This chapter – pretty much like all York chapters at this point (love to pick on my favorites I suppose!) was a tough write. I hope I get everything across well, though!
Special thanks to the support of icefrozenover, washingtonstub, analiarvb, Yin, sugarfirervb, freshzombiewriter, and secretlystephaniebrown from AO3 and tumblr!
New Jazz Age
Chapter Nine: An Unexpected Swing
For the first time, things actually seem to be improving.
As much as he despises the feel and smell and very air of a hospital, North admits fully that sitting there with Carolina in the first waking moments for her brother are infectious with good will. And it's a feeling that only grows stronger and more resolute as he goes for her to pick up York and Theo to bring them.
Standing by in the room as Theo excitedly rushes to his brother's side and Carolina tries to only mildly reprimand him for rushing the young man too much when he's still weak and in danger, North thinks there's not much better that he could ask for.
He and Carolina are on excellent terms again. She's opened up to him. York seems to be largely relaxed and in good cheer at thanks to the scene before them.
It's everything North can want in the moment. It's…
It's a lot of emotion. It's a lot of things.
While everyone gathers closer to the bed, North slips to the far wall and observes them all cautiously.
All of the sudden, his chest is tight and his stomach restless.
The feelings…
There's a lot of feelings and he's not explicitly ready to deal with them all.
So North stands back and he watches the happiness build and build and buildbefore him.
He's happy for them. They all deserve it.
North just needs to keep his distance a touch longer.
When North opens his eyes in the morning there's still something patentlywrong with him. He feels it in his bones even as he rights himself on the bed and takes in his surroundings.
It rushes back to him that, by choice, he's in York's room rather than Carolina's with York and Carolina.
But that's not exactly what's wrong either.
North swallows down the feeling and gets into his clothes for the day, readies himself in the bathroom, checks the items in his briefcase. There's a routine to it all, but that routine doesn't quite feel real.
Going through the motions hasn't really helped him set feet on the ground. Really, nothing has until he's downstairs and sees an increasingly familiar sight of Theo by the door, tying on his shoes.
The disruption, the other person before him, jars North enough that he feels the rub of fabric against his skin, can smell the coffee bubbling in the kitchen.
And it's enough to wake him up, make him greet the child, and walk a little taller toward the kitchen and his awaiting meal.
He's feeling rather good and human, chatting with Theo and comforting him on the drive to school, comforting himself as well, that he's nearly surprised when he opens the office door and is greeted by the principal than by the lovely women of the office.
"Ah! Mister Dakota," the man says cheerfully enough. He then turns his gaze gently toward Theo as the kid stays by North's waist. "And this must be our newest pupil. Hello there. My name is Mister Doyle! I'm the principal around here."
Theo chews on his lip slightly before rubbing at his shoulder. "I'm… Theo Church." He frets for a moment then adds, "HelloToYouToo."
Doyle, who has a way with children that North can only wish to emulate at some point in his career, laughs slightly. "Oh, dear. Please don't be too frightened. Rather, try to think of me as your prince-a-pal."
Almost immediately, Theo locks up and starts looking for a way out.
North reaches over and lightly pats Theo's shoulder to comfort him. "We came early so I can show Theo his homeroom before classes get started, Sir."
"Yes, of course," Doyle nods. "Of course I do hope that it will not be too time consuming. I was hoping to have a private parley with you if it could be arranged this morning."
That, at least, is surprising and North teeters slightly on his feet.
"With… me, Sir?" he asks.
He knows that there should be some alarm in his voice, but rather it comes out as a calm drawl. His heart continues its steady, complacent pace.
"If you would be so kind," Doyle says back.
Not having too much of a response in mind, North just nods his head and ushers Theo toward the hallways.
Once they're out of earshot, Theo turns toward North almost mischievously. "Did you get in trouble on my first day of school?" he asks a little sarcastically.
"Well, let's hope not," North replies calmly.
