Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 33! Hope you enjoy!
Jobgame274: That's great! And Raven's definitely a difficult character to write monologue for, but I'm glad you're enjoying her! And I agree! I recently read a story on here and accidently read what's available of the sequel without realizing that there was a story prior to it. Just makes me more excited to read what that story has in store that lead to the sequel! Glad you're enjoying the story! :)
Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I'm glad you enjoyed that scene! It was super fun to write, with all the fluff and such. I figured the story needed a more lighthearted moment, even if it was that brief. Glad you're enjoying the story! :)
Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)
Despite their late arrival to breakfast, there were still plenty of fresh waffles available. Cyborg had actually set two plates aside just for Raven and Beast Boy. Breakfast had gone by relatively quickly and easily. Much to Beast Boy's pleasure, Raven had decided not to disclose the fact that she had found fresh cuts on him. He really appreciated that, but still wished that she hadn't found them in the first place.
After breakfast was finished and the dirty dishes were put away into the growing mountain of tableware in the sink, the teens settled into the Main Ops room to chill. It was actually a sunny day, which was a nice relief from the repeatedly rainy days that they had been experiencing. The sun shined into the room, making it well-lit and warm on their skin. Starfire had brought some of her magazines down from her room and was currently reading them on the couch. Raven had settled near the enthusiastic alien with a novel of her own and a mug of steaming herbal tea. Beast Boy sat next to Raven with his knees pulled close to his chest as he stared out the window at the city in the distance. Robin sat at the other end of the couch and was reading a newspaper to catch up on the latest news stories of Jump City. Cyborg, who had dish duty, was tackling the mountain of dishes in the sink and cleaning them.
It was actually quite a calm environment for the teens, or at least it seemed so from the outside. All the teens were enjoying the peacefulness of their activities, but Beast Boy's mind was racing. He couldn't stop thinking about what happened last night, and what happened just this morning. He didn't want to hurt Raven, or any of his friends for that matter, but he couldn't stop hurting himself. It seemed impossible.
They don't get it. They can't understand this. It's not as simple as just not doing it. Why can't they just get that, he thought to himself.
The warmth that came from the window and hit his skin felt foreign almost, as if the warmth from the outside contrasted against the cold from within too much.
What's even the point in stopping? I could just hide it and not upset the others that way. Start doing it in a new spot that they won't think to look at.
I already have all these scars on me. Why not just continue to add more? What's even the point in trying to stop? Don't they understand that I can't?
It's absolutely pointless for them to be doing this. They can't save me, and they can't stop me. They're wasting their time.
He focused his attention on two birds outside. They were flying around in circles above the water, as if they were chasing one another. He could see the light from the sun dancing on their feathers as they ducked up and down around one another. They seemed so free, so carefree, and felt jealous. Suddenly, something blocked his view of the birds. He shook his head, freeing himself from his daze, and peered up at Cyborg. He could feel the stares from the other teens on himself.
"You okay? I just called your name like three times and you never responded," Cyborg said as he looked down at his stunned friend.
"Oh, uh, sorry. I didn't hear you," Beast Boy responded shyly, embarrassed.
"I could tell," Cyborg said, his once concerned face turning more joyful. "So, you wanna play a video game?"
"Uh, sure. If you want," Beast Boy responded, removing his knees from his chest and setting his feet back firmly on the ground. He couldn't remember the last time he had played a video game. He suddenly realized that he missed it. He watched as Cyborg pulled out the controllers to the game station and inserted a disc. Cyborg brought one of the controllers to him, and kept the other for himself.
The two of them started playing Mega Monkeys 4. Although the other teens remained silent, they were extremely happy to see their friend playing a video game again. They had never thought that they'd miss the obnoxious loudness of the game so much. The two teens were pretty silent at first as they began playing, save for a few comments made by Cyborg. Beast Boy was still too consumed in his thoughts to pay too much attention to the game.
They don't really care about you, and you know that. The only reason why they kept you alive is so that you can remain on the team, he began to think to himself.
How could they even love you? You're a scarred freak. No one could possibly love you.
His player on the screen got attacked as he played a foolish move.
They're going to abandon you one day. Throw you into the trash where you belong.
His player got attacked again, and the sound of computer generated explosions brought him out of his mind. He replayed those thoughts in his mind, noticing how depressing they were.
No, no, that's not true. They do care about me, and I know that. They wouldn't go through so much trouble to help me out if they didn't. I know they love me, regardless of how messed up I am. I know they won't abandon me, or at least not because of who I am.
It felt odd for him to challenge his thoughts, but it felt right. He knew he was loved and cared for, even if his mind told him differently. He needed to stop letting his intrusive thoughts dictate his life. He poured more of his focus into the game and stopped making foolish moves. He started getting more into the game, even making a few comments here and there. It made his friends really, really happy to see him enjoying himself rather than drowning in his own suffering. And it made him feel good too. He knew that those bad feelings were still there, lurking in the depths of his mind, but for the moment, they didn't bother him. He was able to drown out their incessant yells for the meantime and focus on spending time with his friends, his family.