12. King of the Club
The map of Hyrule is extensive and elaborate, especially the newest version. A Hylian somewhere took the time and liberty to explore the opened Gates of Time, each of which providing a new section of map to fill in. This map has been copied and published. Ganondorf possesses a copy of this map large enough to spread on a table and strategically plan with.
Busy images with many figures often hide secrets, and if one looks close enough, they will notice a familiar shape they had never seen amongst the image before. This is the case for Ganondorf. A new location has seemingly overnight engraved itself on his map. The drawing is not crude, so it couldn't have been one of his subordinates. The king decides to see this new location for himself.
Well, he couldn't believe it, but the location actually exists. How long has it been here? Is there any reason he has never noticed it on his map before? Would he have come here before if he knew it existed, or did he just not care the last time he addressed this place, and then forgot its existence?
The commanders below him were instructed to come along. Zant guffaws, asking, "Really?" "You honestly did not know of this place?" Ghirahim adds.
"Like you guys knew this was here," Ganondorf snaps back. His minions are smiling. As a matter of fact, they did know of this place, which is why the route there was very familiar. When I say "very familiar", I mean very familiar.
Ganondorf watches his men approach the building. He really shouldn't be confused by their confidence, but he is. They stride towards the building like they own the place. Zant is the first to go in. Ghirahim looks back at his master and says, "You're welcome to come in if you like. You can say you're with us." And with that, the demon lord lets himself in. The Gerudo feels mocked, so of course, he goes in. And he won't say he's with those two.
With a bar in the back, live entertainment, and a designated space for dancers to show their moves, Ganondorf has obviously found himself in a club. Ganondorf couldn't care less about the décor of the place; his only concern is with who is here. You cannot be seen amongst the wrong crowd, especially with a reputation as high as Ganondorf's.
Similar to Paris, Rome, and even New York City, the bar has a wide variety of peoples gathered for a common motive—to have a good time. Ganondorf can pick out his minions because they stick out like sore thumbs, even in this crowd. Ghirahim is flirting with the foreign singer on stage. She is unmistakably foreign, and same can be said for the pianist. The singer appears mostly stereotypical demon, but she sports a mask and golden locks. Like cursed Midna, she severely lacks attire and still looks good. Digging deeper into her history little is known about her. There exist rumors amongst the bar's guests that she has a record of betrayal. Those rumors say the same for the pianist. Ganondorf has a good vantage point for examining both the singer and the pianist, whom has also engaged in conversation with the demon lord. Based on his appearance, Ganondorf assumes that the pianist was once, or perhaps currently is a jester. He's flamboyantly dressed and also masked; Ganondorf isn't surprised that Ghirahim and the pianist seemingly get along.
The loudest and hardiest laugh pulls Ganondorf from his trance. He was just skimming the crowd before, but now that he is focused on one, he recognizes them instantly. It is Darunia, Chieftain of the Gorons himself. Before him on the table is a drink. Never before has Ganondorf seen a mug that size half-full with Lon Lon Milk. He has seen mugs that size for different purposes, just never at a regular club.
He needs answers, so he finds a familiar helmet. Zant found his usual spot at the bar and is enjoying some fresh fruit so thoughtfully provided by the bartender. She's so sweet, kind of like this water fruit. The Usurper King's superior pulls up a barstool beside him.
"You… got fruit?" the king questions.
Zant nods happily, licking on a sour fruit. It always takes him a while to successfully eat one of these. That question got Ganondorf nowhere. He is distracted by Ghirahim's unmistakable chortles. Zant notices Ganondorf watching the stage. He explains, "Ghirahim made quick allies with those foreigners. They've only ever told him that they are both from different dimensions. Otherwise they are decently secretive, even more so than Wizzro."
"Why's Darunia here?" Ganondorf gets straight to the point, his cold stare fixed on Zant. Zant isn't deterred. He says knowingly, "Darunia shows up at least once a week. If you're strong, you're encouraged to challenge his strength. As far as I'm concerned, he's undefeated." To this, Ganondorf grins.
Darunia is very amused, but he's all out of Lon Lon Milk. Then there are two palms on the table in front of him. He has seen the commanders here before, but never the commander of those commanders. Darunia is stunned, uttering, "Ganondorf?"
Ganondorf sits down across the table from Darunia. His greeting is a simple head nod.
Darunia shrugs. He asks with a smile, "What can I do for you?" "I've heard a rumor," Ganondorf begins. "That you allow others to challenge your strength." Darunia nods and confirms, "I sure do in hopes they'll train further to be the strongest they can be."
