Chapter Thirteen

I had kicked the head teacher of my school in the face. I had indirectly knocked his son out on the floor with a concussion, and I had left my Nagisa alone in the cold as more police cars rushed around him and snatched the criminal away from his victim. So here I was, hands against a cold metal bar that had probably been held in the same way under the hands of all the other juvenile delinquents it had locked up in the past just like myself.

Nagisa didn't visit me the night I spent behind bars.

After being in the grey room for several hours, it was no wonder I started to daydream a bit. I kept envisioning him as he lit up the room after pushing past an officer shouting at me as I listened deaf, far too preoccupied with looking at his pretty lips moving. I kept counting down, kept stumbling back into reality that my delusions were only delusions, only for them to be snatched away by another dream. It wouldn't be long now, maybe when I was let free I would walk by to see him sitting in wait for me having persuaded them of my innocence. Maybe he would be angry, but his cute little blush and his very presence would tell me of his care. Maybe he would jump into my arms and tell me how worried he had been. Any moment now an officer would open the door and say-

"You have a guest."

My mother walked in looking just as thrilled as you would expect her to be. Behind her... no Nagisa. My hoped died, blue already growing over my bored vision.

She wasn't angry though, neither were the officers who had witnessed my act and my dirty words, much to my surprise. Since Asano had proven guilty and charged of his crimes, everyone had assumed I had been acting to defend and I had been lucky enough to be excused. Wouldn't it be funny if I ended up here for the boy I had supposedly saved's assault or murder in a matter of weeks?

That was a dark thought.

Did I regret what I had done? No. Of course not, as the reason I was there was to protect Nagisa if necessary, and I had done just that. Did I wish I had done that in a different way? Perhaps. Perhaps I could have been a bit less intense, perhaps I could have had more self control, so then Nagisa wouldn't have had to go home alone in the dark that evening. Perhaps if things had gone differently he wouldn't have had all the bonding time I knew he had spent looking over the shocked victim's passed out body as he was rushed into hospital.

I didn't see Nagisa until Friday. When I did, he didn't speak to me. He seemed quiet, his face was still, but the way he spoke with Kayano was considerably lighter. Something stirred inside me seeing him smiling like that. Hearing him laughing from here, and not even flinching when Koro-Sensei tickled him for whatever reason, but giggling with his pretty eyes shut was so amazing it nearly choked me. He was no longer an uncomfortable stranger hiding secrets and pain from the class; the only person he was like that with was me.

"Gakushuu's looking well." He tensed, harmless knife raised at his side when I spoke from the shadows of a tree on his way home that afternoon. I watched as his eyes narrowed, slowly realising who I was before he lowered his knife. I had to grin awkwardly when I saw his temporary relief flicker to tension.

"He's had a lot worse." The boy muttered evasively. I guessed he was angry that I'd hurt Gakushuu. That I had offended his precious fucking prince.

"So prince charming's defeated the dragon, does that mean the fickle princess who's life he nearly destroyed gets to go running back to him as if he hasn't done a thing?"

"What are you talking 'bout?" He sighed, eyes still averted so they appeared darker, still clearly trying to look for a way to slip past me. As if I would give up that easily.

"You know... I wasn't trying to be horrible when I said what I said to him. I just thought that I could use his fear and his need to be accepted to make him obey us - just to get him to safety..."

My message just didn't seem to be getting across. I knew I shouldn't have tried to explain this.

"You mean exploit him? You can't manipulate human minds like that..." I expected him to sound disgusted, instead, his emotions were so bland I knew he was hiding something I didn't know. That frightened me even more.

"Gakushuu finally sees you as more than a punchbag. I'm happy for you two."

I tried my very best not to look resentful, silently dying inside at words that tasted poison even if they were my own. It only hurt even more with the lack of denial coming from the blue haired boy before me.

"I guess I'm right. You and that Gakushuu huh, after all these years you've finally succeeded in your relationship." I finished. Nagisa still didn't look. I sighed, sadness settling over my face. "I guess if you're gonna be seeing him I'm finally free to set my sights on that cute green-haired girl-"

"What! You're leaving m-"

"You're not going anywhere are you?" His words were cut off by my arms sliding over his shoulder as I smirked.

I couldn't believe how happy that reaction had made me. He hadn't gotten angry that I assumed he was with Gakushuu, he hadn't even reacted that I claimed to have wanted his friend, all he reacted to was that I would no longer be his.

