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"Not a chance in hell!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Sans blinked, staring at Alphys. She seemed to be almost just as surprised that she'd said it, and even Undyne appeared uncertain.
"Sans..." Alphys began, tapping her claws together. "Sans, we-we tried that before, remember-?"
"And we're close," Sans pleaded, drawing nearer. "Al, we-we are so, so close, I can just feel it...!"
"Sans, listen to yourself!" Alphys insisted. "Have you lost your mind? How do you think we can even pull it off?"
"Have you seen what we're capable of yet?" Sans threw a hand wildly back at the stairs. "We've brought children back from the dead! We've broken the laws of space, and time, and gotten away with a slap on the wrist!" he grabbed her wrists as he said it, drawing her towards him. "Alphys, this is our chance...!"
He was cut off by Undyne's strong grip, lifting him away from Alphys and straight up off of the ground.
"I'm giving you this one warning, and one warning only..." Undyne said dangerously. "Put your hands on my girl again, and I will break you, little man. Got that?"
"Alright, alright, yeesh," Sans backed away as she dropped him, clutching the left side of his chest and wheezing. "Sorry, sorry-"
"S-Sans...?" Alphys started uncomfortably.
"Yeah, Al," Sans stared down at the floor, rubbing his sore wrist from where Undyne had yanked him.
"Um, not-not to pry or anything," she said awkwardly. "But, um... I've noticed that you've been breathing kind of funny."
"That's what we're focusing on," Sans said in mild disbelief. "Oh, okay, okay. No, it's fine. Let's just completely skip the part where we save Gaster."
"Sans, I-I'm sorry..." Alphys tapped her claws together again, her head down. "I just can't... Gaster wasn't exactly the best person, you-you know...?"
"... Oh, Alphys," Sans held out his hands in desperation, careful not to draw too close lest he invoke Undyne's wrath.
"I really am sorry," she said without looking at him, readjusting her glasses. "But I just can't do this."
"If we could just find him-"
"I almost lost Undyne!"
Sans froze in place, and to his surprise, so did Undyne.
"We could have been killed, Sans!" Alphys blurted as if she'd been waiting a very, very long time to let it out. "I-I alm-most lost you, Undyne was hurt, we-we just can't..." she took in a sharp breath, her hand shaking. "I'm sorry, Sans. But there is just no way we're going to keep a broken phase distorter in our basement. I want it out of my lab. I want it out of my house. I-I'm sorry."
Sans slowly, quietly stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling for the old glasses. He gripped them loosely in his fist, taking in a long, slow breath through his teeth as he closed his eyes.
"... Okay," he said at last. "Okay. I'll... figure out something."
He didn't wait around for them to respond before clicking his fingers, leaving behind nothing but a burst of air.
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"I'm gonna need a cold one, Grillby," Sans said quietly and out of breath as he shuffled up to the bar before dropping to one of the stools. "And keep 'em comin'."
"... Sans," Grillby passed him a brown bottle from behind the counter, flicking the cap off with one hand without even looking down. "You know I don't usually ask, but why do you look like you just lost a fight with a wood chipper?"
"Oh, you know," Sans cupped the bottle in his hands, glancing about the crowded bar. "Normal day. Went shopping. Met an average bigoted soccer mom. Stopped a miniature typhoon that nearly killed my friends. Nothing out of the usual."
Grillby grunted.
"... Not even gonna ask?"
"I'm far too jaded by this point," Grillby said from behind his square glasses, his fiery eyes gleaming a little in the light. "Besides, I've known you for long enough to know that I don't have to ask. I just have to wait and keep handing you drinks."
"You're a clever monster, Grillbz," Sans nodded sagely as he finished off the bottle.
"So I'm told," he answered dryly, passing him another bottle.
"Man," Sans rubbed his eyes suddenly. "I don't even know where to begin."
"How about the beginning?"