The Gerudo malevolently chuckles. "There is no greater strength than mine." The Goron raises an eyebrow. He believes that was a challenge, so he inquires, "What's your preferred strength test? Chances are I've already competed in it."
"In what test do you perform your best?"
Darunia likes this guy's style. He can only think of one sport that heavily exerts the strength and endurance of all muscles, from the biceps to the glutes. "How about a sumo match?" Darunia proposes. Ganondorf has no idea how to sumo wrestle, but it can't be that hard to learn.
The dancefloor clears, and boundaries are set. The man whose foot is pushed past the boundary is the loser. Before long, the entire bar is aware of the events about to transpire. Ghirahim is graciously handed the microphone and lifted onto the stage. The singer makes herself comfortable on the piano. Both entertainers wait to be entertained. MC Ghirahim silences the room with a simple tap of the microphone. He broadcasts suavely, "Pardon my interruption, but this won't take long. Our very own Chief Darunia has been challenged by my very own Lord Ganondorf, in the flesh. Feel free to be as rowdy as you like, but be courteous of the match. That is all. Blow him away, my lord." Give that guy a pair of shades and a gold tie; greatest master of ceremonies ever!
Ganondorf's fists take monstrous forms. All fury will be channeled through them. But he is stopped. "Whoa!" Darunia calls. "Since when has magic been in the sumo rules?" The singer laughs. She finds Darunia amusing, but nowhere near as amusing as the mustachioed treasure hunter.
The Gerudo charges. Darunia evades him. "I don't mean to make assumptions, but I get the feeling you don't have any sumo experience," he infers—a great guess that happens to be correct. The attacker continues to fight the only way he knows how. Nothing has changed, so Darunia continues to dodge him. The singer eagerly awaits the moment someone gets hurt; she doesn't care who gets hurt as long as it isn't her.
Darunia turns the tables as easily and effectively as he would flip an actual table. He doesn't dodge the last assault, but instead holds out a palm. Ganondorf's fist contacts the center of the Goron's palm, not so much as bruising it. Here, Darunia takes hold of his victim and hauls him overhead. Ganondorf is smacked flat on his back, immobilized temporarily. The crowd is in uproar.
"I'm sorry, Ganondorf, but if you can't sumo wrestle, I can't test your strength that way. My arm is still pumped, though. We could arm wrestle."
Ghirahim taps his shoulder. Darunia looks at Ghirahim, who is on the edge of the stage squatting. The demon lord whispers, "Please spare him the niceties. You're embarrassing him… and frankly me as well." Darunia isn't sure why.
Lying on the floor gives Ganondorf a clear perspective of the situation. Darunia has a point; magic isn't just pure muscle. In addition, regular tussling, as seen on the battlefield, utilizes weapons. He understands the true meaning of this test, which the gods surely arranged. Ganondorf stands up, faces the man he challenged, and declares, "This isn't over." Darunia expected as much from Ganondorf. He will keep his schedule open for a rematch. Ganondorf takes his leave with the crowd's excited chatter in his wake.
From the untouched reaches of the building, Midna emerges. She approaches her talented entertainers. "The commotion was wilder than usual. What happened?" she interrogates. Ghirahim and Darunia are the ones to take attention to Midna, and shortly after, Zant joins them from behind.
"Lord Ganondorf challenged Darunia's strength," Ghirahim reveals to Midna. Her eyes widen. She honestly has no idea who the victor of that was; her money is usually on Darunia, but against Ganondorf, she isn't sure.
Darunia shrugs and elaborates on what Ghirahim said, "I tried, but he didn't know how to sumo wrestle. He fought like we were on the battlefield, so all I did was defend myself. He just left." Midna nods. The situation is so clear that she was pretty much there to witness it.
The princess looks at Zant's shoes out of the corner of her eye. "I'm a little suspicious of that bartender you're familiar with. We only lose revenue when she's on duty." And with that being said, Zant reaches into his pocket for his wallet and heads back over to the bar. Midna nods once—everything is right at her club.
Is sumo wrestling an art that died? The only information about it that Ganondorf can recover is historical records of famous wrestlers. There are no "how to" guides anywhere. He even asked Fi; she could only tell him how the sport originated. That doesn't exactly teach Ganondorf how to perform it.
Ganondorf returns to his headquarters shortly before twilight that evening. His subordinates returned to HQ while he was out. The club is the most exciting after twilight, but these two had other business to attend to.
