Chapter Thirteen: Holiday Plans

He wasn't that keen on teaching classes, but when the last one finished for the Christmas break, Severus found himself fighting disappointment…well, almost. He enjoyed the routine, of knowing what was going to come next and he would miss that stability. The upside to the beginning of the holiday break was most of the students would be returning to their homes, leaving the school emptier and more quiet. It also meant that he would have a reprieve from all the Slytherin students that surrounded themselves around him in hopes of hearing exciting tales of his Death Eater days. Those students were only painful reminders of his own foolishness and he did his best to ignore them. But the holiday would give him a break from Holly Avery. Her overtly friendly advances had continued in earnest despite their brief talk by the lake.

"Ah, Severus," Professor Slughorn greeted him as he took the seat next to him at the staff table. "So, are you to go visit family this Christmas, my boy?"

"No, sir. I believe Professor Dumbledore wishes me to stay close to the school."

"Well then, that will be pleasant. Any family coming to you?"

He sincerely hoped not. The only people who would want to drop in for a visit would only wish to do him harm. "No, sir. I don't believe any one will coming here to see me."

"Oh, well. At least you'll be able to keep Lily company. I heard she was going to stay over the holiday as well."

Lily was staying over the holidays. Without classes to take up their time, he should be able to see much more her. Suddenly, the thought of spending yet another Christmas by himself instantly evaporated and a child like excitement replaced his loneliness.

"I can't imagine how hard it must be on her," Slughorn was saying. "First Christmas without James."

Severus felt the edge come off of his excitement. Of course it wouldn't be a good Christmas for her. He remembered how he felt that first Christmas after his mother passed away. All thoughts of spending two weeks walking in the snow and sitting in front of warm fire with her vanished.

"I believe I heard Dumbledore saying that Sirius Black and Remus Lupin would be coming here to celebrate Christmas with her and Harry so at least she won't be by herself."

"No," Severus mumbled. "At least she won't be alone." But he most certainly was going to be. If Black and Lupin were coming it meant Lily was completely off limits to him. So much for a pleasant Christmas. Slughorn launched into his holiday plans, starting with the Ministry of Magic's Eve ball. Severus finished the food that was left on his plate as quickly as possible. Slughorn was telling him the guest list for the party which Severus could have spit right back out to him since this was the fifth time he had heard it. Thankfully, he knew precisely the point where Slughorn would have to take a breath and when he did, Severus quietly excused himself. But he found no peace when he left the Great Hall either.

"Mr. Snape!"

Fate was definitely not his friend today. "Miss Avery."

She came running up to him, already dressed for the trek into Hogsmeade where the Hogwarts Express would take the students home for the holidays. "Oh, I'm so glad I got to see you before I went home."

He clasped his hands behind his back and gave her his best indifferent look. "Really? Well, I hope you have a good holiday."

"Wait, here," she pulled a parcel out from under her cloak. "I wanted to give this to you."

"I can't accept gifts from students."

"Come on," she gave him a coy look, "you're not really my teacher. Please, I want you to have this."

"Absolutely not," he stated firmly and started to move away. "Have a good holiday." Thankfully, she didn't say anymore and allowed him to walk away in solitude. He had probably hurt her feelings for refusing the gift and he did feel some remorse over that, despite her fascination with the Dark Arts she was an exceptional student and nice girl. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss her. Things could have turned out differently for him if someone had taken the time to guide his interests elsewhere. Was that all Holly needed? He had tried to speak with Professor Slughorn about her and his concerns but all the Professor seemed interested in was how well respected her father was in the wizarding community.

Someone touched his arm and he jumped sideways, fearing it was Holly once more. When his heart got over the initially shock, he saw it was Lily. "You scared me half to death!"

"Sorry," she smiled and resituated Harry in her arms. "I called out to you three times but apparently you were stuck inside that head of yours."

He both hated and loved the fact that she knew him so well. "Yes, I suppose I was."

"Would you mind holding him for a minute?"

Arguing with her about holding her son was null and void so he was growing accustomed to taking him from her whenever she offered the child to him. He secretly wondered if James was somehow telling his son what to do every time Severus took him, as Harry would either pull his hair, grab his nose or yank on his tie. And on other days, apparently like today, he would try to do all three.

"Harry, stop it," Lily scolded and pried open the child's clenched fist that held a lock of his hair. "I'm sorry, Sev. He's taken to doing that with everyone now. I'm thinking of cutting my hair."

"Don't do that." Lily gave him a surprised look and he felt his face color. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Yes, you should have. Friends say things like that, Sev. I just didn't know you would feel so strongly. I was only kidding though."

"Oh," was all he managed to say before Harry had located his ear and gave it a good sound tug. He turned his head to pull his ear from Harry's grasp and found the kid staring at him with wide green eyes, probably wondering why he choose to take away the new "toy." The sad part of this was, he would most likely let this child beat him black and blue all because he had Lily's eyes.

