Chapter 4

"Anything?"

Eli made a side glance to Brody before turning the Colonel with a shake of his head. That was about the fifth time the Colonel had asked that in the span of 30 minutes.

The kinos have done random searches all accessible parts on Destiny and nothing, no sign of Rush at all.

The kinos have passed TJ, Scott and Greer five times already and the Colonel was growing restless, hell every single of one them were.

"No sign of him," came the cackle of Young's radio and Greer's voice filled the interface room.

A sigh and the Colonel was back to his pacing as the kinos moved all around the ship.

"Maybe he's taking a long shower and that's why-" offered Eli but the colonel turned to him with very unamused look.

"Then search the damn showers for all I care," snapped Young as he stopped his pacing and walked over to Eli's console. "I don't care if he's taking his alone time, I don't care if he's doing equations or fixing whatever it is that warranted him to disappear without any radio on him. I care about finding him in one damn piece, Eli!"

The outburst was met with silence in both the interface room and with TJ's team. Brody was about to point them to another part of the ship and had already pressed open his communication radio when Young had shouted.

Nobody dared to speak as Young continued to glare at Eli and the young man was about a breathe away from breaking into tears.

Back with TJ's team, Greer was eyeing Scott, telling the young man that it was he who should be breaking the ice. Him or TJ but neither knew what to do or say, they could only just look at each other, at a loss for any action.

If was Young himself who finally sprang back into action as he took his radio. "Camille, still no sign. I'm going to have to ask everyone, military and civilian, to help in the search."

"Organizing a search," came Camille's quick reply. After a few more moments the radio came to life again, "Ok, everyone is on the lookout. What places have we covered already?"

TJ replied via her radio and Eli soon after. Their search was pretty substantive already but still there was no sign of the scientist.

"Maybe we should look at this at a different way," said Camille as she entered the control interface room. Young kept the channel open so that TJ and the rest could hear.

"What do you mean?" asked Young, returning to his usual calm and commanding self.

"Let's assume that Dr. Rush had every intention of taking a break or resting after his shift," began Camille as she turned from the colonel to the rest of the science team. "But taking a break does not necessarily entail, sleeping in his quarters."

"For Rush, relaxing is doing equations," voiced out Brody as Camille nodded at him.

"Still doesn't explain where he is right now," raised Park. "Or why we can't find him."

"If I was going to do something that required concentration," argued Camille. "I'd find somewhere very quiet. A place I know I won't be bothered."

"That leaves the unexplored parts of the ship," said Young as he turned to Eli and the young man was already controlling the kinos to that area.

TJ thought about it for a second before speaking to her radio. "Permission to follow on another lead, Colonel."

Young and Camille exchanged a quizzical look before Young replied, "What is it TJ?"

"Well Rush would surely be distracted with the so many undiscovered parts of Destiny if he had wandered of to the unexplored areas to do equations." argued TJ as she turned from Scott and Greer. "What time did he leave the interface room, Eli?"

"It was late," came the reply from the boy as TJ suddenly moved, Scott and Greer following her.

"Meaning everyone else would have probably been asleep already," replied TJ. "Did you look in the Observation Deck?"

"We did," replied Eli rather quickly but then his face dropped. "Well the kinos flew passed it and I saw nothing."

"You didn't look inside?" asked TJ as she all but bursted into a run, Scott and Greer following close by. She wished with her all her might that what she suspected was true.

Camille had a point that even if Rush's shift had ended, he was going to rest but not necessarily sleep. TJ rather had the idea that Rush had nightmares of his ordeal and sleep was the least of his priorities. If he was going to go over some equations and all that, he wasn't going to do it in the mess where he knew people would still be up.

He would do it somewhere where he could look up and see the beauty of his life's work...the passing stars or the FTL lights. Knowing that it was late and people had grown used to the beauty of it already, Rush was going to stay in the observation deck.

TJ quickly ran into the room and surveyed the area and just as she was ready to radio in that Rush wasn't there, she saw a pair of legs in the far corner. It would have been easily missed given the lack of lights in that area but TJ was glad she was looking for it.

TJ ran to Rush's fallen side as Scott radioed the Colonel that they had found Rush.

TJ quickly turned the scientist to his back and TJ's heart skipped a beat when she saw dried blood below his nose. She quickly checked for a pulse and was relieved beyond anything when she found one...not as strong as she wished it would be but still a steady, albeit weak, pulse.

She turned to the other two. "Carry him to the infirmary, gently." The two didn't need to be told twice as TJ straightened up and radioed the Colonel that they were on their way to the infirmary and that she didn't know anything yet...except that she was sure Rush had another episode.

Eli paced the hall outside the infirmary while Chloe and Brody stood to one side.

It was his fault. He should have flew the kino inside the observation deck and searched properly. Why did he just flew past it as though it wasn't an important part of the ship? Of course Rush would have gone there as well, why didn't he think that.

