The Road Home

Chapter Three: Enemies to Allies

Loud voices woke him up with a start. Severus wasn't even aware he had fallen asleep as it was his purpose to watch over Lily and her child. He wasn't used to dealing with children let alone one that was that small. Judging from the crick in his neck, he had fallen asleep in the overstuffed arm chair where he had taken up his vigil. Dumbledore must have given Lily a sleeping potion or a calming spell as she was still blissfully unaware of the growing argument outside the chamber door.

He recognized Black's voice and no doubt the murmur of the other was Lupin. He wasn't ready to face them yet so he went back to watching Lily and tried to rub the soreness out of his neck. He hadn't seen her in so many years. He had forgotten the tinge of her skin and exact shade of red her hair was. The only thing that he had held onto with all his might was the color of her eyes: that brilliant, emerald green.

He had tried to forget what those eyes looked like when they ceased to view him through a sense of wonder and admiration. Slowly, over the course of their education, she had become disillusioned with his particular branch of study and the wonder slowly turned into disappointment and later, distance. Nothing cut to his heart more than to remember those eyes glinting in anger and hurt in the dark hallway in front of Gryffindor Tower during their fifth year. He never told her but he ended up in the hospital wing that night when word reached the Slytherin common room that he had apologized to her for calling her a 'mudblood.' He still had scars from that particular "discipline" session.

Had she known what he faced, would things have turned out differently for them? Would she have realized his interest in the Dark Arts, though supported by those in his house, was solely for the purpose of how to defend himself against it? He had heard from one of the muggle movies that his father watched a line that stated "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer." It had made sense to him. Friends you trust, there is no fear in their hurting you. Enemies would hurt you as soon as your vigilance faltered. If he had sat down with her and explained everything, laid out his plan for survival, would she have understood his reasoning?

She was sleeping so soundly, he leaned over the edge of the bed and brushed a strand of the dark red hair back from her face. He had forgotten, with a smile, that she had a freckle on the top most part of her right ear. He noticed her skin was very pale, more so than the vague recollection he had. His hand still stood out as quite a few shades lighter than her own fair skin but he didn't remember it being that pale. Settling back into the chair, he noticed that Lily was by herself in the bed. There was no dark haired infant held in her arms.

He was surprised at the strength of the panic that hit him. He pulled back the covers as best he could without disturbing Lily but the child was no longer in the bed. He checked under the bed, in closets and wardrobes but the child had effectively disappeared from the room. He didn't want to face the lynching mob at the moment but the fear of having Lily wake up and have her son missing was enough to drive him into the lion's den. He paused by the door, trying to decide when to break into the argument.

"What do you mean you don't know what to do now?" Black's voice echoed off the walls of the office.

"Sirius," Lupin's hoarse voice was lower, but the words were still distinct. "This is a very serious and complicated matter."

"You don't think I know that! I just lost my best friend because I was suspicious of the wrong person! Now, the man we've been trusting to keep us all safe is suddenly at a loss for plans!"

"Who was it that saved Lily and Harry?" Lupin asked quietly. In the quiet that had finally settled over the room, Severus could hear the contented gurgling of the baby and an intense feeling of relief came over him. The child hadn't been lost. But as for Dumbledore answering them as to who saved the mother and child, he had remained silent on the matter. Figuring that was going to be his best introduction possible, he stepped around the corner and entered into the office.

Surprisingly, it wasn't Black, Lupin or even Dumbledore that saw him. Rather it was Harry, who pointed at him and shouted something that only he understood in his own baby babble. It was enough to cause the other three to be aware of his presence. He realized a serious oversight as soon as his appearance was noticed: he didn't have his wand. It was still laying on the antique bedside table.

Black plunged a hand into his robes and drew his wand. Severus waited for the curse but nothing came. Dumbledore looked nonplussed and Lupin just looked weary.

"What's he doing here?" Black spat.

"He," Dumbledore responded quite calmly, "is the reason Lily and this little one are still alive." Harry gurgled contentedly on Dumbledore's lap, playing with one of the more innocuous looking instruments in the office.

Black's wand lowered slightly. "Pity you didn't show up in time to save James as well."

Severus balled up his hands into fists in an effort to keep some control over his anger. How dare he accuse him of idly standing by while Voldemort killed James. Did they really thing he was that cold blooded?

"Sirius," Lupin said with a sense of warning in his voice.

"Right, regular hero you are," Black continued. "Didn't take you long to swoop in and save the girl once the man who bested you in that game was dead."

"And where were you?" Severus roared. One of the glass instruments on a spindly legged table exploded. "Where were you, Black? The supposed secret keeper who shirked his duties because he was too obvious of a choice!"

Black's voice matched Severus' volume. "What are you implying, you greasy, oddball bastard?"

"Not implying, only making an observation concerning your cowardice!"

Black's face flushed a deep shade of scarlet and when he spoke, his voice was low and deadly. "You would know all about cowardice, wouldn't you?"

"Enough!" Dumbledore bellowed and it was enough to dispel the red haze that blinded Severus. The blood had stopped pounded in his ears and the baby's wailing cry filled the room. Dumbledore was bouncing the crying child on his knee, trying to calm him down. He looked at the wide green eyes, sparkling with tears and all the fight went out of him, leaving him deflated and tired. Was that all it took now? The fearsome Death Eater that had been rising so quickly through Voldemort's ranks, subdued by a crying baby with the mother's eyes.

"How is Lily, Severus?" Dumbledore asked. Harry had calmed down to just sniffling now.

"Still sleeping."

Black looked affronted. "You let him near her?"

"His 'being near her' kept her from a terrible fate, Sirius." Dumbledore gazed at Black from above his half moon spectacles. "It would work to everyone's benefit if you remember you are no longer students in this school, but grown men who have matured past childish squabbles."