He flinched in embarrassment in realisation of his blunder. Soon finding that there was no point in his unhappy act any longer. It wasn't long before he relaxed in my grasp, warming my body with his heat again in a way that felt so right as I nuzzled into his soft hair, planting a kiss on his forehead.

I missed his skin as if I hadn't seen him in weeks.

"Karma.."

My eyes closed, just breathing him in, just glad that I hadn't fucked things up. Glad that I could still be with him, and that he wanted to be with me.

When my eyes opened again, they stared down at a head tilted up, puppy-like blue eyes returning this gaze, no longer hiding his emotions, with his cheeks proudly red at my embrace.

"I..." He asked softly, his voice quiet and slow.

"I'm listening.." I purred.

It was then that I felt his hands pinching the sides of my shirt. "Y-You're not listening to me."

"Of course I am. You haven't said anything but, I mean I'll obey when you do. If you want, I would happily be a slave to you, Nagisa." I nibbled on his hair-tie, smiling down at him.

His eyes looked nervously at me, cringing at my choice of words, and giving me a temporary burning in my chest like I had said something offensive.

"That's not what I mean. What I mean is- stop!"

I startled as it dawned on me that he was nearly crying, mouth opening to speak only to stop mid action like a dummy when he beat me to it. His head shook, like a puppy coming out from the water.

"I'm sorry Karma." His hands still clung to me, yet they were clinging at a distance, making a kind of barrier between us with his arms.

He read the distress in my expression easily as I tried to suppress the darkness from creeping over my eyes.

"I just want to talk, without you all over me."

My expression must have flickered to guilt, because his eyes quickly widened as he spoke frantically,"N-not that I'm disgusted or anything! Not at all, I just find it easier to talk this way Karma...Thank you... thank you so much for everything. I-I'm so glad you moved to the E class, I know that sounds terrible but if it weren't for you I would have still-"

"Shh." My lips touched down on his, so softly and gently against his pink, plush warmth I thought for a second that it had been in my imagination when I pulled away. "You owe me nothing Nagisa. In fact, I'm thankful to you for making me smile. Thank you, Nagisa~"

My arms slipped up so they rested over his shoulders in a hug from behind, just standing there without moving or speaking. Just cherishing him.

"Hm.." He blinked away his shock and laughed silently at me, stepping forward and pushing me off.

My hand grazed his shoulder, looking down at his face not allowing him any escape. He flinched, and before I knew it, I was standing a foot away from him.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't like this, Karma."

Of course. Of course he wouldn't. This time I refused to let the sadness show on my face, because his own was so evident.

"I don't like you being all over me like this, and it makes me really uncomfortable and self conscious. Do you think I'm a girl still? That I want you to be touching me, all in my hair and all over my skin?! Can't we go back to the way we used to be? As just friends."

He blinked rapidly, so much so that I knew he was fighting nervous tears.

My hands stung from the spot where it had once been in contact with Nagisa. Shame froze me. I had gotten ahead of myself again. When did it become okay for me to be all over him like this, invading his personal space and saying such weird things? If he truly was comfortably around me I would have been slapped so many times by now. I frowned down at him, my own chest feeling tight, as if a solid object was trapped in the centre of it, blocking the blood flow.

"You..?" I laughed, the sound was bitter and as aggressive as it would have sounded if someone I hated had said that to me. "You kissed me Nagisa."

His face turned scarlet while his mouth opened to speak. I cut him off. "You put your mouth on mine and that can't have been an accident because it was only you that made yourself do those actions. You did that because you had intentions; maybe you were trying to tell me something, maybe you were trying to express your only feelings - whatever it was, it had a purpose you can't deny tha-"

"I wanted to try it, to see how it would be if anything were to happen between us. So far, all I've felt is regret from that."

I thought I could be hurtful, but Nagisa seemed to have the capability of torturing with only a simple, meagre sentence.

Body moving forward, my mouth opened to speak. He backed away from me, arm crossed over so his hand pinched at his elbow nervously, prickling me with the same minor pain as him while he did it.

We stood in silence, my eyes raking over him as his averted in thought.

He met my stare eventually. Sometimes, my face would take on the expression of subconscious thoughts of mine that I myself hadn't even acknowledged. Right now must have been one of those times, because the blunette looked as though I had been glaring at him like a predator.

