The day of the book signing. Peyton is sitting at home, going through her head, for the twenty millionth time, thinking of Lucas.
The plan was to avoid the book signing, to not see Lucas until I have proved to myself that I am a capable person. But I'm sitting here, and as the seconds drag on and on, I am regretting this decision. I have read Lucas's book so many times, and every time I read it I can't help but cry. The whole book is a love letter to me. That's what I've been telling my psychologist. I haven't spoken to Brooke for over a year now. I understand it though, her life is busy, with Clothes Over Bros. I have lost touch with Haley and Nathan, and I hadn't spoken to Lucas since the break up. I avoid the thought of Tree Hill altogether. I miss both my moms, and my dad is always away. He tries to visit me, but I have seen him only twice in fourteen months. Somewhere along the way I have lost the Peyton from Tree Hill. I am not that girl anymore, I am not fearless. I am now Peyton from Los Angeles, and this Peyton is a girl who thinks of the consequences now. Ever since I lost Lucas from my life I have tried to keep myself together, try not to do things that will somehow alter my life, and try to not do things that will make me uncertain of the future. I am a scared girl now, but not a day goes by when I don't miss Lucas. I am still lost in thought when it comes to the proposal. I never said no, but he walked away anyway. I needed time, and if he had waited I guess tonight after this book signing in L.A we would be going out to celebrate our engagement. I just needed one year, but he couldn't give me that. No matter what I do though, I am still in love with Lucas Scott. I always will be.