If he had then they would have found Rush sooner and maybe had gotten him to the infirmary sooner and-

"Eli stop," came the order from Chloe and Eli jumped back at the intensity of her words. She had practically shouted and Elis tumbled back. "Sorry, but we've been trying to get your attention and you've been pacing a hole on the floor."

"Sorry," mumbled Eli but he didn't stop moving, playing with his hands nervously because he was too busy blaming himself.

Seemingly sensing what was on the younger man's mind, Brody placed a hand on Eli's shoulder that stopped him from his pacing. "Like you guys told me, Eli. This wasn't your fault."

"I know this is not my fault but we could have found him sooner if I had bothered to be thorough," said Eli. "He's always been telling me that. I'm always more 'get it done quickly' not checking if I had missed something or if I had done it properly. And I didn't do it properly, Brody!" Eli stopped and leaned his back to the nearby wall.

"The important thing is Rush was found Eli," argued Brody. "We're no help to him if we keep blaming ourselves for his current predicament."

"Brody's right," added Chloe. "We can't change what happened earlier but we can decide how best we can help Dr. Rush after this." She stopped and looked back at the closed doors of the infirmary. "He's going to need our help whether he wants to admit it or not."

Eli nodded slowly, swallowing the growing lump in his throat as he sat down on the floor, back still leaned against the wall. Rush was a bastard most of the time, especially to everyone and Eli wasn't an exception. But Eli still felt some sort of different relationship with the man.

He couldn't shake that moment when Rush had stepped forward, acted as a human shield and asked the Alliance not to kill any of them. Rush of course knew that the Alliance wanted him alive and weren't going to shoot him but he blocked the gunfire sure to come their war.

Eli couldn't stop thinking what if Greer and Scott hadn't arrived in time. What if the Alliance had started shooting….what would have happened then?

"Eli…" began Chloe as she sat next to him. "Rush is going to get through this."

"I hope so…"

"He's heart rate is stable. The only worrying sign was the dried blood under his nose but I can't really tell for sure what had happened until he wakes," reported TJ as the Colonel leaned on the bed next to where Rush laid.

The scientist was out cold, no IV this time but TJ had placed a blanket over his shivering form. His vitals were normal, except maybe his body temperature which was a bit cold but not low enough to cause any harm.

"You think he was there all night?" asked Young and TJ nodded.

"I think he never made it to his room, yes," explained TJ. "The only thing we can do right now is wait for him to wake up."

"And get some answers," said Young and TJ fought the urge to glare at him.

"I don't think it's a good idea for him to wake up and be confronted with hostility, Colonel," the almost hiss of his rank did not go to deaf ears and Young turned to TJ in surprise.

"I'm just saying that-"

"He's currently a patient, Everett and I will not have you interrogating him when he's clearly not well enough to even answer any questions or tackle any accusation you want to do," reprimanded TJ. Sure she was talking to someone who outranked her, someone who she had shared a bed with, who she considered once upon a time a person she loved with all her heart...but right now he was being an idiot. "My infirmary, my rules."

"I know that TJ," replied Young as he got up from leaning on the bed to standing right next to her. "But Rush doesn't take orders lightly...look at how he brushed aside you telling him no to stress himself out or work himself too much."

"We don't even know-"

A soft groan from the bed cut her off and TJ was instantly by Rush's side as the scientist blinked his eyes open but immediately shut them again. TJ rushed and dimmed the lights before heading back to Rush's side and urging him to open his eyes once again.

Rush's eyes finally cleared from the haze he was initially in and took in his surroundings. The surprise that registered on his face was clear as day as both Young and TJ exchanged a worried look.

"How did I get here?" asked Rush, his voice hoarse and TJ was reminded of that time when he had woken up from passing out due to nicotine and caffeine withdrawal.

"We found you out cold in the Observation Deck," explained TJ. "How do you feel?"

"Like someone sat on my chest," replied Rush as he tried to sit up and TJ made no move to stop him from doing so. It was just like the last time. The episode had passed and he was back to being Rush again.

"What's the last thing you remember?" asked TJ as Rush stayed seated on the bed, his legs hanging from the side and he bowed his head, trying to remember what had happened the previous night.

"Eli telling me that my shift had ended," offered Rush but then he looked to be still thinking about the previous night. "No...I remember going to the Observation Deck."

"To work," said Young which pretty much sounded like a reprimand and the Scot just glared at the Colonel.

"To look at the lights, Colonel," corrected Rush, his voice lined with annoyance. "Or is that a crime now." He turned to TJ and his expression softened. "I didn't want to doze off so I went to the Observation Deck to get some quiet and looked over some equations. That's what I usually do to pass the time."

"That's a load of bullshit, Rush," said Young as TJ cried out, "Colonel don't antagonize him!"

"You're working on something again and that's why TJ and the rest found you unconscious on the floor with a bleeding nose," accused Young. "You had another episode because you stressed yourself too much with work or whatever discovery you've been keeping from the rest of us."