"I just want to take things back... to when we were friends, when things weren't so complicated." He compromised with such Nagisa-like hope.

I smirked, "What's the point in being friends still when you clearly don't find a benefit in being with me?"

His smiled vanished.

"So you don't want to be my fr-"

"I didn't say that, did I? Just answer the question, please."

"W-we were never together in the first place really-"

"Exactly. So how do you know you don't like it?"

"I-I just d-do. I know I'm not ready for it."

"For what? Why can't we be in a relationship where we go at your pace?"

"I don't know Karma, you tell me!" He snapped, his voice rising and then breaking into a half sob. His head turned in embarrassment, but I couldn't look away, following him around. "Tell me why you can't just be with me and not be all over me, why can't I find someone who wants to hear my opinion of things, who wants to hear how I feel and not break off my speech or speak louder then me or threaten me so my point doesn't get across..."

Sobbing, the boy before me was so vulnerable, so weak and small in this moment where it was me and him alone in this mass of mountain forest. He could easily be lead astray, so easily it stung me with the temptations to lead him back into another abusive relationship and choose my own happiness over his.

I placed a tissue in his hand without letting my skin touch his, waiting for his quiet sobs to die down, leaving him with just the shame of letting his emotions overflow like that.

"Do you feel better? Now that it's been cried out?" I offered gently, my lips curving up compassionately.

It was like magic watching the understanding spread over his eyes. The realisation that Karma wasn't the big bad wolf, that I wouldn't abuse him and hurt him, that he had relieved his stress and so much more. Wet pupils almost as deep as the universe around us looked back at me.

"At least now having said it aloud I know what exactly not to be. You know exactly what to look out for. I promise you I won't be any of those things Nagisa. As your friend," the acid that came with the words were swallowed by me until they were untraceable, "I'll make sure that you stay safe from bastards like that."

I hadn't expected him to forgive me so quickly. Maybe it was due to his delicate state of mind, the fact that he wanted to remain my friend the whole time or perhaps even that he hid a secret hope for a relationship with me in the future.

I didn't care whichever excuse was responsible because the fact was, he smiled back. It the nervous smile of an insecure boy who just wanted to be happy.

Then suddenly, his arms embraced me, his face in my chest. His warm breath and the vibrations of his wavering voice teased me to no end, alarming me that he could be crying. When he pulled away however, I realised Nagisa was laughing.

"Nagisa..." I didn't want to feel these dirty thoughts about him. As much as I enjoyed them, I really didn't.

He pulled back, punching me in the arm with strength that actually stung quite a bit," That's for making me cry.."

My knees gave out below me involuntarily, dropping down before him so I was looking up, what a view it was to be close to him like this.

"The very least you can do is accept my sorrow for being such a bastard to you," I took his hand and kissed his palm, a rush coursing through me when I looked up to see him looking down on me in surprise,"I am truly, truly sorry Nagisa."

Suddenly he laughed, looking away nervously as he took hold of my shoulders, leading me up. "It's fine... you-you're the best."

"Ah," I sighed happily, "It makes me so overjoyed to be your friend again~"

He rubbed his collar nervously, finding the courage to turn to face me and speak. "We're more than that though, aren't we?" My chest tightened. "We're best friends, right?"

His excitement was so delectable, the way his lips smiled slightly, shy at being considered to eager yet unable to contain it fully, the way he offered me a place in his life and his heart as he declared our relationship despite every horrible thing I had done to him. It was a moment so perfect, a moment another me would have been more than satisfied with. I should have treasured this moment.

So why did it feel like a stab with a blunt knife to hear him say those words?

There was a sense of uselessness in me as I leaned over the rooftop of the E class, watching Nagisa from a distance that placed silence over us as he had fun with the other friends he had made.

Unlike me, he had come remarkably far. He wouldn't shy away from a skirt and flinch when his hair was touched, I believed he had been cured - and not to sound vain or anything, but I believed I must have been the one to hand him that cure.

My pride over him crushed when it dawned in me in the hour I spent avoiding his gaze, that while he had moved forward, I had moved backwards.

I may have learned a bit of self control, and helped put away a criminal, but here I was still unable to kiss and hold Nagisa the way I wanted. There was still enough of a barrier between us that stopped me from even touching his hair without feeling guilty.

I felt just as consumed and passionately enraged as I had at first about him, though depressed to know that my progression was at a stand still.