Ghirahim's companion fairies heckle Zant's companion fairy, but she holds her own. Ghirahim has successfully pinned Zant to the wall by his sleeves. He manages to prevent the demon from getting too close by kicking him in the stomach. Ghirahim is left with no choice but to use projectiles. Zant might be stuck to the wall, but he's not immobilized. Ghirahim is playing darts with a dartboard that moves to avoid being hit.
Zant is rapidly losing room to bend, because each dagger Ghirahim throws protrudes from the wall after puncturing it. He attempts to conjure a resolution in fear of the consequences should he be left no room to dodge any more daggers. And a solution is conceived. Between releasing a dagger and readying a new one, Ghirahim receives a counterattack from below—a large version of Zant's helmet created from magic—and falls to the ground. Neither minion is currently injured. Oh, and Zant's companion fairy is holding both of Ghirahim's companion fairies by their hair.
"Swift thinking, Zant," Ganondorf compliments. He then orders that this feud ceases before something is broken.
"You've returned. We last parted at the bar. So tell me, where have you been?" Ghirahim converses as he collects his daggers. Zant attempts to break up the fairy fight, but he is ganged up on by all three of them and forced to flee them.
Ganondorf divulges bits and pieces of what he learned in his search, though none of it is of any use to him. He proceeds to say, "I will redeem myself. That I swear."
"Redeem yourself?" enters Zant. Ghirahim looks at him with a raised eyebrow. Ganondorf asks, "You're joking, right? You know what happened."
"At the bar? I wasn't paying attention, but I figured I didn't have to since Darunia was going to be creamed."
"You're my new favorite minion." Ganondorf doesn't have the heart to tell Zant what actually happened. And he appreciates the fact that at least one of his underlings still has utter respect for him. (A bit of insider's knowledge for no reason in particular—Zant actually does know what happened. Ghirahim gets the impression that Zant is a sycophant. Below the surface, Zant is strategically, simultaneously putting himself on Ganondorf's good side and giving Ghirahim the wrong impression. Astnojy has warned him that his strategy could backfire horribly, but has Zant heeded that warning? No.)
Young Link leads stretches while the class awaits Fi's arrival. He begins to twist his torso from the hips up in rhythm, back and forth. Ruto follows as shown. Darunia follows as shown… if he could actually do it. He struggles with this one. Zant outdoes them all, twisting in one direction a full 360 degrees. Then he does the same in the other direction. In summary, that previous trio is best described as The Average, The Underachiever, and The Overachiever. YL was not accounted for in that description.
Fi arrives, but the class has not completed stretches. She participates in leg stretches with them. She also strikes up a friendly conversation that begins with "how are you?" The majority of them are fine; however, Ruto is having a sour day.
"This'll brighten your day, Ruto," Darunia enthusiastically states. "Ganondorf tried to wrestle me yesterday, but wasn't able to. He can't sumo wrestle."
Ruto shrugs this off. "Neither can I. Why is that such joyous news?" Now Darunia's current mood is dampened.
The Twili sees an opportunity and seizes it. "That is an appropriate transition into something I would like to ask you, Darunia. Who educated you on the art of sumo wrestling?" he asks.
Darunia chuckles a little before explaining, "Well, actually, Link taught me." YL looks at the eldest of the group, aside from Fi. Darunia continues, "I learned it from him, whose family has passed it down since one of his ancestors, who learned it from my descendants."
"…What?" YL sees a problem in that logic and begins to laugh.
Darunia, too, is confused. He begins to reexamine his memory of Link's sumo tale, spotting a flaw in his own retelling. "Actually, scratch that. I learned it from Link. Link's family has passed it down. The first of Link's ancestors to learn to sumo learned it from a friend, and shortly after wrestled my descendants. Yeah, that's right."
"Who taught Link's ancestor's friend?" Fi inquires. Darunia doesn't know the answer to that one. YL is so confused that he is freaking out.
Zant slowly nods. That didn't make any sense to Fi, let alone him. The history of the craft is already established. What Zant wants to know is; "You and Link are the only ones who have mastered the art?" "The only ones I know of," Darunia replies.
"It will please you to know, my lord, that Darunia is not the only sumo wrestler amongst the warriors."
"Then I could learn from a source other than Darunia. Well done, Zant. So, who is it?"
"Well," Zant hesitates while tapping the tips of his fingers together. "It's either Darunia or this guy, and you're not exactly in good terms with the other guy."
