Chapter Four

Despite how strong my words were when I told the teacher how dead wrong he was, despite the way I sounded so confident in what I was doing that nothing could deter me on the inside, the truth was I was overwhelmed with the opposite kind of feeling. Insecurity.

Nagisa's words echoed in my head as I walked out and down the mountain and out of the school grounds alone. Koro-Sensei's words followed. Then was the thought of the boy's angered expression towards me. Finally, most aggravatingly of all, was that impressing drawing in the love of my life's sketch book of a boy I absolutely despised. No doubt my aura was bitter as I kicked my way into the train station, it sent the message that I wanted to be left alone, though in reality, I found myself actually wishing I would run into Asano outside of school so I could finally beat the shit out of him.

I was on the train headed home, so I wasn't surprised to sense someone sinking down in the empty seat beside me. I was surprsied however when a familar voice spoke up,"You look troubled Karma, did Koro-Sensei give you a hard time?"

I barely noticed when a student from my own class sat down beside me. I turned to see Nakamura. It wasn't odd for this girl to chat to me, out of the rest of the class I really didn't mind her, we seemed to have teasing Nagisa in common. She wore a sly looking half smile she often wore, suspicious to me as I knew how crazy the other E class students could get.

"It's not that." I scoffed, kicking my feet against the side of my chair with the growing urge to hit someone. I looked around hopefully, knowing there was no use picking a fight with middle-aged business men and school girls.

"What else could it be?" She urged.

Ignoring her, I turned to the window, trying to not look as helplessly guilty as I felt. I saw her smirk in the reflection, and at first I didn't pay any mind to it until she flicked her long blonde hair over her shoulder and spoke,"You know after Nagisa stormed out like that he didn't go home. He actually climbed to the top of some tree nearby and buried himself in that sketchbook of his."

My aggravation grew with each syllable, giving my mind the excuse to flame my vision with Nagisa's drawing and angered expression all. over. again.

I couldn't do this anymore. I had to find him and I had to apologise. I stood up, tempted to walk away, only to realise I was on a moving train that was only taking me further from him. My classmate gave me a look like I had fallen into her trap, giving me no choice but to talk to her. Sinking back down in desperation, I raked my hand through my messy hair and huffed down with my elbows on my knees.

"Alright. I'll tell you." If I wasn't so burdened myself, there was no way I would have been sharing my sob story with someone like her who I had seen tease on multiple occasions, but at this point I didn't care. Girls where supposed to be good at this stuff anyway, right?

"I...I'm stressed out because I..uh like this girl I know, and she's pretty amazing. But she was a childhood friend I knew for a long time in the past, so me coming back and meeting her again with all these feelings is just weird."

My eyes blinked, cringing at myself, daring her to looking at me judgmentally or to straight up burst out laughing. To my surprise, neither of these came true. Instead she just gave me a thoughtful look, encouraging me to continue.

"As well as this, this girl's personality is different now; she's evasive, more sensitive and quieter, it's as if she's hiding something... like something is wrong. It really pisses me off that I try so hard but she never notices me or opens up to me. I-It's just wearing me out with more guilt every time I see her, but every day I don't see her is even worse. What am I supposed to do? I've already seen how awkward things get when I try something more forward like asking for her number, or getting us alone together... at this point I'm considering giving up going at this painfully slow pace and becoming a stalker for all I care!"

"Wow! Wow. Calm down Karma!" She scolded, glancing around at several older men that gave us odd looks, she cringed and took my sleeve pulling me to the other side of the cart. "Trust me, that's exactly how you shouldn't go about it. Right now I'd say you just need patience, give her a chance to get used to you but don't give up, and while you shouldn't hassle her so often, don't let go either... you need to press but press at the right times, you know?"

I looked at her with one eyebrow raised. I understood where she was coming from, but when she put it like that it sounded so much more complicated. Why was I even taking advice from her anyway? I had no solid prove she was good at this, and maybe this advice would be useless when Nagisa wasn't a girl anyway!

