Again, this is unbeta'd, sorry! Trigger warnings: best not to read this in public (unless you master the poker face!), explicit mention of sex (but nothing graphic), angst…

Thanks to ceywoozle (still Ao3!) for the initial idea, and some of my friends for some of the ideas! I wished I could have written more, but I was a bit short on time ;)

Written for Torchwood Fest, Day Seven: "Favourite Quote"

Day Seven - Favourite Quote

Ianto brewed the last coffee of the day and left the kitchen with a last look to check if it was clean enough. He nodded to himself and carefully walked down the stairs, going straight to Jack's office. He knocked then entered when Jack waved him to come without even looking up. Jack finished his phone call with a growl of frustration. Ianto set the coffee on the table and Jack sighed of relief, looking at the mug then Ianto.

"Oh Ianto Jones, I could love you only for this!" Jack exclaimed and instantly sipped the hot coffee.

"Don't," Ianto said without thinking. He smiled in response of Jack's confused look despite his own confusion and coughed to stop the mess in his mind. "I'll finish something up in the archives and head home. Do you need anything else?" It was a lie, but Jack wasn't going to know. Even if Ianto was dying to tell him. Tell him he was trying to save Lisa, ask him some help, tell him he hadn't meant to betray him but would do anything for her...

He said nothing.

"Always last to leave!" Jack smiled. "And I'm fine."

"You're always here as well."

"It's my job, I'm the boss," Jack said and he sounded both proud and tired. Ianto nodded and left him without further ado.

He didn't know what this 'don't' was and what it meant. Don't love me? Why would he ask that? Why would he even think of it? They were flirting, and even if stares and hands sometimes lingered too much between them, it wasn't as if anything would ever happen. Ianto had Lisa and Jack only seemed to be joking around. Even if he probably wouldn't refuse Ianto for a one-night stand, Ianto wasn't looking for one. Maybe he had thought about it, but it was just his libido waking up at Jack's bloody pheromones. And his grin. And... Ianto stopped his thoughts there and focused on Lisa. Lisa who was waiting for him. Lisa who needed him. Lisa who loved him.

Jack smiled as he made his way up Ianto's body and kissed him deeply. Ianto responded in his post-orgasm laziness then pushed him away to catch his breath.

"Do that again and I'll love you for the rest of my life," Ianto panted.

Jack frowned, then grinned. "Don't," he playfully answered, echoing what Ianto had once answered him when Jack had also expressed his love – it was for a good coffee at the exact right time, an excellent excuse, of course.

Ianto pushed him away from him, muttering a "Fuck you," that made Jack laugh.

"Who won?" Ianto asked when Jack stopped making fun of him.

Jack checked the stopwatch he had stopped a few minutes before and pulled a face. "You... beat me? You held back two seconds more than I did? How?"

Ianto laughed this time while Jack declared that the stopwatch was lying. Jack stopped complaining to listen to Ianto's laugh, smiling despite himself. They had been shagging for the third time, or maybe more now, and as much as Jack liked sex between them, the thing he liked even more was the contrast between the Ianto he saw at work, and the one who was in bed with him. He was more relaxed, and he had a cute laugh – which the team never really heard.

"You could stay for once," Jack heard himself ask as Ianto was starting to dress up. They were shagging but it felt like a one-night stand – except for the fact that it wasn't the first time and didn't feel like the last one – so Ianto usually left afterwards.

When Ianto nodded and sat back, Jack ignored the relief of seeing that Ianto agreed on staying with him for the night.

Ianto watched Jack closely, his arms crossed on his chest. He had agreed, after an entire day, to let Jack try to repair the broken coffee machine. Jack felt honoured in a way because nobody ever touched Ianto's coffee machine like this, but Ianto had let him. A little personal victory. Well, it would become one if Jack actually managed to repair it. But it was nothing too complicated, just some alien machine.

He had always been a good mechanic, especially with alien stuff, but maybe he was putting a bit of a show for Ianto as he felt his stare was burning Jack's neck. When he knew he was done, he smiled broadly, bent over a few more times, then finally winked at Ianto who rolled his eyes.

"Are you done with the 'showing your body' moment?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Jack grinned. "And so is your coffee machine."