"Oh that's the truth isn't it Colonel," said Rush as he quickly stood to face the Colonel. "Believe what you want, I need to get back to work." he made to leave but Young grabbed his arm and forced him back against the bed.

"This ends now Rush," growled Young. "You haven't been sleeping and you keep working on who knows what? Just tell us the damn truth so we can help you."

"I am telling you the truth," hissed Rush as he yanked his arm away from the Colonel's grasp. He took out his notebook and tossed it hard at the Colonel. "Since you don't care about my bloody privacy, look for yourself at what I was doing in the Observation Deck before I fell asleep."

Young made no move to look at the notebook but TJ did and she opened the last page and her heart sank...it was a rough drawing of a woman...a woman TJ could only conclude as rush's late wife. Young did a side-ways glance and his features softened a bit.

"Rush…" began Young in what TJ assumed was an attempt at an apology but Rush just grabbed his notebook again and made to sidestep the Colonel to leave the infirmary but TJ stopped him.

"I'm sorry Dr. Rush but you had another attack and we need to figure out what triggers them," reasoned TJ. "i thought at first it would be stress or- wait you said you fell asleep?"

"Yes," said Rush as he looked to TJ and ignored the colonel. "That's the last thing I remembered." He paused and TJ knew there was something more. "The last thing I remembered of being in the Observation Deck anyway…"

"What do you mean?" asked TJ as she led him back to the bed and urged him to sit back down. He didn't but he did lean on the bed, his arms on either side of him to keep his balance.

"When I first relieved the pain from the Alliance's torture," explained Rush. "I could actually see myself being back on their ship."

"Like a nightmare but this time you do actually feel the pain," offered TJ and Rush nodded.

"Maybe it's not just stressing myself that triggers it," said Rush. "Without the distraction, nothing stops the pulse from rearing its head. Too much and the brain suddenly finds itself in the same state as when I was being tortured and again triggers the pain."

TJ frowned at his reasoning. "I'm not going to recommend you to be constantly working Dr. Rush no matter how hard you argue that it won't be enough to stress you and it'll keep you busy enough from thinking about the pain."

Rush sighed, he pretty much figured that wasn't going to happen. But there was still something unanswered and TJ hoped this wasn't going to trigger another attack. "What did you see last night?"

"What's puzzling me is that it wasn't actually another torture session," answered Rush. "I was already working on a way to dial the 9th chevron and then I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest." He looked up at TJ. "Then I think I was shifting between my own body and Colonel Telford's because one second I was on the Alliance base and the next I would be looking up at the ceiling on Destiny."

Both TJ and Young's eyes widened and Rush noticed it. "That was just a glitch with the stones right? The pain was from the Pulser."

TJ turned and glared at the Colonel and Rush watched the exchange warily but finally Young sighed and crossed his arms in front of him.

"I had to cancel the mind control the Alliance had on Colonel Telford," explained Young and Rush's eyes widened in realization.

"The only way for you to have done that is if you had-"

"Made his heart stop technically killing him, yes, we did,' finished Young. "It was the only way."

"It was the only way?" whispered Rush, taking both TJ and Young aback. His voice was soft and resigned, but you could still tell he was damn pissed. "Oh yes of course it was. Disconnecting me and Telford wouldn't have given you any information because I'm an idiot who wouldn't have observed my surroundings and listened intently to any conversations going on around me."

Rush scoffed as he advanced towards the Colonel. "Of course I wouldn't have been able to provide any information on the Alliance but your dear friend Colonel Telford was a more valuable asset."

"We needed-"

"No you needed to make sure you're dear friend gets a reprieve after doing who knows what for the Alliance!" countered Rush. "The severed connection usually happens when we drop in and out of FTL but severing a connection because of a more physical sense? That could actually have some lasting effect. You didn't think about that didn't you?! The chance-"

"It was a chance I was willing to take and you said you knew the risks," countered Young. "You told me once Rush, that you would do anything for the good of the crew well that was what happened. It was for the good of everyone on board."

Rush scoffed and glared at the Colonel. "You almost managed to make that sound convincing."

The words were out of his mouth before it registered and suddenly he wasn't in the infirmary anymore.

"You almost managed to make that sound convincing."

Kiva's words echoed back and he was on the ground, his arms shackled behind his back as he looked up to see Kiva standing over him. She turned towards the man holding the device...Dannic, his name was Dannic.

This wasn't real. Both of them were dead. They couldn't hurt him anymore.

But the device activated, a shot of red electricity hitting him square in the chest and everything inside burned. This wasn't real...but the pain was real...his entire body was shaking, he couldn't stop screaming…

"Barbaric, I know," he could hear Kiva still but everything was already black. "And I hate lowering myself to this level, but I need to know who you are." Her voice was fading but the pain wasn't...it actually felt like it was getting stronger. "And beyond that, whether or not you're any use to me."

The device activated and everything hurt...and it didn't stop.