Disclaimer: I own nothing

A man should always take care of his responsibilities…unless he has a really good excuse.

A Good Excuse

(Based on Chapter 417, so…SPOILERS!)

"You jackass!" Natsu shouted. He grabbed his opponent's face cheeks and pulled at them.

"You're the one that stole my bag!" Gildarts exclaimed back. Like his younger guildmate, Gildarts was pulling at his opponent's face.

"Raw!" Natsu used his flames to push the man off of him. "I did not steal your bag! We accidentally switched them!"

"Please! You probably switched them so you could have a peak at my magazines!" Gildarts cracked his knuckles.

"No way!" Natsu's veins began to pop. "I don't need to read porn like you old man! I'm not pathetic!"

"What did you call me!?" Gildarts was preparing to use his Crash magic to destroy the man before him.

"You heard me!" Natsu glared. "You're pathetic! Do you know the hell we went through!? We went to war with Tartarus, and you were nowhere to be seen!"

"I said I was sorry!" Gildarts cried out. "I didn't hear about it, and I was super busy!"

"The Magic Council was slaughtered, and you didn't hear about it?!"

"He has a point…" Happy, who was standing nearby, pointed out.

"Stay out of this, cat!" Gildarts snapped.

Happy merely trembled in fear.

"I could understand if you were fighting some monsters or protecting a village or something…" Natsu pointed accusingly at the pile of porn. "But you were just out in the wilderness reading porn!"

"I was not…just reading porn…" Gildarts deflated a bit. "I was doing other stuff…"

"Like what?!"

"I was…uh…" Gildarts paused. "I was…saving this woman from a group of bandits."

"Oh…" Natsu seemed to calm down a little.

"Wait, Natsu." Happy raised a paw and eyed Gildarts. "How hot was she?"

"Oh! She was super hot!" Gildarts began to drool.

"Gildarts!" Flames roared around Natsu. "You left us to die because you were reading porn and trying to have sex with some girl!?"

"Wait! I have a good excuse." Gildarts held his hands up in surrender. "She was really, REALLY hot."

"You bastard!"

"You don't understand!" Gildarts shouted. "She had this beautiful face."

"What?"

"And she was super curvy."

"So?"

"And she had a rack this big!" Gildarts made a move with his hands that suggest a substantial amount of cleavage.

"So do almost all the women I know!" Natsu argued.

"You know what…" Happy spoke up again. "The woman Gildarts just described could be almost every woman we've ever met."

Natus paused. "Pretty. Curvy. Large chest…Yep. That's almost all the girls I know besides Wendy and Levy."

"Weird…" Happy muttered.

"So you know what I mean, right? How could anyone resist that?!" Gildarts argued. "I mean, if some girl offers to take her clothes off for you…"

"He has a point there." Happy mentioned. "After all, you've been around a lot of naked ladies lately."

"What?! He has?!" Gildarts's eyes widened.

"Aye, sir!" Happy nodded. "Girls have their clothes off around Natsu all the time. Lucy. Erza. That time with Lisanna."

"Plus that time Erza called me into the bathhouse with almost all the girls in Fairy Tail in there…" Natsu nodded his head.

"You!" Gildarts glared at him.

"Huh?" Natsu blinked.

"I can't believe this!" Gildarts stormed over to him. His footsteps shook the very ground below them.

"I-I…" Natsu remember when Gildarts basically leveled a small mountain only a few hours ago.

Gildarts stood before Natsu and glared down at him. "You…you sly dog!"

"What?"

Gildarts fell to his knees. Tears run down his face in absolute joy. "I'm so proud of you. You've taken all that I've taught you and excelled. Regular girls are one thing, but mage girls? They're so tough to seduce. And you basically did it to the entire guild? Respect."

"But, that's not…"

"I have to say, when you were younger, I thought that you would just marry Lisanna when you were eighteen and be stuck like that forever, but now I find out that you're a ladies man!" Gildarts gave him the biggest of grins. "I'm so proud of you! A man among men! Banging so many gorgeous woman at once…"

"It's not like that, you big perv!" Natsu snapped. "We didn't do anything!"

"Huh…But they were naked." Gildarts blinked.

"Yeah. Woman just seem to lack clothes around me. It's not a big deal." Natsu shrugged.

"…"

"…"

"…Natsu, do you even like women?" Gildarts questioned. "Because I don't think you're gay, but if you don't like women, then that means something's up. Homosexual…Asexual…Either way, you can tell me, and I'll be fine with it. Just don't come to me with advice on how to handle it."

"What?"

"You know, that question is still up in the air…" Happy took a thinking position. "Sometimes, he reacts to naked girls. Other times, he doesn't. He's really inconsistent about it. It's weird."

"I'm not weird!" Natsu roared in outrage.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Both Gildarts and Happy gained an awkward look and sucked in breath.

"Well, I'm normal compared to you, Gildarts!" Natsu glared at the pile of porn. "I mean look at all that. It's creepy. In fact…Is that a picture of you and Cana?"

"Huh?" Gildarts blinked.

"There…" Natsu pointed to a picture sticking out of one of the porno magazines. "That's a picture of you and Cana. What was that doing in one of your pornos?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…I can explain."

"Go ahead…"

"You see, I was looking at the picture, but then I had to get moving. Given my habit of destroying everything besides the stuff in my bag, I decided to hide it in there, but I knew it would get crumbled up. So I hid it in the magazine so that nothing would happen to it." Gildarts blushed.

"But…you're daughter? Next to a picture of a girl that you probably masturbated to?" Natsu gained a disgusted face.

"You don't know that." Gildarts's face got even redder.

"…I think you just admitted it." Natsu shook his head. "Look, this is too awkward for me, and that's saying something…I'm going to walk away with Happy now. You can have your porno stuff back, and don't worry about my stuff, I'll get more."

"But…"

"Come on, Happy…"

"Aye, sir."

"Wait! I can explain! I have a good excuse, I promise!"

"I don't want to hear it!" Natsu covered his ears and began to run away. "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!"

"Please don't tell anyone about this!" Gildarts pleaded.

"I don't think we're ever going to talk about this ever again…" Happy mumbled as he flew after Natsu.

Thank you all for reading and please remember to...

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW