Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 34! Hope you enjoy!
This fanfic is almost completely uploaded; there's just a few more chapters to upload. I'm about half way done with my series of one-shots, and I hope to begin uploading them within the next month or so, so stayed tuned if you're interested in reading those too!
Allen Blaster: I would imagine so, although it would definitely be a strain on their relationship. In my opinion, if you really truly care about someone, you would try to be there for them and support them as much as possible, but you have to take care of yourself at the same time. It's a tricky situation. I think the situation is less so of preferring death over being with her, and rather more so of not knowing how to handle life and the situations that come with it. Again, it's a tricky situation, and one that everyone would react differently to. What do you think? :)
Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Those thoughts can be so hard to fight, and they're so persistent. It takes a lot of strength and energy to go against those thoughts. And I hope they stop soon too; no one deserves that type of negative thinking. Glad you enjoyed it! :)
RPGPersona: Hiding it from her in such close living space would be incredibly difficult, if not near impossible. They should've known from the unaccounted for blades from the empty sharpeners that there was something up. And I thought about that, but I ended up not having her tell this time. I figured he's being watched under a micro glass, so a little privacy might do him good, even if it's just with Raven. It's decent advice, although difficult to achieve. And his negative thoughts are going to be difficult to battle. There's definitely a lot of ground to cover, but he's getting there, slowly but surely. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)
Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)
Ever since the morning where Raven found the fresh cuts on him, she had been watching over him like a hawk. Every morning, she would check his arms to make sure there were no more fresh cuts. She hadn't found any more cuts from blades since that morning, but she instead would find scratches and bite marks. Each time without fail, she would heal him. Beast Boy knew she meant well with the constant attention and checking, but it felt suffocating nonetheless. His urges were growing more intense as the days progressed, but had never found the opportunity to retrieve his blade and use it. Even at night, Raven made a point to sleep in a way that meant he couldn't get up without moving her in the progress, which would instantly alert her to his activities. He tried to use his scratching and biting as a way to calm the urges, but what his skin really craved was a blade.
Today had been no different. Raven had woken up at the crack of dawn, waking Beast Boy up in the process. He sat straight up in bed, swinging his legs off the side. Raven came to that side of the bed and rolled up both of his sleeves all the way up to his shoulders. Apart from the scars and wounds that were already there, there were only a few scratches and a bite mark, which she healed. All the wounds that had stitches were finally healed and the stitches were removed. His skin was no longer red and angry, but instead left thick scars and scabs in place.
After Raven checked his arms, she gave him his antidepressant pill and they went downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. They followed with hanging out in the Main Ops room for about an hour or so. Part of the team's plan to help him heal and recover was to create a schedule for him, one that included regular meals, social time, and exercise. So every day, Beast Boy would eat meals when told to, he would socialize with the teens, or at least be in the same room as them, and would work out in the gym. Despite the fact that he was starting to put weight back on, he was still pretty weak and his work outs were kept to a minimum. He was constantly, without fail, accompanied by another teen.
After they hung out with the other teens in the Main Ops room for some time, he and Raven went back up to her room. As soon as they got up there, they both headed for the bed. Raven removed a book from her bookshelf and sat up in the bed as she read. Beast Boy, on the other hand, laid down to nap. Raven typically didn't like it when he took naps during the day since she wanted him to be engaged in activities, but she knew how restless his night had been last night and knew just how tired he must've been. So, she let him nap. Or, at least, she thought he was napping. Beast Boy soon found that he couldn't fall asleep due to his racing mind, but chose to still lay down and close his eyes. He didn't have the energy for much else.
It's not enough. I need my blade. I can't keep just living off scratches and bites. I need more, he thought to himself. Despite the chaos in his mind, his body remained relatively still.
After some time, Raven closed her book and stood up. She looked over at Beast Boy. She saw that he was still sleeping, and thought that she could afford to leave him alone for a few minutes while she ran out to use the bathroom. Ever since she had found his wounds a few days ago, she would drag him with her when she needed to use the bathroom, and would leave him outside the door.
Beast Boy, still as wide awake as one could be, heard when the door shut behind her. He turned and looked, finding that Raven was no longer on the bed. When he looked around the room, he could see that she wasn't even in the room anymore. He was alone.
"Raven?" he called, just to be sure he was alone. When no response came, it was confirmed.
