The Secret Love Hunt
(A Remus/Sirius story)
By Pinky Green
The Easter Hogwarts Love Quiz (Be honest: no-one will know who you are)
Name 10 people at Hogwarts (in any order):
Sirius cautiously wrote down:
1. Lily Evans
2. James Potter
3. Remus Lupin
4. Narcissa Black
5. Marlene McKinnon
6. Peter Pettigrew
7. Bellatrix Black
8. Minerva McGonagall
9. Severus Snape
10. Moaning Myrtle
Questions
1. Do you find that Ten/Five are a good couple?
chokes What? Marly and Myrtle? Their names might be similar but I doubt they'll get along together. Honestly. Besides, she's dead. I mean, she's a ghost.
2. Do you think three is hot? How hot?
Very hot. Beautiful even. In other words, sexy.
3. What would happen if six got one pregnant?
ARGH! Jamesy-boy would go TOTALLY bonkers. And thrash Peter. Prank him 17 times a day, 8 days a week, 53 weeks in a year, 11 years in a decade, 101 years in a century. I'm aware that I'm adding one to the actual answers, but really, when it comes to James and Lily, you've gotta exaggerate.
4. Would seven and two make a good couple?
If James was Rodolphus Lestrange yeah. But James as James and Bella as Bella, uh, I'd rather pin myself to a dart board. Actually, I wouldn't. I'd scream "Traitor" and then fart in his face. grimaces Sorry.
5. Who would you rather be romantically linked to, out of all the people your own sex?
My own sex?...What? Do you mean people who enjoy the same type of thingie as me, or…oh okay! You're talking genders right? Three, of course. Just don't tell anyone, whoever my quiz is going to!
6. What would happen if seven discovered three and eight in a secret relationship?
She would spread rumours about Minnie cradle-snatching. Is that called cradle-snatching? I think it is.
7. Who are you closer to, 10 or 3?
Uh, hello? You know who I am? Hm…well…it's either a dead person or my best friend! I think I'll choose Remmy.
8. What would you send number 4 for Valentine's Day?
A Heart shaped Dungbomb! Haha!
9. Who's body would you rather be in, one or five?
Well, it wouldn't exactly be fun if your best friend was asking you out every second of the day, so I think I'd rather be in Mar-Mar's body.
10. If you were writing a story, about four seducing one, what would the plot be?
They were both drunk and out of their wits, and in the end they rot in hell. Don't tell James I said that though. He'd never forgive me. He thinks she's an angel from the heavens and above.
11. Does any of your friends dream of number seven het? What about nine slash?
Nope, if they are I'm gonna kick their asses.
12. If you couldn't find your way round a place, who would you ask for advice?
Remus, probably, I mean three. He's good at that kind of thing.
13. If you wear watching a two/three/six film, what would the warning be?
WARNING: MARAUDERS' LOVE, NOT EXCITING WITHOUT ME! Woops, I think I've given myself away now.
14. What pick-up line might eight use on five?
"Miss McKinnon," in a snotty voice. "I'd like you to meet me in my quarters at 10pm. You know where it is. Be there."
Oh god, for crying out loud, now I'm crying out loud with laughter.
16. Who would you wear a mini-skirt for?
All of them 'cept 4, 7, 8 & 9.
---
2 Days Later ...
"Padfoot wake up!" James hit Sirius on the back.
"Alright, alright, hold your broomsticks!" Sirius got up, only in his boxers.
James looked at him quizzically, "What? I'm not holding my broomstick."
Peter giggled, "Look! Sirius is in his love hearts boxers."
Sirius cringed. "Shut up Peter! I was waiting for someone other than you to notice."
Preferable Remus, Sirius grinned to himself.
Sirius hit under his covers.
"Padfoot! Look at Wizard Weekly!" James' voice boomed again.
"FINE!" Sirius snatched the newspaper from James' hand and read it aloud:
"A Date For Two"
By Nikki Skeeter
"As you might've guessed, today is the day we announce the couples for"The Easter Hogwarts Love Quiz"; each couple will go in a broom closet for their date, and in the morning we'll see how they did. Who will be the couples? Find out, after the weather."
"What?" Sirius shouted. "The couples got delayed by WEATHER? And also, the date is in a broom closet?! I mean really, I thought at least Wizard Weekly could do better than eggs…………………………"
"The first couple are…#666 and #999!...#45 & #81..."
James looked over at his number, which was written on a small piece of paper, like those on a raffle ticket and he frowned. "I'm #1234. Hope it comes soon."
"And I'm #1." Peter sobbed. He squeaked, "Shouldn't #1 at least go first?"
Sirius squealed, "Oh my days, in Merlin's-Sunday-Lovehearts-Pants-which-Mrs-Merlin-sometimes-bleach-white, I'm #666! I'm going to find #999 now."
---
Sirius asked Marlene, "Are you #999?"
"No, Black. Are you #667?"
"No, I'm #666."
"Well then, that lights up my day."
"Grr…shut up Mar-Mar…"
---
"Are you #999?" Sirius asked a 4th year Slytherin girl.
"Wish I was."
Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. "Really?"
"No."
---
"Are you #999?"
"God Padfoot, it's Prongs! I told you I'm #1234 you idiot."
"Oh. Are you sure, you're not actually a girl, Prongs?"
"I'm sure. You want to see my private?"
"Ew, how could you say that?"
"Good, now go excuse me, Mary told me Lily was #347."
"So?"
"So, #347 is my date!"
"Fine, you-"
"Shut up Pads."
"Okay."
---
"Cissy, you #999?"
"And why would I tell you?"
"Just checking, I wouldn't ever want to go out with you, Crabby Cis. That's why."
