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It was going to be a long day.
Sans could tell. There were just certain days on which he woke up in the morning with that uneasy feeling like he were perched on the edge of a very high cliff, and looking over made him feel the weight of the entire world pulling him down.
It was moments like those that Sans had to forcibly remind himself of what was at stake if he were to just throw in the towel. Toriel was counting on him. Papyrus, maybe even more so than he realized. Frisk, and Asriel, Alphys and Undyne, even Chara and their version of Sans, all counting on him to ensure that their relatively normal life remained just that.
He lay on his back in bed next to Toriel, one hand draped over his stomach as he listened to her breathing next to him, the early morning birdsong wafting in through the windows atop the trickles of sunlight. He ever so slowly turned his head to gaze out the window, wondering just when it was that it would all be torn away from him. Sans could feel the weight of everything on his chest, and it ached horribly.
However, he eventually let out a harsh, shallow sigh, closing his eyes for a moment and collecting himself. It wouldn't do any good to dwell on potential resets or memories of waking up in Snowden where all of his friends and loved ones were d- gone. He ejected the thought from his mind as quickly as he could, squeezing his eyes shut.
Although he didn't notice at first, he felt the gentle touch of Toriel grasping his shaking hand in hers. He blinked, fully awake, and glanced over to her. Her eyes were still closed and her breathing was slow and heavy, but there was a little smile on her lips. That, in turn, ever so slowly lit a spark in him, and although she couldn't see it, he smiled back. Some days were very, very long, this was true.
Maybe sometimes, that was a good thing.
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Sans whistled cheerfully as he flipped pancakes. The early morning business of the house was beginning to infect him as well, though he was relatively reluctant to admit it. Toriel busied herself packing lunches for the children, and Papyrus contented himself with 'helping' by rearranging their sandwiches to look more like his face. Unfortunately, all he managed to do was cram the labeled paper bags with severely mushed sandwiches. Asriel simply sat and stared through the table, his eyes wide. Sans quietly noted the slight bags beneath his eyes, but said nothing.
"Are you alright, my child?" Toriel asked Asriel, the younger goat sitting stiffly at the table. "You haven't even touched your breakfast."
"Must be from being quarantined in with Ch- I mean, Frisk all night," he replied, but his voice was oddly hollow.
"You don't have a fever..." Toriel felt his forehead with the back of her hand. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah, of course," he replied instantly, but again in that same flat tone. Sans eyed him carefully as he expertly flipped pancakes into the air with one hand. "I-it was just a joke. I'm fine, Mom. You don't have to worry."
"Hardly," Toriel snorted, pouring him a glass full of the stabilization gel, which he turned up his nose at. "A mother's job is to worry, as is a teacher's, and I'll won't quit either of them until I'm dead."
"O-okay..." Asriel said, a little wide eyed as he turned the glass full of purple liquid, eventually wrinkling up his nose and chugging it. "Moms can be, kind of, um... scary, sometimes."
"You're lucky to have such a caring parent," Papyrus patted him on the head, plopping down into one of the empty kitchen table chairs. "The scariness factor means that she really cares about you. Also that you don't want to get into a knife fight with her."
"Paps, I don't think you're much one to talk," Sans said with a grin, dropping into the chair opposite his brother. "Considering that you actually look like you lost a knife fight."
"What, this?" Papyrus pointed to his black eye patch. "Oh, I'm definitely keeping it, dear brother. Besides, Undyne says it makes me look super distinguished. Like a pirate! I'm distinguished looking, right?"
Sans grinned up at his brother widely, his eyes almost sparkling.
"If you were any cooler you'd be an ice cube, bro."
"True, but then I would be a 'square'. And only rectangles like squares."
"... What," Sans blinked.
"I'm picking up on all of that hip new lingo, 'dude,'" Papyrus said evenly. "I am flipping with the hippity, my home skillet. Fo' shizzle."
Sans snorted into his hand, violently struggling not to laugh.
"Sans?" Papyrus blinked, looking to Toriel for help. She, however, was equally distracted with attempting to hide her face behind one of the paper bags, and not doing a very good job of disguising her giggles. "Sans, I begin to fear that you are not 'picking up the hot spit I be flappin',' dude."
"Pa-Paps," Sans said between wheezy laughs. "Papyrus, please. For the love of all that is holy, never change."
"Well, if you insist, brother," he replied warmly. "I don't know how I'm going to dry clean my uniform, though."
"I meant – ah, fuhgeddaboudit," Sans chuckled. "... You, uh, y'alright there, kid?"
Asriel blinked, glancing up from his plate.
"Still not hungry?" Sans asked, carefully cutting his pancakes. "Might be wise to grab what grub you can before school, because I've no doubt in my mind that Chara and lumpy in there," he motioned toward the dark living room, "are going to be hungry."
"I just..." Asriel started, clearing his throat. "I just have to go check on something first."
And with that he swiftly pushed himself away from the table, darting up the stairs noisily.
"... Gimme a sec," Sans sighed from the look that Toriel was giving him. "I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you, Sans," she beamed at him.
Sans gave another small sigh as he trudged through the living room toward the stairs, giving the two sleeping residents of the room a stare before quietly ascending the stairs, hand sliding up the railing as he went. He passed a couple of family photos as he went up, and for a few seconds he simply stood on the stairs, hand over the old photo of them all on the side of Mount Ebott. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and he shook his head. Time for reminiscing later.
To his surprise, he found Asriel with his chin in his hands, pacing furiously back and forth in front of his bedroom door.
"... Kid?"
Asriel jumped at the sound of his voice, his eyes wide.
"Y-yeah?" he froze, staring at him.
"You sure you're feelin' alright?" Sans approached him slowly, almost as one would a frightened animal. "You're acting kinda weird. I mean, weirder than usual."