Ianto walked to him quickly and pushed him away to check by himself. Jack pouted, feeling hurt by Ianto's absence of recognition. He had just saved his life, he deserved at least a good snog!

"I fucking love you!" Ianto exclaimed and finally snogged him properly.

Jack smiled as they parted. "Don't," he whispered against his lips and Ianto pushed him away again.

"Are you ever going to let this die?"

"I'll think about it," Jack smiled. Ianto rolled his eyes then looked back at the machine. "I thought about it! Never."

Ianto looked up with exasperated eyes and probably killed Jack in his mind. "I hate you sometimes..."

"Yeah but the other times make up for it, right?"

"Mmh. Sometimes..." Ianto shrugged.

"Hey, I repaired your machine!"

"Right. Thank you. Coffee?"

"Sure," Jack smiled.

He leaned against the table, watching Ianto carefully brewing a coffee for him. While waiting for the mug to fill, Ianto turned to Jack and kissed him calmly and for a long time, then pursed his lips as they parted.

"Your coffee's going to be cold."

They kissed one last time and Jack then sipped at the coffee, glad to have his dose of caffeine back. He even managed to not wince when he tasted the remains of descaling agent he had himself used at some point to try to repair the machine and had forgotten about. By the look Ianto had on his face, he was perfectly aware of it and was taking a great pleasure at seeing Jack's pain.

Jack pursed his lips and looked up from his paperwork.

"I swear if you don't get any work done by the time I'm finished, I'm not giving it back to you," Ianto said exasperated by Jack overstressing next to him.

Jack pouted but went back to work, and Ianto smiled sweetly as Jack finally concentrated on the work he should have done a week earlier already.

When Ianto eventually finished, he held the thing in front of him to see if he had missed any hole. He didn't see anything so handed Jack's coat to its owner who jumped on his feet and examined it with awe.

"Oh my God, I love you!" Jack exclaimed, way too happy for just a coat.

His head snapped up instantly and he looked at Ianto with fear. Ianto grinned when he saw the 'oh no' forming on Jack's lips, even if he didn't say anything.

"Don't," Ianto replied, his smile widening when Jack growled and put the coat away to cross his arms on his chest.

"I thought we agreed that this was stupid."

"You agreed with yourself that you'll never let this die. I'm just following orders from my boss," Ianto smiled while Jack grumbled.

"Well, it was a bad idea."

Ianto chuckled and took the coat to put it on Jack's shoulders.

Jack opened his mouth and closed it, looking stupid. He had to find good arguments or Ianto would close the door on his face.

Ianto didn't think he would actually do it, but he wanted to hear Jack's excuses before letting the man back in his life. Jack had left them – had left him – without a word, after all. And he had come back, expecting to find everything unchanged and opened arms welcoming him. For now, Ianto had his arms crossed. He was thinking.

And Jack was looking stupid standing in the corridor, trying to find arguments – even though Ianto had already agreed on a date, but he hadn't really thought about it and wasn't sure he wanted it to be that easy for Jack. Jack eventually seemed to find something and looked right into Ianto's eyes.

"Ianto, please... I just... I'm just asking for a second chance... I... I love you, okay?"

Ianto stilled and felt his heart fastening in his chest. They had never said it, not that seriously, not while looking at the other right in the eye, not as an argument to stay with the other. They had joked with the words, but hadn't properly expressed any feelings. Maybe showed it, but this was different. God, he had missed Jack so much. Damned be his reason, he just wanted him. And maybe he loved him too.

"Don't," he said after a few seconds, and saw the moment Jack's heart broke.

Then the moment Jack understood the reference, and looked at him with more hope than Ianto had ever seen in someone's eyes. Ianto nodded with the little smile he knew Jack loved and thought for a second that Jack would whoop. He didn't scream, but his eyes were grateful when Ianto stepped back to invite him in his flat.

Ianto swore as he searched his drawer, then slammed it close. He had been going through the flat for the past twenty minutes, looking for his favourite tie that he couldn't get his hands on since... Well, since he had tied Jack with, probably.

"Have you tried under the bed?" Jack asked from the door-frame he was leaning against.

