BE YOUR OWN HERO
4 – Something to think about
Lena had kept thinking about her conversation with Supergirl a lot longer that night.
It was true what she had told the Girl of Steel.
All her childhood she had looked up to Lillian, to her mother, no matter how horrible she had treated her. She had loved her anyway, like the desperate child she had been.
Desperate for affection, approval and love and her mother had used it to punish her, break her and form her into the perfect puppet.
And yet she had loved her and loved her still. Against all reason, fully aware that Lillian Luthor couldn't care less about her and probably, not to say most likely, wanted her dead.
She had tried her best, been her best all those years in hopes that one day she would meet Lillian's expectations, but to no avail.
And every time she had failed, every time she had caught the disappointment, the disgust in her mother's eyes, it had cut through her like a knife.
No matter what she had done, at the end of the day it had never been good enough.
She had not been good enough.
It was what had made her realise that Lillian would never love her.
Looking back now had made Lena see that no one did, that no one ever had.
Not even Lex. Not really.
A feeling of dread and hopelessness had started to spread in her chest at the realisation, because it made her think that she was unlovable altogether.
When the Luthors had adopted her she had thought that she had found a family, but the truth was she had found lonliness, emptiness instead.
She had held on to the affection shown towards her by Lex, but what was it worth now that he wanted her dead? Had it ever meant anything or had it been one of his little, manipulative schemes taught by his mother? Had he ever really cared about her or had it all been an illusion, probably even created by her own, hurting mind?
Those questions had kept her up for the better part of the night and when she had finally dozed off Lena had suffered from nightmares she didn't want to ever recall.
How she had managed to get up in the morning she had no idea, because she had felt lifeless and miserable, and yet she had gotten out of bed and now she was sitting in her office chair, studying a file for her 2 pm meeting.
She had shown up impeccably dressed, make up flawless, her posture poised and as calm and collected as ever.
Her every step confident and strong as she entered the L-Corp building, her mask in place, showing to the world outside that she was fine although she wanted to fall apart.
But there was no such thing as a bad day where she could hide away in her bed, she had been raised by the Luthors after all.
And Luthors didn't fall apart, they didn't show weakness.
They functioned, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much it killed them inside.
Kara was sitting at her desk, trying to concentrate on the research she had to do for an article she was supposed to write, knowing full well that she couldn't blow it or Snapper would probably demand her head on a plate, but she couldn't focus.
Her mind was a jumble, especially after she had bumped into Mon-El in the elevator in the morning. The whole situation had been nothing, but incredibly awkward and she didn't know what to make of it.
He had kissed her and he didn't remember. Or at least that was what he had said, but she wasn't sure that he had told her the truth or why did he behave so weird around her lately?
Kara knew she was as much to blame, for the awkwardness at least, because she was so overwhelmed.
By everything.
The truth about her parents. Lena. Mon-El. Lena.
Lena saving everyone. Lena being so sad and alone. Lena most likely being in danger.
She couldn't afford to think about unimportant things like feverish kisses, especially since she didn't even know what it meant or if she wanted it to mean something to begin with.
Yes, she liked Mon-El, but not like that? Or did she? Probably not, because her first reaction after the inital confusion of him not remembering what had transpired between them had been relief.
And that wasn't a good sign, now was it? At least not for her potential something with Mon-El.
The sound of someone clearing their throat right next to her made her jump in her seat and Kara silently cursed herself for letting her thoughts stray once again.
When she caught sight of her chuckling sister Kara sighed, "Alex, what are you doing here?"
"I'm glad to see you too."
Alex' joking tone managed to get Kara out of her funk and she forced a smile on her face, "Sorry. What can I do for you, Alex?"
"I just came to ask you something. I'm on the way over to..." she wanted to say L-Corp, but the sadness in Kara's eyes made Alex decide against it, "Uh... Some alien was reported missing in the morning...I'm about to talk to the employer."
First she had to talk to Lena Luthor though, but Alex wasn't sure how well Kara would take the news since things between her and Lena were still far from fine.
Kara's eyes grew wide and she was about to get up, "Should I come along? Any idea what happened?"
"There's no need. So far we don't know anything. Maybe it's nothing", Alex tried to sound positive, but she was well aware that Kara didn't believe her for one second. With Cadmus still out there they had to be even more careful than usual, but so far they had no evidence that there had been a crime.
"Okay. But call if you need help", Kara countered before she remembered her sister's inital statement, "Wait...what did you want to ask?"
Alex grinned at the question, glad that Kara had paid attention to her, especially when her sister obviously couldn't be bothered to focus on her job, "Pizza and movies tonight?"
"Definitely. I'll get the movies", Kara smiled as well. She missed spending quality time with Alex, but life had gotten so incredibly busy with Cadmus and all the other disasters that constantly hit them.
Alex nodded in agreement, "I'll bring the food."