Severus wanted to ask if a prank that could have ended in his death could be considered a "childish squabble" but Black backed down and disgustedly shoved his wand back into his robes.

Lupin rubbed his face tiredly. "Do we know where Peter is now?"

All eyes turned to Severus. "Most likely he is suffering punishment for the Dark Lord's failure to kill the child."

"Is that why you're here," Sirius said. "Hiding behind Dumbledore to avoid punishment?"

"Sirius, leave."

The three young men's heads whipped around towards Dumbledore, all of them shocked into silence. The only thing that brought them back from their dumbfounded state was when Harry started banging the instrument in his chubby hands against the dark wood of the Headmaster's desk.

Dumbledore stood up. "Perhaps you would like to take your godson on a tour of the castle. I'm certain Remus would be more than happy to fill you in on what is said in your absence."

Black looked disgruntled but quietly took the baby from Dumbledore and left the office. Dumbledore returned to his chair and waved a hand over the gashes in his desk from where the instrument struck and they disappeared completely from view. He pulled his wand and quietly said "reparo" to the shards of metal and glass on the floor and the instrument that Severus had broken in his anger quickly reassembled itself and once more sat on the spindly legged table. "Now, gentlemen, would you mind taking a seat?"

Out of all of James Potter's posse, Lupin seemed to be the most…bearable. Potter and Black had turned childhood cruelty into a verifiable art form while Pettigrew stood by and applauded their creative endeavors. Lupin, however, usually tried to look the other way most of the time. It didn't clear him of responsibility in Severus' mind but it did make sitting next to him in front Dumbledore less stinging. Perhaps it was just pure jealousy on Severus' part where Lupin was concerned. It was undoubted in his mind that Lupin was a werewolf making him an outcast to the wizarding world. Due to Potter and his friends though, Lupin was an accepted outcast which, despite nothing specific he could hold against Lupin, still made him twinge with resentment.

Dumbledore gazed at them over top of his steepled fingers. "What do you suggest our course of action be at this moment?"

It had to all be a dream. Surely that was it. She could feel the softness of the bed underneath her and the weight of the blankets bearing down on her, though she didn't remember her blankets being quite this heavy. She shoved that thought out of her head and slowly reached out a hand across the sheets, keeping her eyes closed and repeating her mantra of "it was only a dream." But her searching hands only found the soft fabric underneath her fingertips to be colder and colder the farther away she reached. No warmth…No James.

She turned her face into the down pillow, trying to stifle a sob. Could it be possible to suffocate herself if she pressed her nose and mouth forcefully enough into the pillow? She doubted it and gave up after a few failed attempts. How was she suppose to go back to sleeping by herself, when she had become so accustomed to having a husband pressed up against her and a steady tempo of breathing to lull her to sleep? Who was she going to reach for after a nightmare? Who was going to bring her comfort?

Harry. Her eyes flew open. She had searched the bed for James and not found him. She remembered holding Harry close to her, out of fear of losing him as well, and she had not found him either. Surely she couldn't lose both of them in one night? Sitting up, she threw the covers away from her and took in the expansive bed she was laying in. But there was no Harry. She slid from the bed and began searching the room.

She remembered Severus, faintly aware that it was due to him that she was still breathing. She hadn't decided yet to be grateful or disappointed about that. Dumbledore had told her about the prophecy that had been made about the child with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord. Surely, if Severus was a Death Eater, he knew of the prophecy as well. She paused in her search. What if he had saved her only to take the child from her to deliver him back to his master. Her stomach rolled violently. No, he was her friend…he had saved them both…hadn't he?

Dumbledore had been there last night as well, or at least she had a vague recollection of his presence. It could explain the lavish bedchamber she found herself in…it was fitting of a Hogwarts Headmaster. She half-way stumbled her way across the room and braced herself against the doorway. Dumbledore was seated behind his desk speaking with Remus and Severus.

"Where's Harry?"

All three of them jumped to their feet. She couldn't tell if it was because she had startled them with her presence or the sharpness of the question. It didn't matter. She wanted to know where her son was. How dare they take him away from her when she had just lost…so much. She couldn't even bear to think his name at the moment.

"He's with his godfather at the moment," Dumbledore said gently, placing a hand on her arm. It wasn't the hand she wanted to be comforted by and she shook it off.

"Where?"

"They're touring around the castle," Remus answered her timidly. She knew he wouldn't be the one to betray them. He was too grateful for their acceptance of him and his condition. How many times had she told James it was Peter they needed to watch. It was Peter…

"We know," Dumbledore said. Lily looked at him in confusion. "We know it was Peter," he elaborated. "Severus told us."

Severus…She looked over at him and was surprised she was staring at a man. The last time she had seen him was on the train after their seventh year was completed. He hadn't said anything to her, not even a good bye. He had remained frozen in her mind as a seventeen year old boy and she hadn't even given thought to the fact that he had matured just as she had. Grief was so plainly etched on his pale, almost gray face and it infuriated her. He hated James in life and it seemed so highly inappropriate for him to grieve him in death. She could feel the hard set lines of anger settle on her face and her childhood friend must have noticed as well. He made two steps in her direction and stretched out his hand towards her. She slapped it away.

"Stay away from me!" she snapped. A part of her regretted the harshness she had just shown her savior but another part felt an odd sense of pleasure from seeing the hurt play across his pale features. He had a taste what she was feeling at the moment, and as perversely as it sounded, it made her happy for a very brief amount of time. She leaned against the side of the doorway and slowly slide down the smooth stone until she was seated on the ground, her legs pulled up underneath her. Breathing had become hard and she was trying to gulp in air. She rested her cheek against the cool stone and was surprised to find the coolness had given way to wetness in a few seconds. All she could think about was this is not how fairy tales were suppose to end.

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