A Great Man
Different things are kind of depressing me lately…in real life, in the news, in magi itself (especially Sinbad no bouken)…So I'm kinda taking it out on this story. Enjoy…?
Note: Slightly different from cannon. Kou empire arc didn't happen, Hakuryuu didn't rebel to defeat Gyouken and Arba didn't possess Hakuei in this one but possessed someone else.
I didn't know all that would happen.
How could I have known?
From the beginning I didn't know how bad it would get.
Maybe I should have known.
When I'd seen him for the first time in Magnustand, I hadn't known. He was another king trying to get in the way of my countries plans. Another arrogant man who thought he could take us down. We'd faced many of those before. I'd had my own share of having to fight back against the overconfident leader who wouldn't listen to reason. I'd refused to put my trust in him as I would anyone else in his position. It wasn't anything personal. Simply a precaution. There was nothing that struck him as more different than any other enemy I'd come to face at the time.
Really, I couldn't have known.
Later I met him officially after Aladdin convinced the three countries to sign a cease-fire agreement I met the man officially. I remember King Sinbad of Sindria had held out his hand to shake mine while I had already folded my hands for a bow. My culture prefers greeting others without touching them, for sanitary reasons I suppose. The king had been taken aback when I didn't take his hand. I remember his laugh when he let his hand drop to his side, golden eyes gleaming with ease. "I suppose I should get used to this if I'm going to be working with Kou for a while, right? I certainly hope I get to meet you again princess." I had smiled politely, but did not laugh. Aladdin had showed me the books about the king, and his opinions on all princess's being troublesome and annoying.
Calling me princess may have been a formality, but I knew it wasn't a compliment.
Maybe that was when I should have known.
It wasn't until later he stopped calling me princess and started calling me general. I wasn't sure when exactly he'd stopped or even why. I'd never told him that I didn't prefer being called princess. Perhaps one of my friends had? Or maybe after having me in so many meetings acting as a leader instead of a bystander he didn't believe the name fit me anymore. Maybe it was because after the walks we'd take to and from various meetings in the courtyard talking about philosophical questions and debate different issues the world would have to face because of Aladdin's announcement that he believed a general just made more sense.
But slowly my name changed from princess Hakuei. To General Hakuei. To just Hakuei.
I really didn't know at the time. I had no idea.
I had been just as surprised as anyone when the king had invited me to his kingdom. There were various parts of the treaty that had to be met on both sides, and one of Sindria's was that they had a representative from our country remain in Sindria as our spokesperson. When my country was picking people to go on the Kou Empire's behalf, Sinbad had asked if I would like to come. "Just until your country picks a representative of course," he'd told me with an innocent smile. "I'd like to show you around."
No one was sure what he was thinking. Many of us thought he had some kind of plan, a specific reason to ask me to come away from the country I called home. Kouen had cautioned me to be careful. He was a man who prided himself for being able to convince royalty, women especially, to tell him anything he desired. His specialty was taking those of power who could be key players in the world and making them his allies. As a general who knew many of the plans my country had made, it only made sense he would try and get them out of me. And a dungeon capturer? He may have held the most djinn's a man could hold, but having another person with a djinn must have sounded like a good proposition.
I had my own problems to worry about I remember. I was the sole protector of the Kouga nations and other tribes that we'd come to ally with in the years that had passed. A large number of them were my metal vessel users. I couldn't just leave to a different country for who knew how long and leave them unprotected. Part of me wondered if that was the king's goal. To get me away from my people so the Kou Empire would sabotage them, then King Sinbad would be there to swoop in and pick up the pieces.
But even while the king had invited me under innocent pretences, I did not trust him.
So I had given the tribes their own seats. In the time I had before my departure, I'd gotten one member from each tribe their own seat on the council so they could not be taken advantage of while I was gone. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea.
I hadn't known my own mistake.
When I arrived in Sindria I didn't come alone. Seisyuun had remained in Kou as my temporary replacement, to help guide the tribes in our countries politics until they were able to stand on their own feet. But I came with a number of people the Kou Empire had chosen for Sinbad to choose from as a representative. They thought it was better to send more than one so he could pick who would fit best on his own. I had been proud of being one of the ones who suggested the idea in the first place. It seemed like a good way to start off what we hoped would be a long-lasting treaty.
None of us had been aware of how useless it was.
While our five representatives tried to spend time with the king and attempted to learn about the country, the king paid them no mind. If I hadn't known better I would have said the only time he even spoke to them was during the original tour and official dinners including every general in his country. It had bugged me at first. We'd carefully picked representatives that we thought would fit in his country well, and he barely gave them a second glance back. The other representatives must have noticed. They couldn't have been happy with it.
In time, I started to realize their anger was not directed only at the king. Many of them were angry with me.
One day I had been speaking to one of the women generals from our country about the issue. She had scowled at me in disbelief. "You really don't know?" She'd scoffed, as if she thought I was making fun of her. I'd shaken my head honestly, just as confused then as I had been when I'd first realized there had been a problem. The women had shaken her head, with outrage directed at me and sheer disbelief at her situation. "How could the king possibly be spending any time with us? In case you haven't noticed…
All of his free time has been spent on you."
Truly, I hadn't known.
Looking back, I suppose that was true. Nearly every day I had run into him at least once, and I'd say the least amount of time I ever spent with him a day could account to about two hours. Most of the time it was much longer than that. It was rare that I did not share at least one meal with him. There were quite a few times he'd invite me to bring my work into his office so we could work together. Each party the country had held the king insisted I save a dance for him. Said dance would often be my only dance, as he would glare at anyone other than his generals who tried to ask me. Of course he did not mind when I danced with his generals. They also had started to become more of friends than acquaintances. I had come to know all of his generals by name, and any time I didn't spend alone or with the king was spent with them. And that was not counting the various conversations we would have that would sometimes go on for hours.
At the time my only thoughts were gratitude that I hadn't been forced to spend my visit alone. I hadn't realized just how much time I stole form the king until it was pointed out to me.
I hadn't known what kind of valuable information he was thinking he would get from me. If he was spending all that time to make me his ally it was useless. Kou was already allied with him, what difference would me knowing him do? He'd gotten all he wanted, an alliance with the Kou Empire and our country having to change our laws to fit with his. My own power was insignificant compared to that of even the other generals who had been asked to come. Yet he continued to spend his time on me.
As the realization had come to me, my fears and anxieties continued to grow with every meeting.
What could he want from me? What was I missing? Would I slip up and tell him what he needed to know, whatever it was? It must have been important, but did that mean dangerous for me? For my country?
If only I had known. The truth that he was hiding.
After about two months I'd given in and gone to the king directly. I had asked him to tell me what it is that he wanted from me. Part of me was desperate enough to beg, but I forced myself not to damage my pride needlessly. The king had been expressionless when I'd given my statement which made me feel worse. He must have known what I was asking him, so why did he look clueless? When I'd had my fill I'd waited for his response patiently, refusing to leave without some kind of answer. The king took his time in giving it to me, observing me from where he sat with a spark of interest in his eyes. After some time he stood up from his chair and walked around his desk to meet me halfway.
"I don't know what makes you think I would want information from you," the king had said, almost sounding disappointed. "Was wanting to spend time with you so wrong? Or is your confidence so low that you don't think someone could want you without having an ulterior motive."
My confidence, for the record, was fine. "If that was true then you would be spending time with my officials just as much as you are spending time with me."
"This again!" The king had ran one hand through his hair. It had been a conversation we'd had more than once at that point, one he was never fond of speaking about.
"King Sinbad, my country carefully picked them as our representatives and took the time to pick more than one so you could have your choice. They are angry that their work has been ignored." I remember the King had turned away from me with a twinge of anger written on his face. I remember that because still had a trace of it when he'd turned back when I had continued speaking. "And as for ulterior motives," he turned. "The last member of my country you were so nice to was Kougyoku."
"Oh, now that's just not fair!" King Sinbad had objected, not needing an explanation to what I meant. "That was before our countries were allies. I needed some kind of assurance that we would not go to war." His logic had seemed fine to me. He was easily able to spin the situation around so he sounded like the hero, so his actions no matter how good or bad were justified.
That should have been my first clue. I should have known.
Sadly, I had not. "Regardless, you had been kind to her without giving her a reason and in the end it had backfired on her. Given that situation and mine, is it so strange for me to jump to this conclusion?"
"Trust me, I did not have as much interest in your sister that I do in you." Perhaps he had meant it as encouragement, but I took his words to be anything but a compliment.
"That's even more concerning. That means whatever you want from me is even worse than what you wanted from Kougyoku. And you used her to spy on her own brothers." I'd tilted my head to the side, ignoring the annoyed glare Sinbad had sent in my direction. "I don't know how I will be able to react if whatever you want is worse than that. Won't you at least tell me what you want? Please, just be honest with me!"
Honesty? If only I had known how ironic that ward was when speaking to him.
"I don't want anything from you!" The king had exclaimed, and it was hard for me not to believe him. That was, until he continued. "I mean…nothing like what you think."
Alarm bells must have gone off in my head, because I remember my heart started racing. "What is that supposed to mean? Is it worse?" I think I started thinking about all the potential reasons he could want me on his side. I can't remember them all now, but I remember being terrified.
It must have shown on my face, for the king hurried to reassure me. "No, it's not like that! It's nothing bad! I don't want anything from you!" After a pause he had sighed and locked his eyes with mine. "I…I want you." Looking back, that should have been a pretty clear answer. But after the days of panicking and gathering ideas in my head, I suppose I couldn't capture his meaning.
"You want me…what? What do you want me to do? Do you want me because I have a djinn, or because I'm a general? If you want information about the Kou Empire anything I can tell you I guarantee Kouen or Koumei have already told you,"
"No!" Sinbad had slammed one hand down on his desk. It may have bene out of frustration, but I just remember my heart skyrocketing for fear of my life. "No, I don't want you for anything political! When I say I want you, I want you! I haven't been paying attention to the other representatives because I want YOU to be Kou's representative in my country! And that's not because I want information out of you or want to take your power away from your country. It's because you're one of the few people I've ever felt this strongly about and I want you to stay with me! I don't want just your power or your position. I. Want. You." After his announcement, I don't remember how long the silence lasted. I don't remember how long the two of us just waited there, staring into each other's eyes trying to see into their souls. I knew my emotions must have been written all over my face, because even the king who wore his face like a mask had desperation written in his expression.
Of course my response was so elegant, fit for a general of my standing.
"…Oh…oh."
Did you catch my sarcasm?
Things were a little…different after that. I'll admit, for a while after that, I was still pretty cautious. Part of me thought it was just another step of some great elaborate plan that I had yet to discover. But when I had not rejected the idea Sinbad must have taken it as an opportunity. I may have not given him a yes but I hadn't given him a no either. I wouldn't say he was more forward after that since he'd been fairly forward before, except he started being more honest with his intentions. Instead of asking me to meals with the generals he started bringing me to meals just the two of us. When he was drunk his flirtations were much more obvious than before. I appreciated that he would talk to me about us before we became a couple. He let me run through all the possible scenarios, different things we would potential argue about and whether we would work out or the whole thing would just cause problems for everyone.
There were a few problems that I hadn't even considered until it was too late.
I'm sure the other representatives from Kou were outraged. They had stayed in his country for months for nothing. To get no position of power, to earn no respect in the court, for just a waste of time. And all for, what I'm sure they thought, some pretty princess who somehow seduced the king? Someone who would serve as more of entertainment for the king than an actual political figure. I'm honestly not what they would have if Sinbad hadn't had an emotional connection to me, however I suspect the emotions would have been the same. Just different rumours to make them feel better about themselves.
I felt a little bad for them at the time. I didn't even fight when they would take their anger out on me. Sabotaging my work, yelling at me when there was no one else around. Once I overheard them considering whether one of them would still be picked as a representative since all I was doing was showing signs of being a silly princess who wanted to have fun and fall in love. I remember being genuinely confused at that, considering I had not said yes to Sinbad nor had I realized I was feeling anything beyond friendship for the king.
When it was pointed out to me however, I wondered if it was true.
Either way, I couldn't blame them for their anger. They hardly knew me, and I'm sure to them I was just a silly princess. My female cousins often did nothing to prove them wrong, and I recognized one of them as actually being one of their previous tutors. I tried not to let their whispers bother me, I'd dealt with ugly rumors before. It wasn't until one night that I stopped understanding their reactions.
Maybe he had been drinking. Maybe he just hadn't heard us walk past on the night of the party. But one night I was walking with King Sinbad through the festivities when we happened to overhear one of the generals blurting out whatever came to mind to the fellow drunkards who were too drunk to pay any attention to what he was saying. "You'd think that a daughter of Hakutoku would show more dignity!" his friends had laughed while he took another gulp of beer. At my side Sinbad had stopped on the path we took, far enough for them to not notice us but close enough so he could hear. "How could such a stupid girl ever become a general? I tell you what, I'll bet this is how she makes all her deals I'd bet. Seduces the leader until they do what she wants. That girl is probably not as innocent as she looks!" Normally I would have blushed at the accusation, but instead my mouth had dropped open aghast that anyone would think such a thing. I hadn't noticed Sinbad watching my reaction. I don't think he really believed him. But there was worry for what pain his words may have caused me.
"When I get back to Kou everyone will know about the girl's ditzy attitude!" The general had continued to his friends. "Let's see if her reputation can last if everyone knows how much of a flirt she really is. Probably will be better if she stays here, since she'll be seen as a fool when she gets back!" I remember the genuine fear that had shot through me at his words. Whether true or not, it was the word of five representatives against my own. My siblings may had tried to defend me but their power did not extend into the thoughts of the people. And if I didn't have support, I really couldn't do anything.
Sinbad must not have known about their rumors. Because when he heard them talk, I could see the outrage on his face.
I suppose that whole scene should have been my first warning.
If only I had known.
The representatives were called back the next day. None of them were sure why, but King Sinbad said there was an immediate order for their swift return. When I had started towards the boat however, King Sinbad had taken hold of my hand. "The call was only for the representatives," he'd explained to me. "You are to stay in Sindria." I hadn't understood why only the representatives were called back and not I. technically, I wasn't supposed to have been there in the first place. I'll admit I was frightened by the idea of them getting back to Kou before me, spreading their rumours before I could get back to defend myself. But Sinbad showed no sign of regret. He had no animosity in his face when he sent them off, despite that outrage on his face the night before. I'd not thought much of it at the time.
I hadn't known even when we received news later that day.
I'd rushed into Sinbad's office as soon as I heard. Perhaps I wanted confirmation, perhaps I wanted support. Either way when I entered the King looked up from his work immediately, a look of surprise on his face. "Hakuei? What's wrong?"
"The boat! The boat to Kou was…was it really destroyed? Is it true?"
"Ah yes, I believe it is true," Sinbad's response was far to calm considering the situation. He'd walked over to me with a sympathetic smile and placed his hands on my arms. "Are you alright?"
"I…" I don't know if I was alright. I think I was stunned more than anything else. "But…how? The weather is fine today!"
"From the report I was given, there was a very nasty wind on the way there. It blew them straight into the rocks and the boat was hit instantly." He'd pulled me into a hug before I could try and connect what he had said to what I had heard. "I've already contacted the Kou Empire to tell them the news. They understand, and would like you to remain here as Kou's representative if that is alright with me. Considering all their other options are…I'm sorry, were you close to any of them?" Kou's representative? I hadn't even thought about that at the time. My mind had been stuck on the deaths of the members of Kou.
"I…No, I wasn't. But it's still….it makes no sense, I-I just saw them…"
"Shh…" Sinbad whispered into my ear as he tugged me closer. "It will be fine. At least you won't have to worry about them speeding those rumours anymore." That hadn't even occurred to me. I hadn't been worried about that. I'd dealt with much worse. I must have said that out loud, for the king tightened his grip around my waist. "…you shouldn't have to." I hadn't known what he meant. I had been too stunned to do anything but remain safe and protected in his arms.
Blissfully innocent.
As I had left the throne room Jafar had walked in as my replacement. As I had left, I'd overheard Jafar talking to the king. At the time what he said hadn't made any sense to me. Maybe it was shock or because it didn't sound important enough to me that I didn't pay attention. But looking back, that might have been my first mistake. "King Sinbad, don't you think you're getting very greedy?"
I could practically hear Sinbad's smile as the door was shut. "No, this is necessary. I've told you that I don't care if I have to dirty my hands to help those I care for. Why are you surprised?" Jafar had frowned, but he hadn't continued.
I'm ashamed to say I didn't make the connection at the time. At that time, I definitely should have known.
There were signs of it as I continued to stay. Perhaps I just didn't want to see them. Kou did officially sign me as their representative, simply because they had no one else who was willing to come on such short notice. The King of Sindria wasted no energy hiding his excitement. Somehow he convinced me to go on an official date with him. Then another. And another. I really couldn't tell you how it happened, but it all seemed to happen so fast. I didn't even have the time to decide if I was alright with any of it. All I knew was that one day a very rich couple that had been causing problems in Balbaad had come to Sindria for discussions. Naturally, Sinbad had introduced himself first. "I'm Sinbad, king of Sindria. And this," he had held out his hand for mine. While I'd been confused the generals had urged me forward, and I took his hand when he pulled me into his side. "Is Hakuei Ren, my general and representative of Kou…
My girlfriend."
Was I his girlfriend?
I suppose so.
I just hadn't been made aware until then.
In the end, that day had been full of surprises. Sinbad had invited me to come to the meeting which surprised me. I may have been a new member of Sindria's generals, but I was still fairly new. Regardless I had followed Jafar to the meeting room, standing next to Masrur automatically. It didn't seem right to sit down when the other generals, Masrur, Hinahoho and Jafar, were all standing. But when he saw me stand Jafar had sent me to the couch. "He'd want you sitting next to him." I hadn't known what he meant by that, but I sat next to the king anyway. Sinbad didn't show any reaction, but his hand had reached out and taken mine.
Why did I give him my hand?
At first it had seemed like any regular meeting. He discussed with the couple their plans of bringing their business into Balbaad. The two had been normal for those who were rich, boisterous and the belief that they knew everything. I'd dealt with the kind before, so I was able to easily keep my cool. Sinbad also remained calm despite their boasting. That is, until they finally asked why Sinbad had wanted to speak to them.
They'd been expectant, as if they were to receive good news. Now, I feel sorry for them.
"You said your business was merchandise, correct? Things such as clothes, decorations, trinkets?"
"Ah yes! Our company sells many things!" the man's wife had replied cheerfully. "Do you have any questions?" Sinbad didn't ask a question. His reply was a statement not a question. One that I in fact hadn't wanted to hear.
"You're sales pitch neglected to mention," King Sinbad had replied, "That the merchandise was made by slaves."
I remember how cold it had gotten in the room after that. I'll be honest and say I don't remember all of what happened next. The couple had tried to make excuses, tried to explain that they weren't actually bringing slaves into Balbaad, but Sinbad would listen to none of it. "How dare you try and bring slaves into the country of my teacher," Sinbad's voice had been low, dangerous. He'd gone from a fellow merchant to a terrifying assassin in seconds. "This will not go unpunished."
So he told them of a few changes he'd made. He'd revealed to Balbaad the truth about the business, and the company had been denied access that morning. He also mentioned that with the illegal movement of slaves either they would have to pay for the freedom of every slave or pay them as they would regular workers. Two things that no matter how rich, the couple would not have enough money in a million years. But Sinbad had prepared for that as well. As we had spoken their possessions had been sold off to the highest bidder, yet that still hadn't been enough. There were few countries that were still allowed to have slaves. But Sinbad had found one.
The couple were supposed to report to their new master the next morning.
I remember they had begged. They had pleaded with King Sinbad for mercy, but he hadn't listened to a word. I'd watched, slightly horrified as the guards had dragged the couple out of the room, their screaming echoing through the halls until they were gone. Forever I suppose. The other generals had left close behind to make sure they didn't cause any problems. That left the king and me alone. "Well, now that that's over," King Sinbad had stretched out his arms as he turned back to face me. "Let's not waste the day. How about we get something to eat? Or go sailing?" He spoke so casually, a smile tracing his lips. There was no guilt behind it. No regret either. It was as if it was a normal meeting for him.
Perhaps it was.
"K…King Sinbad…"
"Oh love, please," Sinbad had taken my hand again, a teasing tone in his voice. "Just Sinbad. You know I hate the formalities." I'd been a little stunned because of the performance, and it took me some time to respond again. At least I can say with confidence the second time I was more sure of myself.
"Sinbad, don't you think that was extreme?"
Sinbad had tilted his head to the side as he helped me to my feet. "Extreme?"
"I know that keeping slaves is wrong, but making them slaves? Isn't that…unnecessary?"
"On the contrary dear Hakuei," Sinbad had argued, his regular smile beginning to send coils of nerves up my stomach. "It was the logical reaction. I had to make sure they wouldn't try to do the same thing again. One way or another they were going to be punished. Why would sending them to prison be any different?" I hadn't agreed. I know I hadn't. I'd wanted to argue that at least prisons were safer, they went through the proper legal channels. And more than that, it just wasn't right. It wasn't what a good man would do. But I hadn't even gotten a chance to speak up. "Let's not talk about them anymore," Sinbad had advised, kissing my forehead softly. "Let's go visit Pisti over in the forests. It's quite a beautiful day!"
And he's never spoken about it since.
Why hadn't I known?
That may have been the first time I'd noticed, but it wasn't the last time it happened. As I got more involved in Sindria's politics I saw the little tricks he did. Little tricks that would account for a lot more than just a few extra coins or a small piece of power in Sinbad's favour. He used the threat of a man's livelihood in order to convince him to sell his goods to Sindria. Another time he refused to give a father the antidote for his child unless he revealed a secret weapon the Laem Empire had been building. And there were more. There were many sacrifices, dangerous methods he used to get what he wanted. Each of them was more horrifying than the last.
Somehow, every time he was able to justify it to me. "It was for the good of the country." "We have to be ready to defend ourselves no matter the cost." "There's never a black or white Hakuei, I'm just doing what needs to be done." "Wouldn't you do the same if you country was at stake? If your brother was in danger." I couldn't' argue back. I didn't know how to. He always fought against my questions with a carefully prepared answer. At times it made me feel helpless.
What worried me was that he didn't bother to justify the meetings I didn't know about.
And that fact that there were times during the meetings I was truly glad not to be on Sinbad's bad side.
His friends did not make the problem any better. I don't know when I noticed what was wrong with it. His friends would tell him what he was doing was wrong. That he had become a bad man, too greedy for his own good. That his dark ambitious and selfish ways to get what he wanted would one day come back to haunt him. How the methods he used were not right, that what he was doing was wrong. But that was it. They told him, nothing more.
No matter how he changed, how dark his passions became or how careless he was with his actions, they would stay. Their loyalty was to be admired, I would admit. But it was a problem. There were no consequences. Even if he grew to become a monster, they would stay with him till the end. He had no reason not to change. He could do whatever he wanted. And that was dangerous.
For a man with nothing to hold him back, no consequences for his actions, is the most dangerous man of them all.
There was one time I'd really had enough. I honestly don't even remember what he'd done. Something about a man who had been a scientist being forced to serve under his own creations. His creations of no souls who planned to torture the man as they pleased. "Sinbad! Don't you think this is enough?" Sinbad hadn't even turned to face me as he'd readjusted his cloak. The man had managed to grab him before Masrur had torn him away.
"Enough?" Sinbad had replied. He'd turned to face me. He did not look surprised, not at all. But he didn't look happy either. "What do you mean enough?"
"They are still people! Bad people but people! What you are doing is too harsh!" Obviously the king did not agree. He went ahead, starting to sort his papers that had gone flying by piling them back on the desk. I'd huffed in exasperation I remember. "Who are you to judge what their punishment should be?"
He'd nearly laughed. "Who am I to judge? I'm the king. That is my job."
"But you're still a human Sinbad. You're starting to act like…like…" I had hesitated. Why had I hesitated? That's an interesting question. Maybe it was because I couldn't think of an example, that I'd started my sentence without planning out the answer. Truth was, I wasn't sure I wanted to admit what I was thinking.
"Like what?" King Sinbad edged me on, impatient for my answer. "A leader? A hero able to make the choices others are too afraid to face? A great man?"
A great man. Maybe. But I'd never wanted a great man. I wanted a good one.
"…Like you believe you are a god." The silence that had rested over the room after my statement felt like lead. Strong, impossible to ignore, yet you did your best. It was heavy in the room as the weight of my words clouded our thoughts. I personally thought that had been the end of the conversation. But it took Sinbad less time than I would have liked to respond.
"…Perhaps that isn't such a bad idea."
"What?"
"Hakuei, think about it," he'd turned to me earnestly. No longer annoyed, instead genuine excitement, and perhaps some desperation for me to understand. "I'm the first class singularity, conqueror of 7 dungeons. I built my country with my own two hands, I've conquered heights that others would not dare to look at. What better man to be a king? Who else could even be strong enough to make the decisions I must?" I think my mouth had dropped open in shock. I hadn't been able to believe what I was hearing.
"You…You're still human Sinbad!
But he had shook his head defiantly. "I stand higher than then Hakuei. I may be the only human who truly has the right to judge the guilty."
"But these methods-"
"Are necessary if I want to destroy the evil before it passes."
It was my turn to shake my head and object. "No! No they aren't!" It was my turn to speak with earnest, with a desperation for him to understand. "Sinbad these aren't necessary, these are cruel and inhuman! You can't cover it up with pretty words to defend what's really going on."
"Cover it up?" he looked vaguely confused, staring at me as if it was the first time he'd seen me. "What am I trying to cover up? Hakuei, you know that these people are evil and need to be stopped."
"I know, but Sinbad, these methods…Just taking away the fact that it's debatable whether the punishment fits the crime, the fact that you are doing all this without even a second thought concerns me!" He'd paused at my words. I had hoped it meant he was taking me seriously and beginning to consider my words. But instead it was a cheerful smile that graced his lips.
"While I'm touched you're worried about me," Sinbad had taken my hands in his with that same smile on his face, "It is really unnecessary in this case."
His smile did not fade when I yanked my hands away. "I'm worried what kind of man you would have to be to give these punishments without a second thought."
"I've already told you," That time he sounded frustrated, annoyed I could not come to the same conclusion he had. "I'm a great man. I'm the great man that will stop the bad ones."
Maybe I was just too stubborn for my own good, but I sent a glare as cold as ice in his direction. "Not everything is black and white Sinbad."
"Exactly. Which means that the answers may not be so pretty either." He paid no mind to the glare and continued to look at me as if I was the only thing he would ever love. "If I want to truly rid the world of evil, I may have to dirty my own hands to do it."
"But what will happen when you become the only dirty thing in the world?" Even I could hear the pleading tone that had come into my voice. I had been desperate for him to understand my side, to at least consider that his high road was not the proper path to take.
But there was nothing. He didn't even blink. "I won't be. Because I know what I've done is all because it must be done."
"But Sinbad,"
"Hakuei, please understand." He closed the distance between eyes, which had forced me to tilt my head up so I could stare into his eyes. There was a determination that I had seen before, but under different circumstances. "It's not that I WANT to do all these things. I don't wish the world was like this, but the fact is that the world has problems. If I want to make the world a better place I have to deal with the darkest parts of the world as well. I need to face all of this so I can stop it. I don't care if I have to fall myself if it means making the world a better place. You yourself have told me that you would sacrifice your own morals if it meant keeping your brother safe.
That's one reason I like you Hakuei." I had been so surprised by the turn of conversation I hadn't noticed when he'd taken my hands in his. He continued to stare at me with those loving eyes, admiring me for traits I was ashamed of. "You may not see it, but I know deep down you agree with me. I know I can count on you to do the same if necessary. If your family were in danger, you'd do whatever it took to keep them safe, even if those methods were less then ethical. And I want you to know that I'd do the same for you. I'd do whatever it took to keep you standing here next to me."
Whatever it took.
Whatever it took.
That had been my clue. That had been my key.
He would do whatever it took to help me. He would force people into slavery. He would blackmail them into giving over everything they had worked for. He'd force a creator to be killed by his own creations.
He'd destroy anyone who threatened my reputation.
"I don't expect you to understand right now," Sinbad had assured me with what I'm sure he meant to be a kind smile. "But you're very intelligent. I'm sure, in time, you'll understand." He'd walked away to continue cleaning his office as if nothing was wrong. As if nothing had changed. For him, I suppose nothing had changed. But for me it had. I didn't want to know what he wanted to know. I wasn't sure I'd be able to. Still not sure. Whatever Sinbad's focus, whatever his warped sense of justice was, I didn't think I would come to understand it.
But I'd come to understand one thing.
"Sin…" he turned to face me once again. He always paid attention when I called him Sin since he loved it when I was informal with him. I'm not sure why I called him Sin. Perhaps I wanted to humanize him, make it less likely that my growing fears were real.
"Sin, the boat crash…Was…was it really an accident?"
Sinbad had not replied.
"Meet me for dinner later," was all he told me. "You must be starving!" He'd laughed, then muttered something about me missing my lunch. He was right, but I don't think it would have mattered. I hadn't been in the mood to eat dinner that night anyway.
What scares me now, but didn't scare me then? Normally he asked me if I wanted to eat a meal with him. That time, it had been an order.
I couldn't do it. I didn't want to continue with it all, to work with a man who could do whatever he wanted with no consequence. Maybe I had come to love him in the time we spent together, but that didn't mean I was blind. I wouldn't sacrifice my soul for what he thought was right when I knew it was wrong. If nothing else but for his sake. Someone had to show him that what he was doing wasn't right. I couldn't let him get away with no consequences.
So I gave him my own. I decided to give him a consequence, just one. I wasn't even sure if he would listen, or if he'd even care. Maybe a part of me wanted to be assured that he was still a good man, that perhaps he'd just made a few mistakes like anyone would. That if faced with consequences he'd realize his mistakes and try to fix them like a good man.
But the king wasn't a good man. He was a great one.
I hadn't known how valuable a good man had been before I met him.
So I told him I'd leave. I can't remember exactly what I had said the day after we'd had that argument, but I'm sure it had made an impression. My speech was something along the lines of how I couldn't stop him from doing as he liked, but that didn't mean I had to help him. I had my own life, and I wouldn't lead it following plans and methods that I didn't agree with. I said I didn't want to, that I wanted to help with his original goal of making the world a better place, but if his true goal became entirely selfish and if he didn't see his own mistakes, I would leave. I'd pack up my bags and go find somewhere else to stay. Because if I didn't, who would? I was the only one not bound by history or moral obligations to stay with him.
I remember the shock written on his face, the shear disbelief accompanied by the growing realization that I was telling the truth. He certainly hadn't known. I remember leaving his throne room without waiting for his response. Simply because I had known he hadn't been able to come up with one.
Maybe I was being rather selfish. Maybe I do need to work on my loyalty skills. But at the time it had seemed like the right thing to do. It was my life, and I wouldn't live it by only his rules. And whether he knew it or not, he needed to feel loss. I had no doubt he'd felt it in the past, probably many times. But in the time I'd known him I could recognize that he'd gained too much, he'd become too powerful. I wouldn't be a part of his plans. Another pawn to do with as he liked simply because he thought he could. Besides, at the time, I hadn't believed I was that important to him. I wasn't even sure if my speech would bother him at all. But I had to make my own decision. For my life if nothing else.
To this day I don't know who exactly he told about my ultimatum. The generals did not treat me differently after I had talked to their king. They only showed signs of confusion when they caught the thoughtful looks their king sent me when he thought I wasn't looking. That was all he had done though. He looked thoughtful. As if every time I passed what I said returned and he ran through every word carefully in his mind. A part of me truly hoped that he would make the right choice and stop. At least he had taken the time to consider my words.
At least, that was what I had thought he was doing.
Instead whenever he looked thoughtful when he saw me it was because he was coming up with his own plan.
By then I should have known.
But I only figured it out when it was too late.
One day after I'd almost forgotten about our conversation I noticed things were different. There were whispers as I walked past and a few people staring at me when my back was turned. Normally I could have just ignored it, having grown up with the occasional stare and whispers. However that time there were more whispers than I had been used to. And it was more than that. None of the whispers were…bad.
When there was ugly rumours going around, they would carefully avoid my eye or laugh when I leave. But that time, no one avoided my gaze when I turned to them. Most actually smiled at me. Some waved at me as I had passed. I was confused, but I hadn't seen a problem with it. I'd only started to grow concerned when one of the servants had come up to me and congratulated me. "Oh congratulations dear," She'd cooed, a group of other female servants giggling behind her. "I'm sure everything will work out!"
"What will work out?" I'd asked her, but she and the others had rushed away before I could get an answer. I had still been confused as I'd walked through the hallways of Sindria on my way to meet Yamu in her lab. As servants and soldiers passed I got many more congratulations, many of which I was too confused to do anything but say thank you. When I get to the lab I had been bursting with questions.
My greeting to the lab hadn't been any better. The minute I'd stepped through the door I was jumped by a small blond-haired women. "Hakueiiiii how could you!" When I finally regained my balance she had jumped to the floor and was stomping angrily. "Of course I'm happy for you but how could you not invite me?"
"I-Invite you?" I'd been so shocked by the attack I could barely process her words.
"I mean, I know you two probably wanted to keep it quiet from your country and all, but does that mean you couldn't have had a little celebration? Maybe a small gathering of friends? I certainly hope you decide to redo it, because just a signing of documents is definitely not enough if you ask me,"
"What are you talking about?" I'd interrupted her. I remember that specifically because the younger women had been momentarily silenced in her surprise.
That obviously did not last long. "I'm talking about your wedding obviously! I'm so hurt you wouldn't invite me by the way?"
"My…What?" Her words hadn't gotten through. I had no idea what had been happening, and what Pisti thought was an explanation just made it worse. A wedding? Whose wedding? Who had gotten married? I wasn't getting married. So who had?
"Your wedding," Yamu had peaked out from behind one of the tables, face hidden behind a pair of goggles. "Everyone's talking about it! How you and Sinbad got married in secret weeks ago! I don't know how it got out Hakuei, but congratulations!"
We had what?
"It explains why Sinbad has been acting so weird the past few weeks," Pisti had teased, poking my side as if she thought I would laugh. "I'd thought you two were fighting about something, but looks like things were a whole lot better than I'd thought! You must have been working real hard to keep it a secret but don't bother to deny it now! We all know the truth!" A few weeks ago? A few weeks ago from that day I'd given him my ultimatum. I certainly do not remember signing any marriage certificate!
"We…we aren't married!" I'd blurted, shocking the two generals into silence. Pisti had crossed her arms while Yamu had shook her head. Obviously the two women had not believed me. "I-It's the truth! I never signed such a thing, we actually were fighting recently! Where did you hear such a thing?"
Yamu had frowned, her own suspicions started to rise when she saw my reaction to the news. But Pisti on the other hand had shrugged carelessly. "Yeah right Hakuei. Don't act so embarrassed and blushy. There's no need to be hide it anymore!'
'Sinbad told me himself!"
That was when I became legitimately afraid that something was wrong.
All things considered, I am impressed by how calmly I was able to walk to Sinbad's office. Of course my mind had been reeling and I'll admit my pace may have been a bit quicker than normal, but considering the situation I was still proud of myself. I may have lost a little control when I'd marched past the guards and forced the doors from Sinbad's office room to swing open. "Sinbad! What is going on?" two faces had popped up to greet me. Jafar who was standing closest to me, had been hunched over the desk helping Sinbad look over some papers. Sinbad of course, was reclined in his chair, showing the regular distain for the work laid out in front of him.
When his eyes met mine, I remembering shivering at the look of triumph in his.
"Hakuei!" Jafar had run over to me with a genuine smile on my face. Looking back I actually feel bad for him. His face had been more joyful than the time he'd drunken too much wine. Maybe he'd thought that his king getting married was a good sign. Maybe, like me, he'd been searching for ways to see Sinbad's light break through the grey cloud. Before I had been able to say a word, he'd handed me three statues. "I'm sorry I didn't know about this until now, but congratulations! The first statue is a blessing for fertility, the second one is,"
"We aren't married."
"I…What?" Jafar's face had fell instantly, confusion replacing his expression. He'd stared at me for a long time, trying to gauge the truth from my words. Then when he realized I was being honest he had turned to Sinbad, a growing realization forming in his mind. "Then…Why…?" Sinbad hadn't given Jafar an answer.
Instead he'd silently pushed the papers to the side, sorting them in a neat pile on the corner. "Jafar. Could you leave Hakuei and me alone for a while? We have some…important pieces of our future to talk about." Jafar had stood there, stunned for a moment. My heart went out to him when his regular, gloomy expression of defeat he got when Sinbad showed his dark side emerged. Jafar had mumbled a quick goodbye, then left the room without a word. I was not encouraged by the look of pity and encouragement he shot my way before he left.
When he was gone, Sinbad had finally stirred from his resting place. "I take it you've heard the rumours?" There was a hint of humour in his tone that must have annoyed me even more. I remember my reply had been a bit too quick.
"Rumours that apparently you started." For a moment he didn't reply. "Do you deny it?"
"No," Sinbad had replied instantly. In fact, I remember there was a smile on his face. The same smile he used in business meetings. You can never punch a smiling man in the face, he had told me before. I hadn't come into his office expecting a political conversation. "I have no reason to."
"We aren't married."
"We may as well be."
"What? Why?" I remember I had tried searching for my memories, trying to find anything that could have made the connection to his words. "We are only dating! Why would you even spread these rumours? I thought you never wanted to get married!"
"Oh Hakuei," Sinbad's smile was sympathetic, odd considering the situation we were in. "Haven't I told you that you are the exception to many of my rules?" He had. One night when we had been particularly vulnerable towards each other. He'd taken me to dinner on the roof of one of the buildings and we'd stayed there staring at the stars. He'd told me stories about his adventures, more specifically the darker, less heroic moments he'd come to hide. I'd revealed different times I myself had made mistakes as a general, some mistakes that had cost others' lives. How at times I worried if I wasn't leading my people the way my brothers would have been proud of.
I had started to regret that honesty.
He'd walked around his desk to me, and I had thought he was going to walk to me. Instead he'd headed over to the window. More specifically, the eye of the rukh that he'd rested on his windowsill. I remember being confused, wondering if he was expecting me to contact someone. Instead when he tossed me the little ball, his words sent a chill down my spine. "Considering the message I got this morning, I'd say your family back at Kou already know. They may want to talk to you soon, so I think you should hold onto that."
"WHAT?" I remember being terrified by the idea. My country would not take such a thing lightly, I was certain. If they had heard even the rumour that I was married, they would consider it truth. I'd be considered a Sindrian citizen and while my position as Kou's representative may have remained intact, my position as general of Kou would be compromised. My power would be stripped. "Why did you do that? How could you tell them such a thing?" Sinbad shrugged, but I shivered at the action. At the moment I hadn't known why. I can't remember when I started to fear the king, but that was the day I truly had come to realize that fear.
"I thought it was important for them to know."
"Why? We aren't really married!"
"But things were heading that way, weren't they?"
"N-no, not yet! I mean, I don' know but,"
"You were the one who getting ready anyway," Sinbad had taken his position right in front of me. I hadn't been able to look up, focused on the reflection of my own face staring back at me in the glass orb. It wasn't hard to guess the smug look Sinbad was trying to hide when he leaned against his desk, arms crossed in front of his chest. "Don't you remember? You gave your power to the tribes you allied with. You may as well have prepared for this all to happen before hand. With that kind of situation, is it really hard to believe your country would jump to this conclusion?"
"I-I did that because I didn't want them taken advantage of while I was away!"
"That's one way to look at it," Sinbad had mused, tilting his head to the side. "On the other hand, considering the situation, more people might look at it from my angle." I must have been staring at him. Sinbad had given me a smile, one that on the surface area was comforting, but I'd known him better. I'd been able to spot the look of triumph on his face. "Is it really a problem Hakuei? We were going to get married anyway, this would have all happened then. So what difference does this make?" One of his hands had rested on my arm affectionately.
A motion that had used to be filled with comfort at the time felt like needles against my skin. At the touch I'd yanked away from him. I'm sure my eyes were wide with realization and a growing fear. "N-no, not yet! I wasn't sure, I wasn't even sure I'd be able to choose! I-I was going to leave, go back to Kou…"
"Well," Sinbad's eyes had twinkled, his victory shining in his eyes. "I suppose you can't leave now, can you?"
That was it. That was the moment I realized what was going on. During the past few weeks he hadn't been debating my words, he'd been planning. The whole situation, the rumours, causing what would soon be myself being stripped of my status as general of Kou, was all because I'd threatened to leave him. I'd said if I didn't like what he continued to do, I wouldn't stay. But I no longer had that option.
I'd seen him use darker methods to get what he wanted before that day. Over time I'd started to fear that look in his eyes when he was in a meeting I knew one side would not walk away satisfied. I'd tried to assure myself that I had no reason to worry, that in time he would stop. More than anything I'd never considered that he'd use those means against me.
But apparently I'd become something he decided was too important to let go.
"I've decided I want you by my side Hakuei," he admitted, not bothering with the pretense of ignorance anymore. His smile had lowered, instead revealing the seriousness of the situation. "You know I'm a greedy man. Why would I ever let go of what I want?"
I hadn't replied. I hadn't even considered such a thing. When I had given him that plan, I thought he would leave it at that. I had thought if I wanted to go, he would let me go. I'd never considered that he would care so much if I had left. I hadn't even be sure he would have cared at all. I'd thought he'd care about my own thoughts enough to let me make my own decision. I hadn't realized his greed overpowered that. Shaking my head desperately I did all I could to resist. "I'll leave anyway! I just won't go back to Kou."
"Oh?" He crossed his arms as a teasing smirk traced his lips. He placated me as if he was speaking to a child. "Where will you go?"
"Somewhere," I'd been annoyed at the vagueness of my answer. "It does not matter."
"How do you expect to help the people you promised your brothers to protect if you disappear? You'll have no power if you just go 'somewhere.'" Again I regretted being so honest with him.
"My ancestors built our country up from nothing. If I have to build my power back from nothing then I will."
"How? Where will you go that you could possibly do such a thing?"
"I'll…go somewhere no one will recognize me."
"And how do you expect to do that?" That time he got to his feet. Slowly he circled me, making sure his presence was known, marking himself as the hunter and myself as the prey. The dominant vs the submissive. The one in control vs the one who was being controlled. "You aren't just general Hakuei, princess of the Kou Empire and daughter of their most honoured king. Now you're general Hakuei of Sindria, lover of King Sinbad of the seven seas. My influence goes further than you'd expect Hakuei. I've claimed you as my own, and that makes you much more interesting than you were before. In case you haven't noticed, you're famous. Considering my reputation and your own combined, how many places are there in the world that you expect to find solitude? And even if you could, say you could find a land where no one had heard of your name or knew of your face. How do you expect to help anyone from there? How will you ensure that I don't go back on my word and retract the treaty with your country? Your country and mine may have similar forces, but we both know there will be heavy losses on both sides. Will you be able to bear that from wherever you decide to hide from me? Your own monster?" He'd stopped directly in front of me. We were standing so close I don't remember if our feet were touching or not. At that time I had refused to make eye contact as I tried to focus on his words. When he spoke he used one hand to gently tip my chin up, forcing my eyes to lock with his.
"I'm not a monster Hakuei. But if you want to make me your monster, I will act like one.
"So you decide Hakuei," He'd ordered, pulling away. "Either you leave Sindria and Kou to try and find a place where I won't find you and potentially start the very war you wanted to avoid. Or you stay here with me as my queen." Just like when we'd first met, he held out his hand. Except that time it was with his palm up, waiting for me to take his hand and for it to stay there. For me to not pull away but hold his hand for as long as he pleased. "Is there really a debate?"
He was right. There was no debate.
What the worst part was? He hadn't seen it. He thought he was doing the right thing, being a hero. Stopping me from making a mistake that I would come to regret.
He couldn't see the kind of man he'd become. A great man.
But not a good one.
His friends hadn't liked it. I could see it in their eyes when he told them of his plan. Their slipping confidence was written on their faces, including their distaste for his plan. Yet, they still stayed. Just like they had promised they would. We were officially married within the week, though Pisti still insisted on having a proper ceremony. For a few months we planned a proper wedding, including my family and friends and various traditions from both cultures. Sinbad had been kind, comforting, just like the man I'd come to fall in love with. But I couldn't avoid the other man. The great man that sent chills down my spine. The great man who loved me but I could not hide from. The great man who I loved, but was ashamed to stay with. Somehow I never stopped loving him. But I knew I shouldn't have stayed with him. I always hoped that someday, if I was very lucky, he would become a good man.
That was the man I am married to.
I hadn't known. I really hadn't know.
What kind of man he was. How far he would fall for his own dark ambitions. The plans he would take that would make my own stomach curl, that would make me question everything I had known to be good and true. I hadn't known how truly selfish and greedy the man I'd started to follow had become. And I especially hadn't known just how terrible the man I thought I could trust would become.
How the king of the world would never show his true sides as a monster.
But I hadn't know.
I hadn't known?
Well, that's my worst fear in all this.
That perhaps the whole time, I had known.