Ghirahim rolls his eyes and comments, "He's not exactly in good terms with Darunia, either. Or King Daphnes, or Tingle, or Volga, or-,"
"Volga and I are positive acquaintances," Ganondorf corrects.
Ghirahim crosses his arms. "Really? I've always had the impression that you didn't like Volga," he utters. Ganondorf replies, "Only when he's destroying my forces. Anyways, just spit it out, Zant. Who do I have to go see?"
Zant was told to "spit it out", so he about lost his chewing gum. Thankfully, he realized that Ganondorf wants the name, not the gum. He finally discloses, "Link… Link knows sumo." Ganondorf is not amused; in fact, Ganondorf would rather learn to sumo wrestle from Princess Zelda.
Link dismounts Epona. Before him is the Gerudo King without a weapon. The hero was commanded to wrestle the Gerudo. Link obliges because he was amused by the request. He is successful is knocking Ganondorf onto his rear. Epona begins to laugh.
For the following couple of weeks, Link sees Ganondorf at least once daily. Ganondorf never fails to demand a wrestling match. It doesn't take long for Ganondorf to begin to pick up on Link's mostly silent tutelage; the Gerudos learn by example.
Link once accompanied Fi to her dance class. Darunia was absent, but everyone else attended. Ganondorf got Link's attention from the frozen Zora's Domain, and as usual, he demanded a sumo match. The dance lesson was cut short when the students were in the middle of a twirl, and Fi was eaten by the ground. (Don't worry, she's fine.) The class figured they were dismissed. Ruto and Zant peaked into the domain. They witnessed Link's struggle to pull out a win in the wrestling match. The onlookers cheered: Ruto for Link's win, Zant for Ganondorf's progress.
By week three, Link has taught Ganondorf all he knows. The surprising part of it all is that Ganondorf, the student, is perhaps now a better sumo wrestler than Link, the teacher. Proxi watches intently for cheating in Ganondorf and Link's last training session. She can't spot any, and it looks like Ganondorf has it wrapped up for the first time. However, there is a turn in the tides, and Link is the last man standing. Proxi can hardly believe it. Neither can Ganondorf; he should have had that one! What went wrong?
Link has ten words: "You need stronger shoe traction, and then you've got it."
What in the name of Din is going on?! Ghirahim has never seen another warrior get across the battlefield so fast. He has seen Lana jump from tree to tree and Wizzro travel underground, but his opponent is seemingly in more places than one. And we're not talking doubles, here.
Linkle's boots are a new type of transportation. With the firepower of a one-man tank, Linkle is kicking her opponents into next week. Where a hero's boots are needed, that's where her and her boots are.
For once, Ghirahim doesn't have to come to his opponent. Linkle comes to him. They meet in front of the Goddess Statue in Skyloft. Linkle is ready for a fight. Ghirahim practices his observing skills. "That was an abrupt stop," he thinks aloud. "I've always thought you were a little slippery."
The girl looks at her shoes. Then she looks up at Ghirahim and says, "Well, I did get my boots modified by Impa. But I haven't noticed anything different. These are my cool boots, by the way." Ghirahim inquires more. Linkle is like a filing cabinet in a detective's office. She constantly learns useful facts and trivia about the battlefield and the warriors. Ghirahim has a key to that filing cabinet. Granted, Linkle is not a tricky lock, but not everyone can get in. Also granted, Ghirahim can get into anyone's head with the right amount of charm.
So apparently, Impa has talent in shoemaking and mending. Now this Ganondorf has to see for himself. He lets himself into the Hyrule Castle. He brought his demon sword with him. Zelda is the first responder, attempting to stop Ganondorf. She fails horribly.
"Princess, how fine it is to see you!" Ghirahim greets. He gallantly begins to lead Zelda by the arm. "I've been meaning to discuss the sword training your soldiers are receiving." The princess is captivated, saying, "Oh?" Ganondorf can hear them sink deeper into the castle corridors.
Impa can be found in the armory when she is not battling, training, or at Zelda's side. At the present moment she is maintaining the sharpness of the Giant's Blade. She is beckoned by a heavy, "Impa."
Ganondorf enters the room. Impa doesn't give a reaction of surprise. That isn't to say she isn't on guard. In her usual stoic manner, she asks, "You have come to see me?"
"I heard a rumor," the king begins. "And I thought I would investigate the source. Ghirahim tells me your craft goes beyond weaponry. He heard you—and I quote—'repair shoes'."