Harry pressed his mouth against the palm of his little hand and promptly smacked it against Severus' cheek. He gave a delighted laugh as Severus switched him to his other arm and wiped off the saliva on his face with the sleeve of his robe.

"Aw," Lily crooned, "He gave you a kiss. He usually only does that for Sirius and Remus." She pulled a silver tube from her robes and squeezed some of the contents into her hand before slipping it back into her robes. As she rubbed her hands together the strong scent of lavender filled the space between them.

He pointed to her hands. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, yes." She held up her hands for his inspection and found the area around her knuckles were a blotchy red. "The cold weather plays havoc with my hands. It's everything I can do to keep them from getting cracked. Here, I'll take him back."

Severus handed the child back to her, who had wrinkled his nose at the scent of the lavender. "Where are you headed?"

"Well, it's almost time for Harry's nap so once he's asleep I'm going to try to grade some of my second year's essays. But I'll probably be taking a nap as well."

He looked at her face and noticed the rings under her eyes and the weariness that seemed to permeate her overall facial expression. "Aren't you sleeping well?"

She shook her head. "I'm still having nightmares. When I wake up, I still reach for…"

Severus felt alarm override the sense of life's complete unfairness. He wondered if James ever truly appreciated the gift that had been generously bestowed on him by this woman. He would give his life to have just one morning to wake up and find her next to him. But the threat of tears in her voice caused him to push those thoughts from his mind and scramble for a change in topic. "I heard from Professor Slughorn that Remus and Bl-" he practically choked on the name, "Sirius will be coming for Christmas."

Lily sniffed slightly. "Yes, they'll be here for the day. Remus may stay longer but Sirius can only spare that one day. He says Dumbledore's been keeping him very busy. Why don't you come?"

"What?"

She swiped at the corner of her eye, brushing away a tear. When she spoke again, all trace of the emotional upset she had been feeling was gone. "Come up to the Gryffindor common room Christmas morning. I'll let you in and you won't have to spend the day by yourself. There's no sense in that."

"Thank you but no. Remus may tolerate me now but Sirius most certainly would not. I don't want to ruin that holiday for you or cause unneeded anxiety."

"Nonsense," she reached out and touched his arm again. "You're my friend too and they need to accept that as well. So, you'll come?"

"Yes." The word flew out his mouth before he could even stop it. She could ask him to walk through fire or hand pluck a hippogriff and he would agree to it. Lily gave him a pleased smile.

"Wonderful. We still have a few days before Christmas so we'll make specific plans later, alright?"

He nodded dumbly.

"Good. Well, I'll see you later then, Sev."

His mind finally came back into focus and he realized they were standing in front of the portrait that led into Gryffindor tower. She gave his arm a squeeze before disappearing behind the painting. When the door closed, the Fat Lady in the picture sniffed haughtily.

"Shouldn't you be elsewhere?"

He turned away from the portrait and headed back down into the dungeons, caught up in much lighter thoughts than before. Students were saying goodbye to their friends that were staying, a total of fourteen students, he thought Dumbledore had said. Thankfully, none of them were Slytherins which meant he would have Slytherin house completely to himself over the holidays. Slughorn was just on his way out as Severus stepped into the dimly lit common room.

"Professor, I have a quick question for you before you go."

"Yes, of course." He straightened his fine wool cloak slightly impatiently.

"Would you mind if I did a little experimenting with some potions while you're gone? I will, of course, replace any ingredients that I use."

The Professor gave him a smile. "Of course you may as long as you promise not to blow up the classroom and find other things to fill your time over the break. Get out, be social. That's what Christmas is all about, my boy." After a clap on the shoulder, Slughorn left the common room. Blessed silence permeated the room and Severus took a moment to enjoy it. Being social was never one of his desires, he did it merely out necessity than want.

He went into the storage closet and pulled out the owl order book. Everything he needed for the project he had in mind would be able to be ordered. He could use what was already in stock, replacing it with the ordered materials before classes started again. It would take most of what Dumbledore had paid him for the position but he really had no need for the money. He quickly filled out the order form for the replacement ingredients and went to his quarters to get the money.

The prefects room had a central common room with six bedrooms and bathrooms off of it, four for the prefects and two for the Head Boy and Girl. One of the fifth year prefects had been forced to stay in the regular dormitory room, much to his displeasure, and Severus had taken up residence in that room. As he passed through the central room, he noticed a parcel had been left on the table by the fireplace. He picked it up to put it in the person's room only to find it was his name on the package. With a grimace, he realized it was the same parcel that Holly had tried giving him outside the Great Hall. Unsure of what to do with it now, he dropped it on his bed and went about his original project he had set out to do.