After getting Theo squared away, North finds himself falling into the motions once more.
Not purposefully. He isn't avoiding digesting the situation at hand but it's simpler this way. His heart rate is a slow thrum each time he checks his wrist. Calm as it has ever been since the moment a gun was set in his hands.
By the time he's in Doyle's office and his mind is a mile or three away from this all, North is fully aware that he's not exactly keeping his carefully guarded mask in check anymore.
And he's having a very difficult time caring about it.
Doyle's office is a practice in contradiction, with the neat rows of reference books and educational bylaw lined up on every shelf behind the desk, and said desk perfectly neat save for the wide collection of colorful toys and ornaments across it.
They don't feel planted or fake, at least not to North. They feel more real than the stickers carefully placed all over his own briefcase in a flaccid attempt to tell all children they should not be scared of the giant man.
Maybe it's wrong of him to do that. Maybe his students would do well by coming across him with a little fear.
The kind that North certainly doesn't hold for the administrator before him at the moment.
"You asked for me, Sir?" North asks as he raps his knuckles across the doorframe.
Mister Doyle looks up from his desk and somehow manages to seem absolutely elated without cause. Already it feels off putting to North. He can't begin to fathom what North's done to warrant such an expression from the man.
"Why, hello, Mister Dakota! Yes, please come in – shut the door on your way," Doyle beckons with an emphatic waving of his hands.
North quietly does as told and finds a seat across from Doyle's desk.
He looks somewhat lost at the principle, waiting for the ice to be broken but not feeling the desire to break it himself.
Doyle stares a little nervously back, as if he's just taken notice of North's actual stature. But when it becomes obvious that neither are making a move, he clears his throat. "Well, I wanted to call yo into the office today to discuss your work this past week."
Despite himself, North allows a natural frown to sit on his face for a moment. "Is there something I need to correct, Sir?" he asks.
"No, no," Doyle says, shaking his hands and head at once. "Not at all. In fact, our staff is most impressed with your work, your determination – you truly take to teaching with the sort of finesse that many tenured teachers would love to have."
Blinking a few times, North tries to let the words sink in but doesn't get far. "Thank you, Sir," he says instead.
"In fact, I have become so accustomed and so content to having you at this establishment, I was to implore you to apply for a position this coming fall," Doyle continues rather excitedly. "We are looking at having some positions vacated with the retirements this year and while, of course, you will need to apply and go through the same process of hiring as anyone else, I wanted to make sure you knew that you are truly desired and welcomed by this school."
The words buzz through North's skull as they tumble out of Doyle's lips clumsily. He understands them, he knows they're significant, but they mean…
They mean so little to him at the moment.
And it must be clearer on his face than he would ever want it to be. Doyle fiddles with his desk.
"Is that…" the principal begins, flustered.
"That is an honor to hear, Sir," North assures him, getting to his feet, forcing a small smile, and offering his hand. "I have to get to class but I will consider what you said."
It's a practiced, flat line that doesn't satisfy even Doyle as he accepts the handshake.
North can't blame him.
After Doyle's meeting, the day drags itself along almost maliciously.
Barely three periods into classes and North can feel the muscle of his cheeks pull against the miniscule smile he forces on for his students. And he begins to lose power in his voice as he lectures.
Fourth period, everyone is rowdy enough before lunch to not take notice of how little North goes over the lesson plan before handing out the assignment their teacher has left for them.
But North can feel the drain, and by the time he drops into the chair at the desk he feels like gravity itself is fighting him, and he's losing.
But the repetition continues – like the familiar beat of a drum that he knows too well.
He can't clear the fog, can't escape the sinkhole that is his perception of time. He just keeps up with the motion of it all until he's in the break room, grabbing his packed lunch from the refrigerator door when someone clears their throat right behind his head.
North feels an uncomfortable twist in his chest and he allows instinct to take over – breaking him out of the monotony with fierce and raw power.
