I actually have some ideas drafted for continuing the previous one shot (Rachel's Plan: Operation BB), but in the meantime my muse took off in another direction yesterday and this is the result. All spelling and grammar errors are mine, the characters are not.

Lessons in Losing

The word losing hadn't been in Jesse St. James' vocabulary. He'd been born into a wealthy family, gifted with talent and spoiled by his doting parents. Also, he'd grown up firmly believing that if you really wanted something and worked hard, nothing was unattainable. His time at Carmel and in show choir had only served to reinforce that idea; whatever Jesse wanted, Jesse got. Consequently, it had come as an unpleasant shock for him to discover that there were some things he could not have. It had taken meeting a certain Miss Rachel Barbra Berry to introduce Jesse to the totally unfamiliar concepts of losing and unattainability.

His first introduction to losing had come with Rachel's 'Run Joey Run' foray into filmmaking. For some bizarre reason, Rachel had put him (or rather lowered him to) the level of that juvenile delinquent Puckerman and that idiot Finn Hudson. Jesse's ego had never had to deal with such a situation before and admittedly (in hindsight) he hadn't taken it well. Sure he'd tried to be the bigger person and had reconciled with Rachel after their initial breakup, but the damage nonetheless had been done. Even as one part of him rebelled against doing anything that might hurt her, the other part of him, (the part that had become acutely aware of every wistful glance exchanged between Rachel and Finn) wanted Rachel to feel the pain of heartbreak similar to the one he now experienced.

Even so, when Shelby had ordered his return to Carmel, Jesse had been reluctant to agree. Therefore, feeling that Rachel deserved some kind of warning/explanation, Jesse had gone to search out Rachel before he set in motion his transfer back to Carmel. He had secretly hoped that she wouldn't take the news too badly if he could just explain. Besides, even if Rachel might be losing him (which would happen anyway when he moved to LA) she would be gaining a mother.

Since Rachel wasn't in a class, he had assumed she would be found in the choir room. Still unsure of exactly what he was going to say, Jesse had hesitated for a moment upon reaching the choir room door. Finding it slightly ajar, he had peered through the opening and spotted Rachel almost immediately. But much to Jesse's displeasure, Finnbecile had also been there.

As he'd looked upon the scene it had become increasingly obvious that Rachel still had feelings for the giant oaf; their body language spoke volumes. When Finn leaned down to kiss Rachel and she didn't automatically pull away, Jesse had seen enough. The theatrical part of him had wanted to storm into the room in grand style and make a scene, but instead a strange numbness had enveloped his heart and he'd silently slipped away unnoticed. Suddenly his moving back to Carmel had become very easy; after all "revenge is a dish best served cold."

What Jesse hadn't expected was the discovery that revenge was not sweet. From the moment he'd stepped out into that parking lot he'd begun to have regrets. Even with his peers pressuring him to egg Rachel, he'd had major doubts. It was only when she had the nerve to say to him "Do it. Break it like you broke my heart," and he'd recalled that she had already broken his, did he let his feelings of hurt and betrayal erupt again. But the satisfaction of hurting her hadn't lasted. When Carmel won Regionals the momentary elation of crushing McKinley also faded far too quickly and all Jesse could see in his mind was the look on Rachel's face. There was now pain and a sense of loss that he couldn't shake. Winning Nationals for the fourth consecutive year didn't take it away, nor had moving to LA.

The pain was always with him and it had only continued to grow. Jesse had started to party instead of study. He'd tried drowning out the pain with drinking and dating, but the alcohol couldn't erase the memory of those beautiful, hurt brown eyes from his mind, and the kisses of other girls didn't thrill him at all, not like Rachel's had. The guilt ate at him constantly and it hadn't helped knowing that Shelby, the instigator of all of this in the first place, had bailed on her own daughter. Rachel had been publicly rejected and humiliated by him and privately rejected by her birth mother all in a matter of weeks. He could only imagine how Rachel's fragile self-esteem about her looks and desirability would have been severely damaged by their actions. It was then that Jesse had realized that if he didn't try to make amends somehow, he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. Already he had begun failing classes because he couldn't get up the energy to bother to attend; all his plans for the future were falling apart and he didn't even care. All that mattered was Rachel.

Returning to Lima to apologize had not been nearly as difficult as he'd expected. Proving to Rachel that he meant every word and that he'd never, ever intentionally hurt her again had been far more challenging. The specter of Finn Hudson had haunted the fragile relationship Jesse was trying to rebuild with Rachel. Hudson's interest in Rachel always intensified when Jesse appeared and Jesse was at a loss as to how to win Rachel's heart completely. All he could do was try to prove he was worthy and that he believed in her and loved her totally. His hopes for their future were soon dashed. Lesson number 2 in losing had occurred at Nationals with the 'infamous kiss' on stage. As much as it had dismayed Jesse and shattered his dreams again, this time he had been able to go on with his life, knowing that at least Rachel had forgiven him for his past mistakes. Perhaps, sometime in the future he'd have another chance.

Lesson number 3 in losing had been when his team had lost Nationals to McKinley the following year. By that time Jesse had almost become accustomed to losing. Yes, he'd hated that his life was going nowhere; that he was a failure; added to that the news that Finn and Rachel were engaged had devastated him (although he'd refused to let them see that). Instead, he had gone to bat for Rachel's future as a performer. Jesse had long ago come to the realization that he was completely, irrevocably in love with Rachel, and all that mattered to him now was that she was happy and achieved her dreams. After talking to Carmen Tibideaux about Rachel, Jesse had finally been able to shed the last few remnants of guilt. Carmen, in turn, had given him some hope that maybe, just maybe, even if he was a loser in the game of love, he didn't have to be a loser regarding his own ambitions and dreams.

Jesse's thoughts suddenly returned to the present as he heard his wife's key in the lock. He hadn't warned her that he'd wrapped things up a week early and was back in New York and thus he was now happily anticipating her response.

"Jesse! You're back!" Rachel emitted a loud squeal of surprised delight, and dropping her shopping bags to the floor, she practically flew into his arms.

Jesse automatically adjusted his balance to keep from toppling over, and grinned mischievously down at his wife "I take it you missed me then."

"No, not at all!" Rachel promptly informed him, but her words were belied by the way her hands were running through his curls and her mouth was eagerly seeking out his.

An hour or so later as they lay contentedly wrapped in each other's arms, Rachel asked ""So, what were you doing while waiting for me to get home? Working on the play?"

"No, I was reflecting on the benefits of learning how to lose." Jesse smiled as he watched a look of puzzlement cross his beautiful wife's face. "And I have you to thank for teaching me that vital life lesson. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't met you. Before you came into my life I believed that anything I wanted was mine; that I could never lose. I didn't know how to lose; I didn't appreciate the things in my life. Losing you was a huge wake-up call and I had to learn how to accept failure and learn that life didn't revolve around me or being famous. Even if we'd never got back together, because of you I learned to be a better person; I learned what love was and now I surprisingly find that I have everything my heart could desire."

"Everything?" his wife teased.

Now it was Jesse's turn to look puzzled.

"Because," Rachel added, her voice turning sultry, "I went off my birth control while you were gone."

"Oh!" As the implications of her words sank in, a slightly predatory look crossed Jesse's face and he leaned over and murmured seductively into Rachel's ear "Well, I suppose there are one or two more items that could make it more perfect."

Rachel's giggle swiftly turned into a moan as Jesse devoted himself to making all their dreams come true. Sometimes learning to lose resulted in the biggest win of all.