"Is that quitting I see in your eyes!?" She pointed her finger accusingly, narrowing her eyes, "I mean it. The more she see's you the more she thinks about you, talk to her more, make her laugh more, spend more time with her and if you can't be involved with her romantically, by becoming her friend she's bound to open up, then I guess you can take it from there. Who is this girl anyway? Does she go to Kunugigaoka?"

"No." I deadpanned, not wanting anyway for her to be able to link this back. I feared that I'd maybe already given too much away, not that I'd let her see it.

She sunk back,"That's a shame, I could have helped you in some tricks y'know?" She winked at me before standing up,"Listen, I'm off at the next stop, but if you really want this to go far, take my advice and use those good looks to have that girl all over you."

The girl walked off laughing musically as she disappeared out the door. I didn't want her to see me doing this things immediately after to Nagisa, but after today, I was serious. I felt renewed. Never before had I felt I only had a strict time to woo him, but now it seemed obvious that there were other threats about. It was to be expected of course, after all, he was the embodiment of perfection.

Come tomorrow, Nagisa would barely be able to look away from me.

"I've come to apologise Nagisa, your drawings were really good so I didn't think you would be so protective. I'm sorry."

Act like I hadn't seen it. That was the best option, I thought.

His eyes remained in front of him stubbornly when he said quietly,"You should be."

"You kept me up all night you know, the guilt was excruciating. That hurt look on your face, those big sad eyes and trembling lips. Show me a smile to erase the memory, won't you?"

I was so close I practically whispered. His scent wafted up and enchanted me, smelling delightfully like some brand of baby bubble bath.

I waited for him to turn to me, but it never came. His eyes were still trained on the window as always. The damn window would have been smashed at my heel by now if it had any glass. My finger reached out and pinched him on the cheek.

"Uw!"

His eyes looked down at where I had pinched him sourly, expression full of the colour pink. That sound brought a kind of energising drug into my system, drowning me with the urge to get even closer to him.

He had finally showed me his pretty face, so I guess he was just more receptive to a more physical approach. Besides, the feel of any skin (as long as it was his) felt amazing to me.

"That sound was just like a little kitten Nagisa~ I didn't hurt you did I?"

"I'm tougher than that."

"Are you sure, you don't mind if I do it again?"

He turned his head sharply in the other direction, but this time I used my other hand, which had snaked around him from behind and met his face, pricking him in the nose this time.

"Uw!"

Laughter emitted from me, as I wondered to myself how someone could be so immensely cute. "Cut it out" He pouted, now sitting with his hands in front of his face.

"As you wish," I purred, sliding my finger down the side of his exposed neck until his collar stopped me, before I headed off back to my seat.

NEUTRAL POV

Nagisa was getting annoyed as of late. He was glad Karma had reunited with him, as he was an old friend, but... anyone would think the redhead's actions as of late were more than a little bit out of the ordinary.

Whenever he walked into the class, Karma would be there waiting for him, and if he was earlier, Karma would walk in and head straight over to him, whenever he turned to face the boy, he was met with golden orbs so intently focused on him it left him burning with nerves. Eventually he tried to stop looking, but that only lead to one of the things that annoyed him the most, he would simply take his chin, or his hair, and twist his head to face him in a way that made him feel so uncomfortable. No matter how many times he would glare and tell him to stop, the taller boy just never took him seriously.

Nagisa found himself swallowing the many, many urges he had where he wanted to shout at Karma and pick at him for once.

But just when he turned to face the boy, just when he felt the smallest bit of courage enough to face him with a glare, a single sight at the boy would remind him of their difference in power. Even though he had stuck to small pinches and disturbing comments, the blunette knew there was so much more the redhead could do to him.