The lunch drops to the floor between his feet, North pivots, the air filled with a scratchy static but his heart stays calm, collective, ready for the pull of the trigger and–
The fifth grade teacher he recognizes from earlier in the week sitting with others, all whispering just behind his back, puts a hand on her chest and steps back from North. She looks shocked but isn't nearly as shocked as North is to see her.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," she laughs uncomfortably.
For a moment, North just stares at her and catches his breath.
"I… Sorry," he replies, shutting the fridge door and dropping to his knee in order to gather up his minimalist lunch. "I'm a little on edge today. I'll get out of your way–"
"Oh, Mister Dakota, no, I needed to talk to you," she explains, tone growing more and more concerned. "Are… you alright?"
"Yes," North says too quickly even from his perspective.
The other teacher looks far from convinced. "I don't want to upset you or anything," she trails off.
"Well, current evidence to the contrary," North says as he gathers his food and gets to his feet again, "I am not easily upset."
"You brought Theo Church to school, didn't you?" she asks.
Then, like the flip of a switch, North feels his malaise disappear. He looks at the woman with a strong ping of dread wash over him, his heart and mind running a mile a minute.
"Is he okay?" he asks.
"I'm afraid he and the two other boys are with Principal Doyle right now," she answers, a tight frown on her lips. "We were on the playground – and I don't have the whole story – but before any of us knew it, the boys were fighting." She shakes her head. "I really wasn't expecting it – he's been such a sweet, quiet boy this morning."
North narrows his eyes. "Expect what? Him getting hit?" he demands, a little harsher than he meant.
"Theo didn't get hit, not at first," she clarifies. "I don't know the whole story, I don't know what instigated it, but he hit first, Mister Dakota. I saw it myself."
Immediately, his chest seizes. This is about the worst reputation Theo can establish for himself on the first day of school – with students and teachers.
"I wanted to let you know, since you're here and you're listed as one of his guardians for now," she continues. "I understand he has a very stressful environment right now."
Squaring his jaw, North nods and does his best to not show just how floored he is at the moment. "Yes. It is," North assures her. "Thank you for letting me know."
Still skeptical, she nods and walks out of the room, leaving North with a crushed lunch and no appetite.
He sits on the bench, supervising the playground with a distant and pained expression on his face.
North knows he needs to put more effort into appearing complacent and strong for his students but at barely a quarter 'till one he has utterly ran out of the energy to do so.
Instead he's left deep in thought.
Heartbroken. He's absolutely heartbroken over what he's been told.
He. Nolan "North" Dakota. The sniper. The cold killer. The man who hasn't been capable of giving his own sister anything more than a thousand yard stare in years.
Somehow he is absolutely heartbroken for the little boy he barely knows. For the brother to his girlfriend who couldn't be bothered to inform them of Theo's existence just a few days beforehand.
Distance is supposed to afford him a removal of these sorts of feelings. It's supposed to help him not lose the tight, powerful control that is the only thing keeping him together in the confusing, endless time after the end of the war.
And it's failed.
North feels.
Because he barely knows this kid but the very idea that this preteen is having a bad first day in middle school – the part of school that is guaranteed supposed to suck – has completely torn apart his walls.
"I'm so fucked," North groans as he rubs his face with his hands.
The last period drags even more than the last of his day, but North manages to make it to the bell ringing before walking out to the bus lane and taking a seat at the bench.
He watches the first two buses load up before he notices, in his periphery, that a familiar eleven year old is standing nearby. And, after a moment, North looks completely his way.
Theo's fingers are tangled up in his bookbag's straps, pulling and tugging nervously. His eyes haven't made their way to North's face yet, and the shiner on his right eye offers a decent explanation as to why.
Even if North didn't know all about the fight, he can't imagine that it would've taken him all that long to decipher for himself what happened.
The kid doesn't have much of a poker face.
"Sorry," Theo mumbles more than anything else, feet idly kicking the sidewalk.