Lena walked into her office, exhausted and annoyed after a meeting that had taken way too long and had accomplished nothing, followed by her assistant, who was carrying a stack of files, which she put onto the desk in one swift move.
"I just got word from the workers that they are almost done unsealing the door of the old science lab, Miss Luthor", the woman announced and Lena hummed appreciatively, "Thank you, Jess. Is there anything else?"
"Miss Danvers is here to see you."
"You could have let her in, Jess. I told you she can..." Lena started, but her assistant shook her head, "The other Danvers."
Lena seemed to be confused for a moment, but then she remembered their appointment, "Right. Send her in, please."
"Of course."
She took a deep breath as her assistant left the room. She wanted to go downstairs and check out Lex' old laboratory. She had it sealed when she had taken over the business without so much as taking a look around, but now that she was on a mission to figure out what Cadmus was up to she decided that it couldn't hurt to find out what exactly her brother had been doing down there in the catacombs of L-Corp.
"Miss Luthor", Alex Danvers announced in greeting as she entered the office and Lena stood from her chair, shaking the offered hand as Kara's sister stopped right in front of her desk, "Agent Danvers."
"Thank you for seeing me, I'm sure your schedule is quite busy, Miss Luthor. I really appreciate it." Alex stood tall, eyeing the woman her sister was so fond of like a hawk while Lena sat back down.
Lena folded her hands and put them on the desk, "Don't mention it, Agent Danvers. What can I do for you?"
"I have some questions about the rocket launch at the docks."
"Of course you do", Lena fought her hardest not to roll her eyes, "What do you want to know?"
Alex cleared her throat, "Your mother is refusing to cooporate, but I'm sure that isn't really surprising you."
"Your assumptions are correct. I'm not surprised in the slightest. My mother is not going to help you", Lena agreed, her voice steady.
"Will you?" Alex asked bluntly. She needed to know if Lena Luthor would be an ally or an enemy and, although she was aware that the Luthor heir could be lying to her very face, she had to ask, because something was telling her that Lena Luthor wasn't in the mood for playing games if her worn out expression was anything to go by.
"Will I what, Agent Danvers? Help you?" Lena shook her head, "I'm afraid I can't."
Alex' challenging eyes locked with intensely green ones then, "You can't or you won't?"
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I have no knowledge about my mother's work. Or my brother's for the matter. Nor do I have any idea who is in charge of Cadmus now...or what they are up to", Lena commented dryly, "And I certainly don't want anything to do with it, that I can assure you...Agent Danvers."
Alex raised her hands in a defeated gesture, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just...my sister thinks really highly of you, Miss Luthor. And I thought...since you stopped your mother's nefarious plan...if you hadn't switched out the isotope...I would have lost some of my friends. People I consider family. And I need help to protect them...because Cadmus won't stop."
"No, they won't."
Lena's words sounded so final, as if that war couldn't be won anyway, "As I said...I have no knowledge about any kind of Cadmus activity or my mother's doings."
Yet. But she wouldn't tell the agent that. She had found a name, a single name, of someone who had worked for her mother and whom she suspected to be a member of Cadmus, but she wasn't sure. She needed evidence and she didn't want Alex Danvers sniffing around. It was her family, her problem and she would deal with it by herself.
As no good deed went unpunished and she had had enough of that to last her a lifetime.
"Alright then. Could you give me a call in case..." Alex handed Lena a card with her contact information and Lena nodded, "Of course."
"Thank you for your time, Miss Luthor", Alex was about to turn around and walk away, but Lena's voice stopped her, "Why are you here, Agent Danvers? Why would you even consider working with me? You clearly don't trust me, so I don't quite understand."
Alex Danvers smiled then, "You did me no wrong. You are the last Luthor and according to my sister you are the good one. She thinks you are the one to show the world what a Luthor is really capable of...because you are the only one not blinded by hatred, the only one not seeking revenge."
"I'm a lost cause instead", Lena replied, sounding utterly defeated, but Alex only shook her head, "A piece of work is what you are, Miss Luther. You only need to find someone who is willing to put in the effort, to walk the extra mile...for you."
Lena stared at Kara's sister in disbelief, as if the mere suggestion would be nothing short of ridiculous, "And where would someone like me find someone like that, Agent Danvers?"
"You sure you don't already have someone like that?"
Their eyes met once again, Lena's gaze doubting, but daring her to continue, so Alex did, "Think about it, Miss Luthor. Wouldn't you say Kara would would easily qualify? For what it's worth...I know how deeply sorry she is. And I mean truly sorry. I know, I know...you're hurt...and forgiveness has to be earned...but therefor you need to give her a chance...she might surprise you."
And then Alex turned around and left, aware that she couldn't say any more without crossing boundaries she wasn't supposed to. She would also betray Kara's trust if she kept talking and that wasn't an option either.