Karma had always been so strong, famous for his tendencies to loose his sanity and turn into a violence craving sadist. He had witnessed many of his fights first hand, all of which he had been victorious, leaving the others either in a heap, knocked down or running off in the opposite direction. These people weren't just from their school but included high school students, adults and even the occasional thug. Nagisa could be brave at times, but he wasn't stupid.

"If you don't show me your notebook I'll just have to take it from you.." the boy asked, once again crowding his desk.

"Please don't." He sighed, eyes on the ground.

"I'm not making any promises." Karma's hands walked up the notebook centred at his chest, making him clutch his arms around it even tighter, "Come on, just a little tour, your drawing really are amazing you know. You're definitely gonna be my partner next time we have a joint art project."

It wasn't a question. It was a demand. The blunette nodded silently, though he wished he could complete at least one project with an actual friend.

It wasn't the constant teasing that got on his nerves, the odd comments about him being clumsy, silly, embarrassing or a weirdo for sitting in the corner and not socialising, oddly enough it was the compliments. It didn't take long for him to realise why; Karma looked at him like he was a girl.

That was what made him sick most of all. He wanted to scream that he wasn't a girl, to break down and scream it as loudly as it could so people would finally understand. Every time he was looked at in that way, Nagisa felt this horrible sense of worthlessness growing inside his chest, as if every taunt made up a wire to connect together a destructive bomb.

Nagisa you're so pretty. You're hair is cute like this. You're so small. You're so skinny. You're waist is thinner than half the girls in our class'. You're eyelashes are so thick and long. You're skin is so soft. I bet you'd look so good in a skirt. They may as well have just gone out with it and said Why don't you just chop it off and become the good girl everyone wanted you to be?

"Are you feeling alright?" His eyes met Karma's frown, before he snatched his gaze away and nodded nervously, swallowing the lump of iron in his throat. In reality he of course was not okay.

It was inevitable that he was going to be bullied. The least he could do was behave as best as he could so Karma wouldn't lose his patience with him. Slim fingers flicked lightly at one blue star of hair.

"Don't worry Nagisa, when we go out to practice, if anyone wonders why there's a girl on the pitch I'll set them straight right before your eyes~"

"I had an Idea." The redhead mused, leaning in after their sports training session. He and Nagisa had stayed behind to try another attempt at Koro-Sensei while he was distracted on looking for improvements. It didn't get that far unfortunately, and as a result, the two where left as the only ones in the changing room while everyone else had either gone home or gone elsewhere. Though the girls could still be heard from here engaged in their own training session back outside.

"That doesn't reassure me." The blunette muttered, stepping out of his gym clothes as he faced the other way. He cringed at the feel of eyes on him, but didn't turn around, quickly taking a hold of his uniform and stepping one leg in before his arm was grabbed.

"Wait."

His heart skipped a beat. When had Karma even gotten this close? The hand was firm enough to stop him moving, causing him to look up to see a face not that far from his. Although Karma's words were directed at him, and his body pressed up so painfully close to his barely covered one, the boy's head was tilted upwards, his eyes to the side as if keenly avoiding the sight of the smaller with a very visible blush on his face.

"You didn't even ask what it was."

"Karma..." Nagisa swallowed, head tilted back trying to get a better look, wondering if there was a reason he was so embarrassed.

"I uh... well the girls are all out training, so I managed to get my hands on something." He let go, the warmth of his skin disconnecting as he turned back to his bag and pulled out something that made Nagisa's head spin.

"The girl's spare uniform~ I couldn't help letting my mind wonder earlier about what you'd actually look like in one of these."

"Karma.." He repeated, frustration growing. Fear building.

The redhead could tell from one look that his actions were disapproved of, but this was just a sight he needed in his memories.

"Pretty please Nagisa, we're both boys, it's fun to dress up sometime, I know you're not really a girl."

As he walked towards him, the blunette shuddered, feeling overexposed.

"N...ngh.. I really don't think that's appropriate.."