"For?" North asks, keeping his face as straight and unemotional as he can. A task which, until this moment, had not been all that difficult today.
For a moment, Theo seems as though he isn't expecting that reaction. He actually bothers to look completely North's way and blink a few times before his eyes dart elsewhere.
"I didn't have a good first day," he finally answers.
North thinks over each and every word carefully before nodding and glancing off himself. He pats the spot on the bench beside him, beckoning Theo over for a seat. "I didn't have a good day either," he admits softly. "And I don't just mean having to talk to your teacher about all this. I mean overall. Not one of my best."
Theo hesitates before shuffling over and plopping down.
They watch students load the buses, and North doesn't miss the way some of the kids look Theo's way. He's fairly certain Theo doesn't miss it either.
"Sorry you had such a bad day," Theo offers quietly.
Leaning forward, North rests his elbows on his knees and takes a heavy breath. "I'm sorry you did, too."
"I go to new schools all the time," Theo continues, barreling through his sentence as if North hadn't said anything at all. "I go to new schools all the time. I just went to a new school last year. I'm supposed to have this."
Finding particular interest in the pavement, North just nods along.
After all, he, too, thought he very much had things under control. That of their household, his acceptance and understanding of his damage was supposed to make him the best equipped at handling it. That he was coping.
And now, looking back at even just the last few weeks, he's not certain he's had anyone fooled but himself.
"They made fun of York," Theo finally announces.
Drawn from his own thoughts, North turns and looks curiously at Theo. "What?"
"You wanna know why I got in a fight, right?" Theo asks, pulling his feet onto the bench and pulling his knees tight to his chest. "They were making fun of York. I heard them do it."
"How?" North asks.
"I was standing right there," Theo says in annoyance.
"Okay," North chooses to redirect rather than to correct. "Can you tell me what they were saying about him that got you so upset you just had to start throwing punches like…"
"Like a Church?" Theo asks.
"Well, I was going to say like a punk, but I suppose you are related to Carolina," he says, looking at Theo with a soft but genuine smile. "Going to answer for me?"
"They called him a hobo and asked if I had to help him steal a grocery cart yesterday," Theo answers, still fuming even hours later.
Not able to help himself, North laughs. Even as an elementary school teacher he sometimes forgets how mundane schoolyard insults can be.
Theo looks at North, completely affronted. "Don't you care? Aren't you all supposed to be married or something?"
Caught by surprise, North chokes on his laughter and starts coughing into his fist. "What now?"
"York said the whole bunch of you are together, like you and him and my sister,"Theo informs him out loud. It's enough of a stirring point that North finds himself looking around for anyone to have overheard them. "Oh. Is it a secret?"
"No?" North says, less confident than he's ever been in answering anything before. He settles his gaze back on Theo. "But it's not something that you yell around town either, though."
"Oh, okay," Theo says, somewhat undaunted. "But if it's true, why aren't you angrier? Don't you want to defend him?"
North looks seriously at Theo and thinks, somewhat unexpectedly, of the soldier he punched during the firefight – when he didn't know whether York was dead or alive. When he saw the face of a man so distant, so far removed from the war they were fighting that he could cheer in the face of losing other soldiers. In losing York.
And for the first time since the court-martial, North thinks of the man with anything less than hate.
"Sometimes," he begins slowly, "it's a matter of picking your battles, Theo. Because if you fight every battle for other people, you're going to miss the ones that hit closest to home."
Theo stares at him, the words not fully sinking in, but he nods regardless.
"Now," North says lowly, "do you want to go visit your brother and sister at the hospital? I won't even make you explain the black eye. I can come up with something along the way."
He turns and grins at North. "But Ellison would love to hear I won a fight!"
"Won?" North asks, tilting his head. "Your shiner disagrees."
"That's just 'cuz you've not seen the other guys yet," Theo jokes.
And, once again, North finds a genuine smile crossing his face.