Impa nods. "What of it?" she curtly inquires.
Ganondorf's eyebrows rise. Wait, really? She seriously repairs shoes? If any of the warriors were to have that skill, Ganondorf thought it would be Tingle.
"I highly doubt you came here solely out of curiosity. So why are you here?" Impa interrupts Ganondorf's thought-filled daze. He stands up straight to appear business-like. He replies, "I need traction on my shoes."
Impa crosses her arms. "You want your shoes to have more traction? Do you slide in them?"
"Not… necessarily." Yes, he can slide a little bit, but it's not often that he is running and needs to stop immediately, halting his feet. This is when Linkle enters the room, but nobody notices.
Impa shakes her head and states, "If the traction of your shoes doesn't bother you, you don't need them repaired."
"This is a special occasion."
The Sheikah is not convinced, but she has a feeling that he won't leave until he's satisfied. Leaving Ganondorf wondering, she exits. He begins to follow her, but is distracted by Linkle. She can't perform a sidestep slide, and she isn't quite sure why.
Impa returns with a heavy load. She drops the Iron Boots on the floor in front of her. The entire castle vibrates. Ganondorf isn't amused, saying, "I don't need to be heavier, I just need better traction. Is that too much to ask for?"
As if on cue, Linkle demonstrates the greatest traction ever offered. After a simple dash, she comes to a complete halt. As if her feet are instantly glued to the ground, she falls forward, belly-flopping onto the floor. Impa cringes. Ganondorf smiles and says, "Yeah. That's what I need."
The bar has never been this quiet. Midna is scared to see what her entertainers have done this time. But it's not them. The King of Thieves has returned, demanding a rematch. The Goron Chieftain expected that. The singer, fond of riches, has already made a bet with her fellow performer. The stakes? Herself, as she is the greatest treasure her dimension has to offer.
Similar to their previous brawl, Ganondorf is the first to charge. Unlike last time, Darunia does not dodge. The two collide properly this time. Every slap echoes over the cheering crowd. When Darunia does get a hold of Ganondorf, he quickly realizes that this will be no easy task.
Swoosh! Duck! Hold and push. Get pushed back. Sidestep. Swoosh! Smack! Hold and push. Get pushed back.
That's basically the entire process in a nutshell. In the middle of the tumult, Ghirahim realized that they forgot to set boundaries. He gets in there and draws a circle on the ground with red chalk, careful not to disturb the wrestlers.
Darunia is a scoot away from defeat. The crowd continues to cheer despite the high tension. It is here that the universe favors evil for once. A glass was flung across the room earlier that day. The pianist majestically pulled the singer close to him and out of harm's way. Now that was how to treat a lady, she thought to herself. As you would expect, the glass shattered like my hopes and dreams. A shard of that glass lies in wait for its shoeless victim. Darunia loses composure after experiencing the sting of the glass. The victory belongs to Ganondorf.
Premonition overwhelms Ganondorf when he notices that the crowd is beginning to settle. Then a path is made for the Twilight Princess herself, who mockingly claps for him.
"Midna!"
"You've managed to pass a strength test. Impressive. Sorry about that, Darunia." Darunia replies to Midna with a smile. He's not upset.
Ganondorf grins. "I've defeated this bar's champion. That gives me some cred around here," he deduces.
Midna laughs, genuinely amused. "You actually believe you're the top dog around here?!" The bar begins to laugh with her, including Ghirahim and Zant.
Ganondorf is not amused. He growls before declaring, "If I have to flatten you, I will."
"You really want to be important at my club?" Midna asks. She finds center stage. The lights go dim, and the spotlight is on her. She ceases to levitate and stands with her feet apart. Ganondorf feels uneasy standing in darkness that isn't his own. Darunia is no longer where Ganondorf left him. The only light other than the spotlight is the light of the glow sticks and wands that everyone at the club has now.
"Dance!"
Midna breaks it down. The club is now a dance rave. The spotlight reveals that the stage is crowded with warriors. Ghirahim and Zant have choreographed a synchronized routine for an occasion such as this. Darunia lets loose a safe distance from the piano. The entertainers perform a sexy tango, gliding effortlessly atop the piano.
Ganondorf isn't moved by the beat.
Author's Notes- The entertainers, the singer and the pianist, are cameos from other Nintendo games. My brain will explode if anyone recognizes the singer. Still taking Would You Rather questions and suggestions for future chapters. That is all…