Heaven's falling

Episode VI: Searching for Alex

Despite the fact that she was his enemy, she seemed to have the same pilot DNA he had. Her story made Poe lose himself in thoughts. He remembered his mother teaching him to fly. When he was a small boy he had been sitting on her lap, flying the small plane she had gotten as kind of a good bye gift from the rebellion together. It was no comparison to the X-Wing he was flying in the present, but it had been something special nonetheless. Like a second home. Already at that point Poe had started to love the feeling of freedom when he was flying and always looked up to the stars. He had known at that very early point in his life that there would not be anything out there for him to do other than being a pilot. After his mother died unexpectedly when he was just eight years old, the small plane she had owned had been his place to remember her. Poe knew it would make her proud if he followed her footsteps and become a pilot, defending the dream of a republic his parents had fought so hard for.

It was Alex voice that got him back into reality. "I think most of the pilots had some things in common," she told him pensively. "And I always thought the tests in the First Order were only about what someone is good at, not considering the fact whether you like it or not. An example is that idea of you becoming a mechanic." He really could not imagine the First Order being only half as good as she claimed it to be, but she was surely seeing this whole thing with those pink glasses the First Order had put on her when she was a child. Pink glasses which existence she surely was not even aware of. "The First Order does know as well that your results are influenced by whether you want and like to do what you are supposed to be doing. Contrary to what you think of us, none is threatened to get inside a TIE-fighter with a blaster pressed in his back. We get in because it is the right thing to do."

Poe opened his mouth to reply something, but decided otherwise as he did not want to bring up that topic again and let her continue. "Maybe some of us wanted to become something else, but it's not like there isn't a single pilot doing it because he or she loves to fly." Just to keep the peace intact, he nodded. "Fine. You convinced me. It does not matter which side we are on, we pilots are a family of positively insane people," he told her with a grin.

Alex looked at him, clearly amused. "I guess that is all there is to tell you about me. Now it's your turn." The Resistance pilot thought about it for a second and softly blew away an auburn coloured strain of her hair that was itching his nose. Alex shuddered at the sudden blow of air in her neck. "Is there even something you lot do not know about me? You are even gossiping about me, which suggests that you have sufficient information to get an impression about me", he told her with another grin.

The other pilot looked at him in a serious face. "You know that gossiping does not require information. You just invent whatever you don't know. In your case, it seems to be enough to know you are the Resistance's best pilot, loyal and charming. I guess our database does have some additional information, like where you are from and how old you are, but I did not read your file that thoroughly. Usually, I have better things to do than searching our databases for specific people from the Resistance," she replied. "But you were able to remember the gossip?" he asked. Alex just shrugged. "You know as well as I do that things you don't want to remember are the things you remember the easiest," she admitted. Poe nodded. Everyone knew about that. „33, Yavin IV," he told her. She gave him a questioning look. „I am 33. And Yavin IV is my home planet, or at least the planet I grew up on and lived until I became a pilot for the republic," he said to answer her questions. Alex raised an eyebrow, what made him chuckle. "You really did not read it, did you?" Poe asked. As a reply Alex shook her head, so he continued. "Yes, before joining the resistance I have been a pilot for the republic."

She did not really know why but it raised her interest. Wasn't the new republic the thing the whole rebellion had always dreamt about? Didn't they achieve their goal when they put the galaxy into the unstructured, anarchical chaos it was today? Why should you leave the republic for the Resistance, then? Wouldn't you be betraying the republic you have dreamt about with that? Sometimes her curiosity just got ahead of her and she disliked that feeling. Until nowm she had mostly been able to ignore those things, In the First Order if was safer to not ask questions when it was not absolutely necessary. Especially if the question you had in mind would be asked only to satisfy your own curiosity. But there was no one around to blame her for depart from standard procedures, so she asked anyway.

„I know we agreed not to talk about it, but I'd like to know why," she told him hesitantly. Much to her own surprise he answered without any kind of hesitation. "On my opinion it was the right choice. My parents were both rebels and raised me with the strong belief that the universe needs the republic. Unfortunately that republic went too easy on you. Maybe because some people in the universe still don't want to decide on their own. If you are governed by an Imperium, you never have to really think about anything and face the consequences of your own choices, because you don't have many. And you can always blame someone else if anything goes wrong. I believe that every species in this universe deserves the right to make their own choices, to live the way they want to, think what they want to think and do what they want to do. It's not fair if everyone has to suffer from some people's inability to face the outcome of what they decide."

Her silence clearly showed him that she was thinking about whether and what to say about that. Especially as she had asked, she surely wanted to say at least something, so it would not seem awkward. But she seemed to be struggling, so Poe just smiled at her and removed a strain of hair from her face. "You don't have to say anything. We'll just keep it at that. I know you disagree, but we should try to keep this in the easy way, all right?" She nodded. "Your parents must be proud of you", Alex said, for what he gave her an insecure smile.

"My mother died when I was eight years old. My father recently died." Alex opened her mouth to mutter some kind of apology to that mishap, but he shook his head. "I think they would be. Well, maybe not if they knew about this situation and who I am sharing my fur with," he joked.

"Another reason why no one should ever find out that we met," she replied. "True. But don't they do those tests on you?" he inquired. "Which tests?" "How do they call it? Conformity?" She nodded. „They do. But the mere fact of us sitting here does not change anything in my beliefs and the fact that someday I will personally send you to the next dimension. So there is no need to worry about that," Alex said and even managed to obscure her own doubts more easily than she thought. To be honest she had no idea what the First Order would say about the fact she did not kill him on instance. And she had also no idea what her superiors would do if they ever found out that she voluntarily spent time with Poe. But it would work out… somehow.