"I know, I know-" Asriel let out a long breath, running a hand through his hair. "I-I'm just, it's just that... jeez," he let out another breath and a half laugh. "God, where do I begin?"
"Let's start with why you haven't been sleeping at night."
"Who told you about that?" Asriel's eyes narrowed.
"Nobody," Sans replied flatly. "You look like a ten pound brick in a five pound bag."
"What?"
"You look like you haven't slept in a while," he continued. He leaned against the wall, staring at Asriel the entire while. "Seriously, kid. You can't burn the candle at both ends, take it from a professional."
"I just..." Asriel looked away, rubbing the side of his head roughly. "I can't stand being helpless!"
"... Okay," Sans blinked. "You wanna elaborate?"
Asriel just jabbed a thumb back at their bedroom door.
"Oh," Sans nodded once.
"Yeah," Asriel frowned. "Oh."
"Just a little cold, kid..." Sans attempted to soothe the rattled child. "She'll be fine, just give her a couple of days."
"It's not just that," Asriel began to pace again. "I can't use magic to heal her – I couldn't use magic to heal myself, and believe me, I have tried! No matter what I do, nothing... nothing works!"
"Could have sworn we've been over this topic before," Sans yawned. "Just give it time, buddy-"
"Time?" Asriel scoffed. "What, you want me to just wait around and hope for the best like you do?"
Sans blinked, staring back at him. Asriel seemed not to notice the effect that it had on Sans, however, continuing to pace.
"I can't use magic," his voice came out uneven as he ran a hand through his hair again. "Oh god, what if it never comes back?"
"Listen, kid-"
"I can't just sit about and do-do nothing!" Asriel crossed his arms, pacing back and forth rapidly. "There has to be something, anything that I can do – I can't keep doing this, Sans! I keep messing up and I don't know how to fix anything and I don't even know what to say to my dad or how I'm supposed to fix what's wrong between him and Mom and I have a body again but I keep feeling like my heart is falling apart and Chara is back and now it's just like what even and I just can't lose her again-!"
Asriel froze, hand clamped tightly to the left side of his chest, his eyes wide. His breaths were short and ragged, and his eyes were wide.
"O-oh god...!" he breathed shakily, his knees wobbling. "Am I m-melting...?!"
"Kid."
Asriel glanced up at Sans as the skeleton put a hand on his shoulder.
"Relax," he said quietly. "What you're experiencing right now is commonly referred to as an 'anxiety attack'. Just take a breather. Then we'll talk. Promise."
Asriel struggled to breathe, his jaw clamped tightly shut.
"... Why is this happening to me?" Asriel asked after a solid minute of silence.
"Well," Sans shifted away, leaning back against the wall. "Could be a multitude of things. Could be that you're overwhelmed. That's to be expected. Getting into the swing of things at school," he continued. "Could be that you're worrying too much. Could be that you aren't perfectly integrated with that body of yours yet. Could be that some of my traits were transferred to you in the soul exchanging process."
"Aw, gross!" Asriel took a step back. "I don't want to think about what skeleton bits I've got in me!"
"Funny," Sans crossed his arms. "Your mom said the same th-"
"No," Asriel scowled. "No 'your mom' jokes today. I'm begging you."
"Alright, alright," Sans waved him off flippantly. "Lemme get back to that other thing."
"Which other thing?"
"Don't play stupid," he frowned slightly. "You're not good at it."
Asriel looked away, crossing his arms as well.
"... Frisk," he leaned against the door, sliding down it before sitting on the floor, where Sans joined him. "Frisk, she's just... she looks so much like Chara."
"I've noticed," Sans nodded once.
"And-and she's nice," Asriel added. "She's probably the single nicest person, monster or otherwise, that I've ever met. She helps me with my homework even when it's super late at night because I forgot to do it. Everybody wants to be her friend, she's just that nice to everyone. She even goes out of her way to avoid stepping on insects, for crying out loud," he let out a shaky breath. "She's... she's just..."
"I know," Sans nodded again.
"Doubtful," Asriel frowned, staring at him. "In some ways, she's a lot like Chara. In other ways, she's like the polar opposite."
Sans said nothing, merely giving him a few moments to catch his breathe. However, Asriel said nothing more at first, simply sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest, staring at the wall.
"... I'm scared," he admitted at last, still not looking at the skeleton. "You wanted to know what's bothering me? I am scared."
"About what?"
"... Have-have I ever told you..." Asriel started slowly, staring down at his feet. "How I lost my sister?"
"No," Sans responded awkwardly. "No, you haven't."
"She died of a sickness," he said at last, and multiple things in Sans's head clicked at once. "Chara died of buttercup poisoning. I watched my sister's life ebb away. She died. She died, in my arms," his voice came out raspy and quiet, but still loud enough for him to hear. When he finally looked up, Sans could see that his eyes were red. "I-I can't go through that again. My heart will literally break."
Sans said nothing for a very, very long while.
Eventually, however, he gradually rose and offered Asriel a hand, helping the child to his feet. Asriel wiped his eyes with the crook of his elbow, sniffling.
"... Hang in there, kiddo," Sans gave him a couple of pats on the back. "Things will turn out alright."
"How do you know?" Asriel frowned. "How do you know everything won't just go horribly, horribly wrong?"
"That's a risk that's worth taking, little buddy," Sans led him down the stairs. "That's the gamble when you play the game of life. Now come on, kiddo. I'll take care of everything here. Let's get you to school."
"... Okay," Asriel said at last. "Okay. If you say so."
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Inside her bedroom, Frisk sat with one hand over her mouth the entire time that the two had been speaking in hushed tones just outside the door. Then, as quietly and carefully as she could, she opened one of the windows and began to sneak outside.
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