"Well, see, it all started with the big bang, m'kay-"
"Ha, ha, and also ha," he couldn't tell if Grillby was frowning or not. It was difficult to tell with the flames.
"I guess..." Sans rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, suddenly feeling as if he were a specimen beneath a microscope. "Man, today has just been a total crapshoot from start to finish."
"How so?"
"Where do I begin?" Sans let out a breath through his teeth. "I'm stuck constantly worrying, watching over a potential serial killer, who I'm pretty sure is ten by the way; I'm pretty sure that giving up part of my soul to effectively bring a dead kid back to life is beginning to have some seriously negative repercussions on me, I'm pretty sure that one of my best friends now thinks I'm deranged, and I just remembered that now is a terrible time to get drunk because Tori wants me to show up for the PTA meeting tomorrow and the hangover is going to be absolute hell."
Grillby let out a low whistle.
"Sounds like a tall order," he continued scrubbing at the counter, which he had been doing the entire time Sans had been speaking. The skeleton wiped a bead of sweat from his brow with the arm of his jacket, as if just the act of letting out all of his frustrations had worn on him.
"Speaking of tall order," Sans finished off his bottle. "I'm gonna need another tall one. Or five."
"Naturally, you've got the coin to back up your mouth this time."
"U-uh, oh," Sans feverishly patted his pockets. "I-I, uh, heh, must have left my wallet at home..."
Grillby only sighed and slowly shook his head.
"... I'll put it on your tab," Grillby said eventually.
"Thanks for listening Grillbz," Sans grinned at him weakly as he stood. "Seriously, I owe you one."
"Or five," Grillby gave a small smile back at him. Sans only chuckled and shook his head, and headed out the door. Grillby let out a little sigh and cleared the counter to a spotless shine. Sooner or later he was going to actually remember to get Sans to pay his bills on time.
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Sans walked for a little while, the rain long since gone. Little eddies of mist whirled around his feet as he shuffled down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets. Chara dragged their own groaning skeleton along behind them, and Sans felt a twinge of sympathy for his duplicate. The warmth from the drinks had already faded, leaving only the stiffness in his head and a fuzziness on his tongue. He trudged along regardless however, stopping just in front of their multistory house. He looked up at it, roof still dripping with rainwater, and Sans felt like a stranger. Not just in front of his own home, but in his own life. When had things gotten so strange? When had it all snowballed into madness?
Probably around the same time you started playing god, he mused silently to himself.
Sans let out a quiet sigh and stuck his key in the lock. Surprisingly, the door was unlocked, and he carefully shuffled into the dark home. The door ever so slowly creaked open, and Sans stood in the doorway for a moment, one foot still outside.
"Y'ello?" Sans called out eventually. He held up a finger to halt the two behind him, and he cocked his head to listen for any sounds.
"In here, brother!"
Sans meandered toward the source of the noise and found Papyrus sitting in front of the television screen, hands folded neatly in his lap, sitting smack dab in the middle of the sofa. Sans felt a little silly for being so paranoid, wordlessly assuming that the lack of sleep was getting to him. He still wore his brown pocketed uniform, and Sans silently suspected that he had never even taken it off.
"... Paps?" Sans blinked. "What are you doing sitting in the dark?"
"Never turned it back on," Papyrus shrugged. Sans stared at him for a moment longer before shrugging as well, plopping into the seat beside him. Chara dragged in Void Sans and all but threw him into the recliner, where he landed face down and already snoring. Chara scowled in disgust, crawling up onto the couch on Papyrus's other side opposite Sans, intently staring at the television where one of the human's many, many different game shows was being displayed.
"Didn't you have other things to do than watch TV?" Sans asked after a few seconds.
"Toriel asked me to take care of the little one for the day," Papyrus shook his head, looking down to his brother. "She's sick, so I've been taking her soup every ten minutes."
"Uh... Paps?" Sans asked awkwardly. "I know you're supposed to stay hydrated and all that when you're sick, but, uh, maybe giving them soup every ten minutes isn't the best idea."