---
Sirius panicked, as he ran to the Gryffindor Table at lunch; he found James sitting with Lily. They were actually getting along well.
"Sorry, Lilykins."
"It's okay. It's just a bit of mayo," Lily smiled.
Marlene snorted and whispered under her breath, "Yeah, as if; you scream at me every time I spill mayo on your top."
Sirius sat down next to Marlene, depressed.
Lily looked over at him. "Hey Black, or well Sirius, what's the matter?"
Sirius blushed at all of their presence and shook his head.
"No seriously Pads, how's your heart?"
Pff. The only reason why Prongs is being all 'I'm a really sensitive person who values his friends' is because Evans is here, Sirius thought, a little grimly.
Sirius said, in a low voice, "I've just found out my date…is a guy."
Marlene snorted with laughter. "You've made so many pranks in the past, Black, I know them inside out. And this 'joke' is really a cracker!"
"No really, I'm being serious," Sirius said in his try-hard serious look. Which failed a little, because he normally didn't look serious.
Marlene rolled her eyes, "Well of course you're Sirius. That's your bloody name for god's sakes."
Lily hit Marlene lightly on the head. "Marly, he's saying that he's being serious. S-E-R-I-O-U-S. But I've got to be honest, Sirius, I just cannot believe you."
"Yeah, what happened, mate?" James said, looking at Lily at the corner of his eye.
Sirius blushed once more. "Well, it's just…I went all around asking every single 4th-7th year girls– as you know, 1st-3rd years aren't aloud to participate- and every one of them told me they weren't the number I asked them."
"Which is?" Lily asked, looking at her little number, which was pinned to her chest. There was not much point, seeing as she'd already found her date.
"#999!"
"Oh, are you asking for help Sirius?" Peter squeaked, as he sat next to Sirius, and took out shyly grabbed an apple before anyone saw; he didn't want them to be aware he was on one of his Slimming Diets again. He blushed a little.
"Long story," Peter looked a little upset when Sirius said that.
Peter mumbled, "Why can't anyone tell me long stories?"
James joked, "Because Wormtail. You fall asleep halfway through the story."
Peter flushed, as Marlene and Lily stifled a laugh.
"People!" Sirius shouted. "Can you think about ME for one second? My date is a GUY!"
"Oh," Marlene pouted. "Poor ickle Sirius."
"Shut up Mar-Mar," Sirius glared at Marlene.
Peter squeaked happily, "Well then! That definitely states you are gay." But soon shut up when Sirius shot him an evil. Peter was only trying to fit in.
Remus slowly froze, as he sat himself down.
"What's up with you then, Moony?" Sirius grinned.
"I…I…" inside he was thinking, My date could actually be Sirius! Think about it, Sirius!
Peter sighed and squeaked, "Let me guess. Your date is a guy?"
James laughed, "Peter, you don't even know what Let Me Guess means, do you?"
Peter blushed and nodded. What? I've heard other people say that.
"Don't tease him so James," Lily chuckled.
Remus said in a quiet voice, "My date is a guy."
Sirius was the only one who'd heard him, and he too, froze. He looked at Remus. #999.
Help.
He was going on a date with his lover.
Oh, burn.
---
Sirius sat in the broom cupboard, with who he knew, Remus opposite him. Shame I can't say vice versa here.
"Hey," Remus recognised that voice. It was familiar. Very very familiar.
"Hullo."
"Why are you saying hullo."
"Okay fine, hello," Remus thought this was rather awkward.
Sirius said, in his most Peter-like voice, squeaking, "Hey Remus. It's me."
Remus really thought he was about to gag. Peter? His date? Nonetheless, he said in a generous voice, "Oh. It's you, Peter. Um…don't you think we should get out of here?"
Sirius burst out laughing. Remus was confused, "Sirius?"
"Yeah…it's…me!" Sirius said in between fits of laughter.
Talk about embarassment. This was Remus' lover. Sirius. "I think we'd better get out of here," Remus said, taking his blind-fold off, and sighing. "This is just ridiculous."
He thinks I'm ridiculous, Sirius thought, upset. Ridiculous.
Sirius, too took his blind-fold off and sighing. "Remus. Promise me something."
He's letting me in on a secret!
"Okay…"
He seems really reluctant to know. Sirius thought.
He coughed and whispered, "Remus, ever since I've met you…"
I've hated you? I've loathed you? I've wanted to meet the meep of out you? I've- Remus thought.
"…I've loved you."
Oh god, he's probably going to gag now, Sirius panicked.
"I," Remus admitted. "I've loved you too."
"You always told me that there are beautiful people in the world, who see past the obvious, and who think all people are equal, whether a gay, lesbian or heterosexual," Sirius said, a tear dripping down his eye. "And I've been thinking. We are the beautiful people."
Remus chuckled, "That's right. You can't take a hint."
"What? You knew we were the beautiful people?" Remus nodded.
Sirius laughed, "Where were we, with our date?"
"I dunno…"
"Shall we kiss?" Sirius said, awkwardly.
"Okay?"
…
"Mmm…"
"Moony, that's my butt."
"Hm?"
"Moony, that's my butt," Sirius repeated again.
"I'm not touching your butt."
A little squeaky voice appeared, "Sorry Sirius. I'm looking for beautiful people. D'you know where I could find some?"
"They'll always be in your heart, Peter, always."
---
Peter had reached heaven. Thank you, beautiful people, thank you.
And the beautiful people rested in his heart, even though he never knew who they were.
It was Sirius and Remus' secret.
Sirius had fulfilled his dreams: He had been on a secret love hunt to win Remus' heart.
Remus had fulfilled his dreams: He had been on a secret love hunt to win Sirius' heart.
They were the Beautiful People.
Don't you forget that.