He whistled when Ianto sank on the floor, Jack enjoying the view.

"I'm looking for my tie," Ianto said from above the bed.

He straightened, his hair messy and the first three buttons of his white shirt opened. As he stood up and put his hands on his hips, the shirt stretched and Jack groaned aloud.

"Are you looking for this one?" Jack asked as he took a tie from his pocket. Maybe he had kept it a few days because he loved it as much as Ianto did and had wanted to see Ianto's reaction... Or maybe he had just found it, of course.

"Yes! Gosh, I love you so much, right now!"

Jack smiled. He would have pouted a "Only right now?" usually, but this was outdated with Ianto Jones.

Instead, he grinned, "Don't." Ianto hit Jack on the arm, which only made Jack laugh. "Oh someone's getting kinky!"

Ianto rolled his eyes but still kissed Jack before putting the tie around his neck. He buttoned his shirt to the top and finished getting ready.

"Maybe tonight I'll let you use it," Ianto winked, his intention clear.

Jack grinned and let Ianto pass through the doorway only after kissing him properly, just a promise for the night to come.

Jack rolled his eyes as he saw Ianto come in. He had ordered him to stay home and yet the man still came to work. He had been sick the day before, and had felt even worse in the morning. Jack had gone to work alone and told Ianto he didn't need to come. And there he was.

"I swear to God, if you-" Jack stopped and rushed to Ianto who stumbled and was about to fall. "Congrats, you didn't manage it to your workstation. Go home, Ianto."

"I'm fine," Ianto muttered and pushed Jack away.

Tosh frowned from her seat as Jack rolled his eyes again. He let Ianto walk two steps, then was at his side when Ianto tripped again.

"That's it, I'm taking you home," Jack sighed, exasperated.

"But..."

"You're sick, I don't care. Owen!" Jack shouted across the Hub and Owen soon appeared.

"What?"

"You're his doctor, tell him what to do," Jack ordered. "Maybe he'll listen to you."

"You're sick, mate. Go rest. I already told you yesterday to stay at home. Either you spend a day resting and you'll be fine quickly, or you stubbornly keep coming and you'll be sick for a week. I already know what I'd choose if I were you."

"Don't want to," Ianto mumbled, and everyone rolled their eyes.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" Gwen asked as she was walking in the main area. "Jack told us you wouldn't be here."

"He's sick, and wants to work," Jack explained, his hands still steadying Ianto.

Ianto slowly started to rest his head on Jack's shoulder and Jack grunted.

"Seriously why don't you just listen to me?"

"If he wants to be here, give him a computer but set him on your couch or bed. You'll both be satisfied," Gwen shrugged and Jack looked up at her as if she had just said the most intelligent thing ever.

He dragged Ianto to his office, maybe a bit too fast, and helped him down his bunker, more carefully this time. Ianto almost passed out before he could sit on the bed, and Jack held him for a few minutes, both standing right beside the bed.

When he felt good enough, Ianto lay on the bed, still complaining about how he should be working, but Jack left so he stopped talking. When Jack was back, Ianto was staring blankly at the wall, his mind clouded by illness. Jack put the computer he was holding on the night-stand, plugged it in case Ianto needed to, and set a glass of water with a couple of painkillers. He came back to put a tea, and smiled when Ianto looked up with gratitude in his eyes. Jack sat on the bed, without crushing Ianto, and ran his hand in Ianto's hair as the man slowly gave in and accepted rest.

"I love you," Ianto whispered, eyes half-closing.

Jack ignored his heart jumping in joy and kissed Ianto's burning forehead.

"Don't," Jack smiled. They had never stopped this joke between them, and Jack secretly loved it.

"Don't tell me what to do," Ianto mumbled in answer, and Jack burst out laughing.

He kissed his forehead again as Ianto finally fell asleep. Jack looked at him for a while then eventually got up and took the computer with him. He drank the tea for Ianto, not wanting to waste it, and got back to work, relieved to know that Ianto was resting in Jack's bed.

Jack sighed under Ianto's hands. Ianto smiled and stayed on the same spot for a moment, feeling how tense Jack was under him. He put a bit more pressure on a particular tensed knot in Jack's back, and Jack growled.

