-If anyone is still reading this, then I'm so sorry for making you wait so long! College is really piling up on me and I've updated this on archive, but not on here. Anyway, I hope you're still reading and if you are, then thank you! :)-

5

Okay. There's a ghoul in my apartment. Er, a half-ghoul. Whatever. He's in my apartment, because I let him in, because he saved me from my crush, who is also a ghoul, and now he's here. He was really nice when we met though, and sort-of nice now, so I'm gonna go with it. I can handle this.

This was the complete inner monologue of Kaneki, as he scurried from room to room, flicking on lights. Sunset was passing outside by now, turning the sky purple around the edges. As much as he hated to admit it, he was getting all the lights on because he didn't want to be with a ghoul in the dark. A half-ghoul. He was going to keep screwing that up, he knew it.

I hope he's okay in there, he thought with a worried glance at the closed bathroom door. He knew he hadn't imagined the crack of breaking glass from inside; his mirror was probably in pieces right now. Not that he was gonna complain. He valued his life, after all. Which brought him back to a disturbing thought: as much as he wanted to deny it, it seemed as though something was not all...normal in Shiro's mind. Kaneki hadn't figured out what it was yet and frankly, he wasn't sure he should.

But there was only so much longer he could last without addressing the burning issue: a crazy half-ghoul that had killed another ghoul was one of his friends.

Taking a deep breath, then letting it out slowly, he edged toward the bathroom. Halfway there, he realized that he was holding his hands up like a person about to be mauled by a bear. "Oh for God's sake," he muttered to himself, dropping his hands and striding forward. "Don't be such an idiot, he's not that—"

He pulled open the door and promptly came to an open-mouthed halt. "...mean."

Wow, so he had definitely not been prepared to be faced with Shiro, shirtless. The half-ghoul blinked at him in surprise, blood-soaked shirt in his hands as he checked the wounds to his stomach. They're already healing, Kaneki thought, staring first in wonder, and then realizing that after a moment, he was just staring at Shiro's abs. He had a thin scar trailing up the side of his torso like a string of spider's web.

"U—um," he stuttered, straightening up painfully fast. His face was on fire. "I... Well, I was thinking that..."

Shiro's gaze flicked to the droplets on the rug and he grimaced. "If it's about the blood, I can clean it up," he offered lamely.

"N—no, it's not that!" Kaneki interrupted. He knew he'd said it too fast, especially when Shiro's expression went from confused to knowing.

"Uh, are you staring at m—?"

"Youcanborrowacleanshirtifyouwant!" Kaneki plowed right over the words. Then, as smooth as ever, he shut the door. He faced it for a second, willing himself to stop blushing like a complete idiot. He normally only acted like this around Rize. "Oh god," he whispered under his breath. "Please tell me I'm not getting a crush on a ghoul."

Two seconds ticked by. Then a flat voice added helpfully from the other side of the door, "half-ghoul."

"I didn't say anything!" Kaneki denied.

"I can hear—"

"I'll go get you your shirt now!"

He RAN to his room.

XxxxxxX

Shiro sat on the edge of the bathtub for a while, looking at the shards of mirror he'd broken on the floor. He'd long since washed all stains from the fight from his skin. But he couldn't wash that stain inside of him. His fingers lifted to trace the scar marring his side.

She wasn't really dead. She'd never really be dead.

He glanced down at the raised tissue, wondered how much it would take to rip it from himself. He wondered what Kaneki had thought when he saw him as the monster that he was.

He wondered what Kaneki thought, moments ago, when he saw him as the human he ached to be.

Groaning under his breath, he dropped his face into his hands. "Why am I such an idiot back then?" he asked in a mumble. He wanted to grab Kaneki and shake him, yell at him to get the hell away from a damaged person like Shiro. But part of him wouldn't let him do that. Shiro was already a wreck. But Kaneki wasn't. He still had a chance and for whatever reason, Shiro could now protect that chance.

He wouldn't be the source of Kaneki's pain.

Sighing, he finally forced himself to get up. By some miracle, there wasn't a lot of blood on his pants, so he decided to keep them on. Apparently, he'd already made an...impression on Kaneki by being shirtless so the last thing he needed to do was show up in there with no pants on too. Do I really get attracted to ghouls that easily in my past? he wondered, exasperated as he pulled open the bathroom door and headed outside.

The interior of the apartment was aglow with lamplight, surprising him. So Kaneki didn't wanna be in the dark with a half-ghoul? Understandable. He was just about to look for the human in his room, when Kaneki appeared in the doorway. He was holding a plain red tee in his hands and halted jerkily when he came across Shiro. "I got your shirt," he said at last. He crossed the room and held it out, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on anything but Shiro.

"Thanks." Accepting the shirt, Shiro started to slip it over his head. As he got his arms through the sleeves, he caught Kaneki looking at him again. But this time, it wasn't guilty ogling; it was curiosity.

"What happened?" he asked. "I mean, how'd you get your scar?"

Shiro stilled for a moment, considering. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want to make a habit of lying to Kaneki. So he lifted the shirt up to reveal the thin scar marring his stomach. "I was attacked by a ghoul," he explained. "Like Rize. But there was an accident and we were both injured. The ghoul died, but the doctors transplanted some of its organs into me, so that I wouldn't die. That's why I am the way I am," he finished, pulling the fabric back down to cover his stomach again.

"Wow," Kaneki murmured. "I didn't even know someone could end up a ghoul like that."

"I didn't either. Until it happened to me."

Kaneki's voice grew gentler. "Is that why...?" he trailed off, unsure.

