Author's Note: Well shoot, I've been having so much fun that I decided to do just one more chapter today! And it's the longest one so far. As always, I hope you like it and I look forward to favorites, follows, and reviews :)
To the guest reviewer 100: Thanks for the feedback! As you'll see in the beginning of this chapter, I definitely take suggestions and criticisms into consideration!
TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER: Abuse—it is slightly descriptive, but only briefly mentioned.
Exhaustion hit the three young adults not long after they began their journey back. They stopped to rest for a couple of hours. When Bellamy awoke, it was probably around two in the afternoon. He woke up the girls and they continued onwards. The closer they got though, the more Clarke began to question her decision to return.
About two hours had passed since they awoke. The journey was coming to an end. It was a lot easier to navigate the forest in the daylight, so it didn't take as long to get back as it did to find Clarke. Plus, this time Bellamy and Octavia knew exactly where they were going.
The Ark structure at Camp Jaha comes into view through the trees and Clarke freezes. Her heartbeat increases, her breathing becomes erratic, and she feels the earth moving below her feet. She can't go back, not yet.
Octavia turns to look at Clarke and sees that she is clearly having a panic attack. She calls for Bellamy to stop and has Clarke take a seat against a tree. Sometimes Octavia got panic attacks before she had to go back under the floor, so she does for Clarke what Bellamy had done for her. She puts her hand over Clarke's heart and takes Clarke's hand and brings it to her heart.
"Feel my heartbeat, Clarke. Breathe in and breathe out. Look at me, Clarke. Tell your heart to beat in time with mine. Just breathe with me."
Clarke followed Octavia's instructions and she began to calm. When she felt ok again, she rubbed her thumb over where it rested on Octavia's chest before removing her hand.
Bellamy had been watching this ordeal. He remembered the times he would have to do the same thing with O. She has grown up so much since they came to the ground, and now she is taking care of Clarke. Bellamy couldn't be more proud of the person his sister is becoming.
Clarke is still looking into Octavia's eyes. "I can't-"
"Ok." Octavia interrupts Clarke, the blonde's eyes having already communicated that she needs more time. "Bellamy, give Clarke and I about an hour to move further from camp. Then, only if she asks, tell Abby that Clarke just needs a little while before she comes back."
Bellamy doesn't question Octavia's judgment this time. "Alright, get going. And be careful."
Octavia helps Clarke up and turns to joke with Bellamy. "Aren't I always?" She laughs, he shakes his head, and the two girls begin to walk.
"You don't have to come with me, Octavia. Despite what you seem to believe, I do know how to survive in the woods."
The brunette laughs, loving the attitude. "Sure you do. I guess I just don't want you to feel like you're alone."
Clarke smiles at the sincerity, but plays it off by bumping Octavia's shoulder. "Dork."
Octavia led them to an underground bomb shelter that she had found while exploring the woods one day. It was different than the one that Clarke and Finn had found. There was a small sofa, a coffee table, shelves filled with supplies, a bed, and a bathroom. The plumbing didn't work, but it made the place feel like a small apartment. There were a few candles lying around, which Octavia lit as they entered.
"What do you think? Cozy, right?"
It is certainly cozy, even more so with Octavia there. Clarke is truly happy that the brunette came along.
"I'm glad you found this place. I like it." Clarke is smiling to herself, something that Octavia doesn't miss, even in the dimly lit shelter.
"There's a creek that runs by here. The water is clean and there are plenty of plants to forage. I'm going to head over there, do you want to come with me?"
Clarke still wants to know what is going on with Octavia. Lincoln hadn't been with her, which was rather unusual. Clarke decides to take advantage of this opportunity to talk to her friend. "I would love to."
"Awesome! Grab a few of those bottles off the shelves so we can bring back some water."
Clarke takes the bottles and follows Octavia out of the shelter and towards the creek.
When they get there, Octavia shows Clarke which plants aren't poisonous and then proceeds to make a fish trap out of branches. Clarke sees what the other girl is doing and is amazed by how much she has already learned on Earth.
"Did Lincoln teach you how to do that?"
Octavia stops for a moment, but then continues making the trap. "Yeah, he did." She wants to tell Clarke what happened, she needs Clarke to know, but she doesn't want to burden the girl. The young leader already has enough to worry about.
Sensing the pain in Octavia's heart, Clarke puts down the plants she has collected and sits down next to her, watching her delicately craft the fish trap. The two sit in silence for a moment before Clarke speaks.
"Do you want to tell me what happened with you two? Earlier you told me that you found something out—that somebody else made a mistake. Was it Lincoln?"
Octavia sat with the questions for a moment as she finished her trap. She got up, placed it in the creek, and returned to Clarke.
"I made a mistake, Clarke." Octavia turns westward to look at the setting sun. "I shouldn't have trusted Lincoln the way that I did. Before Lexa went to take the Mountain Men that were shooting at you from above, he told her to take whatever deal they offered her. He didn't even consider that the deal might cost my brother and the rest of our people their lives."
"He knew about the deal?"
"When they were turning him into a reaper, Lincoln spent enough time around Cage to know the type of man he was. He figured that somebody so desperate to protect his blood supply would be willing to make a compromise. And he told Lexa to take it."
"Yeah, but Lexa is the only one who knew exactly what the deal would entail."
"That's what I said to Lincoln when he was telling me all of this, but he said he knew the potential risk for our people. Apparently he only cared to keep me out of battle. I was really angry, you know? I may have become Trigedakru, but that doesn't imply that the 100, or rather the remainder of them, mean nothing to me." Octavia pauses for a second. She feels like crying, but knows she has to stay strong.
She continues, "I was yelling at him, telling him that what he did was wrong. The same stuff I said to you when I found out about Tondc. He just…he just snapped. He punched me in the gut. And then he did it again. And again. It was like the day Indra asked me to become her second, but I wasn't asking for this. After my brain caught up with what was happening, I ducked out and pulled a sword on him. I told him to leave Camp Jaha, and he did."
Clarke's heart drops to her feet. The 'doctor's daughter' in her takes over and she lifts the hem of Octavia's shirt. She runs her hand over the bruises that coat the brunette's abdomen. Octavia doesn't even wince. Clarke isn't surprised. They had walked for hours and she hadn't even made a sound. The bruises are bad, but Clarke is pretty sure that there isn't any severe internal damage.
Octavia begins to cry, not because of the pain, but because of the way Clarke is looking at her and touching her. She actually cares, and for some reason this takes Octavia by surprise.
Clarke embraces Octavia. She knows that there isn't anything she can say to make the girl feel better. The mental damage caused by things like this can only be repaired with time, and with support. Words won't fix Octavia's pain.
Octavia stops crying after a while, but she stays in Clarke's arms. After the sun goes down, the moon takes over and lights the forest and creek. Eventually, the girls get up. Octavia checks the fish trap while Clarke fills up the water bottles and puts the previously collected plants into her satchel.
The two girls walk back to their shelter and eat dinner in silence. When they finish eating, Clarke gets up and begins to look at the supplies on the shelves before she turns to look at the brunette and speaks.
"I know you, Octavia. I know you. I know you well enough to say that you will get through this. And I'll be there for you. Anything you need, come to me."
Octavia doesn't respond with words. She stands and walks to Clarke, she gets so close that they are in each other's space. She wraps her arms around the blonde's waist, and then she leans in. Octavia presses her lips against Clarke's. Clarke takes Octavia's face into her hands and kisses back, gliding her tongue against the shorter girl's lower lip, after which Octavia allows her access. Their tongues dance together. It is a passionate kiss, but it is slow. It is honest.
Clarke breaks the kiss after a moment and rests her forehead against Octavia's. She pulls the girl into a meaningful embrace, which Octavia breaks.
This whole evening has been too heavy for Octavia, so she does what she does best and lightens the mood with her comedic side. "Don't take this the wrong way, but we should totally strip and get into bed together now."
Clarke smiles at this joke, but then Octavia takes off everything but her tank and underwear and climbs into the bed. Clarke gulps and looks at her in awe, which doesn't go unnoticed by Octavia.
"I said don't take it the wrong way. I'm sure you're just as exhausted as I am"
Clarke lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, to which Octavia responds with a laugh. The blonde scowls and then undresses and joins the other girl in bed. When they're both under the covers, Clarke moves to cuddle with Octavia.
"Night, dork," The blonde whispers into the ear of the little spoon.
"Screw you, princess." Octavia smiles to herself as she feels the blonde laugh against her back. The two girls then drift off to sleep.