What was the fun in having control when you couldn't break free sometimes and have the fun you wanted? Part of me was angry that I had to change for him. To become a better person that didn't manipulate and enjoy suffering of others or even get violent or possessive. Why couldn't Nagisa just accept who I initially am? Why was he afraid of me!? Because Gakushuu had given people like me a bad reputation?! That Asano brat was in a hospital bed half dead yet all my problems could be traced back to him.

Koro-Sensei's loud cheer leading praise of Nagisa reached my ears. I saw the boy blushing. I saw the other's laughing, and Karasuma smiling in praise. Just like that my anger was gone, replaced by a feeling that was too light to be sadness but to melancholy to be any other emotion.

Depressed. Maybe I really was. After all, I had gone from nervous, to elated, to crushingly dead inside in less than an hour. Though, it seemed really selfish that there were people in the world who endured real problems like Nagisa had, meanwhile I was here getting dwonhearted over a sparkly eyed baby-blue haired boy not noticing me.

I watched Isogai take a tumble after failing to reach the snake-agile boy, laughing inside though not letting this amusement slip onto my face.

What was I supposed to do? Clearly unhappy with being just friends with Nagisa, but clearly able to see that manipulating him and abusing him into being with me would only make him suffer, and in the end lead to even more trouble.

There was nothing I really could do.

"Actually, it's good you asked. He has a minor concussion but mostly his injuries were due to anxiety." Nagisa explained, walking by me as I kicked small rocks into a path of skimming along the pavement before losing their energy and becoming still.

"Hmm? That's good."

"Yeah. It will be a while before he's back at school though." I could tell there was something bothering him.

"Do you want to go visit him?"

"W-Well yes. I do. I just have a feeling that even when he does heal, the council won't send him to a school where his father was such a big influence, not where everyone will be demanding to know what happened to him. Not to mention he can't live in his father's house alone. I'm worried about him. I feel as if he's going to disappear from our lives one day and we'll never see him again."

I loved the way he said 'we' as if the Asano actually mattered in my life.

"Don't stress yourself." I pressed his eyebrows down with my thumb so his flawless skin wouldn't wear and gain creases. "I'll take you to see him on the weekend if you like."

Nagisa chortled lightly,"On second thought, I'm not sure seeing you will be good for him."

His actions made me remember the last night the three of us had been together. How villainous I must have come across as back then. I had completely forgotten about it now that I knew Nagisa wouldn't hold a grudge against me. Gakushuu however... I hoped I was the villain in his life, he certainly was mine.

My expression hardened. "If you try and go alone, I'll only follow you Na-gi-sa~ We might as well go together in the first place to avoid any surprises."

The boy's eyes had a look in them that I saw a lot these days, though regrettably it was one I couldn't read.

He nodded to me, a cautious smile on his lips,"I guess you're right."

That day came about quicker than I would have liked. Far quicker. Before I knew it I was on the train, before I knew it I was with Nagisa, then, just as quickly as I had gotten him in my grasp, he was gone. Standing by Gakushuu's side and handing him the little bag of gifts he had brought him.

The strawberry blond looked up at him with adoring eyes, occasionally straying to the side to shoot me a threatening glare.

I returned them right back, though the second Nagisa looked, that melted into a mask of agreeable expressions for the both of us.

"I'm glad your head didn't split into to after that night. How are you feeling Asano?" I almost threatened, face bored.

"Not at all, everything's fine. If it's an excuse for Nagisa to give me these lovely gifts he was so keen on buying for me, I'm glad in fact."

Nagisa looked at him warmly, but he had turned to me.

"Thank you Karma, for being so supportive." He spoke with intense sarcasm.

I nodded. "Unfortunately, we can't be here everyday. Use your time together wisely because Nagisa and I will be very busy together during weekdays."

His face turned distasteful, eyes showing slight jealousy that his words had tried to inflict on me, though of course I had been a lot more careful about hiding this. He seemed to have less control of his emotions these days. Guess abuse really did fuck people up in the head.

As if he could read my mind, he glared at me. I smiled back.

The rest of the day was spent like that. I spoke minimally, unable to engage in the sickening conversations of the two or even to look when Asano would blatantly ogle Nagisa like a little school girl in love.

I felt indisposed by the end of the day - and not because I had spent it in a hospital surrounded by broken souls and flu breath.

