Chapter Seventeen: Truth and Offers
Lily walked down to the Head Master's office with heavy steps. She had left Harry in McGonagall's care, unwilling to be to left out of the interrogation of Peter. She had received so much information now that her mind had refused to process it. Why had Severus kept that information from her? Did he think she wouldn't forgive him? She stumbled and had to brace herself against the stone wall to keep from falling down.
Of course he would think she wouldn't forgive him. He had apologized before for a indiscretion and she had turned him away. It was only natural for him to think that she would do the same exact thing again. The desire to see him was great, to assure him that forgiveness would come this time, she owed him that much. But she wanted to know what Peter had to say as well. She wanted to hear his reasoning behind his actions.
"Lily, there you are."
She looked up to see Remus coming down the hallway and pushed herself off the wall. Before she could ask any questions, Remus spoke.
"Dumbledore has just given Peter the veritiserum. I was coming to get you to see if you wanted…"
She nodded tightly. "Have you seen Severus?"
"No," Remus walked quietly by her side, "but Dumbledore said he did and that Severus is resting."
"What about his wounds?"
"Poppy was sent to take care of them."
Lily turned towards Remus. "Sent? Where is he?"
"In his room, in Slytherin House."
She nodded but didn't say anything else as they walked up the spiral staircase to the office. When they entered, Sirius was leaning against the deep windowsill, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Dumbledore was standing in front of Peter who was tied to one of the chairs that was reserved for guests or students.
"Are you sure you want to be here for this?" Dumbledore asked her.
"Yes," she answered. "I need to know why."
Dumbledore gave her a solemn look before turning towards Peter. "Why did you join the Death Eaters?"
His watery eyes darted around the room, pleading to not be asked questions but the veritaserum had already done it's job. "They took me one night. They had captured a muggle, tortured her in so many ways and made me watch. Then finally, the Dark Lord himself turned her own mind against her. The Death Eater's torture lasted hours. When Voldemort took over, it was only fifteen minutes before she went mad and she killed herself with her bare hands. They told me they would do the same to my mother and myself if I didn't act as spy."
"You were the secret keeper," Sirius said lowly. "Why did you betray them?"
"I wanted Snape's position in the circle. He had given the Dark Lord the prophecy which gained him the top most level in the Dark Lord's group. I wanted that position."
"Why?" Dumbledore asked.
Peter looked mutinous for a moment before words spilled out of his mouth. "He got into that position for one reason only: to protect someone he loved. I wanted that position to protect my mother. She was alone and not very adept with magic. She couldn't defend herself if they ever attacked her."
Dumbledore looked weary. "And why did you come here tonight?"
"The Dark Lord sent me to pay Snape a visit, remind him that he had not been forgotten by the Dark Lord. That no place was safe for him, no matter how well protected. I thought," tears leaked from his eyes, "I thought if I had killed the child for him, he would reward me greater than he had anyone before. I could save my mother."
Remus spoke in unusually harsh words. "At the cost of another, Peter. An innocent child."
Dumbledore spoke again. "The Dark Arts book in Severus' room, did you bring that as well?"
"No, that was given to one of students here by her uncle, who is a Death Eater. I only opened it and put it out in the open to either lure him back to us or to incriminate him in your eyes."
"Which student?"
"Holly Avery."
Dumbledore nodded. "Seventh year, Slytherin. Do you know her, Peter?"
"Not that well. She's very frightened of the Dark Lord but everyone in her family is a Death Eater."
Lily was having a hard time trying to wrap her mind around a person she had called friend and trusted with something as sacred as a fidelius charm, had entered the school that night to kill her son. She had heard the saying that absolute power corrupts absolutely but apparently just the promise of absolute power could corrupt that person equally. But according to Peter, the desire that drove both him and Severus was a very respectable one. Peter wanted to protect his mother, a woman who have had no chance of survival if she became a target, but Severus' mother was already dead by the time he joined Voldemort's followers. "Who was it that Severus wanted to protect?"
Peter looked at her with surprise in his features. "You. He knew that the Dark Lord sometimes granted requests of his most faithful as incentive. Everything he did to move himself into that position was for your protection."
"And to hell with James then?" Sirius snapped.
Peter grimaced. "Snape never actively sought out James when he was a Death Eater. If anything he wanted to forget about him completely. Many of us asked him if we caught James would he want us to hold him till Snape could get there and he always turned us down. Snape still loathed James and would have killed him given the chance but he never went out of his way to get to him. All Snape ever cared about was Lily." Peter swallowed convulsively before he finished the statement. "We all thought he held off killing James because he didn't want to cause Lily hurt."
The same feeling of shocking realization came over her again. The open, circular office suddenly became stifling and she needed to get out. Without giving any explanation, she turned and left the office. By the time she had stepped out from behind the gargoyle, she still had no destination in mind so she settled for wandering the halls.
Staircases moved and she stood idly on the steps, waiting for them to stop. Was it treachery to still seek friendship to a man who hated her husband? That the only thing that stayed his hand from killing the man she had married was she herself? But she had been so grateful for having him around now. Yes, Sirius and Remus had been watching after her but they were and always had been James' friends whereas Severus had always been hers. The pain of losing James still hurt with a razor sharp pain but the time she had spent with Severus, walking in the snow and having dinner in the Great Hall, was a salve on that gaping wound in her heart.