To be safe from this topic, she decided to bring up something else. "I think we should start thinking about how we are going to sleep." Poe looked at her. "Is there anything unclear about that? We both fit under the fur and I still don't bite. Yesterday we had two blankets and slept an arm's length apart. Today it's one blanket and less distance. Tomorrow we will try to find a new fur. Maybe even two." "So I will go to our ships alone?" He smiled. „You are a big girl. I'll probably only be in your way. I'd say I will join you later on to help you carry your stuff back here." „All right."

Poe nodded and made a gesture for her to move to her usual sleeping spot. The First Order pilot removed the fur from her shoulders and did as she was told. Then she turned to her side, looking into the fire. Poe followed her, lying down next to her. Afterwards, he cautiously put the fur over them and turned so he was now lying behind her. "What are you doing?" she asked when he put his right arm around her. Poe raised his head and looked at her questioningly. "I am using the available space in an optimal way, what else? The only other position that would fit us both under it is one both of us won't like very much." "I am talking about your arm." "Where should I put it instead? I think it will bother you even more when I put it right next to your butt." That argument was good. "Good night Poe."

When Poe woke up the next morning, he directly asked himself whether he had overslept. His second thought was about the fact that the woman lying beside him in the evening was gone. A quick look into the corner where she had put her snow shoes the day before told him that Alex was out. Poe searched for his blaster and sighed relieved when he found it still attached to its usual place. The resistance pilot sat up and had a look around. There was no sign of her. He could not imagine her going out without saying something, but the signs were clear.

Poe slowly got up and walked over to the entrance of their cave. In comparison to the days before, there was no sun shining down onto the endless, snow covered planet. Instead, it was snowing so heavily he could not see anything. As a first measure he tried shouting her name, hoping for a reply, but apart from the echo of his voice there was none. He went inside to search for his quadnocs. But even with those, he could not see her. So she must have left already way earlier.

In this heavy snowfall she would never find the way back, he concluded and swore. This woman was driving him insane and caused trouble for three. How could he have thought that it would be easy in just one simple thing? The First Order caused trouble and she was no exception. Grumbling, he went back inside. Poe knew he should sit down, wait for the snowfall to die down, go on with his daily tasks and not care about whether she came back. Sometimes he hated himself, because he had never been able to do that. Poe swore again, took his fur and went outside to search for her.

Meanwhile, Alex was walking through the snow, searching for firewood. She had already noticed after getting up that it made no sense to walk to their ships. In the heavy snowfall she would not be able to do anything useful there and it would be difficult to find the way there and back. As Poe was still sleeping, she decided to go out by herself. Alex had to admit that there was another reason behind that as well. She needed time for herself. Time to think. Time away from the other pilot, who appeared way too nice to be considered an enemy.

When she had woken up, he had still been lying beside her in the same position. Only his grip around her had tightened and his head had slightly turned towards hers. To her own discontent she noticed that despite the fact the floor was still hard as hell she had actually slept rather well. It had been comfortable to have a second source for warmth beside the fur and although he told her he smelled like a wampa, he absolutely did not. But that made her even more uneasy, because physical closeness was, apart from sharing a bed with someone for a few hours and for other activities, really nothing she was comfortable with. It did not make sense to her and she considered it to be sentimental rubbish which was just distracting you from your task. She disliked the fact that she had been surprisingly comfortable in his arm and she needed to distract her from that to refocus.

The bag she was using to collect sticks of woods was already full and telling her to return to the cave whether she wanted to or not. She hoped that the Resistance's sleepyhead was still not awake so she would be able to leave unnoticed again to go hunting. Outside it was cold and windy and she was missing a warming fur, but it was better than sitting in the cave facing Poe Dameron.

By now, Poe was convinced it had been a bad idea to search for her. He had been walking for an hour and knew that just by the fact she was still walking slow due to her injuries he must have caught her by now. She would never have been able to get that much of a head start. The pilot took a look around and wondered about an interesting looking tree on his right side. He had seen that one before today, which meant he apparently made a wrong turn and was walking around in circles. He turned around and grabbed his quadnocs again. Nothing to see. Swearing, he realised he was lost.

When Alex arrived back in the cave, it was empty. She put the wood to its usual place and sat down at the fire to warm up her hands. The fact that Poe was not there did not bother her much. He was probably outside in the proximities of the cave to relieve himself. She did not see him outside, but that did not have to mean anything. About half an hour later, she started to consider it strange that he had not returned. A part of Alex wanted to be happy about the unexpected silence, but something was bothering her. She looked down onto the wrist and foot Poe had bandaged and swore.

Poe was sure the snowfall had either intensified or he started to get snow blind. He tried everything to make out the known rocks in which the cave was located, but so far without success. It was just a sea of snowflakes. He had already wrapped himself in his fur, because due to the wind he had started to freeze quite fast. Poe knew he would not last long if he did not find shelter quite fast. At some point, he was able to make out a hill with his quadnocs, but when he was standing on it, his hopes had been for nothing. Poe sighed. He should not have followed the woman and should for once not have cared. He was not able to end this thought as in this moment a hairy, white animal, of about 1.5 m height, attacked him and wrestled him to the ground.

With a skilled movement he was able to soften the fall, turn and avoid the sharp teeth snapping at him. Somehow, Poe managed to kick the animal down and jumped to his feet. Unfortunately, his snow shoes entwined in that movement and he lost the balance, falling back into the snow on his back. Before he was able to reach for his blaster, the animal was attacking again, but in the middle of the jump it twitched and lifelessly fell down on him. Poe groaned under the weight of the furry thing lying on him, making it impossible for him to move. He then turned his head to make out the reason for the animal's sudden death.

Alex was standing a few meters away, attaching her blaster back to her leg. "Seems like the score is two one now", she told him with a grin.