He jumped out of bed and ran to the bookshelf, practically tripping over his own feet in the process. When he reached the bookshelf, he bent down and grabbed his blade out from behind the shelf. It was covered in some dust, which he blew off effortlessly. He knew he didn't have a lot of time before Raven came back, wherever she went, so he had to be quick. He sat on the ground with his back to the door and pulled up his sleeve. He took no time before plunging the blade into his skin, quickly drawing blood from it. He kept bringing the blade back down, over and over again, and soon the blood was running down his wrist and dripping onto the floor. Once he noticed that the blood was getting on the floor, he moved his leg so that the blood would drip onto it instead. He brought the blade back down to his wrist again with the intention of slicing it through again, but stopped when he heard the door open behind him.
Time seemed to stop in that instance. Beast Boy could feel his pulse increase rapidly even though he felt as if his heart had stopped beating entirely. The air in the room suddenly felt cold and he knew this wasn't good in the slightest.
"Beast Boy," he heard Raven mutter quietly.
After a moment of stillness, he turned his head around just far enough to see Raven standing in the doorway. She seemed shocked, and her skin paled. His wide eyes met hers, and that's when the time seemed to unfreeze. Raven ran towards him. Beast Boy, in a fit of panic, tried to get up and run away, but was tackled to the ground before he could.
"Raven, no! Let me go!" he yelled, trying to wiggle his way out of her grasp. He plunged the blade back into his wrist, but in his panic, the cut was sloppy and jagged.
"Beast Boy! No!" Raven yelled back, as she held him down and tried to take the blade away. Raven encased the blade with her dark energy and flung it across the room. It hit the window and clattered to the ground.
Beast Boy tried to get up and retrieve the bloody blade, but couldn't. Raven pulled his fighting body towards her, hugging him tightly against her as she crossed her legs over his. When he realized that he wasn't going to be able to get up and continue, he started crying. He tried so hard to not let the tears pass, but there was no stopping them. Raven tried to comfort him as much as possible; she hushed calmly and rubbed her hands up and down his upper arms.
"Shh, it's okay. Beast Boy, it's okay," she said to him quietly, burrowing her face into his neck. She picked up his bleeding wrist in her hand and started to encase it in her blue energy. The wounds weren't deep enough to threaten his life or require stitches, but they would definitely scar. He jerked his arm back, hugging it to himself.
"No, no, don't heal it. Please," he begged, his body shaking with each sob.
"Why? They need to be healed," she said to him.
"Please, leave them be. They'll heal on their own," he said, shaking his head back and forth.
"Why did you do this? Where did you get this blade from?" Raven asked him as calmly as she could. She hoped some of her calmness would rub off on him.
"I – I can't stop, Raven," he cried.
Raven could feel her heart break as she watched him break down. He always seemed so strong, even when it was obvious he was suffering. He rarely allowed people to see him in an emotional condition like this.
"Where did you get the blade from?" she asked again. She needed to know where he got it so she could perhaps prevent him from getting anymore that way.
"My room," he sniffled, knowing that he wouldn't be able to hide that from her much longer.
"Where in your room? We cleaned it out and removed them all," she said.
"No you didn't. I kept some hidden, and you never got rid of them," he said.
"Some? There's multiple blades?" she asked, and he nodded. "Where?" When he didn't speak up after a few seconds, she repeated herself. "Where are they, Beast Boy?"
"I…they're underneath my bed," he admitted, which increased his sobs more.
"How many are there?" she asked him.
"Two," he sobbed, his voice quiet.
"And there's only two in your room. No more than that?" she asked him, and he nodded. "Thank you for telling me, Beast Boy. Now is that blade the only one you had hidden in here?" He nodded again. She pulled his weeping form closer to hers and tightened her embrace. She knew he wouldn't try to escape at this point, so she removed her legs from on top of hers. He, in response, pulled in his knees and hugged them to his chest.
After a few minutes, his sobs faded into sniffles. The blood had stopped dripping from his wrist, and had dried crusted on his skin. There was some blood on Raven and on the floor, but not much. Soon, his shakiness faded as well, and his body was still save for his calm breaths. She found that he had fallen asleep, his dried tear marks staining his face. She laid him down gently in front of her, and she stood up. She walked over to where the blade sat and destroyed it with her powers. She then walked back to Beast Boy, blanket in hand. She draped the blanket over his sleeping form and then laid down, cuddling him from behind. She stroked his arm as he slept, and soon she settled her arm around his abdomen and fell asleep herself.