Jack hadn't really asked for a massage, but Ianto could tell he needed one, so he had insisted. His mother had sometimes given him ones when he had been too tensed, and he had asked her to show him. Apparently, he had been a good student, or she had been a good teacher, as Jack seemed to enjoy this. He sure looked calmer than an hour ago.

"How are you holding?" Ianto asked after a while.

Jack tensed a bit before answering, but Ianto kissed his shoulder and Jack sighed.

"You?"

"It's hard," Ianto offered, shrugging. He stopped a couple of seconds, then resumed his massage. "I guess I just miss them."

He could hear his own voice breaking and was glad that Jack had his back on him. They had lost Tosh and Owen not a month ago, and things had been a bit tensed between them since. It was one of the rare moments of peace and quiet they had, where none was stressed enough to yell at the other.

Jack had tried to find a way to bring Owen and Tosh back, but Ianto had disagreed and it had ended up in screams across the Hub. It was stupid, but they both were so devastated by their losses that they didn't even notice how much they needed the other.

Jack didn't answer, and Ianto didn't insist on the matter. Maybe he didn't really want to talk about it too. Denial was never a good solution but it sometimes allowed Ianto to ignore the pain.

Ianto absently continued massaging Jack's back, until Jack moaned, which made Ianto smile.

"Oh God, Ianto, that's perfect..."

Ianto chuckled and stopped soon after as his hands were starting to ache. Jack sighed in the sheets but didn't move.

"Nope, I'm done," Ianto smiled as Jack clearly wanted more.

"Mmh..."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You have no pity," he mumbled and put his hands on Jack's shoulders again. "Five more minutes, and I'm done," Ianto added.

"Oh fuck, don't stop," Jack almost begged him as Ianto was massaging his lower back.

After way more than five minutes, Ianto warned Jack he was going to stop.

"Ah, I think I love you everyday a bit more," Jack mumbled.

Ianto froze.

"Don't," he whispered, and for once it wasn't to make fun of Jack – or himself, considering he had been the first to answer this.

It was honest. He didn't want Jack to love him, he didn't want Jack's love for him to keep growing every day. Ianto knew he would die, Jack knew it, as well, and they both knew it would hurt. But Ianto hadn't witnessed Jack losing someone before. He had seen him after Estelle's death, but Ianto had still been mourning Lisa's death, and they hadn't really been close at that time. Now he could see the impact of Tosh's and Owen's death on Jack, and it wasn't pretty to witness. He was broken – they all were – and he was putting as much distant as he could between himself and Ianto. Which hurt, even if Ianto understood it.

Jack turned, still beneath Ianto, and slowly took Ianto's hands in his own. Ianto closed his eyes and fought back the tears that threatened to fall.

"Ianto, I really-"

Ianto quickly freed his hand to put his index on Jack's mouth and shush him.

"I know," he whispered, and slowly bend enough to kiss Jack. "I know, and me too. But not like this."

"I need you," Jack said instead of the three words that looked like it would hurt them more if pronounced.

Ianto nodded, still close to him, and kissed Jack again. Jack responded, bringing his hands to Ianto's face and hair, then put his own arms around Ianto, holding him close, breathing in his smell, kissing him. Loving him.

Ianto cried in silence for Jack's loss, knowing he would never be able to comfort the man because he wouldn't be here for Jack when he himself would die.

"I love you," Ianto said weakly.

Jack didn't want it to end. He didn't want Ianto to leave him like this, he didn't want to lose him to some random alien, not after all this time, not after Tosh and Owen dying. He didn't want to see him die, especially not in his arms. Or he wanted to die with him, and never wake up.

Then he remembered all the times they had said they loved each other, without really saying it because the other would always answer the same thing. And despite his sadness and his heart breaking, he tried to hold back his tears and tried to smile as he held Ianto.

"Don't," Jack whispered, and Ianto closed his eyes. Jack's heart stopped. He begged him to open his eyes, and Ianto did, and he looked so weak, so... dying.

For the last time, Jack heard his voice, for the last time, he tasted his lips, and for the first time in a long, long time, he wished he would never come back from the dead.