"Well, that would explain the ferocious amount of vomiting," Papyrus rubbed his chin.
Sans let out a soft sigh.
"I'm gonna go check on the kid," he gradually pulled himself off the sofa, regretting that he was just starting to get comfortable.
"I'm coming too," Chara said quickly, springing off the couch and following close behind Sans up the stairs.
"For what?" he paused mid-step.
"Well, for the blatant reason," Chara rolled their eyes. "If your Frisk is close to death, then obviously she's about to reset."
Sans didn't wait to hear the rest of their explanation, taking the stairs three at a time. He positively barreled down the hallway, skidding to a stop in front of Frisk's and Asriel's room. His heart was pounding so loudly that it was all he could hear, so loud that he could feel it behind his eyes.
"KID!" Sans burst in through their bedroom door.
Frisk bolted upright in bed, sheets drawn to her chin and eyes as wide as saucers.
"H-hi Uncle Sads," Frisk's voice came out stifled and stuffy, and Sans saw that her eyes were red and swollen. She was almost surrounded by little tepees of tissue papers and numerous empty soup bowls, and she looked absolutely miserable. He sat down on the side of her bed that wasn't occupied and carefully felt of her forehead, which was very hot.
"You, uh..." he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling very exposed between the children's stares. "I mean, hey. Heard you weren't doin' so good, kid."
"I'b fide, Uncle Sads," she coughed into her sheet, shoulders shaking. "I jus' hab a liddle cold."
"If that's a little cold I don't wanna see a big one," Sans said jokingly as he passed her a box of tissues, which were sitting on the nightstand.
"Dank you," Frisk said miserably as she blew her nose. "Hi, Chara."
"... Greetings," Chara gave an awkward half wave. "I see you're not dead yet."
"How dice ob you to nodice," Frisk coughed again. "How is your odher Sads?"
"Drunk," both Sans and Chara replied at once. Frisk only shrugged. Sans awkwardly stuck his hands in his pockets, glancing back and forth between the lookalikes.
"... It's, uh..." he started, looking unblinkingly back at Frisk. "It's actually pretty damned creepy how similar you two look."
"Is this only just now occurring to you?" Chara asked, leaning comfortably against the door frame.
"Wipe your face, kid," Sans glanced back at them. "You've got some sass on your lip there."
Chara only frowned at him.
"I have a question." Chara asked after a moment had passed.
"Shoot," Sans said.
"Not for you," their frown deepened, and Sans blinked.
"... Be?" Frisk pointed to herself in confusion. "U-um, o-okay...?"
"Why haven't you reset yet?"
"... Why would I?" Frisk balked at them.
"Like, say, for example..." Chara closed their hands behind their backs. "Say something catastrophic were to occur. You miss a day of school. Someone you love loses an eye. A friend dies."
It was dead silent in the room when Chara paused.
"... Let's say that any of those things were to happen," they continued. "Completely hypothetical, of course. So, what exactly would it take for you to reset?"
"... Why?" Frisk asked at last, staring at her doppelganger.
"Merely to sate our own curiosity," Chara inspected their fingernails studiously. "We wanted to know if resets were still a thing in your world."
"They're not," Sans interjected. "Because they promised that they would never reset anything again. Right?"
Frisk didn't look up at him.
"... Right?" he suddenly felt an uncomfortable weight in his stomach.
"R-right," Frisk nodded furiously, meeting his gaze. "Not ever again."
"Interesting, interesting." Chara hummed. "Another hypothetical situation, if you will. What, exactly, would happen to the current timeline if something were to... happen to Frisk?"
"... Hang in there, kiddo," Sans gently patted Frisk on the head before standing. "Chara, you're coming with me."
"What?" Chara balked as he pushed them out of the room. "What? What did I say?!"
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A/N
This is now officially the longest running Undertale fanfic that I've ever written. Wow. Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please let me know in the comments to tell me how I'm doing! :D