It was the biggest relief to step out of that room, turning my head when Nagisa hugged him, though the action was brotherly it was still shy and made me quiver with envy.

Fresh air hit us as the hospital was gradually left further and further behind us under the draining sunlight in the sky, I was alone with Nagisa again.

"That was more awful than you warned me."

He sighed. I was expecting him to laugh and make an excuse but he didn't.

"I really don't understand why you insisted on coming today. Don't think I didn't notice what you and Gakushuu were up to."

"Oh, and what were we up to? It seems to me you to were the only ones communicating in that room so please, Nagisa, tell me, I'm curious?"

The aggression in my words was more powerful than intended, yet I realised the second they were out that they voiced the inner turmoil I was hiding.

He tensed beside me. I was several steps ahead when I realised he had stopped.

"Na-"

"I just don't understand - I thought you two were getting along so well until the end when you just - just switched."

I realised he was talking about the night when the Chairman was arrested. I could see that he thought it was his fault, that he felt responsible that Gakushuu got hurt as he was the one who had brought big bad me there.

"Gakushuu was trying so hard to get along with you. I've realised now that I really can't force it, but when you're both acting so fake like that, glaring at each other behind my back and trying to got on each other's nerves with words it really stresses me out."

"Nagisa," I cooed, walking over to him, extending my hand to raise his chin until his eyes met mine, only to freeze on the spot when I remembered that wasn't such a good idea.

"Why do you hate each other so much? You really are so alike, I thought for sure you would get along." His eyes were foggy and blue, his hair reflecting the grey blue sky to become a silvery colour.

He looked so sick of the lies, so needing of honesty and truth, I found myself unable not to oblige, eyes half lidded as I looked down at him.

"That's just it. He's jealous of me and I'm jealous of him."

"Wha-"

"We both want you so badly that we get sick to see the other spending time with you. It's selfish that we want you all to ourselves, but neither of us are willing to give you up."

His face went red really quickly, mouth opening to speak, but no words came out other than his adorable embarrassment.

"Karma... I-I really..."

My hand swept through his silky hair before I could stop myself. Seeing him looking like this made me want to do something even more selfish. It made me want to do some as childish as giving him the choice of either me of Gakushuu but not both.

"I just, really fucking hate him. He's the definition of the scumbag you should avoid to me, and I'm probably the same to him." I breathed out.

"Karma, I don't want you to be jealous. I never really liked Gakushuu, I realise that now. At that time, he was just so admirable, he reminded me of a stronger, smarter more powerful version of myself, so seeing him hurt just made me want to protect him. Somewhere along the line, the feeling of wanting him to notice what I was doing so he could help himself got muddled up with wanting him to notice me for other reasons."

His head turned to the side in thought, his hand brushing over the skin of my hand, unintentionally sending touch sensitive bubbles throughout me.

"You know, Gakushuu asked me if I would give him his job back as my tutor."

My breath hitched. I had been trying to remain stoic, but there was no mistaking the anxiety I felt in my stomach. After I had worked so hard and gotten so close, the last thing I wanted was for Gakushuu to take it all from me.

"I turned him down. He looked like a sad puppy, really I thought he would cry," He laughed, fidgeting nervously, "But I kept my firm and told him that wouldn't be necessary. Not just because it would upset you, and not because of your teaching abilities, because I want you as my tutor."

I wished he had used another word instead of tutor.

"I don't want you to be jealous." He repeated. "I don't want you to feel threatened."

My hand slipped away from the warmth of beside his neck, lead by his own hand until it was at my side uselessly. "There's something different about being with you, maybe it's because you're so unpredictable, but whatever it is, it can't be replaced by anyone else I know."

It was love. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to scream the words until I had convinced him they were true, despite knowing that in the same way as Gakushuu, I had shown to stick by him and provide him with strength and care in a weak time, leading to confusing feelings. Instead, I followed him on to the trains until our departure in different directions.

When he was gone, I contemplated following him back to his house. I contemplated pushing him into a dark alley or forcing him back to mine, the scene playing out in my mind like a video I had no control of, becoming more and more vivid as I walked blindly on the streets with a lustful gleam in my eye and I hated myself for every second of it.

The last chapter...

I'm not sure if I should do one more, but if there are any objections don't hesitate to say so! If I get a few I might write a final chapter just to tie up any loose ends people aren't sure about.

Other than that, thank you for reading (with special thanks to reviewers) I hope the story was to your liking :)