Shiro tipped his head to the side. "Why what?"

"...why you do things like count backwards? You don't have to answer if you don't want to!" Kaneki added hurriedly.

Shiro wondered if he should get angry with that, but he could tell that Kaneki wasn't trying to pry. He wanted to understand more about the monster he'd let into his home. "No," he admitted at last. "But I'd rather not talk about that."

"Oh. Okay." Kaneki nodded once. "I understand." Then he shuffled his socked feet on the floor, biting his lip. "So, do you have to, you know, eat soon? Just so I don't get in your way. I mean, you can stay the night, if you want. I just want you to know that if you do have to...eat, I won't call the CCG."

Shiro's lips parted and he stared at Kaneki. "You trust me that much?"

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" Kaneki asked, shrugging. "You saved my life. I can't kick you out onto the street."

Shiro dropped his gaze, taken aback by such blind kindness. This was what he'd been once and he hoped there was still a part of it somewhere inside of him. "Thanks," he mumbled. "And no, I don't have to eat for a little while. But I'd like to sleep here, for the night."

Kaneki broke into a smile. "No problem." He was already heading to a closet door, opening it and rummaging inside for extra blankets. "You can sleep on the couch. I don't have another mattress, sorry."

"I don't mind." Shiro saw the human fumble with a blanket and was there in moments, catching it before it fell. There was a quiet "thank you," and the two worked together well, Shiro's familiarity with the apartment helping. They had the couch ready with blankets and a spare pillow in no time. Shiro was secretly delighted to find that everything smelled like home and some kind of strawberry shampoo. Then he realized that this was the painfully human scent of Kaneki he'd caught earlier and the tips of his ears heated in shame. He shouldn't be thinking such things about his past self. It was wrong, wasn't it?

Falling back onto the couch, he relaxed against the back cushion with a sigh. His eyes were closed for only a blissful moment before he heard Kaneki awkwardly clearing his throat. "What?" he asked, not bothering to open his eyes.

"I've been wondering about earlier," Kaneki confessed. "During the fight. You and Rize used those things." Shiro cracked an eye open at that and saw Kaneki's cheeks tinted pink. "I dunno what they're called, but..."

"Kagune," Shiro answered simply.

"Kagune," Kaneki repeated. "Okay. I dunno if this is personal for you, but can I maybe...?" This was followed by a funny little circle of the hands.

The pieces fit together in his mind and Shiro opened both eyes, surprised. "You wanna see them?"

Kaneki nodded, a scared but determined set to his jaw. That was when Shiro understood. Kaneki wanted to do this not just for his own curiosity, but to prove to Shiro that he really had accepted him as a ghoul. This was what he needed to get past the fear.

"Sure," Shiro decided in a heartbeat. Sitting up, he turned sideways on the couch and crossed his legs. "Just don't try to poke them or anything to see if they can feel because I'll tell you right now: they can and I will throw you if you pinch me."

Kaneki snickered. "I understand." Where had this lighthearted person come from?

Bunching up his shirt a little, Shiro felt the spidery maroon veins begin to lace up his skin, blooming from the small of his back. It only took a moment for the rinkaku to form, throwing dim red light across him and Kaneki. The scales loosened from the hardened state he used for combat and he settled them atop the couch cushions, soft and curled like cat's tails.

Kaneki's gaze followed them, fascinated. "Wow." Instinct pulled his hand forward.

Shiro twitched, stopping himself from flinching away. He gaped as Kaneki skimmed careful fingertips across his kagune, cautious at first and then with growing confidence. His palm shaped to the surface of one and ran along it, the way a person would stroke cat's fur.

How different from his earlier reaction to seeing Shiro as a ghoul for the first time.

Despite himself, Shiro felt his eyelids drooping as his body relaxed. It wasn't something he could control; petting a ghoul's kagune was like running fingers through somebody's hair.

"They're beautiful," Kaneki murmured, retreating his hand.

Shiro bit down a disappointed whimper and huffed a laugh instead. "I just used these to kill a ghoul," he deadpanned, "and you think they're beautiful?"

"Well, yeah," Kaneki replied. "You can't look at something and only see the bad it does. Seeing the other side of it is important too."

Shiro wondered if Kaneki knew how he'd affected him with those words. Letting his kagune fade back into him, he ran a hand over his hair. "I guess you're right." Then he cleared his throat, hoping to stop any awkward silences from taking hold. "Listen, I think I'll stay here tonight and then leave tomorrow morning. There's somewhere I need to go."

"Where?"

"Anteiku. The coffeeshop where you saw Rize. There's some people there I wanna talk to."

"Okay." Kaneki nodded decisively. "I'll come with you then."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I'll come with you."

"...Kaneki, you know you shouldn't hang around me. I'm a monster, remember?"

"No, you aren't," Kaneki argued, as though he was explaining a debate in school. "You're half-ghoul and half-human, and my friend, so it doesn't matter. I'm coming with you."

Shiro didn't know whether to feel grateful or annoyed. He didn't want to get Kaneki into any more trouble with ghouls. Anteiku was a safe place for Shiro and if he was trapped in this timeline, then he might as well make things right everywhere. He was going back to rebuild his friendships there, not drag his past self right back into a dangerous place again. But it looked like Kaneki wasn't taking no for an answer.

"All right," he conceded. "You can come." He cut off Kaneki's smile by pointing a stern finger at him. "But don't say a word about ghouls in there. And the waitress, Touka, with the bluish hair? Don't piss her off. I'm not saving your ass a second time."