Tonight, though, we need to go to the fundraiser."
"I forgot about it! What time is it?"
"We're still okay on time. Get changed, quickly."
Michelle leaves and Fanny sits in the kitchen, imagining the little Hubbell that Michelle pictures. She can't help but grin as a tear rolls down her cheek.
…
Michelle and Fanny get to the fundraiser and they are overwhelmed with the turnout. It is going great, better than Michelle had planned.
She's beaming as she talks to the people. She's much more comfortable, too. She has stopped trying to hide her bump and is wearing a loose-fitting dress that accentuates her curves- all of them.
Godot finally gets to talk to her. He staggers over and grabs her around her waist.
"You look beautiful," he says confidently.
"What?"
"You do, I mean it." He leans in for a kiss. She squirms out of his grip.
"Godot, I can't do this. Have you seen what is going on with me? Or I should say in me?"
"Hey, I'm not dad material, but you know that. I don't care that you're pregnant. You're still you. I'm just looking for fun tonight. Should we keep up the tradition of starting rumors at the fundraiser?" He teases.
"You just said the perfect thing to me. I've been avoiding people and trying not to look pregnant because I don't want to talk about it, I don't want it to become all I am. I am still me; thank you." He leans in for a kiss again.
She blocks his lips with her hand, "but let's not keep that up. I'll meet you at my place afterwards." They wink at each other and go their separate ways for the evening.