His back hit the solid wood of the wall. Before he knew it, he was face to face with his classmate, and the offending item so much as brushed up against his skin, even it's material made him want to puke.

"Don't worry, no one will see. You don't have to be shy about your body if that's what it is."

"Kar-"

"I'll let you change yourself."

"I don't want to."

He finally managed to say it. Finally brave enough to voice his own wishes.

When he saw Karma's face, he instantly regretted it. The boy looked shocked. His eyes met Nagisa's, lips parted, body still. Unbeknownst, to him, that very look of surprise sent a hurricane of emotions down into his friends mind, filling it with questions, was he angry? Would he shout at him? Would he finally go over the edge and hurt him?

"Okay.I'll do it." The redhead shrugged, face slightly pink.

Nagisa's tensions sank for a brief moment. Only to return having increased tenfold when the taller boy knelt down before him and lifted his leg, slipping it out of its pathetic cover and into the ridiculously short gym shorts that were likely even scantier than the pale blue cotton boxers he presently wore.

"That's not w-what I-I meant! K-Karma!" He exclaimed, nearly falling straight down when he felt those warm hands wrap around his leg and guide him into the clothes without a single strain. His desperate complaint was inevitably swallowed by the rapid, dizzying churning of his stomach at being treated like a weak, controllable doll like this.

The material of the item was way too soft. It was way to short, and the hips were too wide, reminding him that his body didn't meet everyone's desired requirements. The front lacked the space he needed, clinging to him, making it clear that he was in the wrong. That this was wrong. That he was in the wrong body from what everyone wanted him to be in.

His sickness turned him into a objection-less toy, letting his clothes be stripped off of him without a fight. He had no power. He had no strength. His legs were trembling, but not as much as his heart and stomach was. His clothes were tight, but not as tight as the lump in his throat that had expanded to the point that it nearly suffocated him.

His eyes stopped pleading as his head turned down, unwilling to look when the redhead suddenly stood and arose, looking up at his handy work as if proudly admiring an model he had just made himself.

Golden eyes shimmered in amusement, taking in the pale, slightly pink shaped legs that crossed over each other nervously, leading up a long, slim path to the almost skin tight curve of his slightly thickened thighs, hidden by dark blue shorts. Leading on, his flat stomach could have very well have been a girls while hidden behind that top. It wasn't even too tight for him, it fit quite perfectly, clinging to his shoulders and waist, yet loosening out at the top of his toned arms and flat chest.

He was barely able to control the gleam of want he felt, when he finally took in the face of his masterpiece. His hair hid his eyes the best they could, but those diamonds shone through the thickest of covers, looking straight ahead distantly. His trembled nervously, his cheeks dotted with a sweet pink that matched his bitten, kissable lips.

"Nagisa you look adorable. You'll let me take a photo won't you?"

Another sickening question. Another compliment, to someone who wasn't who he was but who everyone wanted to him. He'd had enough of it all.

Suddenly, a sharp cry sounded out. Karma looked grieved, his speech cut off when he saw all the emotions he needed to see reflected in one pained glare in his direction. A fist jabbed sharply into his chest, rendering him speechless and frozen as Nagisa made a bolt for the door.

"Wait! You can't go out dressed like-"

Before he could escape, that same hands that had deprived him of his pride and power did so again my gripping him so hard he couldn't escape. Pain jerked through him, his knees finally giving out as he fell down onto the wooden floor, the impact lessened by arms folding around him.

"Nagisa..."

The boy couldn't hear anything. All he could make out was his own name, and occasional words in a comforting voice. He didn't need words, he could fill in the blanks himself, Karma was asking what the hell was wrong with him, wasn't he?
He was asking why he was such a freak, why he was so stupid for thinking he could escape, why was he getting so worked up over nothing? Why couldn't he be as strong as other boys? Why was he always seen as weak?

What did people see in him that made him such an automatic target?