He had told Voldemort the prophecy that concerned her son as well as Alice Longbottom's. However, the other side of her mind argued, the prophecy didn't give a name of the child. But by telling Voldemort what the prophecy said meant a child or children would die and she couldn't understand how a man could do that. One word came to mind though: love.
She always had the suspicion when they were at school that he harbored more than just platonic love for her. After fifth year however, she was certain it was just childish misinterpretation of emotions. But what if it wasn't? Peter had pretty much confirmed that under the influence of veritaserum. Was that what drove him to Godric's Hollow that night? Is that why he saved her and Harry? And is that why he was still at the school now, to continue to watch over her? Sirius and Remus were more than willing to risk their lives for her and Harry's safety. Even though they were her friends, their loyalties were first to James. Severus' had always been to her, as proved by his defection from the Death Eaters at great personal risk as proved by the several beatings he had suffered over the last two months. The horrible truth of the matter was that James was gone, no longer able to offer her protection, companionship and support. Severus, however, had mercifully been spared.
She finally had a destination in mind and headed down to the kitchens. She used to know all the names of the house elves in the kitchens but most of the names escaped her tired mind at the moment. One house elf that had ears that stuck straight up and sported a ski slope nose passed in front her and suddenly the name came to Lily.
"Muppy!"
The house elf turned her wide amber eyes up to Lily. "Mistress Evans, whats are you doing up so late?"
"Do you know how to get into the Slytherin dormitory?"
It was the worst Christmas that Holly could remember. Her parents gave her everything she had asked for and then some, but all the latest clothes, music and jewelry didn't bring her any joy. Instead, she spent most of the afternoon sitting in the expansive library, staring out the oversized picture window that offered the best view of the snow covered landscape. She had a book open and on her lap but it was only there to convince others that she was reading. All she could think about was Severus and what had happened to him.
The man the Dark Lord had called Wormtail had yet to return with news of Severus' fate. Her uncle had come early for Christmas dinner and spoke in hushed tones with her father about Wormtail's lack of appearance and the Dark Lord's wonderment of whether Severus got the best of the man. Holly secretly hoped so. She didn't like the watery eyed man at all.
"Sickle for your thoughts?"
Holly jumped up from the chair in surprise, the book falling to the floor with a thump. Regulus Black had snuck up on her. "What are you doing here?"
He smiled slightly at her abrupt question. "Well, I could say your mother invited my mother but I fear you know my mother's reputation and realize," he sighed dramatically, "that my mother merely invited herself."
Holly gave a little laugh in spite of how much her heart still raced at his sudden appearance.
He bent down at retrieved the book that had fallen from her lap. "'Fantastic Beats and Where to Find Them.' Isn't this slightly elementary for you?"
She tried to look affronted and snatched the book out of his hands. "I was merely brushing up on elementary facts."
"You were deep in thought. Worried, I daresay, about something."
Once again he was looking her straight in the eye and she had that feeling of him being genuine in his questioning. "Yes, I am, if you must know."
"After seeing you last night in the Dark Lord's presence I surmised you felt a certain amount of guilt for the possible harm that might come to your Potions substitute teacher."
Holly tore her eyes away from his gray ones and gazed back across the rolling hills blanketed in snow. "I know I shouldn't be worried. He's a traitor to the cause and the Dark Lord."
"But you are worried."
Holly bit her lip and nodded her head. To admit this to the wrong person could mean her death sentence as well as that of her family. She hoped her faith was not misplaced with the youngest Black son. Apparently, it was not as he lightly touched her arm and leaned down to whispered in her ear.
"I can assure you the Mr. Snape, though beaten fairly well, will recover by the time you return to school."
"How do you know this?" It was almost too good to be true. She wasn't sure how she would handle the possible death of a man she had grown to respect, knowing it was by her hand, or rather thoughts, that had condemned him.
Regulus gave her a haughty smile. "Phineus Black was once a Head Master at Hogwarts, though not a very well liked one. Regardless of his lack of popularity, his portrait hangs in the Head Master's office. Being a Black, his other portrait hangs in my home. Thankfully, I am his favorite descendant whom he likes to indulge from time to time."
"So Severus will be fine? No harm done?"
"Nothing that can't be healed over a couple days time."
Relief flooded through her mind and emotions. Regulus had given her the best Christmas gift that day. "Thank you so much for telling me that, Regulus."
"Of course. Now," he looked at the door to the library which was closed, "I hope you can indulge me for a moment."
"With what?"
"Your reaction last night, your fear of the Dark Lord, does that have anything to do with the fact that possibly, forgive me if I'm wrong, that you do not wish to follow in your family's footsteps?"
She swung her head around to face him, heat rising to her face and she couldn't figure out what to say to counter the statement. No matter how many times she opened her mouth, no sound issued forth. Regulus nodded thoughtful.
"I thought so. Please, don't worry about that getting out. I cast a silencing charm on the room when I shut the door and there's no one here but us."
"How did you know?"
He sighed and stared out the window. "I know what that fear feels like. I only wish I had someone there to offer me what I'm about to offer you."
Holly could barely breath, hope of being relinquished from this horrible chain of genetic servitude to a cruel master. "Which is?"
"A way out."
Hi all! I hope you had a great holiday! I found out I have allergies and a sinus infection...so if I sound a little loopy, it's probably because I am. I'm trying to make sure it doesn't show in the writing. Anyway, you guys rock! I love the reviews!