KARMA'S POV

I had never clung onto someone so hard in my life. I held the boy I loved's warm, small, trembling form in my arms as if I was keeping him together, when really I knew I was selfishly keeping him to myself.

What trouble would I be in if he were to go out dressed like that right now?

His hair agaisnt my neck was soft. His breath against my shoulder was sharp and rapid. Once again, I had made a shamefully foolish mistake. Once again, I had no way of knowing he'd react like that, but I still felt the burden of it regardless. It was stupid of me. It was a prank gone wrong. Terribly wrong. There was so much about this boy I thought the world of that was mystery, so much I didn't know.

Being around him was like having to walk through a mine field in the dark to cross over to the safe haven behind it.

"Nagisa." I tried after a while. The way we were right now, half lying half sitting, we were a breath apart physically yet a year of separation and a newly built wall away from each other mentally.

I just didn't understand how he could have changed so much, how fragile he was now. Why he wouldn't confide in me so I could help him.

"Let's get you back into your own clothes."

He stirred against me, and slowly leaned back, eyes downcast. My hands reached out to meet the delight of his face in my hands, but stopped short, thinking against it before reaching back to drag his discarded clothes to us.

"I'm sorry."

As soon as I released him, he pulled away silently. I saved him the humiliation of watching him change, turning back before completely exiting the door just to say, "I don't know how I made you feel, but I want to know, as bad as it is, I want to experience what you've been through so I can say that I truly am sorry, tell me what's wrong, please."

I waited, knowing when I saw the pale of his exposed back revealed, that I shouldn't stay any longer. He wasn't going to accept my apology. He wasn't going to speak to me at all. Several moments of silence passed between us.

Sadness seemed like it with infectious at this point.

I had hurt Nagisa. I had hurt him when I really wanted nothing more than to love him. As he turned away from me, I was able to see the contrast of all the purple-black bruises on his torso, feeling a new kind of helplessness. It wasn't the pain of guilt that was the worst, it was the pain of knowing that despite what he had said about training, someone else was hurting him too. They were hurting him worse. Most disgustingly, they were getting away with it.

Whoever they were, and whatever they had done, the result had turned my most precious person into the self destructive ticking time bomb they were today.

"DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME!" The petulant voice from behind me finally broke into the wall of my thoughts.

I turned, back to face the voice with gritted teeth, not willing to care about anyone else's shit when my own problems were eating me alive. I was fully prepared to knock them blind - when I realised there was no way I could get away with doing something like that to the much shorter, frailer girl in my class. Kayano, what could she want?

The angered girl with green hair continued on towards me, stopping suddenly at an offensive distance from me and slamming her index into my chest. "You freaking bully, you sicken me!" She hissed, eyes narrowed into hazel slits.

"Nagisa told me everything you did to me with tears running down his face, trying to keep it in! How long do you think you can keep up with this, how long do you think you can get away with treating him like shit this way!" She looked at me in utter distaste, "I swear you're damn lucky I'm not going to tell Koro-Sensei and the Head of this school everything this second-"

"Nagisa was crying?" My voice sounded dry and scratchy. I ignored everything else she had said, but that one piece of information had me extremely on edge.

"Yes." She scowled,"Crying because you forced him into girls clothing when you've known him long enough to know what that does to him. I don't even want to know what else you've put him through..."

"I swear, I would never intentionally hurt him...I didn't know. Nagisa wasn't anything like this before."

"Maybe you just didn't know him as well as you thought."

I ignored her resentful comment,"Something changed this past year. Someone did this to him."
At that moment, her eyes looked down at his shoes and dragged up to his eyes showing such disgust and hatred towards what she saw, he actually felt a bit taken aback,"You mean someone like you?"

My breath hitched. I felt her words like a slap, knowing fully well that she was right. Those words wouldn't leave my mind for days now, and she knew it.

"If you so much as make him frown, I don't care how big you think you are, you'll regret it."